Transformers 2 in summer 2009

[Henry88]

From the reviews most people have been giving in here, people much older than 8 not only wanted to see this movie but enjoyed it.  Just sayin'.

and it is making money and from the looks of thing's  it  is going to make a whole lot more.

[Doctor Who?]

Does anyone here have a gun?

[bettertomorrowamy]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Here:

[Darth Geek]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Here:

Last time I shot someone with it, it took three days to die.

[dalem]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Actually, I have several:



What'cha need?

-dale

[mrbasehart]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Here:

Last time I shot someone with it, it took three days to die.

That's only because you specifically target crotches.  Sadist.

[AmandaGal]

Oh and the Autobot twins (Skids and Mudflap) are not racial stereotypes unless YOU make them that way. I saw them as stupid hick kids who were Ghetto wannabes more than anything.

Me too.  I saw them more as Southern rednecks than anything, but I live in the South so my perception is probably colored.

[Doctor Who?]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Actually, I have several:



What'cha need?

-dale

I'll take them all and shoot Bay's office to pieces Matrix style.

[a pretty girl is like]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Actually, I have several:



What'cha need?

-dale

Tremors.  Oh wait, this isn't the screencap game.  My bad.

[Doctor Who?]

Does anyone here have a gun?

Here:

Is that from Get Smart?

[Doctor Who?]

Jeez, Dalem.  Worried about the King of England putting troops in your house or something?

Hey when the Zombies come he's ready.

[BBQ Platypus]

BBQ's one-word review:


ASS!!!

[Pak-Man]

Yeah, Megan Fox was pretty good in it. There was applause. :^)

[BBQ Platypus]

No, I mean "ass" in the sense that "this movie was ASS!"  As in, that's what it would smell like if it had a smell.  Sweaty, smelly fat man ass.

[mattwnelson]

Sweet merciful heavens, where to start.

Let me preface this by saying that I actually like the first film. I'm a longtime Transformers fan, and I still like it. It's big, dumb, and noisy, yes, with a couple of inappropriate moments, but overall it has a reasonable MacGuffin, some genuinely menacing villains, and competent heroes (at least on the part of the Autobots). Then there's Revenge of the Fallen.

Well, first off, this is the only time I've ever been so bothered by a film that I actually intend to write to its parent company I'm lookin' at YOU, Hasbro) about their approval of this... thing.

Target audience appears to be mentally retarded nymphomaniac eight-year-olds with flatulence fetishes. Not a moment goes by but that a joke about sexual dominance, excreta, or some other foulness comes out of the characters. And while the sexuality wasn't as explicit as I'd feared from reviews I'd read, it was bad enough. Sam's seduction scene with the sexbot isn't interesting or sexy, it's embarrassing, pointless, and grotesque.

And what is up with the mouth on the Transformers? Seriously? Are the toys going to have sound chips that just say "ass" over and over again, if you'll excuse me? Because that's the only way that they can recreate the magic of the heroic Autobots, especially the tremendous comedy duo that are Skids and Mudflap. Their incessant, filthy chatter grated on my nerves for the whole film, and at the moment where Devastator eats one of them, I found myself wanting to cheer. Too bad the little vermin manages to free himself seconds later. They should have combined at the end to form Skidmark. Ha ha! I made a poop joke. Hey, I can write Transformers 3!

Then there's the action. Okay, there's one scene. ONE scene, that made me go AW YEAH, and that's Optimus in the woods. I don't want to say any more, because you'll probably go see it no matter what I say, but that fight is EPIC. But aside from that, it's even more incomprehensible than the first film. Explosions constantly cover the lens with debris and dust, and Bay's shaky-cam is flat-out DERANGED in this film. I mean, there's a scene where Megatron and Starscream are talking atop a building, which calls for a still shot if ever one did, or at the very least close-ups of their faces back and forth, but instead we're treated to enless spinning around and around the building, possibly so you can't get a good look at who's talking. I'm just not sure. And the Autobots seem... rather ineffectual in this movie. Seriously, Transformers guys, I shouldn't feel like the bad guys should be the clear winners because of their ability to actually make cohesive plans. Optimus and Bumblebee make the only really great showing in this film.

Now, somewhere along the line I am pretty sure that the creators said something about more robots and more characterization in this film. Well, they delivered on one point - there's more robots. But the ones that we actually WANT to see more of, such as the Arcee twins (which in the film there are... three... of... huh), Sideswipe, Soundwave, and some of the other new Decepticons, are swallowed up by Skidmark (ha ha I did it again) and WHEELIE.

Wheelie alone makes me want to kick someone in the junk. For those of you who aren't old-school TF fans, we love to hate on the old Wheelie. In the cartoon, he was a little orange dude who always spoke in rhyme. He had a high-pitched voice and was clearly a stab at making a 'kid' Transformer. Apparently someone got the bright idea to make a new Wheelie for us to hate on, but he got all the reasons wrong. We may hate the old Wheelie, but it's generally like your annoying kid brother. The new Wheelie is a shrill mini-bot who turns into a blue RC car, and humps Megan Fox's leg. Oh yeah, and he lives on the end of a chain she drags him around by. They even make REFERENCE to the fact that he's basically a vile robot chihuahua. Hey movie. Just because you're ironically self-aware doesn't make you cool. And just because you name your annoying robot Wheelie doesn't mean we'll like him in that hateful way we like the old one.

And oh, sweet mercy, the humans in this film. To be brief, too many, too dumb, and too useless.

Not to mention the fact that the film doesn't even have a singular MacGuffin! There's like three or four, one of which is never mentioned again (the shard of Cube that Megan Fox had in her purse or her pocket or her cleavage or somewhere). I realize that the MacGuffin is always just a way to advance the plot, but stick with one and be done with it! Don't try to make this "National TransVinci Code" and have them traipsing everywhere looking for more and more crap.

On the plus side, the character designs are quite neat (what you get to see of them), though the direction they took Jetfire is... weird, and the visuals are fairly strong. And there's that forest scene. Last but not least, this is going to make one heck of a Rifftrax.

Go get 'em, boys.

Sorry about the novel, but I had to vent my spleen.

M@