Matrix Riffoff Fan Submission Thread

[Tarantulas]

Don't worry, his real name is Haywood Jablome.

[Mr. Schlitz]

I heard it was Lou Stools?

[punkmonkey]

Okay, what the heck....


01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [(As bald kid:) These Tinkertoys aren?t very good.]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Only Keanu could play ?being confused by a spoon? with so much truth in his performance.]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [(As bald kid:) I also seem to have misplaced my Fruity Pebbles.]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [Oh, great, ?cause I?ve got this kink in my back ? maybe you can take a look at it.]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Worst superpower ever.  He can team up with Aquaman now.]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [Did you bring your stool sample?]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Whoa, what smells like beets in here?]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [Sorry, Bingo, I was looking for the Oracle.]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Um, can I place my drink order in the meantime?]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [Bake my noodle?  I thought they were cookies.]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Whoa, lady, I just like you as an Oracle.]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [I know, I know.  Johnny Mnemonic?  What was I thinking?]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [Look, can I have a cookie or not?]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Well, I think I?m a One.]

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [Ew, being the One sounds like some kind of prostate disorder.]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [Keanu totally improvised that line.]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [Well, I?m not sure you?re going to bring much at auction.  It?s kind of a buyer?s market for gangly confused guys this season.]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Well, I?ve more or less given up on the cookie at this point.]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [He does this great Scatman Crothers impression.  I was just thinking about it, sorry.]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [I bet he got picked on a lot in school with that name.]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [You know, ?without?.  Like ?if he?s not here? ? oh, never mind.]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [Yeah, he?s a Zen Dude-ist.]

[Rowsdower42]

Okay, what the heck....


01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [(As bald kid:) I also seem to have misplaced my Fruity Pebbles.]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Whoa, lady, I just like you as an Oracle.]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Well, I think I?m a One.]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [Yeah, he?s a Zen Dude-ist.]

Laughed out loud at these.  Good on you!

[punkmonkey]

Laughed out loud at these.  Good on you!

Thank you!  I have to admit I was inordinately proud of "Zen Dude-ist."

[David]

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [Hilarious comment]

(as kid) I got these on bargain at Big Lots.

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Biting witticism]

(as kid) I'm done trying to eat my Lucky Charms with this thing. You want it?

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [Wry observation]

(as kid) Now, sporks are the wave of the future!

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [Bon mot]

In other words, get bent!

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Dry offhand remark]

Actually, this wouldn't be the first time Keanu Reeves got upstaged by silverware.

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [Drop dead funny punch line]

(as woman) I trust you have your urine sample?

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Witty quip]

(as Neo) Eew, beads... don't let them touch the suit...

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [Excellent jest]

BINGO! Augh! She beat me! .... Knew I should have gotten another board.

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Wisecrack]

(as Oracle) A few lines of incoherent dialog, I get my check, and I'm done!

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [Amusing send-up]

(as Neo) You're making noodles later? Meatballs too I hope.

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Riotous parody]

What was she expecting? Andy Rooney?

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [Good-humored buffoonery]

Thanks movie! I was just about to say something like that.

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [Merry put-on]

(as Neo) To give you interior decorating advice?

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Jocular raillery]

(as Neo) Do you think I think I'm the one?

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [Bawdy pun]

Indeed, the genitals are clear indicators that you're the One. The right clavicle, however, gives mixed signals.

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [Capricious vagary]

(as Oracle) You've still got a little Red Pill stuck in your teeth... Did you chew it?

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [Jolly shenanigans]

(as Oracle) I see... two god awful sequels that destroy your career and the entire franchise.

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Clever rib]

I don't know... a straight answer perhaps?

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [Laughable taunt]

(as Neo) did this George Burns impersonation. Had the cigar and everything. ...Good times.

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [Jape]

Held accountable for their users' pirating music. What a shame.

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [Entertaining monkeyshines]

(as Oracle) Without! Him! I'm at a loss! Go get a dictionary!

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [Humdinger of a lark]

Then again he also believes in the Tooth Fairy and trickle-down economics.

[JonnyFrag]

Well, now that it is over here is my entry:

01:10:58   Spoons here! Get 'em while they're "bendy!"

01:11:09   Hey, if that?s Missouri, I totally need that to complete my collection.

01:11:31   Yeah, well what about sporks?

01:11:42   Have you guys ever heard of Jet-Dry?

01:11:53   Well, it's easy when you tip your head like that.

01:11:58   I believe Perseus was next.

01:12:06   Would you just get through the door, already! (impatiently)

01:12:16   Daubers down, we have a winner!

01:12:24   Hope you like sulfur poached cabbage.

01:13:02   My noodle came prebaked, ma'am.

01:13:08   That Isabel Sanford is one hot momma!

01:13:18   At least he's cast to type.

01:13:24   Because he wanted some alone time with Tank?

01:13:33   Speaking of which, where's the "Little Neo's Room?"

01:14:02   Is this the point where I offer her a "Watchtower?"

01:14:15   -veeee Mariiiiia... (singing ? hymnal)

01:14:25   You know monsters are such interesting people... (in Bugs Bunny from "Hair-raising Hare" voice)

01:14:54   That "She's the Sheriff" reunion special that?s on tonight.

01:15:10   ..showed me this video of a break dancing midget..

01:15:18   ..playing Cowboy Curtis at parties for ham scraps.

01:15:28   Meaning "with out him!?  ?Sans him!" (each word spoken deliberately)

01:15:39   And your line of 'sporin related products.

[JoshWay]

The Matrix Riff-Off by Josh Way

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [It?s Mahatma Gandhi?s great grandson, Chip Gandhi]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Here, cram this]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [Somebody wanna get this kid his meds?]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [So what he?s really saying is ?get bent?]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [He has the power of CGI!]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [(Keanu voice) I know Feng Shui]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Why is he on the set of ?Good Times??]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [Mrs. Delores Oracle]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Hope you like yak bladder]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [Oh. it takes far less than that to bake his noodle]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [But then, I find James Carville attractive]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [Wow, she truly is a great oracle!]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [Yeah, he needs to go to the bank and the babysitter cancelled]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Do you think ANYTHING?]

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [Ew]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [This took seventeen takes]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [They?re gonna play the slapping game]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Like your next line]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [?was on Pee-Wee?s Playhouse]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [Going through life with the name ?Morpheus?]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [I mean like, in his absense]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [Which doesn?t speak very highly of Morpheus]

[mrbasehart]

When I accidentally deleted my Rifftrax, I also deleted my Riff-Off entry.  I don't remember them very well (so it probably shows how good the riffs actually were), but I did quite like one of my lines:


01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) ["Because it ran away with the dish"]

[mrbakasan]

This is my fiancee's entry (I didn't enter), but she doesn't mind me posting it here.  There are a couple of these that I think are pretty original.  The last one may be too original...


01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) He looks like the lovechild of Gandhi and Powder.

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) Here have a spoon more flexible than your acting.

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) You can almost hear his brain cells gasping for air.

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) Is this kid telling me to get bent?

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) Why am I upside down?

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) I thought I was holding the Oracle.

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) Smells like mothballs and old cabbage.

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) The temple of Apollo sure looks like a kitchen.

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) Thank God!  This has been the longest 72 minutes of my life.

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) I think he just had a small aneurism.

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) For a pasty, sci-fi goth I mean.

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) Probably not the first time Keanu has heard that.

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) To find out if there will be a sequel to ?Fled??

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) I didn?t know you felt that way...

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) I?m having flashbacks to ?My Own Private Idaho.?

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) No talent here?no talent here...

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) Her hands feel like desiccated lizard corpses.

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) How about some oracling slightly less vague than a fortune cookie.

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) LINE!

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) Poor audience.

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) Foreshadowing alert.

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) Well, Morpheus also ate a peanut butter and KY Jelly sandwich once, so that?s no surprise.

[The Spoony One]

Hey guys!  First-time poster here.  Here's what I submitted:


01:10:57   (Bald kid is messing with a tangle of bent spoons) [Wow.  Kid?s really got something personal against silverware.  Maybe a spoon killed his father.  Choked to death on his Grape Nuts or something, I dunno.]

01:11:13   (Neo squats down to inspect the spoon.) [Suddenly Neo is inspired to form a jug & washboard band, slappin? spoons against his thigh?]

01:11:28   (?Instead only try to realize the truth.?) [?You peaked with Speed.?]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [?That?s for my heroin.?]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [It?s like explaining Schroedinger?s Cat to Nicole Richie.]

01:11:49   (Neo squints dumbly at the spoon in an attempt to bend it with his mind.) [C?mon Little Buddha, let?s see some self-mastery here!]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [?Would you like a table in smoking or non-smoking?]

01:12:05   (Neo enters kitchen) [I can?t trust an oracle who puts her dairy products in a fridge from the Carter administration.]

01:12:21   (?Not quite what you were expecting, right??) [No, I was pretty much expecting Morgan Freeman, actually?]

01:12:44   (?That vase.?) [?Um, there is no vase??]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [To be fair, it doesn?t take much to do that.]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [?Did I say cuter?  I meant dumber.?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [Truly, she is the Oracle.]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [To bog the movie down in 15 minutes of pretentious pop philosophical crap?]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [(In his Point Break voice) ?I?am an FBI agent!?]

01:13:46   (?It means ?Know Thyself?.?) [I thought it meant ?be excellent to each other.?)

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [Eew, I hope my grandma never talks this dirty to me.]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [The Keanu Reeves acting warmup.]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [?I see a big house and?? spit ?There?s the swimming pool!?]

01:14:37   (?Hmmmm, that?s interesting, but?then YOU say??) [?Um, party on, dudes??]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [?That reminds me, I should tell Morpheus to go down and put change in the meter??]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [He played this Dane Cook CD in the car, it was funny?]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [Poor bastard even likes Carlos Mencia?]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [Mentor characters never survive the second act, Neo.]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [Oof.  That?s like believing in one of the lesser Baldwin brothers.]

[euphoria]

Congrats to the winners!  Hopefully I'll be able to listen to them soon.  Here's my sucky entry:   

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [Oh, great.  This guy.  Now I have to dumb down my illuminating metaphors.]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Here.  Next time, wedge this under the gas pedal of the bus.]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [Look, just humor me, okay?  I?m only a first-level Druid.]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [Did he just tell me to get bent?]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Heh, heh.  Look, my impression of Bob Dole.]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [The oral whosis?]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Yeah, uh, Little Buddha in there sent me to get more spoons?]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [?Cause you look like someone?s chain-smoking, creepy grandma.]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [My George Foreman grill is so versatile!]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [Wait, is this like that question about the tree falling on Forrest Gump?]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Do you have any much older brothers?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [(Ted Logan voice) That is most righteously non-excellent.]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [He?s hoping I can get your secret recipe for shoo-fly pie.]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Look, I never went near that woman and the kid looks nothing like me!  Ohhh, wait?what were you talking about?]

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [Isn?t that the Star Trek episode where Sulu confesses his love for McCoy?]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [Ugh, how long has that been in there?  And what?s this crud behind your ears?  Do you ever bathe?]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [Aha!  Spoon imprints.  You?re the one who?s been bending all my cutlery.]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Oh, man?there?s like, cookie dough all over my hands now.]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [He does the cutest impression of Arnold from Diff?rent Strokes.]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [His bones are bigger than his balls.]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [This is the part where I say, ?not too bright? again.]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [But don?t put too much stock in that; he?s also a Flat-Earther.]

[TimInKC]

01:10:58  (Bald kid picks up spoon.)
--  "Young James Carville."

01:11:09  (Holds spoon out to Neo.)
--  (As bald kid)  "Eat me."

01:11:31  ("There is no spoon.")
--  "...only really dull knives."

01:11:42  ("...It is only yourself.")
--  "He lost Neo after 'instead'."

01:11:53  (Neo bends spoon.)
--  "Wow, he is spoon-bendingly boring."

01:11:58  ("The Oracle will see you now.")
--  (As lady)  "...and you owe us $3.50 for the spoon."

01:12:06  (Neo enters kitchen.)
--  (As Neo)  "The kid sent me in here for the forks."

01:12:16  ("Your're the Oracle?"  "Bingo!")
--  (As Neo)  "Sorry, Bingo, I'm looking for the Oracle."

01:12:24  ("Almost done.)
--  (As Oracle)  "My chocolate-covered squirrel haunches."

01:13:02  ("...I hadn't said anything?")
--  (As Neo)  "Maybe, but only out of spite."

01:13:08  ("You're cuter than I thought.")
--  (As Oracle)  "Want to hit the early-bird dinner at Ponderosa?"

01:13:18  ("Not too bright though.")
--  "He's like the Anti-Oracle."

01:13:24  ("...brought you to see me?")
--  (As Neo)  "I'm supposed to fix the light switch in the bathroom."

01:13:33  ("Do you think you're the one?")
--  (As Neo)  "I'm more like a solid '87'."

01:14:02  ("Balls to bones.")
--  (As Oracle)  "Or, in your case, 'nothing to bones'."

01:14:15  ("Open your mouth and say 'ahhhh.'"  "Ahhh.")
--  "Oddly enough, that's also Keanu's singing voice."

01:14:25  (Oracle holds Neo's hands in hers.)
--  (As Oracle)  "Hm...I see some poorly-received sequels in your future."

01:14:54  ("...like you're waiting for something.")
--  (As Neo)  "I did send off for some Old Navy cargo shorts, but I'm not sure what that has to do with this."

01:15:10  ("Morpheus.  He, ah....")
--  (As Keanu, whispering)  "...(sigh) ah, geez, what's the line?"

01:15:18  ("Poor Morpheus.")
--  "First the rickets, now this."

01:15:28  ("What do you mean, 'Without him?'")
--  (As Oracle)  "Geez, I mean 'when he's gone', you dope!"

01:15:39  ("Morpheus believes in you, Neo.")
--  (As Oracle)  "That's why we make fun of ol' Morpheus."

[CoachCornjob]

Well here's mine. I thought too hard on a lot of the scenes and got stuck on the spoon, so to speak, but some of my lines were variations on those of first place (as were many of our entries), so many of us were thinking in the same vein. I think I put in a few good zingers, but a few don't cut it. Congrats to the winners (true talent and laughs-a-plenty... I watched them and definitely wouldn't have voted for myself), and here we go:

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [If the Dalai Lama and Michael Stipe had a baby.]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Oh no. He suspects my erectile dysfunction.]

01:11:31  (?There is no spoon.?) [Ah, so the spoon is a metaphor for Keanu?s acting ability.]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [Hey, my spoon bends just fine? really. No, really, it does.]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Does this mean we can chalk Keanu?s career up to performance anxiety?]

01:11:58  (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [That look tells me this isn?t the first time someone
               interrupted Keanu while he was ?bending his spoon.?]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [I?m here about a busted dishwasher? Oh wait, that was my ?other?
                script.]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [So the Oracle is Miss Cleo? Ironically, I didn?t see that coming.]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Oh, I hope she?s talking about whatever?s in the oven.]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [ (in a Neanderthal voice) Ow. Hard question make Keanu brain
                 hurt.]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Especially after Bill & Ted. Did a pack of Great Danes lick your
                 head for that film?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [ (chuckles) Like we needed an oracle to tell us that.]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [And he responds with that ?Yes, I took the car out past curfew?
                look.]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Well, it?s not that I don?t like older women, but I?m holding out
                                                                               for Diane Keaton.]

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [(chuckles) Now is that an authentic voodoo innuendo or is she just
               improvising?]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [The most Oscar-worthy line Keanu has ever
                delivered.]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [ (angrily) You didn?t wash your hands after bending your
              spoon, did you?]

01:14:54 (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Well? those cookies do smell pretty good.]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [ (chuckling) He totally let one in the car on the way over.]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [His parents were so high when they named him.]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [No, I?m not reading the script. Really, what do you
                 mean?]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [He hasn?t seen any of your movies.]

[Sharktopus]

Guess I should've made a spork joke. Congratulations to the winners. We all hate you now. 
Here's mine, which I still think is pretty funny - I hope you get some laughs from it:

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon)
[Patrick Stewart in a role that will surprise you.]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo)
[Ah, the spoon detects wooden acting.]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?)
[Keanu voice: "But how will I eat my Cocoa Puffs?"]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?)
[Obi Wan voice: "He's more machine now than spoon - twisted and evil."]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.)
[Y'know, casting for Neo came down to Keanu and a golden retriever named Pickles.]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?)
[Strip down to your underpants and put on this little paper robe.]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen)
[Pickles wisely chose to do Air Bud 2 instead.]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?)
[Gramma's trying to watch her stories in the oven again.]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?)
[Seeing the future means never having burnt cookies. You can also tell if the milk?s gone bad without smelling it.]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??)
[But traditionally, don't you boil noodles?]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?)
[So she can see the future, but it's a little blurry?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?)
[Oracle: ?The bald chick with the spoon. I saw the way she was looking at you.?]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??)
[Keanu voice: "'Cause we were in the neighborhood and he had to use the bathroom?"]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??)
[Keanu voice: "Well, Neo backwards is one."]

01:13:43   ("It's Latin.")
[It means "Bless This Mess."]

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?)
[Huh. Must be some sports term I'm not familiar with.]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?)
[He needs a physical before he can play on the Matrix softball team.]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers)
[The damn Zion Yankees always win.]

01:14:34            ("...that's interesting but...")
[But it's not.]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Well, the tag did say "Don't open 'til Christmas."]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?)
[Keanu voice: "He said your cookies suck."]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?)
[Oracle: "He wouldn't know a good cookie if it bit him on the ass."]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??)
[Morpheus is the only one who can drive stick.]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?)
[Of course, you are the third "One" he's found this month...]