WORST Theater Experience EVER

[Raven]

I have a couple.  

1.  The first is when my father ran the local theater.  Robocop was playing and it slid off of the projector and fell on the floor.  14 hours later we were still hand rolling the film back on to a reel.  That was an awful day.

2.  I went to see Road to Perdition and the entire theater consisted of grey-haired people.  About 10 minutes into the movie 4 college kids came in talking as if they were walking thru the park.  This was one of the only times I'd been to a movie by myself so I didn't have anybody to get my back, as they say. I gave them a minute or two to calm down and then they started to place calls on there cell phones.  I'd had enough.  I got up walked over to them and whispered in my most polite voice.  If you 4 don't shut the F#ck up and put those cellphones away I'll but them so far up your asses you can still check your messages."  I returned to my seat and a guy over my right shoulder asked my if I wanted some skittles.  

3.  The thrid one I had a plan to meet my mom and take her to the movies.  It's about a 15 minute drive to pick her up and another half hour to the 12 screen theater we were planning on going to.  A snowstorm made the 15 minute trip take almost an hour so we where stuck with the one screen playing in town.  The film showing was Rollerball (2002).  That was my bad experience... Watching Rollerball.

[J-Proof]

I just remembered another "Worst Experience EVER" moment in a movie theater which left me quite traumatized for years afterward (and again it deals with teens who were raised by drunken idiot sodomites)....

So, I'm sitting in a theater (age 11 or so) with my father and my younger brother eagerly awaiting the start of a summer blockbuster (the name of the movie is a kicker for the end of the story). We had gotten there late and rushed to get seats before the theater got too crowded, so we didn't have snacks in hand by the time we sat down. Every 11 y-o that goes to the movies needs popcorn though - it's something you get to brag about to your friends that didn't go with you, so I asked my old man to go get some. My dad left to go get the popcorn which is when the craziness began.

A group of teens piled into the seats behind me, and were rudely commenting on other people in the theater, and throwing crap at each other. They even used words I wasn't allowed to repeat. Well, all this for a shy eleven-year-old is a bit much, and causes the nerves to jitter a bit. Then one of 'em asked another one of 'em a question to the effect of "Where the heck is JP?" Now, my instinct when hearing my nickname (which has been my nickname since third grade) was to turn and look at who asked the question.

I quickly turned back and looked at the movie screen again, wondering if any of those brutes had seen me look back. To my horror, they had noticed my interest in the name. "Hey, I think that kid is named JP" one of them said. "Really?" Was the educated reply. "Yeah, I mean he turned around when we said JP." Sherlock confirmed. Well, instead of offering a hardy handshake and asking about where I go to school and how I'm doing, they assumed that I couldn't hear them talking about me, then proceeded to crumble up popcorn kernels and drop them on top of me..... And they giggled retardedly as they did it - I mean, utterly retarded, as if I didn't notice what was going on or that they had been talking about me.

There I sat, popcorn kernels in hair and shirt, and I was embarassed - I mean, what does an eleven year old do to stop a group of teens from picking on him?? You can't exactly turn around and say stop to a bunch of fairy-f*cks that drop kernels on your Catholic school uniform.... (Which is probably the same line of thinking they had processed just prior to committing the heinous crimes - "Eh - what is /he/ gonna do?") It was at this moment my dad came back into the theater and sat down next to me. The giggling quickly stopped behind me because my dad is like a behemoth of Filipino terror. He stand 6'5" and weighs about 260 - which is big for anyone, not just an Islander.

Even though the protective tree trunk had taken seat next to me again, I was still uncomfortable throughout the entire movie, and nervous about walking out next to those creeps behind me. And get this.... the movie I saw.... "BATMAN AND ROBIN"


-----

[Edit]
Another small story: I was at "RESIDENT EVIL II" with my then-girlfriend and someone was cat-calling throughout the entire movie.... It wasn't funny riffs, it was the marijuana spirit talking through a human catalyst.... Now, I dunno if he was cat-calling my girl (cuz she was definitely the hottest girl in that theater...) but it was just so retarded that you felt bad for the guy's mother..... you really did

[Tyrant]

you know of course joining the military was just the first step in my road to world domination

 What are the other steps?


  And back on topic, not really a bad experience, but a memorable one: My Mom took me to see The Abyss for my birthday, and halfway into the movie, -the entire- audience started riffing it. It was awesome. No one was particularily into the movie so I guess one guy started it, then everyone started joining in. It was literally a laugh a minute.

[Raven]

you know of course joining the military was just the first step in my road to world domination

 What are the other steps?


  And back on topic, not really a bad experience, but a memorable one: My Mom took me to see The Abyss for my birthday, and halfway into the movie, -the entire- audience started riffing it. It was awesome. No one was particularly into the movie so I guess one guy started it, then everyone started joining in. It was literally a laugh a minute.

I try to be really considerate and not talk during the movies but the commercials they are now putting before them are fair game as far as I'm concerned.  I'm sure a lot of you have seen the Kate Moss Nokia commercial that they aired last year.  It has Kate naked rolling around on a runway stage and scenes of the camera with words in between saying "Sleek" and other such nonsense with the ad punchline being "and Kate's not that bad either."  The first time I saw the commercial was in the theater and right before the punchline, I said rather loudly so all could here, "God I wanna F*ck that Camera."   My girlfriend who usually gets embarrassed by me even laughed at that one.  I don't know why she puts up with me. 

[J-Proof]

you know of course joining the military was just the first step in my road to world domination

 What are the other steps?


  And back on topic, not really a bad experience, but a memorable one: My Mom took me to see The Abyss for my birthday, and halfway into the movie, -the entire- audience started riffing it. It was awesome. No one was particularly into the movie so I guess one guy started it, then everyone started joining in. It was literally a laugh a minute.

I try to be really considerate and not talk during the movies but the commercials they are now putting before them are fair game as far as I'm concerned.  I'm sure a lot of you have seen the Kate Moss Nokia commercial that they aired last year.  It has Kate naked rolling around on a runway stage and scenes of the camera with words in between saying "Sleek" and other such nonsense with the ad punchline being "and Kate's not that bad either."  The first time I saw the commercial was in the theater and right before the punchline, I said rather loudly so all could here, "God I wanna F*ck that Camera."   My girlfriend who usually gets embarrassed by me even laughed at that one.  I don't know why she puts up with me. 

Those still-photo "What if I'm pregnant?" ads - it's almost totally in unison, but everyone yells "THEN YOU'VE BEEN SCREWED!!!!"  when the ads appear =P

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

I try to be really considerate and not talk during the movies but the commercials they are now putting before them are fair game as far as I'm concerned.  I'm sure a lot of you have seen the Kate Moss Nokia commercial that they aired last year.  It has Kate naked rolling around on a runway stage and scenes of the camera with words in between saying "Sleek" and other such nonsense with the ad punchline being "and Kate's not that bad either."  The first time I saw the commercial was in the theater and right before the punchline, I said rather loudly so all could here, "God I wanna F*ck that Camera."   My girlfriend who usually gets embarrassed by me even laughed at that one.  I don't know why she puts up with me

yeah that commercial was TERRIBLE, me and my friends go to the movies all the time, so i had to see that shitty thing like 50 times, i think i had a new riff everytime, i dont remember them of course but yeah that was a dumb dumb add.

[Hobbit]

I usually have a fine time at theaters.  I've had two bad experiences, though.  The first was when I went to see "The Grudge."  Right about the time the creepy stuff that you need to pay attention to started (and I actually kinda liked "The Grudge"), I hear this teenage girl's cell phone go off (only teenage girls have boy band ring tones).  Well, I suspected she was either a little rude or forgot to silence the thing and that it would be over soon.  But no, she was extremely rude.  I hear the phone stop, followed by 'Hello,' 'Oh, watching a movie,' 'No, in the theater,' '"The Grudge,"' 'It's pretty good,' 'Yeah, maybe when it's over.'  About that time, I snatched the phone from her hands, said into it, "She'll call you back."  I took out the battery, handed her the phone, and said, "At the end of the period, you can have it back."  She looked over at her scrawney boyfriend with this, "Sic 'im" look on her face, so I glared at him, and he slouched down at his seat.  She got her battery back, and didn't say another word.

The cool experience didn't actually happen to me, but to a friend.  He worked in a theater and caught two guys sharing a large pizza during one of the showings.  Now, he knows the 'no outside food' stuff is mostly bullcrap, so he told them they could keep it if they told him how the got it in.  One went in, met the other at one of the fire exits to retrieve the pizza, then hid it while the other one snuck in.  They dug it back out after the lights went out.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

I usually have a fine time at theaters.  I've had two bad experiences, though.  The first was when I went to see "The Grudge."  Right about the time the creepy stuff that you need to pay attention to started (and I actually kinda liked "The Grudge"), I hear this teenage girl's cell phone go off (only teenage girls have boy band ring tones).  Well, I suspected she was either a little rude or forgot to silence the thing and that it would be over soon.  But no, she was extremely rude.  I hear the phone stop, followed by 'Hello,' 'Oh, watching a movie,' 'No, in the theater,' '"The Grudge,"' 'It's pretty good,' 'Yeah, maybe when it's over.'  About that time, I snatched the phone from her hands, said into it, "She'll call you back."  I took out the battery, handed her the phone, and said, "At the end of the period, you can have it back."  She looked over at her scrawney boyfriend with this, "Sic 'im" look on her face, so I glared at him, and he slouched down at his seat.  She got her battery back, and didn't say another word

BAD ASS  LOLOLOLOL  god i wish i could have been there to see that crap. 

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

I have nothing that can match the likes of your war stories and tales of terror. Most of my theatrical experiences have been pleasant ones. I have rarely dealt with the derisery commentary of highschool drop-outs, the screaming of infants, or kickings and chatter of particularly obnoxious children.

One of my worst theatrical experiences happend through my own stupidity. I was waiting to watch "the cave" with a friend, and the pre-show advertisments seemed to take a really long time to clear, so said friend went to the management. When he returned, I discovered that we were parked in the wrong theater, and The Cave was already 20-some minutes into its run next door to us.

"Pan's Labyrinth" seemed to be accompanied by scores of inappropriate laughter, but consultation with my fellow theater patrons after the show lead me to concede that this was largely do to nervous tension.

I have heard many comments lamenting the awfulness of people in their youth: terrible tots, children of the damned, obnoxious adolescents. I however, have experienced my largest in-theater annoyance at the hands of some terminally amused old women.

I sat down with the family in Regal Cinema to watch the theatrical version of "A Prairie Home Companion". Seated a few rows in front of me was a small herd of puffy, big-haired females of the elderly persuasion. They laughed loudly at everything they found funny, and what they found funny was:

Everything.

And I do mean everything.

This distinguished women seemed in danger of losing control of their bladders for discordant sounds of humor and delight, and this was during a pre-show car commercial. Anything that flickered across the screen, regardless of how bland or unfunny the content, left them gasping for breath. It was as if some maligned bioengineer had decided to create a human counterpart to a three's company laughtrack.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

they were high man, you cant trust those old ladies i tell ya, far be it for me to sterotype but old women love the ganja

[J-Proof]

I usually have a fine time at theaters.  I've had two bad experiences, though.  The first was when I went to see "The Grudge."  Right about the time the creepy stuff that you need to pay attention to started (and I actually kinda liked "The Grudge"), I hear this teenage girl's cell phone go off (only teenage girls have boy band ring tones).  Well, I suspected she was either a little rude or forgot to silence the thing and that it would be over soon.  But no, she was extremely rude.  I hear the phone stop, followed by 'Hello,' 'Oh, watching a movie,' 'No, in the theater,' '"The Grudge,"' 'It's pretty good,' 'Yeah, maybe when it's over.'  About that time, I snatched the phone from her hands, said into it, "She'll call you back."  I took out the battery, handed her the phone, and said, "At the end of the period, you can have it back."  She looked over at her scrawney boyfriend with this, "Sic 'im" look on her face, so I glared at him, and he slouched down at his seat.  She got her battery back, and didn't say another word.

That has to be the greatest story of vindication I have ever heard.... almost better than The Crow!

[Mechanical Torgo]

I may have an experience worth sharing.  One day my dad and I decided to go to a movie.  Fortunately, there were only about a dozen other people in the theater.  Now, I must explain that my dad's job includes breeding horses.  Anyway, he gets a call on his cell-phone, which he of course answers.  At this point the movie hasn't started yet and it's very quiet in the theater.  I thought that he would just say "I'm busy, I'll call you back in a couple hours" but instead after a long pause he says quite loudly, "DID YOU GET THE SEMEN?"  You should have seen the looks on the other people's faces.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

too bad the movie hadnt started, at the right moment that could have been a great riff line

[Sethren]

During the theatrical release of Terminator 2 i choked on my darn soft drink during the scene where the T-1000 was chasing The Connors and The Terminator in the small pickup truck. Geez, i did not know i could get that involved in a movie.     

[Brak]

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail167.html

Just thought id add this in there for a laugh, im sure we have all shared in these experiences (i can already tell from what has been posted on here)