October 2015 Horror Movie a Day

[ScottotD]

Sorry, I meant Innkeepers. 


Ti West's cameo in You're Next is also very good

[Edward J Grug III]

That makes more sense. I was excited that there might be a Ti West film I hadn't seen for a minute there. He was good in Drinking Buddies too. (Not a horror movie though)

Doomsday - Needed to watch something fun after the spirit crushing Only Lovers Left Alive. I know Doomsday isn't a masterpiece, but I think it's very underrated. It's a super fun film.

[ScottotD]

That makes more sense. I was excited that there might be a Ti West film I hadn't seen for a minute there. He was good in Drinking Buddies too. (Not a horror movie though)

Doomsday - Needed to watch something fun after the spirit crushing Only Lovers Left Alive. I know Doomsday isn't a masterpiece, but I think it's very underrated. It's a super fun film.

The Neil Marshall movie?

[Edward J Grug III]

Yep!

[ScottotD]

I think I own that, bought it because I love the Descent and heard it was basically a John Carpenter tribute but don't think I've seen it more than once

[Edward J Grug III]

I think I own that, bought it because I love the Descent and heard it was basically a John Carpenter tribute but don't think I've seen it more than once

It's heavily inspired by Escape From New York and Mad Max. I just find it a lot of fun. It's not his best work, but it might be my second favourite of his films (after Dog Soldiers).

I do think The Descent is a 'better' movie, but I just find Doomsday fun.

[Compound]

Zombie Werewolf Attack (2009)

Zombies attack a Canadian town during the Blue Full Moon.

Ugh. At the beginning of the film, a computer repair tech is invited out and instead heads home to spent time with his stoner room mate and his friends. I suspect that following the other tech out to a club might have been a better movie. Heck, I suspect following the other tech home to watch him binge watch some Netflix might have been a better film. Anyway, we spend most of the first third of the film in the apartment, watching them play video games and spending several painful minutes listening to one of them ramble on about "Working for the corporations, man." Eventually they head out for munchies, passing some werewolves on the street. It's a Canadian film, so they babble about ketchup flavored potato chips. Werewolves attack them outside the grocery store, bite someone. Back to the apartment. More deaths. Back to the store. "No noes! You want to kill the person who's turned into a werewolf!" Because leaving a werewolf in the heavily secure ladies room is obviously a good idea. A werewolf hunter arrives and gives exposition. Then he dies because, well, these really aren't the people you'd want guarding your back when werewolves attack. Or when puppies attack. Or even to hold your place in line. With werewolves in the store, they throw the guy who killed their werewolf friend to the pack, because reasons. Then the remaining trio takes refuge in a, sigh, playground fort. One of them is bit and sacrifices himself to distract the alpha wolf. The alpha is killed and then all the victims turn back into normal. But one of the two left alive has been bitten! Ooooh.

Okay, movie makers? Look at these images:


If you can't match a 1930s film's makeup... hell, look at this image:


If you can't match a 1980s film half-assedly doing werewolf makeup, then reconsider doing a werewolf film.

Okay, I'm not being fair here.  To the film makers' credit, they realize that werewolf masks, albeit decent ones, aren't going to cut it and so they do their best with them. We see a lot of werewolves from behind or from a distance, and there is one pretty decent transformation scene, but whenever you get a closeup, well....


More rants! The alpha werewolf doesn't actually want to hurt people. We don't learn this from him, but from the hunter, which is bad storytelling. Anyway, his plan has been to, every time there's a full moon, hop on a plane and fly to someplace where there isn't a full moon. Um, I don't think that works. When the moon is full, it's full all across the world. I double checked just to make sure I wasn't insane, but no. Full moons in Sydney and Ottowa are on the same date. As near as I can tell, I'm guessing they meant that the Alpha would basically hop planes so that he'd be in daylight for that 24 hours period, but I'm still not sure if that's possible either. (Looks it up) Yeah. It looks like a 44 hour trip to go around the world in a 747. At some point there's going to be a wolf on that plane.

Oh and the zombies? The hunter babbles about people killed by the werewolves turning into zombie werewolves. Which don't look really any different than the other werewolves. So contact the BBB about not having real zombies, I guess.

Yeah. Not recommended.

[SJP]

Firstly, according to legend, Only Lovers Left Alive had action scenes in it.  Jim Jarmusch was told by someone that he should add more action to the movie.  He responded by completely removing what little action there was, just to teach them a lesson.  I don't think Jim Jarmusch likes people very much.

Secondly, I love it when indie-type films take a subject they don't understand and screw it up royal.  I too liked Doomsday and Dog Soldiers, but at least Zombie Werewolf Attack sounds like it was at least entertaining in its stupid.  My film of the night?

Day 4: Demons (2015)
I had to make sure I put the year on here, because the only other quantifier is to say this is not the good Demons.  This movie wishes it could be the 1986 Demons.

A music band goes out to the desert to team up with a producer who reportedly has a great track record with everyone who signs with him.  Unfortunately, one of them is soon found dead, and from there on it seems like not everything at the ranch is as it seems.

First of all, the main guy looks like Marla Hooch from A League of Their Own, only incredibly whiny.  Then, I had to rewatch the first seven minutes of the movie, because I could've sworn I missed something.  But no, it's so sloppily edited that the beginning is one of the biggest "What the hell?" moments in a movie I've seen in a long time.  We see a person murdered, then the credits, then the band arriving at the ranch, then smash cut to the two guys in the band getting hookers, then smash cut to somebody dead, then smash cut to the band rehearsing while one mourns the one dead person.  If it sounds like things are missing, like exposition, or character arcs, or, you know, THE COPS SHOWING UP, you're absolutely correct, and someone needs to tell the filmmaker that this is not how you start your movie. (It's explained later the cops DID show up, but I guess the budget was too small to hire an eighth person in the cast to pretend to be a police officer for two minutes.)  The dialogue is so bad that for a little bit I was convinced it was trying to be a comedy, but no, they really are that bad at acting in this.  The story explains stuff all over the place (they don't explain the two guys in the band are brothers UNTIL FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE END), the 'twist' is visible from outer space (golly gee, you think the weird producer might be...I don't know, nuts?), and it all resolves in the most pointlessly stupid fashion.

It's not quite as deliriously, hilariously bad as Paranormal Asylum, which is now the standard for vetting all the crappy horror movies I come across.  It's far too boring to come close to that.  I've seen crappy, but I haven't seen one this aggressively crappy in a long time.  But I will admit I never saw The Devil Inside...at least this movie has an ending instead of a weblink.

Avoid.  Watch the real Demons instead.  I'm also beginning to regard Hulu's movie selection with a very reserved eye.

[Edward J Grug III]

Firstly, according to legend, Only Lovers Left Alive had action scenes in it.  Jim Jarmusch was told by someone that he should add more action to the movie.  He responded by completely removing what little action there was, just to teach them a lesson.  I don't think Jim Jarmusch likes people very much.

I hope he doesn't like getting movie funding either.

I don't mind a movie that doesn't have a lot of action, but it has to have a reason to watch it, and this didn't have anything going for it at all.

Rich White Vampire Problems the movie.

The vun percent.

And the name dropping was so tedious.

[Johnny Unusual]

Last night I decided to watch the other House movie worth watching from 1986.  Though he was only the writer (and didn't do the screenplay, just a "story by" credit), I'm seeing a pattern with Fred Dekker movies (and if Cole Stratton sees this, yes, you should listen to the episode with him on Pop My Culture).  He's involved with fun, very watchable movies that feel very much like they could be improved greatly with a minimum of effort.

I don't mean they are real sloppy, but rather there are things put in the movie that feel like with a story editor to tie themes together, they would have been a lot stronger.

If you haven't seen this one: a Vietnam vet turned horror writer decides to return to his childhood home where his aunt recently died and his son disappeared to write about his war experiences.  Soon, he realizes the house is haunted and that the evil forces in the house are using his own fears against him.

Director Steve Miner does a competent job, but this feels more like it should have been given to a Joe Dante (or, though it would have been too early, Tim Burton, before he became a parody of himself).  William Katt lacks presence but does a decent job.  George Wendt is good, but I wish his character got to do a bit more.  I like that he isn't just a nosy neighbor (when he does do stuff behind the lead's back, you get the impression he's looking out for him in a largely sensible way) but while I don't necessarily need him to be a second hero, I feel like there's a character beat missing for him.

I also like that the film has some farce to it.  Farce makes sense in a horror comedy, because even in a non-horror story, sometimes I get more tense in those scenarios than if there's a boogeyman about.  Now, the farce could have been better, but I'm all about horror farce.

I also wish the rules of the house were established better.  You don't need rules for a good horror story (sometimes horror can come from watching rules and logic get stripped away).  But you get the feeling that since there's some time dedicated to the clock, the closet and certain other specific things that are key to the haunting, there should be some more clearly defined rules.  I personally would have liked to know if the House itself was evil or if it was simply a doorway for crazy things to come through.  It's a little too vague until the film gives us one big villain to defeat.

I will say, I like Richard Moll as said villain.  Interestingly, he's a little too cartoonish for Big Ben in the flashbacks, but as a spooky Vietnam war ghost, he does well (it's also interesting to hear him use a voice that he's later use for Two-Face).  I think without the make up, he doesn't look truly scary (he's not supposed to be the bad guy in those scene but I think your supposed to get the impression that he's much more imposing and scary).

[JimJ]

Day 3: The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) 3/5

Completely adequate found footage possession movie.  Much to my delight, there was at least one guy in the movie who basically says "Fuck it, I'm out" and leaves when shit starts going sideways.  I wish more found footage films had such reasonable characters.  There was creepy stuff here and the ending was well done.

Day 4: Alone with Her (2006) 2/5

This is right on the border of not actually being a horror film, but it was listed under "Scary movies" on Netflix, so, fuck it, I'm counting it.  It was...OK. I'm sure it didn't help that I watched it when I was REALLY tired becuase I wanted to make sure I got a movie in for the day.  It's a stalker movie about a dude who sets up surveillance equipment in his victim's apartment.  Colin Hanks gives a decent performance as the stalker, but I thought the actress playing the female lead was pretty bad.  Not an awful movie but it did drag some.

Day 5: Honeymoon (2014)  4/5

I really liked this one.  Rose Leslie (Ygritte from Game of Thrones) is really good here and has good chemistry with the male lead (which is important as this is basically a two character movie).  There's some really good/disgusting body horror stuff going on in this one along with the Invasion of the Body Snatchers style paranoia.  Definitely recommend this one to any one looking for something to watch on Netflix.

[Compound]

Spawn of Slithis (1978)

After being exposed to radioactivity, organic mud a.k.a. Slithius is mutated into a walking sea monster that terrorizes the streets of Venice, California. It's up to a high school journalism teacher to stop the monster.

Oh, 1970s horror films. Sometimes they're great and sometimes they're just insane. This is one on the "entertainingly bad" side of the ledger. Bog standard plot. Monster! It kills people! Intrepid reporter! Wife? Girlfriend? Female in teacher's house who is skeptical about there being a monster! More attacks! Science talk! Talk to the police! They're skeptical! More killing! The teacher leads a mission to defeat the beast! Wife/GF/Waifu attacked by monster! Teacher beats monster! Or does he? End!

I have issues and praise here. It's a low budget film, but the monster suit is actually looks decent. Okay, it looks a little stupid around the face, but overall, yeah. It probably would have been scary when I was eight. But the acting... Look, it's a 70s film and a low budget one at that. But there are still cast members who probably wouldn't make the cut for a community theater. Minor characters deliver their lines woodenly. There's a ship captain who talks like he's reading a transcript of Morgan Freeman narrating something. An example:

"Like the spirit of the sea, eh? More often heard than seen? Again I ask, what can I do for you?" or "It doesn't matter. As long as I am paid, the reason for your task makes no difference. Tomorrow is my day of freedom. Meet me at the ocean side dock number 22 at 10 and you can buy a few hours of my life."

But then he appears:


Oh my. This actor is overacting so much that it just becomes brilliant. Watch:

Note that this is the second, more restrained appearance of the lieutenant in the film.  He's more over the top when he first appears. (And the actor's in other, better, films too so he was deliberately chewing scenery here.)

I have other issues as well. Scenes that seem to be improv'd. The teacher going undercover to find a homeless guy in an outfit that frankly must have resulted in every conversation beginning with "Are you an undercover cop?" Random mentions of "abiogenesis" by the screenwriter to show "yeah, I know this trash is beneath me." Throwing the monster's body away into the ocean after they slay it because "what would the point be of showing it to the authorities?" Yes. The police and scientific community surely wouldn't want to know about the seven foot tall sea monster that's killed a dozen people. But overall, it's just a goofy monster film that's kind of fun to watch.

[Edward J Grug III]

The Blob - Saw it for the first time, and really enjoyed it. I was skeptical, but it's in the Criterion Collection, so I thought it was worth a shot, and it was great fun.

[Darth Geek]

The Blob - Saw it for the first time, and really enjoyed it. I was skeptical, but it's in the Criterion Collection, so I thought it was worth a shot, and it was great fun.

Avoid the sequel, though.
The remake is pretty good.

[Edward J Grug III]

Maybe we'll watch the remake next year then?