Draw first blood and tell us what you learned?

[Trekker4747]

I learned the moment I saw the "cover" for this on social media I knew  it was going to be awesome.

[Trekker4747]

I learned that this movie bore no resemblance whatsoever in any way, shape, or form a very popular and well known movie contemporary to when this movie was made.  It was 100% original, no one had ever done, and has ever done since, a movie about a war-traumatized veteran getting his revenge after being held captive/terrorized by a group of military mercenaries.  Nope. 100% Original movie.

I learned that when being pursued by a bunch of kill-intent mercenaries the only thing I need is a pair of cut-off jean shorts and literally nothing else.

I learned that even though I'm killing countless numbers of men I need not seize their clothing, shoes, survival gear or weapons. (Hell, even John McClaine at least *tried* to steal a pair of shoes!)

I learned that this movie had some serious issues with women.  SERIOUS issues.

I did not learn exactly what the villain's(s') plan was.

I learned that grenades are more of an annoyance than they are lethal.

[Darth Geek]

I learned that grenades are more of an annoyance than they are lethal.

You didn't learn that from Hobgoblins?

[Trekker4747]

Well, at least there he suffered *some* injury, a shattered leg the usual bandage around the head, stuff like that.   This just seems to make people stumble and then walk like they have a broken heel.

[ManUnderMask]

I learned that I do indeed love me some Cameron Mitchell.

I also learned that Rifftrax and Red Letter Media share the same library.

I learned that there actually does seem to be natural habitats in Los Angeles, complete with southern redneck hillbillies.

I also learned that DANTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually posed in Playgirl.

Also, everyone in this movie looks like Patrick Swayze, and I miss Swayze, and I am now sad.

[fodder650]

I learned that you can be disarmed and then beaten to death with your own arm.
Oh and the dude from Future Force really learned a lot from his Dad apparently.

[emperorcupcake522]

I learned that Cameron Mitchell is in every Rifftrax movie.

[Phileaux]

I learned that this movie had some serious issues with women.  SERIOUS issues.

"They raped me Daddy"

"CUT! Okay, let's go again!"

"That's like thirty takes. Are you sure I have to keep redoing this?"

"Oh yeah. Whose lotion do you think that was next to Danton's bed?"

[Trekker4747]

So, the bad-guy general grouses about the pension he got when he left the military, feeling it inadequate, hence him taking up the mercenary-training work which is a thing apparently one can do 75 miles SE of L.A. and no one will notice or care, including when it involves numerous kidnappings.   But the pension amount he mentions...

Isn't that bad.  For the time period the movie takes place in it'd be a fairly meager living, probably not enough to really live a good life off of but certainly a good head-start.  Augmented with a part-time or even full-time job it'd be a decent living, hardly something to consider taking up mercenary work to augment.

[distantdrain]

I'm way behind on my Rifftrax viewings, but is nice that the guys both know of Bruce Cockburn's music, but also how to correctly pronounce his last name.

[dbsommer]

I learned what the most shirtless man in the world looked like.

I learned what the most incompetent group of mercenaries in the world looked like.

I learned what the most atrocious rip off of The Most Dangerous Rambo First Blood Game looked like.

I learned Commando with Arnold was gritty Scorsese realism next to this.

I learned bad guys have no idea how to shoot a protagonist when he's helpless before them. They can try to kill him by any other means other than the firearms they use to kill everyone else all the time.

I learned "Bah, weapon upgrades. Who needs them?"

I learned Cameron Mitchell would cold blood murder someone. Just like Jack Palance would.

[Pastor of Muppets]

I've watched this movie 4 times and never responded here.  This is actually one of my underrated favorites.  It's stupid as fuck, but at least the production values are decent.

I learned that mercenaries apparently have no bones, and you can kill one with a small, slightly sharpened stick.  Maybe that guy was like Kiff and just had a series of fluid filled bladders.

I learned that hunting unarmed, untrained, defenseless civilians somehow makes you better at combat against armed soldiers.

I learned that mercenaries will carry guns but apparently no ammo, so they just kind of beat people with the guns.

I learned that you can drive around the suburbs in an incredibly suspicious van, kidnap people in broad daylight, and take them to the forests of "75 miles southeast of Los Angeles", have dozens of co-conspirators, make tons of noise, and somehow operate in total secrecy.

I learned that our hero, Ron Jambo, cannot conceive of taking weapons, clothing, or even shoes off any of the countless people he killed.  To be fair, he's a pretty muscular guy and that stuff might not fit him.

I learned that you can take half of a hazily remembered license plate number and track it down to the murder camp 75 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

[Pak-Man]

I learned that you can take half of a hazily remembered license plate number and track it down to the murder camp 75 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

If only they hadn't used the murder camp as their home address when they renewed their registration!

[Pastor of Muppets]

I learned that you can take half of a hazily remembered license plate number and track it down to the murder camp 75 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

If only they hadn't used the murder camp as their home address when they renewed their registration!

This riff is like the gift that keeps on giving.  Every time you watch it, you discover some other stupid thing.