Aphorisms And The Like (preferably good ones)

[LucasM]

Well, we all love those pithy, one-or-two-line statements that sum up SO much...

So let's share some of our faves.

They don't HAVE to be funny, but clearly, they can be.


Here's a few I really like:

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
         - Unknown

A mind is like a parachute - it only functions properly when its open.
                     - Don & or Maggie Thompson, CBG 6-27-86

New Twist on a Cliche':
All the cats were now out of the bag, the worms at last freed from their tin.  I knew in all the world that there existed no can large enough for us to ever cram them all back in.
                     - Alan Moore (Miracleman # 15, pp.19-20)

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
                     - Crow T. Robot (MST3K)

[Darth Geek]

The search for Truth is like searching for a needle in a haystack. The best way is to roll around in it naked.

[AmazingThor]

Love is like draino. Sure it will clean you out, but it will leave you feeling empty inside.

I think that comes from the first Naked Gun. More Frank Drebbin goodness:
Like a midget at a peep show, I'd have to stay on my toes...
Like a blind man at an orgy, I'd have to feel my way through...

[Action Batch]

Timing is everything, except with Netflix.

Unknown

[Darth Geek]

Cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good.

[RoninFox]

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

[daltysmilth]

Let us not forget the wisdom of bumper stickers:

"Jeez if you believe in Honkus"
"If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk"


And a real truism from the demo of the game Full Throttle, that I guess was too profound to be left in the actual game:

"But sometimes fighting isn't enough.  Sometimes you've gotta steal.  Sometimes you've got to steal a ramp from a race of half-blind cold-blooded killers who live in a secret cave."

I think we can all see how that applies to our daily lives.

[Dankbuds]

Computers are like Air-conditioners... they both stop working as soon as you open windows
-unknown

A man is a man for life... A woman is only sexy until she's your wife.
-Al Bundy

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
-John Lennon

[AmazingThor]

Some good ol' George Burns (well into his 80s):
People always ask me when I'm going to retire. Retire? Who'd take care of my parents?

The first thing I do every morning is check the obituary. If my names not listed I have breakfast. The day I see my name, I'm still gonna have breakfast. I'm not going on an empty stomach.

[Darth Geek]

Thanks AmazingThor, that reminds me of my favorite George Burns quote: SOmeone in an interview before his hundredth birthday asked him "Do you think you will ever die?" He said "No. It's been done."

[WhyDontTheyLook]

"Wise men don't need advice.  Fools don't take it." - Ben Franklin