Matrix Riffoff Fan Submission Thread

[Tarantulas]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) Sorry, thought you were Dale.

This isn't a jab at Monty, but I don't understand this one.  I know explaining a joke kind of kills it, but I don't understand the reference.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_no,_Mrs._Burke!_I_thought_you_were_Dale!

My question ... who the hell names their daughter Dale?

It was the 60's when that girl was born... cut 'em some slack, Jack.

[Mr`Death]

It was the 60's when that girl was born... cut 'em some slack, Jack.

Dude, I've never heard of any women in their 50s named Dale.

[Locksley]

I actually know of a woman named Dale. If that's not bad enough, here last name is Bell.

(I've lurked here since the board was first added to the site...and this is what inspires my first post.)

[estwald]

Well now that you de-lurked, let's see your entry!

[MontyServo]

First off, thanks for all the compliments.     After reading all the entries posted, mine didn't look as funny to me anymore. Plus all this talk about the "obvious" jokes, that my entry didn't have, made me doubt I had any shot at all.   Maybe I had just read my entry so many times that it didn't seem funny anymore.  I'm glad that at least a few fresh eyes got some chuckles out of it.  It's a real confidence booster, so thanks again for that!

Here's a question. Which line do you think was the toughest to riff? For me it was "There is no spoon". It seems like there's so much possibility with that line, just the ridiculousness of it, but my mind just drew a total blank. Which lines gave you guys the most trouble?

A lot of the lines gave me trouble, but I found the most trouble in editing the lines down to fit in the slots allowed.  As it is, if Mike were to record my entry, there are still a couple of lines he's gonna have to speak fast to get them in before the next line of character dialogue. 

"I thought you were Dale" was one of those riffs on MST3K that got used again and again and just took on a life of its own. I had never even seen the commercial it was based on, but I found it hysterical anyway. There was one MST where a character looks at his own hands and Crow says "I thought *I* was Dale?!" which just had me rolling. Don't remember which one, though.

I went back and forth on whether or not to include a MST3K riff in my entry.  Would it be considered a cheap tactic, or just a clever homage to the show?  I was also worried that non-MSTies would not get the joke.  My favorite use of this riff is in "Riding With Death" - "I thought I was Dale. Again, I thought I was Dale."  I also "borrowed" the Jim Henson's _____ Babies riff from the short "Junior Rodeo Daredevils", which is where I first heard that joke - "Jim Henson's Last Picture Show Babies".

[Tarantulas]

It was the 60's when that girl was born... cut 'em some slack, Jack.

Dude, I've never heard of any women in their 50s named Dale.

Even if you were born in 1960, it would not be possible to be 50 years old yet.

[MontyServo]

These are some of the lines that cracked me up.  Great job everybody.  I know the judges are gonna have a hard time picking just 3 winners.  Good luck to all!   

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [If only he could find some sort of oracle to tell him what he?s waiting for.]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [Jape]  Lost his hair at age 14, blames the machines.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [Verne Troyer is Mahatma Gandhi in The Uri Geller Story.]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [I hope to God she's talking about the cookies]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen): [Spoken in deep, Mike Nelson-as-narrator baritone]
           Doorway by Rick James.
01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??): Umm, I think a "Highlights
               Magazine" could bake this guy's noodle.

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [(As Neo) Hang on! I?m spooning with this boy! Wait! That didn?t come out right?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [(As Neo) Hey! That really bakes my noodle!]

[MontyServo]

It was the 60's when that girl was born... cut 'em some slack, Jack.

Dude, I've never heard of any women in their 50s named Dale.

Even if you were born in 1960, it would not be possible to be 50 years old yet.

I'm sure a lot of people in the 60's named their daughter's Dale.  Perhaps they were fans of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, and it was either that or naming their daughter Trigger.

[Ftang Ftang]

Well, why not? Hi Larry, long-time lurker, first time poster--love the forum. Here's my meager entry--I have to say, it is disconcerting to see so many of what I thought were original lines duplicated here. Twisted minds think alike? You be the judge. I invite your abuse.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [Let?s see, the acid should be kicking in any time now??oh, yeah, there it goes]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [?Come, let us break our fast with the Puffs of Cocoa?]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [(in deep guttural voice) ??only Zuul?]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [?Man, I am in way over my head here??]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Wow, it must be Bob Dole?s spoon]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [?But I haven?t finished Goofus and Gallant?]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [So, the Oracle is Rhoda?]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [You?ve won three minutes of pretentious crypto-speak!]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Jack Palance in a role that will surprise you]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [I?m sorry, I can?t get past the thought of her ?baking? Keanu?s ?noodle?]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [?I was expecting Roy Cohn?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [They had to go to the Oracle for that?]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [?So you could show me how to be more masculine??]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [?And what?s six times eight??]("I really have no idea.")

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [You bless your disciples with that mouth?]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [?I see you?ve had your talent removed?]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [?And here?s your swimming pool?]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [?Yeah, my cue?oh, that was it!?]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [??thinks I?m in here to snag him some ?towskis?]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [??oh, hey, a penny!?]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [?I mean I want Mr. Morpheus to take a vacation?a permanent vacation?]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [?But he also believes Mormons are stealing his laundry?]

[Sharktopus]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) Sorry, thought you were Dale.

This isn't a jab at Monty, but I don't understand this one.  I know explaining a joke kind of kills it, but I don't understand the reference.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_no,_Mrs._Burke!_I_thought_you_were_Dale!

Here's an interesting factoid from that Wiki: Apparently, Bil Keane of Family Circus has done cartoons for Playboy. That boggles my tiny mind. That's like picking up Maxim for an essay by Mr. Rogers.

[Rowsdower42]

My toughest riffs were for when Keanu enters the kitchen and for the "bingo" line.  Does she think she's playing bingo?  Is she mocking him?  I found it very tough to come up with something perfect.  I think what I finally decided on was pretty damn hilarious, though.

In response to the "I thought you were Dale!" riff, good work!  I hadn't really thought of recycling classic MST3K riffs.  It's interesting to note that the commercial in which that line originated has nothing to do with hands, and the MST3K crew has mentioned how they originally confused the line from this commercial with the doings from another, obviously a commercial in which someone looks at someone else's hands (I believe an old commercial for hand soap.)  By the time they had discovered this, they had used it somewhere between 1 and 2000 times.

[Sharktopus]

Here's a question. Which line do you think was the toughest to riff? For me it was "There is no spoon". It seems like there's so much possibility with that line, just the ridiculousness of it, but my mind just drew a total blank. Which lines gave you guys the most trouble?

I blanked on Neo coming into the kitchen through the bead curtain, but I just used that time to add to a previous gag. "Bingo!" was also really tough because I knew there's not really much I could do with it that would be different from eveyone else.

But the one I had the most difficulty with was "It is not the spoon that bends - it is yourself." After days of struggling with a suitable jabs at new age, hare krishna, scientology, et cetera, I finally just made myself laugh with something completely from left field. I'm still not sure if it'll be funny to anyone else. If you're wondering what it was, you'll just have to wait til you hear Mike read it. 

[ScottotD]

I liked mine even if nobody else did... *sniff*

[Sharktopus]

I liked mine even if nobody else did... *sniff*

01:12:24 (?Almost done?) The room?s now filling with gas.

That one made me laugh pretty hard.

[ScottotD]

a pity reply, awesome.