Matrix Riffoff Fan Submission Thread

[Sharktopus]

Maybe I was just under the influence of HypnoToad.

[ScottotD]

ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD

[Cap'n UKRiffer]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [?But he also believes Mormons are stealing his laundry?]

lol love that riff, total randomness

[Skiptastic]

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) ?Spoons just isn?t a challenging single player game.?

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Mike as Kid]: ?Interested a slightly bent spoon, mister??

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [Mike as Keanu]: ?Then exactly what did the dish run away with??

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) ?Yeah, we all know how Keanu bends. We?ve seen My Own Private Idaho.?

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) ?See, I?d bend the spoon to cover Mr. Clean Jr.?s face?

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [Mike as Lady]: ?Leave little Donny Pleasance alone?

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Mike as kind of a delivery man]: ?Someone order a six foot moron slash hero??

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) ?Oh yeah, this is revving up to be a true battle of wits.?

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Mike as Oracle]:?Just finishing up a quick phone-con with Apollo, they always go longer when I?m not at the Delphi branch.?

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) ?Well, he?s pretty much a klutz, that vase?s days were numbered when he walked in.?

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) ?Was she expecting Clint Howard or something??

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) ?Damn, she is good.?

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [Mike as Keanu]: ?Yeah, but I?m sorry, Wyld Stallions isn?t looking for a backup singer.? (Wyld Stallions, of course, being the band of Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted ?Theodore? Logan from the classic ?Bill and Ted?s Excellent Adventure?)

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) ?Are you the loneliest number that you?ll ever do?? (Good ol? Harry Nilsson reference)

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) ?Ah, here?s where Larry Wachowski?s contribution to the script comes into play.? (you know, since he?s the crazy S&M tranny director/writer?)

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) ?You are insured, right??

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) ?Do you take this elderly black woman to be?? (spoken like a priest at a wedding)

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) ?George Carlin in a phone booth?? (Again, Bill & Ted?feels kind of silly explaining the obvious references?)

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) ?Promised to watch Johnny Mnemonic with me?? (say it as if you were fake weeping?well, you know how to deliver it)

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) ?Never should have trusted a surfing FBI agent??

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, without him??) ?Apparently the Oracle?s main job is to explain grammar points to the hero.?

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) ?So leave a dollar under his pillow while he?s sleeping.?


That's mine. Hope you like it.

[Wheaty Petestraw]

Here's mine. I tried to stay away from the more obvious jokes, so I didn't make a spork joke or a blatant Bill and Ted joke, amongst others.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) ?Spoonkid, watch just how he makes it bend!? (sung to the tune of Soundgarden?s ?Spoonman?)
01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) ?Trade you for a bowl? (in kid?s voice)
01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) ?No, there are no bowls?
01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) ?So THAT?S how he got the part!?
01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) ?Man, acting is hard.? (in Keanu?s voice)
01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) ?You mean, like, Shamu?? (in Keanu?s voice)
01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) ?Alright! Where?s the bong??
01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) ?I knew the game was boring, but wow!?
01:12:24   (?Almost done?) ?I thought you had to be sure of a Bingo before you called it??
01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) ?You?re assuming he has a noodle to bake in the first place.?
01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) ?What, was she expecting Lyle Lovett to be ?The One???
01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) ?I don?t get it? (in Keanu?s voice)
01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) ?Because you?re lonely??
01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) ?No, I think it?s actually Alex Winter.?
01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) ?Oh come on. You?re not that old..?
01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) ?It was just an expression!?
01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) ?I see many bad films in your future.?
01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) ?This is the bus stop, right??
01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) ?owes me some money.?
01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) ?Rich Morpheus. By Bill Cosby.?
01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) ?Like with him, except.. without.?
01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) ?No one else does.?

[carrot515]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) ?Was she expecting Clint Howard or something??

Unreal...here's mine:

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [I had this whole Clint Howard mental picture...not pretty let me tell ya]

unlike the ted's and the sporks...this is totally random!

[MontyServo]

Some more good entries posted.  Here's a couple of the riffs I laughed out loud at.  This contest is getting harder and harder to call!

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Jack Palance in a role that will surprise you]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) ?So leave a dollar under his pillow while he?s sleeping.?

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) ?I thought you had to be sure of a Bingo before you called it??

I'm actually glad that I posted my entry when I did, as i think there will be a load of contest entry posts after they announce the winners and my newbie post would likely get lost in the shuffle.

Also, I don't know what I was thinking.  Thinking that my riffs would be too risque for the judges.  I just watched the XXX and Crossroads rifftrax and there were riffs in there just as baudy as anything I wrote.  So maybe I have a shot at this after all???

[Tarantulas]

Also, I don't know what I was thinking.  Thinking that my riffs would be too risque for the judges.  I just watched the XXX and Crossroads rifftrax and there were riffs in there just as baudy as anything I wrote.  So maybe I have a shot at this after all???

Well that one riff where you went off on a socialist rant for 10 minutes might have been over the top.

[JonnyFrag]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [?But he also believes Mormons are stealing his laundry?]

lol love that riff, total randomness

I'll second that. I found this one to be very funny.

[Joe Don Faker]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) ?So leave a dollar under his pillow while he?s sleeping.?

I got a kick out of this one too Skip.  In general I enjoy the sweet, goofy jokes more than slams on the actors/movie (though I did the latter a few times, myself).

[MontyServo]

Also, I don't know what I was thinking.  Thinking that my riffs would be too risque for the judges.  I just watched the XXX and Crossroads rifftrax and there were riffs in there just as baudy as anything I wrote.  So maybe I have a shot at this after all???

Well that one riff where you went off on a socialist rant for 10 minutes might have been over the top.

About that... I was thinking that if Mike could just pause the film and speak really fast then maybe it would work.  The point is moot anyway.  I got the workers' control of the means of production confused with the struggle of the urban proletariat, when it was in fact the Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1.   So i just cut the entire riff.

[euphoria]

I went back and forth on whether or not to include a MST3K riff in my entry.  Would it be considered a cheap tactic, or just a clever homage to the show?

I had this same debate with myself for the very first line, which I ultimately rejected.  I worried they might see it not as a "clever homage," but as an uninspired rip-off from an entrant too lazy to come up with her own stuff.   

(bald kid picks up spoon):  Ah, your kids these days, what with their baggy clothes and Buddhist leanings.

[MontyServo]

Will the contest winners find out they have won tomorrow when the results are posted, or have they already been notified/will be notified in advance of the public announcement??

I had asked this question a few days ago on this thread, but I guess it got lost in all the posts as there was never any response.

And how long after the winner's announcement will we see the completed Rifftrax clips??  Will the winning entries be posted tomorrow or not until the clips are posted as well?

Thanks.   My apologies if this has already been asked and answered.

[Conor]

We'll probably email the winners the same time that the web page goes live.  Wouldn't want anybody knowing before anyone else, that would certainly ruin the suspense. 

In other words, nobody out in the real world knows who the winners are yet.

For part B of your question, we'll be announcing the winners tomorrow, before the end of the work day here.  We'll put up a page that will tell you who the winners are, and also contain links so you can see/hear the winning riffs over the Matrix scene.  They'll be sort of like the flash RiffTrax previews we use on the site. 

[JohnH]

Oooh, I've got my fingers crossed.... although Ingrown Asshair has what I think to be a strong entry.

It would really suck to lose to someone named that, though.