Matrix Riffoff Fan Submission Thread

[WouTar]

*sighs* Another succesful morning... peppermint cocoa anyone?

Peppermint Cocoa?!

*spews out Cranberry Coffee*

[MontyServo]

I think you would have to be completely off the wall to avoid making any of the same jokes as anyone else.  We had a few that were, but I don't think you'd want to emulate them...

I'm afraid he may be referring to my entry.  I don't have a single spork joke or Cowboy Curtis reference. And I missed the obvious "Bingo was his name-o" riff.  I now feel that my entry may have been a bit too bawdy for the judges tastes.  Using the spoon as a phallic symbol for one riff and making not one but two "balls" jokes might be a bit too much.  But seeing as the Matrix is a rated R movie, maybe it isn't.  Not that the jokes were profane, they aren't.  Just that they are a bit risque and I think a bit over the top for what they were looking for with this contest.  As soon as I sent mine off I immediately regretted not waiting to fine tune some of my riffs.  Not to mention that I sent it in before reading on here that direction cues would be allowed with the riffs.  I trust Mike and the team to figure out what sort of manner my riffs should be read, should they put me in the top 3.

This is my first post on this board, but I have been a lurker since almost the beginning.  I have been enjoying reading all the posted entries.  A lot of really funny stuff in there.  Really makes my riffs seem pretty lame.  I look forward to seeing the winning entries.  I think I will wait until the winners are announced to post my entry.  Speaking of which, does anybody know if the winners will be notified in advance of the public announcement??

MontyServo

[Rowsdower42]

Can I get some feedback on mine?

[MontyServo]

Can I get some feedback on mine?

I laughed out loud at this line.

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Riotous parody]
      Cigaretty Hags love wafer-thin pale guys.

[SecretAgentSuperDragon]

01:12:16   ?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?
Huh. All this time I thought you were at Delphi, but it turns out you just rent some cruddy corner apartment in Southie. Man I was way off.
     
I'm Lazy, and that was the only joke I felt like doing.

[Rowsdower42]

I laughed out loud at this line.

Thanks!

[Rowsdower42]

Here's the last one I did.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [Hilarious comment]
      Oh, Magneto always ruins soup night!
01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [Biting witticism]
      Wow, Alopecia has cool side effects.
01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [Wry observation]
      But how will I eat my Spagetti Os?
01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [Bon mot]
      Like my Stretch Armstrong!  His arms stretch out to next week!
01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [Dry offhand remark]
      No matter how I turn it, I stay upside down!
01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [Drop dead funny punch line]
      She?ll need your recent blood work and a urine sample.
01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Witty quip]
      Willie Nelson's kitchen?
01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [Excellent jest]
      No, I?m the wisecracking maid ? of course I?m the Oracle!
01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Wisecrack]
      Almost done tending an oven that?s clearly off.
01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [Amusing send-up]
      Bakes pastries and plays with your mind
01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Riotous parody]
                I predicted The One would look like Clint Howard!
01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [Good-humored buffoonery]
      Hey, no I?m? isn?t!
01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [Merry put-on]
      To find the rest of his sunglasses?
01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [Jocular raillery]
      Are you bringing them and in the darkness binding them?
01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [Bawdy pun]
      Ah, the drunken frat boy definition of love
01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [Capricious vagary]
      Keanu gives improvising his lines a shot.
01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [Jolly shenanigans]
      Ooh, sorry, I had a bag of Cheetos on the way over here.
01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [Clever rib]
      Someone to whisper the next line in his ear
01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [Laughable taunt]
      Did this impression of you? I?ll let him show it to you, I can?t do it.
01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [Jape]
      Lost his hair at age 14, blames the machines.
01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [Entertaining monkeyshines]
      Keanu?s got trouble with the two-syllable words
01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [Humdinger of a lark]
      He?s made virgin sacrifices in your holy name.

[MontyServo]

This one is good too!

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [Jape]  Lost his hair at age 14, blames the machines.

[Mr`Death]

Here's mine, for the hell of it. Feedback always appreciated. I wasn't thrilled with it, but I love the last two.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) [<peering into spoon> ?Should I have shaved my eyebrows, too??]

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) [<in some sort of medieval/Lord of the Rings great quest sort of voice> ?Take this. It shall aid you in your battle against The Vengeful Pudding Demon of Nal-Galesh?]

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) [ONLY ZHUUL!]

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) [Just like when he and Morpheus found that Kama Sutra book]

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) [<when shot switches to the bald monk kid> Monks are so cute when they?re not on fire]

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) [?Please leave any magazines with the bald kid?]

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) [Not the best spot to store her anal beads]

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) [?Then why do you have to watch the oven??]

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) [Grandma?s famous pot brownies!]

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) [<as keanu stands there dumfounded> They probably shoulda chosen a savior who can understand Dr. Seuss]

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) [Wait a minute ? is this just an elaborate blind date?]

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) [?Stupid, really. Kind of a boob. A ninkumpoop, if you will.]

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) [?He?s been after that brownie recipe for years.?]

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) [?Well, I do have one of those huge foam fingers??]

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) [?Look, lady; I stopped doing those movies a long time ago.?]

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) [A quick flick of the wrists and she could put us all out of our misery]

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) [?Now, try to slap my hands before I pull them away!?]

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) [If only he could find some sort of oracle to tell him what he?s waiting for.]

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) [?Does this neat little thing with his tongue.?]

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) [?He was at Friday?s Dogstar concert.?]

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) [?? here, have some Morpheus chip cookies.?]

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) [?He saw you beat the Grim Reaper in Battleship?]

[MontyServo]

What the heck, here is my entry too.  Please feel free to post any comments/praise/scorn/ridicule.

01:10:58   (Bald kid picks up spoon) Jim Henson?s Gandhi Babies

01:11:09   (Holds spoon out to Neo) This kid?s going to be real popular with the ladies when he grows up.

01:11:31   (?There is no spoon.?) Only spoonlessness

01:11:42   (??It is only yourself.?) I think Nietzche said the same thing about a butter knife

01:11:53   (Neo bends spoon.) There you go.  Just think of Grandma.

01:11:58   (?The Oracle will see you now.?) That?s good, because I think Fester here is ready for a fresh diaper.

01:12:06   (Neo enters kitchen) The Matrix!!!  Oh wait, just beads.

01:12:16   (?You?re the Oracle?? ?Bingo!?) You?re the Bingo?

01:12:24   (?Almost done?) Now drop your pants and bend over.

01:13:02   (??.I hadn?t said anything??) Oh, I?m sure his noodle is already well baked.

01:13:08   (?You?re cuter than I thought.?) Sure, but he?s no Alex Winter.

01:13:18   (?Not too bright though.?) Well, Keanu is Flemish for dim.

01:13:24   (??brought you to see me??) His idea of a practical joke??

01:13:33   (?Do you think you?re the one??) I get called Number 2 a lot.

01:14:02   (?Balls to bones.?) I love you from the bottom of my balls.

01:14:15   (?Open your mouth, say ?ahhhh.?? ?Ahhh.?) Good.  Now let me check you for chiggers.

01:14:25   (Oracle holds Neo?s hands in hers) Sorry, thought you were Dale.

01:14:54   (??like you?re waiting for something.?) Point Break 2???  We can only dream.

01:15:10   (?Morpheus. He, ah?.?) said you?d be hot.

01:15:18   (?Poor Morpheus.?) Poor, sweet, stupid Morpheus.

01:15:28   (?What do you mean, Without him??) Let me guess.  He has the only map to the Matrix.

01:15:39   (?Morpheus believes in you, Neo.?) Now let?s check those balls and bones.

[euphoria]

Monty, yours has some really good lines!  I don't think they were too risque at all.  Heck, I put a couple in mine that probably shouldn't be read aloud in front of minors.   

[MontyServo]

Monty, yours has some really good lines!  I don't think they were too risque at all.

Thanks!  I hope the judges have as much good sense as you!   

Heck, I put a couple in mine that probably shouldn't be read aloud in front of minors.   

Well,  let's see them then!  I'll send all the minors to their room.   

[euphoria]

Well,  let's see them then!  I'll send all the minors to their room.   

Well, there's this one:

("Balls to bones.")  Isn't that the Star Trek episode where Sulu confesses his love for McCoy?

and:

("Poor Morpheus.")  His bones are bigger than his balls.

[MontyServo]

Well, there's this one:

("Balls to bones.")  Isn't that the Star Trek episode where Sulu confesses his love for McCoy?

and:

("Poor Morpheus.")  His bones are bigger than his balls.

LOL!!!!      

Those are AWESOME!!! My riffs stink compare to those two riffs!!!!   Come on now... let's see the rest.

[euphoria]

Those are AWESOME!!! My riffs stink compare to those two riffs!!!!   Come on now... let's see the rest.

Thanks, but seriously, those are the best two I've got and I've seen better on this board for the second one.  The rest of mine don't just suck, they suck hard.