What have we learned?

[Raven]

What did the movie/rifftrax teach us?

[Junkyard]

It taught us that
A- A movie really needs some sort of threat to exist against the hero to actually be exciting.
B- A man who can can see into the future and adjust his actions accordingly can still screw up his life.

[Tony Farms AKA Puma Man]

I learned that an ugly balding old movie star can somehow have a string of movies where hot young actresses fall in love with him.

[skenderberg]

I learned that an ugly balding old movie star can somehow have a string of movies where hot young actresses fall in love with him.

I learned that Nicolas Cage is preternaturally creepy, especially when he's trying hard not to be.  Case in point: the Italian painter speech/flower magic trick seduction scene.  Any real woman would have run back into the bathroom, put on some clothes, and crawled out through the window.  But then, if I'm going to apply logic, any real woman on the road with a man who is not yet her lover would have stayed in the bathroom until she was fully dressed.  Anyway, Cage needs to give up on taking romantic leads in low rent scifi and return to serious films in villain roles.

I also learned, quite to my surprise, that there are actually situations in which the "It was all a dream" cliche' is the best possible ending.  You have to have screwed up the movie preceding it pretty badly for this to be the case.

[Janitor]

Looking like Dick Butkis makes you yell like Dick Butkis.

[Thrifty]

I learned that an ugly balding old movie star can somehow have a string of movies where hot young actresses fall in love with him.

Yeah.  I felt like I was watching a Woody Allen movie.  Well, except I was laughing.

[Thrifty]

I learned what is and what is not in Mike's rock and roll fantasy.

[Wiseblood]

Nick's razor apparently doesn't have any blades in it.

[PlayMSTie]

Any real woman would have run back into the bathroom, put on some clothes, and crawled out through the window.  But then, if I'm going to apply logic, any real woman on the road with a man who is not yet her lover would have stayed in the bathroom until she was fully dressed. 

Hollywood logic: Any woman who spends any time with any man will shortly become his lover. If she isn't already.

Anyway, I learned that Nicolas Cage looks like a Weimeraner. I should have realized that a long time ago, but it took Bridget to point it out. Thanks, Bridget!

I also learned that flash cards are a recognized form of torture.

[Crazy_88s]

I learned that I should look 3 days into the future so that I can find out when the next terrorist attack is happening and alert the authorities... then I say to myself  "Oh that's right, it's not possible to look into the future!"

[RobtheBarbarian]

Anyway, I learned that Nicolas Cage looks like a Weimeraner. I should have realized that a long time ago, but it took Bridget to point it out. Thanks, Bridget!

I've long thought he looks like a bassett hound.

[ig400]

I've learned that 1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do....

but 2 is by far so so so much better than 1 to the point that you should wait until you have 2 rather than going ahead and waisting time and money on just 1

[Thrifty]

I learned that an ugly balding old movie star can somehow have a string of movies where hot young actresses fall in love with him.

I learned that Nicolas Cage is preternaturally creepy, especially when he's trying hard not to be.  Case in point: the Italian painter speech/flower magic trick seduction scene.  Any real woman would have run back into the bathroom, put on some clothes, and crawled out through the window.  But then, if I'm going to apply logic, any real woman on the road with a man who is not yet her lover would have stayed in the bathroom until she was fully dressed.  Anyway, Cage needs to give up on taking romantic leads in low rent scifi and return to serious films in villain roles.

I also learned, quite to my surprise, that there are actually situations in which the "It was all a dream" cliche' is the best possible ending.  You have to have screwed up the movie preceding it pretty badly for this to be the case.

I watched that scene and I was like "Okay, no way is that going to seduce her.  This is going to be like the scene where they met in the diner.  She'll get creeped out or offended, and then we'll see him try again."

Of course, when they were in bed together right after, I was totally like "wtf?"

[SpinyNorman]

I learned that being able to see 2 minutes into the future improves your reactions so you can dodge a whole clip of speeding bullets shot at you from point blank range.

[starfighter]

      I learned that Mike doesn't realize that Kal-El isn't Superman's father's name.  It is, of course, Superman's Kryptonian name.  Kal-El Cage is at least alliterative...Jor-El Cage would just be silly.