Matrix Riffoff Fan Submission Thread

[Kilgore Trout]

The amount of quality riffs from you guys is shocking. I'd hate to have to judge this thing!

[Kilgore Trout]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [(dawning realization, Bill and Ted style) "I get it...so what you're saying is...." (holds spoon up vertically) "I...AM a spoon!"]

This line kills me. Great stuff!

Thanks for that! I was thinking when I wrote it that maybe it was a little too surreal. But then I read everyone else's entries and realized that everyone here is twisted.

[JohnH]

I'm dying to post my own riffs, but in the event that I placed I don't want to mess up my chances.  (And if it IS chosen I don't want to spoil the jokes....)

Maybe, once the winners are announced, we should have a massive reveal party?

[Torgo's Helper]

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon)

Face it, kid.  You're gonna look upside-down in there.

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo)

(British accent)  Here.  I grow bored of it.

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?)

I think you mean "There isn't any spoon."

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?)

(as Keanu)  So... there is no... me?

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.)

Uri Geller, eat your heart out.

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?)

(excited)  Hey lady, check this out!  I bent a spoon with my mind and... oh.

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen)

(Brooklyn accent)  You call to get a sink de-clogged?

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?)

(dry, as Bingo announcer)  Aaand we have a bingo.  Please hold onto your cards until it's been confirmed.

01:12:24   (?Almost done?)

Snickerdoodle?

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??)

Careful, lady.  That's a delicate mind you're working with there.

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?)

That's why they call him Little Buddha.

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?)

(as Keanu)  Uhhh...

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??)

Yeah, he wanted me to break your vase.  See ya.

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??)

If I say no, can I still wear those kick-ass sunglasses?

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?)

(as game show host)  I'm sorry, that's incorrect.  We were looking for "guts to nuts."

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?)

Neo, don't!  She'll suck out your soul!

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers)

(hocks a loogie and spits)  And there's the swimming pool!

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?)

Well, he did order some hot wings twenty minutes ago...

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?)

(laughing)  He used to be Cowboy Curtis.

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?)

(as Oracle)  Signed on for two sequels before reading the scripts...

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??)

He ditched you here, buddy.  Didn't you know?  Oldest trick in the book.

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?)

(laughing)  He can be kind of an idiot that way.

[FBX]

honestly I think mike should just announce the winner, show what the winner submitted, but use the best lines out of everyone's for the final product. Then more people will be happy when they hear one of their lines being used, and it should overall be funnier. Also more people will buy the rifftrax just to see if one of their submissions made it.

So far, I think Joe Don Faker's is the one with the overall better riffs.

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers)  (as Oracle) ?You have quite a pair of ? disappointing sequels in your future.?

I was lost as to what to put here. GJ with that one.

[Cap'n UKRiffer]

You may get disqualified. Most of those aren't the proper lines to riff.

Doesn't bother me, like i said, was just fun to do

[PlayMSTie]

Aww, man, look at all the sporks!  That was one of my best lines!

[Tarantulas]

There does seem to be a certain amount of crossover on certain jokes....  "sporks!" should be the Rifftrax fan battle cry...

[Joe Don Faker]

Comedian Zach Galifianakis has a bit about sporks.  He advises against using the spife.   He also combines the function of a spoon and a spatula, into a new utensil called the spatula.

GJ with that one.

Thanks dude!

[PlayMSTie]

Hoo boy, some of these are REALLY good. Oh, well . . . at least I was the only one to make a Salvador Dali joke. I think. (Now watch all the other Salvador Dali jokesters come out of the woodwoork . . . )

[Hank]

honestly I think mike should just announce the winner, show what the winner submitted, but use the best lines out of everyone's for the final product. Then more people will be happy when they hear one of their lines being used, and it should overall be funnier. Also more people will buy the rifftrax just to see if one of their submissions made it.

But contests don't exctly work that way. You have winners and not-winners (*everyone else who entered).

It would be nice if everyone was happy, but that's not how the world works. I don't believe that you will have to purchase the whole Riff to find out whose lines were used. I think that it was mentioned that the three winning entries would be available to download for free, which would only include the five minute clip.

[Shinigami]

I like mine alot.  Other than a few lines I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) Wow, Ben Kingsley was pretty cute as a child.

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) Okay Keanu, THIS is your motivation. (Note: "this" refers to the spoon)

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) Also, there is no Furby, Carrot Top, or Canada.

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [As Neo] Aaaaaaaaahh... bullshit.

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Sarcastically amazed] My GOD, he can control CGI!  He is truly the One!

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [As a nurse] Please strip to your underwear and lie on the table.

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) What smells like Bengay?

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) Ah hell, the old lady thinks she's in a Bingo Hall.

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [As Oracle, in an over-the-top grandma voice] I hope you like Sugar-Frosted-Coconut-Bomb-Mint-Scotch-A-Roos.

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) Man, causality blows.

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [As Oracle, in grandma voice] Although, I told the escort service I wanted a blonde.

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [As Neo in a snippy comeback voice] I am SO too bright.

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) Probably because she needs someone to mow her lawn.

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Sarcastically] Well, he thinks he can actually act, so the savior of humanity isn't that big of a stretch.

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) Spleen to sphincter.

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [As Neo, in surprised, slighty scared voice] Ms. Oracle!? (Note: The implication for this and the next joke is that the Oracle is molesting Neo)

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [As Neo, with same sheepish voice] Ahh...I'm not sure I'm ... ahhh...comfortable with this.

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Matter-of-fact tone] The third act perhaps.

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) Creeps the shit out of everyone.

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) Dressing up as a cowboy for Pee-Wee like that. (Note: Laurence Fishburne played Cowboy Curtis on Pee-Wee's Playhouse)

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) When he takes his paid vacation.

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) He also believes in the power of Listerine.

[jedi2187]

  That Bengay line cracked me up!

[Shinigami]

That Bengay line cracked me up!

Thanks, that was actually one of my throw away lines, but when I showed it to a friend it got a good response.  I'm particularly fond of this joke.

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [As Oracle, in an over-the-top grandma voice] I hope you like Sugar-Frosted-Coconut-Bomb-Mint-Scotch-A-Roos.

It makes the scene so much more absurd.

[Conor]

It would be nice if everyone was happy, but that's not how the world works. I don't believe that you will have to purchase the whole Riff to find out whose lines were used. I think that it was mentioned that the three winning entries would be available to download for free, which would only include the five minute clip.

You're right on this one.  We'll of course be posting the winners names and riffs in a text format, but also make all three downloadable or streamable for free, probably in the same style as the video that came with the contest package, just with the winning riffs already included.  Should Mike ever get around to riffing the Matrix in full, he'll include all or parts of the winning riff.

Don't know if you saw it here:

http://rifftrax.com/Html/Contest_September.html

But winners are going to be announced Wednesday.  Don't worry about posting affecting your chances, we're well under way with the judging.  A great overall quality of submissions, I say well done to anyone who entered, even if by the end of them I had a violent reaction to merely the sight of a spork.

AAAAHHHH!!!! I just punched my monitor!