Say something mean about the next poster.

[Starman!]

I was that employee!

The next poster shaves his mom's back.

[Johnny Unusual]

You missed mother's day with that slam.

The next poster pads their bra.

[Darth Geek]

With the hair shaved from my back.

The next poster doesn't need a bra, as she is flat as a pankake.

[Scribblesense]

But I have a radiant personality! 

The next poster once punched a baby.

[AmazingThor]

How do you know that baby won't grow up to be the next Hitler? History will vindicate me.

The next poster won't be too offended by this because he can't read.

[Johnny Unusual]

Teh necks postr es dum,

[Scribblesense]

Yes, I'm headed for the gallows next Sunday. But all that 17th century piracy was worth it!

The next poster pooped on a guy.

[WeatherServo9]

I misunderstood what pooh-poohing meant.  Lesson learned!

The next poster doesn't know the difference between their, there and they're.

[Scribblesense]

That's because they're is no difference!

The next poster ends every sentence with an exclamation point, even questions.

[Starman!]

How else will people pay attention to me!!

The next poster has every one of Shaq's rap albums!

[Doctor Who?]

Including two I forced him to make at gunpoint just for me.

The next poster will be having dung for dinner tonight

[Starman!]

What can I say, my sister is a vegetarian.

The next poster went on a tranquilizer spree in the zoo (5 points to anyone who knows where I got that from).

[Johnny Unusual]

It was the most tranquil spree I've ever been on.

The next poster has blue balls.

[Scribblesense]

Wanna see 'em?

Spoiler

The next poster can't beat Shadow Link in the Water Temple.

[Johnny Unusual]

At 3 card monte.  But don't you worry, I have a system...

The next poster lost to Deep Blue.