RRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!

[Tripe]

Came home to three {!} dead baby mice.  I don't know why one of my cats can't just eat them like normal cats should.  Instead they leave the poor creature in the middle of the room for me to step on.  Haven't stepped on 1 yet thank goodness but have come close many times.

Because they think you're slightly retarded and don't know how to hunt and so are providing food for you.

[Mrs. Dick Courier]

probably true

But they could at least saute them in butter.  With a sprig of parsley.

[Variety of Cells]

I present to you now some RRRRAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!! not from me, but from some leader of a sorority.  And in reading this RRRAAGGGGHHHH!!! instead of empathizing one can not help but feel a nice calming and humorous release as you realize nothing should ever be taken so seriously.  Especially not getting boys to like you.  Enjoy.

    If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

    For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

    I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

    "But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

    "Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

    DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

    I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

    And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you-will-ever-read

She was kicked out of the sorority. 

[MSTJedi]

She was kicked out of the sorority.

You don't say . . .

Honestly, I found her colorful use of profanity pretty amusing, but wildly inappropriate and worthy of getting sacked.

[Variety of Cells]

She was kicked out of the sorority.

You don't say . . .

Honestly, I found her colorful use of profanity pretty amusing, but wildly inappropriate and worthy of getting sacked.

Oh I agree, definitely deserved getting kicked out.  Though the sad thing is that if the email hadn't been leaked online and garnered a whole lot of attention then I'm sure she'd still be a leader in that sorority. 

The existence of the internet can be a nice weapon and deterrent against anger and violence.  I was riding on the subway the other day and two guys were yelling at each other, very angry, making threats.  When the one stood up and walked over to the other, right away three different kids took out their phones and started filming.  You're much less likely to throw the first punch when you can't deny you did it.

[MSTJedi]

TL;DR.

I don't know, for a connoisseur of cursing such as yourself, you might find it interesting. 

[Variety of Cells]

TL;DR.

Apparently this is older than I thought, so here's Michael Shannon's dramatic reading of the letter

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4ad20b4edf/michael-shannon-reads-the-insane-sorority-letter?rel=player

[Mrs. Dick Courier]

Sat in court almost 3 hours today.  The cases were interesting.  I know when some guy said he didn't know he needed a muffler you could hear every man in the room scoff.   And since my last name is high on the alphabet I didn't have to sit as long as some of the others.

The worst part was the attorney for the commonwealth, he was there for the drug cases and some others.  He could not talk.  Um, um, um, er, er, er...it drove me to the point of insanity.  He's a fucking professional lawyer for the commonwealth and can't talk, doesn't bode well for the rest of humanity.

On a positive note the judge was very nice and dropped all my charges (infective equipment on my car) and I just had court costs.  I realize he didn't drop them because he was nice, but at least he seemed down to earth and you felt comfortable speaking.

[MartyS (Gromit)]

TL;DR.

Apparently this is older than I thought, so here's Michael Shannon's dramatic reading of the letter

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4ad20b4edf/michael-shannon-reads-the-insane-sorority-letter?rel=player

That is way more funny than the letter itself.

[mrbasehart]

That video is amazing.  Michael Shannon is hilarious, being totally committed to the insanity of the letter.

[RVR II]

Been waiting to hear about my refi on my mortgage for the last week and I finally get a call that underwriting denied my refi application for debt to income ratio!

Turns out they show my student loans as 2 separate loans for $47000 twice, not to mention my total business income includes my Google adsense revenue from my YouTube videos though they didn't have the actual 1099 MISC's for 2011 and 2012 to reflect this, and apparently they are not supposed to include my overtime income at my job and that I have to work there for 2 years but this was never told to me by the first mortgage rep!

I still have a chance to get it approved when they fix the student loan amount discrepancy but I'm really not happy with this second rep I've been dealing with for the last couple of weeks anyway..
\She won't return phone calls and emails hardly at all where as the first rep was all about working with me and going out of her way to help get things pushed through and in constant phone and email contact..

[Darth Geek]

I don't know, I bet Sigma Nu would like them if they would suck.

[Lembach]

Been waiting to hear about my refi on my mortgage for the last week and I finally get a call that underwriting denied my refi application for debt to income ratio!

Hmmm. Guy with more money than me not getting more money....

Turns out they show my student loans as 2 separate loans for $47000 twice, not to mention my total business income includes my Google adsense revenue from my YouTube videos though they didn't have the actual 1099 MISC's for 2011 and 2012 to reflect this, and apparently they are not supposed to include my overtime income at my job and that I have to work there for 2 years but this was never told to me by the first mortgage rep!

Something, something loan snafu.....more about his youtube...guy is always talking about his youtubes......something something about forms...bla bla mortgage rep sounds like a tool....

I still have a chance to get it approved when they fix the student loan amount discrepancy but I'm really not happy with this second rep I've been dealing with for the last couple of weeks anyway..
\She won't return phone calls and emails hardly at all where as the first rep was all about working with me and going out of her way to help get things pushed through and in constant phone and email contact..

Guy might get money after all if new rep get's their thumb out of their ass.

Conclusion: Hit Like.

[RVR II]

Been waiting to hear about my refi on my mortgage for the last week and I finally get a call that underwriting denied my refi application for debt to income ratio!

Hmmm. Guy with more money than me not getting more money....

Turns out they show my student loans as 2 separate loans for $47000 twice, not to mention my total business income includes my Google adsense revenue from my YouTube videos though they didn't have the actual 1099 MISC's for 2011 and 2012 to reflect this, and apparently they are not supposed to include my overtime income at my job and that I have to work there for 2 years but this was never told to me by the first mortgage rep!

Something, something loan snafu.....more about his youtube...guy is always talking about his youtubes......something something about forms...bla bla mortgage rep sounds like a tool....

I still have a chance to get it approved when they fix the student loan amount discrepancy but I'm really not happy with this second rep I've been dealing with for the last couple of weeks anyway..
\She won't return phone calls and emails hardly at all where as the first rep was all about working with me and going out of her way to help get things pushed through and in constant phone and email contact..

Guy might get money after all if new rep get's their thumb out of their ass.

Conclusion: Hit Like.

Why yes.. It does go a little something like this.. HIT LIKE!

[Lembach]

Shit. I went and posted my internal monologue again. So embarrassed.