The theater experience.

[Fortis]

1.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Remake) - Keep in mind that this was at a midnight showing.  I'm sitting there waiting for the movie to start and in walks a woman holding her, at most, 2-year-old kid!  I couldn't believe it.  You're going to a MIDNIGHT SHOWING of one of the most violent movies of the year and you bring your baby with you?!  WTF?

Of course, the kid was screaming throughout the entire movie.  Some people should be outlawed from breeding....
4.  The Hulk - Again, a woman decided that bringing her 4-year-old to The Hulk is a great idea.  Of course, whenever The Hulk was on the screen the kid was screaming and bawling his eyes out.  Grrrrr......

If people are talking I will generally in a very loud voice tell them to shut the fuck up.  Someday I am going to say it to the wrong guy and something might happen but so far I have usually won.

Specific incidents:

Jackass 2: Sunday afternoon. A family walks in with a little girl who could not have been more than 7 years old in her cute little sun dress and pigtails. First bit in the movie is Chris Pontius' penis dressed as a mouse being stuck in a glory hole into a tank with a snake and Knoxville pulling the string tied to said penis. They stayed for the whole movie.

Devil's Rejects:  Opening night. A couple with their five year old son sitting next to me. Every time there was a titty on the screen the "mother's" had would cover up his eyes. Every time there was a scene of depraved violence the poor boy got to see every blood soaked frame. He was a quivering mess at the end.

Stupid people shouldn't procreate...children are suffering everywhere. There should be infomercials about this, not about...other things that plague children of the day.

*note to self: Fortis, go to college and become a therapist, these kids will need it.

[MrTorso]

Yeah the whole "titty bad" "violence is OK' attitude is mind boggling.

[Fortis]

Yeah the whole "titty bad" "violence is OK' attitude is mind boggling.

ugh, and they say video games turn kids towards violence...if anything it helps the kid relax after the horrible movie his mom made him go to. All the time he was in the theater he thought about how Finding Nemo was playing in the theater next to him...

[RoninFox]

I have riffed in the theater, but I have standards and rules I uphold in those cases.

1.  Trailers and pre-movie ads are fair game, anything goes.  I will still generally riff quietly so that only my friends sitting next to me should be able to hear though.

2.  If there are only about five people in the theater other than my group and we are sitting far enough away the same thing applies.  Just do it quietly.

3.  If we're alone, go all out.

We actually had the theater all to ourselves once when we watched Dungeons and Dragons at an early matinée.  Same with Shaft.  Good times.  I think there were some people behind us when we went to see the live action Grinch movie, but they were talking too so we didn't worry about them.   

Any other times I've kept my mouth shut.  I even had to tell my own mother to stop talking to me during one movie, can't remember which.

[doggans]

The two best movie theater experiences I ever had:

Spider-Man 3. Yes, the movie was a huge let-down, but we saw the midnight IMAX screening with an awesome crowd. Everybody applauded for Stan Lee's and Bruce Campbell's cameos. There was a genuine excitement in the air. Only once the film anticlimactically faded into the end credits did we step back and realize how much the whole thing sucked.

Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit, which was awesome for the exact opposite reason: It's a good movie, and the only people present at the screening were my brother, two of our friends, and myself. We had the whole theater to ourselves, so we could enjoy the film while chatting and without other people complaining/chatting louder.

[GalvaTRION]

Y'know, I've noted the insanity of some parents, dragging their damnable brats into movies they shouldn't see. It's as if it were trendy, or some sort of requirement that someone brings babies, toddlers, and kids-under-ten to see Bloody Death Slaughter Titty Invasion IV: The Beguiling. I'm not sure which movie I was at... I think it was Sin City... there was a whole large grouping of kids, like some Amish family all decided to go see what they must have thought to be the best family film of the year.

Sure, there are R rated movies I'd allow a 9 year old to see- The Matrix, Terminator 2, the R- rated cut of Daredevil, so on. But The Devil's Rejects? Jackass 2? Texas Chainsaw Massacre??? From what I've heard about Devil's Rejects, I don't want to see it, let alone a freaking 5 year old.

In MILD defense of the 'titty bad, violence A-OK' mentality: Violence in life is just a guarantee. It's going to happen. People are going to fight, even small children, without learning violence from outside sources, will fight eachother. Sex, unless something very bad happens- becomes a fact of life during puberty. I'd venture the notion that violence and death (not necessarily the kind in movies) are more of a likelihood than sex in life in general (if you've managed to have more sex than fist fights or broken bones- congratulations). THAT SAID- nudity and sexuality are vastly different. If it were just a titty on screen- no big deal. If it's a sex scene or (as I've heard about Devil's Rejects) a rape, that's a horse of a different color. That said times two- showing the kind of violence in Devil's Rejects to a 5 year old is just as bad as handing a 5 year old some porn. It's wrong- period. I don't know if theaters should start turning parents bringing people under 12 into those kind of movies- I hate the idea of parents being unable to make decisions as to what their kid can watch, but damn it- it's a fucking drag to see parents holding babies come into a screening of some slasher film. It's unfair to the kid, and much, MUCH more of a problem to everyone else in the theater that has to listen to the little rugrat squeal during the action.



... on the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm twenty freaking five years old, and I was carded when I went to Superbad. Just for reference, here's me. 6'2, adult voice, dead eyes worn weary by life. "Congratulations, lady. You caught me. I'm actually twelve years old, and you've foiled my attempt to see a movie with naughty language."

[dalem]

 I used to LOVE the theater experience, would go at least 3 times a month.  Since I go my 57" widescreen and home theater in 2001 you pretty much have to drag me unless it's a "big" opener.  For instance, this year I suspect the only movie I will deliberately walk into a theater to see will be Prince Caspian.

But even though the seats are good, the crowds are largely made up of the loud and rude people already described, and the prices are stupid.  And I never, EVER thought I'd be one of the people saying that.

-dale

[RoninFox]

Y'know, I've noted the insanity of some parents, dragging their damnable brats into movies they shouldn't see. It's as if it were trendy, or some sort of requirement that someone brings babies, toddlers, and kids-under-ten to see Bloody Death Slaughter Titty Invasion IV: The Beguiling.

Except for the words damnable and titty, this sounds like a Strong Bad Email quote.   

[bratpop]

Bloody Death Slaughter Titty Invasion IV: The Beguiling

I love this movie. It's a classic.

Some kid sat behind me during Return of the Jedi specialness edition and had to be read the credits and subtitles, and kept asking "why him do dat" whenever anyone did anything. I was five months old when I saw Star Wars, but at least I didn't know how to talk yet. And also I was probably asleep.

Some college douches kept talking and laughing during A.I. because I only saw movies when only old people and college douches were out, and college douches were rare to absent, but there were some there for god knows what reason, and some guy told them to shut up and then again and some poor stupid usher had to tell them to shut up too. Why were they even there? Why didn't they just leave? Yeah it was boring, but they figured that out in the first 15 minutes. There's no tits in that movie. It got more press about the stuffed bear. And the theater was fairly crowded, so they couldn't make fun of it. Why did they bother? It was a bunch of them, girls included. I don't get it. Go smoke pot or, god forbid, learn something.

[TeamRAD]

The two best movie theater experiences I ever had:

Spider-Man 3. Yes, the movie was a huge let-down, but we saw the midnight IMAX screening with an awesome crowd. Everybody applauded for Stan Lee's and Bruce Campbell's cameos. There was a genuine excitement in the air. Only once the film anticlimactically faded into the end credits did we step back and realize how much the whole thing sucked.

As much as my fanboy-heart was balling, Spiderman 3 was one of my all-time favorite theater experiences too. We hit up the midnite showing on the Ultra Screen in Mad-Town, and the entire audience was juiced. Then at about the 1/4 marker, it felt as if everyone was riffing the film. There were so many great laughs provided by the audience, but none more so than the guy who shouted out "Slut!" when MJ kissed Harry and the entire audience's "What the fuck?" reaction to Harry's expository butler. Which then consummated into complete silence as we all left. It was such a bizarre four hours, but one I'd partake in without hesitation if the ideal situation presented itself.

Grindhouse in the theater was a real treat. Arguably, the most fun I've had in a theater whereby it seemed every fan was having a blast.

And I cannot forget about the now defunct University Square 4 in Madison. There wasn't anything like catching a flick at midnite, on a Friday, w/ a slew of drunken Madison students. That place made How to Deal, fun, sans our riffing.

...and Gwen Stacy was pretty hot.

[OTC316]

Last night I went to see The Incredible Hulk. I made the mistake of going to see it at the same local theater where I had both the Kill Bill Vol.2 incident AND the Underworld/Fighting Temptations Incident, simply because this is the closest theater to my house, and I didn't want to waste gas.

I sat down right as the trailers started, however the monkey in the projectionist booth didn't turn the sound on until the FOURTH trailer was half way done. And all I can hear before the dipshit flipped the switch was the audience taking turns saying "there's no sound". NO FUCKING SHIT!!! It's like if we were all on an ocean liner, and the sumbitch sank, and we're all floating in the water, and every few seconds someone says "I'm cold & wet".

It's at this point that a group of 5 black teens sit in the row directly in front of me. At least they weren't jumping up and down and yelling YEAHH BOY-EEE, but, keeping an old stereotype alive and well, they just would not...stop...talking. The odd thing was, one of these kids actually showed a little consideration for the room full of people that each paid nine bucks to sit and watch and HEAR a movie by turning to her friends and shushing them. For a brief moment I had hope for humanity. But that hope got kicked in the nuts by the Iron Sheik's loaded boots when this same girl kept whipping out her FUCKING CELLPHONE THAT LITES UP LIKE A GODDAMN CHRISTMAS TREE. Never talked on it, just kept whipping it out and blinding everyone in the theater. And, in case you were wondering, her friends that she "shushed"? KEPT RIGHT ON TALKING.

Finally, as the final shot of Bruce Banner fades, ONE GUY in the back actually BOO'S. 200-fucking-8, and he boos. but he stops in mid-boo when the bonus scene of General Ross in the bar pops up. We all watch the scene, and as soon as it was done, the same guy. BOOOOOOO. Y'know, sir, I'm not sure if I agree with your witty and well thought out review. Not because I necessarily dispute your dissatisfaction with film, but because NO ONE WOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PUT AWAY THEIR PHONES SO I CAN WATCH WHAT I PAID NINE DOLLARS AMERICAN TO WATCH!!!

So to review, there are only 2 ways I can enjoy a movie in peace.

1.) Go to a theater ten miles out of my way on a sunday morning, first show, when all the retarded cellphone mutants are fast asleep, or...
2.) Wait for the DVD, buy it, and watch it a home.

[wurwolf]

I sat through Shaun of the Dead in an auditorium filled with mostly old people and stony silence.

Sometimes it's the quiet people that disrupt the enjoyment of the movie.

Sorry, all you noise haters, but I'm one of those people who enjoy a movie more if there are people reacting to it around me. Onil and I live in Pennsylvania but we have family in NYC, so we have occasions to see movies in both places. Let me tell you that we far and away prefer to see movies in NYC because the crowd is so much more lively. In Pennsylvania they just sit there, barely reacting to anything (except for The Happening, that got everyone giggling). We make jokes, we laugh, we groan at the stupid parts, we boo the Stan Lee cameos, we whoohoo when something awesome happens, and we CLAP, goddammit, at the end of the movie. They get this in NYC. Everyone there does the same thing we do. Going to the movie theater is a shared experience. You're not just sitting in some isolated box, you're there with a hundred or more other people. It's a community event! Enjoy the movie together!

Even the stupid people aren't so bad. When we went to see Ang Lee's Hulk at the AMC 25 in Times Square there was a guy who, about 2/3 of the way through, couldn't handle the boredom any more and started yelling at the screen. Other people got annoyed with him and started shushing him (that's how obnoxious he was being) but it didn't bother me. He was right, it was a boring part in a boring movie.

It does bother me, though, to see people bring kids to a rated R movie. That's just wrong.


ETA: Sorry, forgot to say that I totally agree with Tripe up there. I just launched into my rant without reacting to the quote. Silly me!

[James of LinHood]

Sorry but the bottom line for me is that I'm paying $8.00 (and in the case of IMAX $15.00) to SEE THE MOVIE!  Not to hear people boo and scream at the screen.  Save that crap for your living rooms you morons.  It's just plain rude to do that kinda thing.  These idiots have to realize that they're not the only ones in the theater and just because a few people don't mind them being an idiot, it doesn't mean that everyone's okay with their B.S.

Even if it's a bad movie I'd just prefer it if people would shut up and watch it.  And if they think the movie's so bad then they can get off of their lazy asses and leave the theater.  Then they can rip on the movie all they want.  Just don't pull that crap when I'm sitting in the theater with you.  If I paid money to see this movie then I damn well expect these people to behave like civilized human beings.  Paying for a movie ticket isn't a free pass that permits you to act like a moron in front of others.

Anyway, the only thing I don't mind in theaters is if people laugh at the jokes or clap when it's done.  But save the rest of your idiocy for when the movie hits DVD.  Because, no I don't give a shit if you think you're funny and want to share your riffs with the rest of the theater.  I don't give a shit if you think the movie sucks balls.  Keep that shit to yourself, get a blog, and unleash your opinions there where no one will ever read them.

Thank you.

*Gets off of his soapbox*

[wurwolf]

Then don't ever go to see a movie in NYC. You'd totally hate it.

[Tripe]

Then don't ever go to see a movie in NYC. You'd totally hate it.

Adds "see movie" to itinerary of Things to do in NYC if ever I go back there.

I remember seeing a film a while back at the DFT (which is great, if you're ever in Detroit during one of their seasons you really should go) and Eliot came out to introduce the film. Now there were quite a few kids in the audience so he went into this spiel about how film was special, so special that in the early days people treated the threatre like they would a church service.

I thought "uh huh, yep those pre Hayes Code audiences sure were reverent ,tee hee".

Mind you I also used to do running comentry on plays at the RST and Swan, it's the groundling within me