Now Available - Things

[Pak-Man]

THINGS

Feature film · 2022

Two bored Canadian guys are trying to kill time in a dingy house when they find a tape in the freezer full of demonic recordings. When some bug monsters from another dimension appear, the duo prepa…

With Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

See it on RiffTrax

The phrase "worst movie we've ever done" comes up at RiffTrax, usually followed by some disagreement. Like, "Oh sure Fungicide was bad, but did you forget about Baby Ghost?" Friendly arguments follow, only occasionally coming to blows. But this time... Things time... there is no disagreement. It's definitive, universal... the worst movie we've ever done.

It almost feels wrong to call Things a movie. Things is more of an experience. It opens with a basement nightmare — at least, we hope it's a nightmare — then eases into the main action of two bored Canadian guys trying to kill time in a dingy house while their buddy Doug sits in the next room. They find a tape in the freezer full of demonic recordings. They put tap water in their beer to make it better. They make a cockroach sandwich. And, eventually, some Things show up from another dimension. They're bug monsters that don't move because they're not even puppets. The hosers go to battle with the bugs, using tiny chainsaws and drills. Meanwhile the movie goes to battle with your senses, as you try to make sense of what you're seeing and hearing. Fortunately, we're here to help guide you, or at least share in the "HUH?"

On top of all this, the movie keeps cutting to a fake newscast with a fake news anchor played by a real adult film star. You might think the news she's reporting on relates to the story in some way. You would be wrong.

And that's just scratching the surface of everything that's going on, and not going on, in Things. There's nothing else like it, thank goodness. Join Mike, Kevin and Bill and try to answer the question, what is Things?

Written by: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Sean Thomason

Contributing Writers: Jason Miller and Zach Shatzer

[CHF01]

Buckle up...this one looks painful 

[JonahFalconNYC]

It's an infamously bad movie that makes the Polonia Brothers look like the Coen Brothers.

And there's another film by these people, "Wicked World".

[ihavemyreasons]

Well, it was the most time I've ever spent watching an Amber Lynn movie in one sitting.

[scottrzf]

Ummm... OK... they did it again. They edited a movie (16 minutes) and riffed on the parts they cut out (yes, I saw the entire movie years ago). I don't mind riffing on an edited movie, but don't riff on the parts YOU edited. It makes Rifftrax look like Cinemasins, or watchmojo, or whatculture.

[losingmydignity]

I've seen this before with some demented friends on a movie night. It is truly crazy.
didn't think they'd have the courage to do it.
Maybe even my dream of Wishman's I Dismember Mama being riffed will come true.

[Darth Geek]

I know about this one because of Brandon Tenold's review.

[losingmydignity]

I've seen this before with some demented friends on a movie night. It is truly crazy.
didn't think they'd have the courage to do it.
Maybe even my dream of Wishman's I Dismember Mama being riffed will come true.

Actually the film I was thinking of is Wishman's A Night to Dismember. I have never seen I Dismember Mama.

For the life of me can't figure out why I mixed up the two titles.

[Pastor of Muppets]

Ummm... OK... they did it again. They edited a movie (16 minutes) and riffed on the parts they cut out (yes, I saw the entire movie years ago). I don't mind riffing on an edited movie, but don't riff on the parts YOU edited. It makes Rifftrax look like Cinemasins, or watchmojo, or whatculture.

Do you mean that they made fun of plot inconsistencies that only looked like inconsistencies because they removed the parts that would have made the stuff make sense?

[Pastor of Muppets]

After watching a movie like that, I always expect a phone call saying that I'll die in exactly  7 days.

[dbsommer]

After watching a movie like that, I always expect a phone call saying that I'll die in exactly  7 days.

Followed up by you saying, "Thank you." Because then the pain of having this etched permanently in your memory ends with the cessation of your existence.

[Pastor of Muppets]

What scottrzf said above sticks in my mind.  Maybe this is a comprehensible movie if I find an unedited version.  Not a good movie, but at least one that has something resembling a plot.