List of Crap #131 Worst Superhero Movies Ever

stethacantus · May 16, 2022, 08:48:53 PM

#50

Fantastic Four ( 2005 )

13 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.7 IMDb - 28% ROTTEN TOMATOES, #13 Pac-Man

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Studio: 20th Century Fox
Script: Michael France, Mark Frost
Producer: Avi Arad, Bernd Eichinger, Ralph Winter
Director: Tim Story
Cast: Loan Gruffudd ( Reed Richards ), Jessica Alba ( Sue Storm ), Chris Evans ( Johnny Storm ), Michael Chicklis ( Ben Grimm ), Julian McMahon ( Victor Von Doom ), Hamish Linklater ( Leonard ), Kerry Washington ( Alicia Masters ), Stan Lee ( Willie Lumpkin )

TRAILER

There are three ways to make the first superhero film in a franchise. One is to have it take place long after the hero has been established. For example, the 1966 Batman movie has a Batman and Robin who had been fighting crime in Gotham for years. The second way is for the first act of the film to be the hero's origin. By the mid point of the film, the hero is a household name in the fictional city he protects. This still leaves the second half of the film for a confrontation with a villain. The third is for your entire 2+ hour movie to be the origin story. While your hero may have received his or her powers in the first act of the film, it is not until the final 15 minutes that the hero puts on the costume for the first time and publicly battles a villain. While some filmmakers have pulled off the full length origin movie, particularly those working for the MCU, it can also be a spectacular failure. Audiences paid to see a superhero who is only on screen for a few minutes. They are not going to be pleased.

This is the primary complaint against the 2005 attempt at putting the Fantastic Four on film. They do not battle as a team until the final eight minutes of the movie. Most of this movie is the members discovering they have powers and wondering what to do with them. Sure, this film has a lot more problems than that. But you probably could have excused those problems if the majority of the film was the Fantastic Four battling supervillains. Strangely enough this seems to be the problem with all of the Fantastic Four films, where you barely see them acting as superheroes.

The film begins with scientist Reed Richards and his Astronaut friend Ben Grimm visiting the wealthy Victor Von Doom, the CEO of Von Doom Industries, who Reed and Ben knew from college. Reed has a theory that evolution was caused by energy from cosmic storms, and wants to study a passing cosmic storm in one of Von Doom's space stations. Victor agrees to their request, but he will come along, as will his girlfriend Susan Storm and her brother Johnny Storm ( who is also an astronaut ). Susan and Reed were once a couple, but Sue dumped him because he was too consumed with science to pay attention to her. They all reach Victor's space station, only for Reed to realize that he miscalculated and the storm is only minutes away from reaching the space station, not hours, not giving them enough time to shelter in the shielded part of the station. Everyone is blasted with cosmic radiation, but manage to survive. Back on Earth, each begins to manifest super powers. Johnny can burst into flames, Reed can stretch his limbs, Susan can turn invisible and Ben turns into a monster made out of rocks. Ben storms off and tries to contact his fiancé, who in turn dumps him once she sees what he has become. While walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, Ben tries to stop a man trying to commit suicide from jumping in the river, but instead the startled man falls down to the roadway below and is almost run over by a truck. Ben jumps down to block the truck, but instead causes a mass casualty pile up of cars. Reed, Sue and Johnny just happen to be in a taxi on the same bridge and decide to help save the people Ben put in danger. But first they need to get past the police. Since Sue can turn invisible, Reed asks her to sneak past the police. But since her cloths do not turn invisible, she is forced to strip naked. Meanwhile Reed and Johny simply walk past the police. After saving various motorists from burning cars or plunging off the side of the bridge, Ben, Reed, Johnny and Sue are dubbed The Fantastic Four and become media sensations.

Meanwhile Victor is also starting to feel the effects of exposure to cosmic radiation. He starts to get various powers, as his body slowly begins to turn into metal. A bit angry at Reed for stealing Sue back from him, and generally turning more and more evil as his powers increase, Victor seeks to destroy the Fantastic Four. Reed had been working on a machine designed to reverse Ben's condition and turn him human again. Unfortunately the lab cannot generate enough energy to get the machine to work. Victor tells Ben that he can make the machine work by generating the energy himself from his new powers. He succeeds in turning Ben back into a human, but it turns out all Victor wanted was to steal Ben's powers for himself. Now almost completely metal, Victor captures Reed Richards, takes him back to his building, and freezes him so that he can no longer stretch. Victor then fires a missile at the Baxter Building to wipe out the rest of the Fantastic Four. But Johnny, who finally learns how to use his flaming ability to make him fly, leads the missile away from the building with his own heat. Realizing his friends are in trouble, Ben gets back into the machine and turns himself into The Thing again. Sue goes to Victor's building and frees Reed. All four regroup in the street, only to confront Victor who by this time has completely turned into Doctor Doom. Since Doctor Doom has advanced powers, the Fantastic Four need to combine their powers to defeat him. which takes about five minutes. That's right. We just spent 100 minutes building up to the Fantastic Four finally teaming up and becoming superheroes, and it is over in five minutes.

ORIGIN:
There had been an attempt to put Fantastic Four on the big screen with the unreleased Roger Corman version. With that out of the way, Constantin entered a deal with 20th Century Fox who hired Chris Columbus to direct. There was much enthusiasm now that a major studio like Fox was on board. Marvel even agreed to extend their license to allow the characters Silver Surfer, Watcher and Galactus to be in the movie, with the possibility that Silver Surfer would spin off in his own film series by 1998. However, the project stalled. Columbus lost interest in directing and instead decided to produce the film. He would eventually take an executive producer credit on both this film and it's sequel with no creative input. A series of directors came and went. The script was rewritten multiple times. 20th Century Fox asked for and got an extension on the option. Eventually Silver Surfer, Galactus and Watcher were written out to be used in the sequel, and Doctor Doom was brought back in as the villain. Otherwise, the plot that was to be the first third of a movie where the Fantastic Four battled Galactus was extended to fill the entire feature. Fox hired Tim Story, the director of the comedy Barber Shop, and this time the director stuck. Shortly before principle photography began, Disney released the Pixar cartoon The Incredibles about a family of superheroes. Fox executives were shocked to see several similarities between the Disney film and the current Fantastic Four script, and gave producer Bernd Eichinger a list of plot elements and scenes they wanted removed or changed immediately. Supposedly the rewrites were going on even as the movie was being filmed. One of those rewrites took advantage of the fact that Jessica Alba had been cast as Susan Storm, a.k.a. Invisible Girl. While in the comics Sue could make herself and anything ear her invisible, including her own clothing, the rewrite added the gag that Sue's clothing didn't turn invisible, forcing her to strip naked in order to fully use her powers. The scene on the bridge was the first of these gags, where Sue is forced to strip just to sneak past a few police and spectators, only for Reed and Johnny to casually walk past the same people.

Reviews
"A garish mediocrity" ~ AV Club

"A fantastic bore" ~ Empire Magazine

"Compared with the psychological probing and spiritual brooding of Batman Begins, Fantastic Four is proudly dumb, loud and inconsequential." ~ New York Times

"A movie about depressed superheroes trying to become unsuper is as boring as it sounds." ~ Arizona Daily Star

stethacantus · May 16, 2022, 08:52:59 PM

#49

Dark PhoeniX ( 2019 )

13 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.7 IMDb - 22% ROTTEN TOMATOES, #13 RVR II

Studio: 20th Century Fox
Script: Simon Kinberg
Producer: Simon Kinberg, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Todd Hallowell
Director: Simon Kinberg
Cast: James McAvoy ( Professor Charles Xavier ), Michael Fassbender ( Erik Lehnsherr/Magnito ), Jennifer Lawrence ( Raven/Mystique ), Nicholas Hoult ( Hank McCoy/Beast ), Sophie Turner ( Jean Grey/Phoenix ), Tye Sheridan ( Scott Summers/Cyclops ), Alexandra Shipp ( Ororo Munroe/Storm ), Evan Peters ( Peter Maxinoff/Quicksilver ), Kodi Smit-McPhee ( Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler ), Jessica Chastain ( Vuk )

TRAILER

Lets see if this makes sense to anyone. Lets say your studio gets the rights to a popular comic book about a superhero team and all of it's spin-off books with more than 40 years of material to draw from. You do a film and it earns the studio a couple hundred million and revives the previously dead superhero genre. You do a second film, and it makes a hundred million more, and gets even better critical reviews. You go for the trilogy, but decide this is the one where you will shock the audience by killing off characters, which you can get away with because you decided no more than three films, and any future for the franchise will be spin-off solo films with the origins of each individual team member. So you go through the history of the comic book and discover it's most popular story arc known as the Dark Phoenix Saga, and decide to adapt it for the third film. No matter that the saga took many issues to unfold, you are going to just break it down to Character A gains powers that makes her go crazy and destroy shit. While the third film is still a major success, the reviews are mixed and comic book fans despise it. It is what is known as a franchise killer. A film bad enough that any next film in the series will probably see a major drop off in ticket sales as everyone who hated this film will not be interested in any more sequels. It was a big mistake to adapt the Dark Phoenix Saga. So the studio gives you the opportunity to reboot the series. The first film recasts all the roles and shows how the superhero team was created. Audiences who felt burned by the previous film show up in the theaters because this is a fresh start. So you do a second film, turn it into a time travel saga that reveals the cast from the first three films are actually the older versions of the cast in the new films, and they all share the same continuity, but then have the time traveling hero change events in this film which erases the events in the third film. So when the time traveler returns, all the characters previously killed off are still alive. Everyone is happy. You tied the entire franchise together, and you removed the hated film from it's canon. Everything is fixed. And then you decide to take the reboot cast and try to adapt the Dark Phoenix Saga again.

So what is the Dark Phoenix Saga, why do adaptions of it do so poorly with film critics and X-Men fans, and why should they have never bothered to adapt it in the first place? The fact that it is called Saga should give you a hint as to why it should never have been turned into a single film. From start to finish, it spanned three years in X-Men comics, the bulk of which occurred in 1980. While the story was basically Jean Grey absorbing solar radiation that enhances her abilities, allowing her to turn into The Phoenix, then eventually turning into a destructive demi-god known as the Dark Phoenix, it involved multiple villains, the destruction of entire planets, and an alliance of the entire intergalactic empires including the Sh'ar, Skrull and Kree empires seeking to destroy Jean. Both X-Men: The Last Stand and Dark Phoenix sought to water down the saga to just Jean Grey becoming more powerful than usual and going a bit nuts. With 90% of the saga removed, neither is a true adaption. They are closer to being remakes of Carrie than adaptions of Dark Phoenix. Another problem was that with the comic book, you had years of developing Jean Grey's character, which made it more of a shock when she turned evil. With the X-Men films, you had so many characters that there was very little time for character development. Jean was neither fleshed out in the original trilogy or the reboot films. She was just one of an ensemble. So it was impossible for the films to recreate the emotional impact that the comics had. So Fox did not develop Jean Grey enough to give either Dark Pheonix adaption any emotional impact, were not willing to make a film long enough to be a faithful adaption of the saga, and could not use many of the characters in that saga as they were the intellectual property of the MCU. Is it any wonder why both adaptions of The Phoenix Saga didn't work? Lets not forget that by once again giving Jean Grey the same fate as she had in The Last Stand, the retconned ending to Days of Future Past can no longer exist.

ORIGIN:
IfX-Men: The Last Stand hadn't tanked the X-Men franchise, the negative reviews for X-Men Origins: Wolverine did. At the least it brought an end to any further X-Men Origin movies. Although surprisingly it didn't bring an end to Wolverine solo films, as two more would be made. Hollywood had a new solution to a damaged franchise. The reboot. And that was exactly what the X-Men franchise got with X-Men: First Class seemingly giving the series a brand new start. X-Men: Days of Future Past did not just reveal that the reboot series was not a reboot series, but prequels with a new cast, but thanks to the time travel element, was able to alter the future, and therefore retconned the events of The Last Stand out of existence. Brian Singer had returned to the franchise for Days of Future Past and Apocalypse, but would not be directing the next film. Screen Writer Simon Kinberg ended up taking the job after Jenefer Lawrence talked him into doing it. Kinberg had wanted to direct for years but had never found a project he was interested in. To prod the studio into picking Kinberg as director, Lawrence made it one of her conditions for signing for another X-Men film. Kinberg was the co-writer for the Last Stand script, and was displeased when Fox forced him and Zak Penn to limit the adaption of Dark Phoenix as the film's B story. Since the events in the first three X-Men films no longer happened, Kinberg decided there was noting preventing him from taking another crack at the Dark Phoenix Saga, only this time with it being the primary plot. Of course, most of the saga would not be adapted as the film would run under 2 hours. But it was to end with Jean battling space aliens, reportedly the Skrulls. The rumor was that Marvel demanded that the ending to the film be removed as it would be too similar to the third act of Captain Marvel, and you couldn't have two superhero films where the heroine battles alien ships in space the same year. Fox capitulated, reshooting an entirely new ending where the battle takes place on a train. The race of the aliens in this film were changed from Skrull to the D'Bari as Marvel owned the rights to that race, and were using them in Captain Marvel and other future films. The extensive reshoots gave Dark Phoenix a bad reputation, leading many to believe the test screenings were disasters. In the end, Kinberg did not get the version of Dark Phoenix he had wanted.

Reviews
"A stupendously dull series-ender without a shred of wit, narrative thrust or genuine emotional force." ~ London Evening Standard

"It's either an origin story or a series finale, but it's definitely a low point in the X-Men franchise." ~ Newsday

"The movie is so eager to get itself over with that its title anti-heroine even seems an afterthought." ~ Vanity Fair

"There's just little here that the X-Men series hasn't shown audiences before." ~ AV Club

stethacantus · May 16, 2022, 08:55:54 PM

#48

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 ( 2004 )

13 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 1.5 IMDb, #13 Stethacantus

Studio: Triumph Films
Script: Gregory Poppen
Producer: Steven Paul
Director: Bob Clark
Cast: John Voight ( Bill Biscane/Kane ), Scott Baio ( Stan Bobbins ), Vanessa Angel ( Jean Bobbins ), Skyler Shaye ( Kylie ), Leo Fitzgerald/Gerry Fitzgerald/Myles Fitzgerald ( Kahuna ), Justin Chatwin ( Zack ), Peter Wingfield ( Crowe ), Shaun Sipos ( Brandon ), Thomas Kretschmann ( Roscoe ), Stephanie von Pfetten ( Jennifer Kraft ), Dagmar Midcap and Whoopie Goldberg ( themselves ), Max Iles/Michael Iles/Jared Scheldmann/Jordan Scheldmann/Maria Bastidas/Keana Bastidas/Joshua Lockhart/Maxwell Lockhart ( the babies )

TRAILER

I could make this short by saying Baby Geniuses ( 1999 ) was considered by critics to be a contender for worst movie ever made, and it's sequel got even worse reviews. Imagine a Rugrats episode that is 100 times more grating, and dragged out to 90 minutes, and that's what you have with this movie. Just as in the first film, babies can communicate with a secret language called babytalk which only babies can understand and which they forget around the age of 3, even though it sounds exactly like English. Once again, CGI mouths are used to make the babies appear to be talking. While together at day care, one of the babies tells the others about Kahuna, a legendary baby who never ages, and can speak both grown up and babytalk. A cross between James Bond and Indiana Jones, Kahuna rescues babies across the globe from abusive orphanages. A television producer named Biscane wants to use the daycare center for a broadcast. The babies are suspicious of Biscane, and after a little snooping discover he is the arch villain Kane. Realizing his cover is blown, Kane tries to grab the babies, but Kahuna shows up and rescues them. Kahuna takes them back to his base, which has a machine that can turn babies into superheroes. When Kane and his men eventually attack Kahuna's base, the babies use the machine to become superheroes and defeat Kane.

ORIGIN:
Basically, John Voight was one of the very few who liked the first Baby Geniuses film and wanted a sequel produced. As the original cast of babies had aged out, a new older baby character, Kahuna, was created so that the Fitzgerald triplets who played the lead baby in the first film could return. Originally meant to have a spy theme, the superhero element was added to the plot after the success of the X-Men and Spiderman films. This ended up being the final film directed by Bob Clark, who will go down in history as the director responsible for the two worst family films in motion picture history. But let's not forget that he also directed A Christmas Story, one of the most beloved family films of all time. And he directed Porky's.

Reviews
"I found this all profoundly disturbing." ~ Toledo Blade

"Why? Seriously, why? Why would anyone make a sequel to Baby Geniuses, a 1999 film whose existence, from its title on down, appeared to be a cruel joke about the gullibility of the lowest common denominator?" ~ AV Club

"Unspeakably ghastly." ~ Wall Street Journal

"It is offensive on so many levels. First, let's just call SuperBabies what it is: child abuse." ~Austin Chronicle

"This unnecessary sequel to 1999's Baby Geniuses is so bad it makes the Olsen twins' catalog of work look like Laurence Olivier's Shakespearean output." ~ Boston Herald

"You're not actually still reading about this stupid, crass, condescending, dreadful movie, are you?" ~ Jam! Movies

stethacantus · May 16, 2022, 08:59:40 PM

#47

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 ( 2014 )

14 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 6.6 IMDb, #12 Darth Geek

Studio: Sony/Columbia Pictures
Script: Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci, Jeff Pinker
Producers: Avi Arad, Matt Tolmach
Director: Marc Webb
Cast: Andrew Garfield ( Peter Parker/Spider-Man), Emma Stone ( Gwen Stacy ),Sally Field ( May Parker ), Jamie Foxx ( Max Dillon/Electro ), Dane DeHaan ( Harry Osborn/Green Goblin ), Campbell Scott ( Richard Parker ), Embeth Davidtz ( Mary Parker ), Cole Feore ( Donald Menken ), Paul Giamatti ( Aleksei Sytsevich/Rhino ), Stan Lee ( guest at graduation )

TRAILER

The entire point of Sony rebooting their successful Spider-Man franchise was to erase the mistakes made in Spider-Man 3. Or at least that is what they wanted us to think. That SM3 damaged the franchise so much that they needed to blow up the continuity and start fresh from the beginning again. And while The Amazing Spider-Man ( 2012 ) was deemed acceptable, this film revisits the same mistakes made in SM3, minus the musical interlude. Too many plots in the same movie, meaning each individual plot is abridged in order for them all to fit in a two hour running time. This in order to jumpstart a Spider-Man extended universe.

ORIGIN:
In 2004 Sam Raimi was on the top of the world. His film Spider-Man 2 wasn't just another huge hit, but considered by almost everyone, the greatest superhero movie ever made. Not so much for 2007's Spider-Man 3. The biggest problem with that film was that Raimi overloaded it with too much plot, and too many villains. Despite the movie being a critical flop, Sony agreed to a fourth film, which was to have The Vulture, and possibly Black Cat and/or The Lizard. But on January 11th, 2010, Sony shocked the world by announcing that they would be rebooting the Spider-Man franchise. Raimi was out. Tobey Maguire was out. Kristen Dunst was out. The next film would be another retelling of the Spider-Man origin in a completely new continuity.

The reason given for rebooting what had been a successful franchise was that Sam Raimi was unable to deliver a script in time for a 2011 release. However, considering that The Amazing Spider-Man didn't hit the theaters until 2012, Sony could have extended the deadline. Both satisfied critics and fans approved of the reboot. Some even calling it the second best Spider-Man movie. The real reason for the reboot was not because Raimi could not meet the 2011 deadline, or that Spider-Man 3 did poorly with critics to the point the studio felt the franchise was too damaged. What caused the reboot was the early success of the MCU. Sony reasoned that since they owned the rights to Spider-Man and all the characters from the book, that they could somehow expand them into their own Spider-Man cinematic universe. The problem was that the Raimi films had killed off most of the characters Sony wanted for the S-MCU. Venom, who they wanted for his own film series, killed off in Spiderman 3 along with Eddie Brock. Doctor Octopus, crucial for a Sinister Six series, killed in Spider-Man 2. Rebooting the series meant that these characters could return in a different continuity. For example, the second Green Goblin in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 after the character was killed off in Spider-Man 3. With Avengers breaking box office records, Sony became impatient building their S-MCU, so wanted Electro, the new Green Goblin and Rhino, who were to be in the possible Sinister Six movie, introduced in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and for Gwen Stacy to be killed off, both so Mary Jane Watson could be introduced in the next film, and so Gwen could be resurrected as Carnage in The Amazing Spider-Man 4. Jamming too much into one film backfired. It was a critical flop. While they eventually did release a Venom film, it was no longer to be part of a S-MCU. Sony allowed Marvel Studios to reboot Spider-Man into the MCU, and proceeded to make MCU Spider-Man films.

Reviews
"For at least this installment, Spider-Man is Amazing no more." ~ TIME Magazine

"An unforgivably long assemblage that never coalesces into a compelling story." ~ Washington Post

"Despite the efforts of Electro, the franchise is running shockingly low on juice." ~ New Yorker

stethacantus · May 16, 2022, 11:57:46 PM

#46

Stan Lee's Lightspeed ( 2006 )

14 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 2.5 IMDb,, #12 Stethacantus

Studio: POW! Entertainment
Script: John Gray, Steve Latshaw
Producer: Paul D. Goldman
Director: Don E. FauntLeRoy
Cast: Jason Connery ( Daniel Leight/Lightspeed ), Nicole Eggert ( Beth Baker ), Daniel Goddard ( Python/Edward Bartlett ), Lee Majors ( Tanner ), Michael Flynn ( Dr. Findlay), K. C. Clyde ( Tom Barcroft ), Scott Hanks ( Brian Latham )

TRAILER

With a title like Stan Lee's Lightspeed, you go into this with high expectations, which makes this movie all the more disappointing. Be warned. The superhero in this movie was not one of Stan's creations, but rather a film he had to put his name on for contractual obligations. Agent Daniel Leight ( get it? Leight. Light. ) is part of a task force hunting down a terrorist called Python, who is a genetically altered metahuman with reptile skin. Leight and Python are each other's arch enemies, which almost comes to an end when Python causes a building to collapse on Leight. Rushed to a hospital, the only way to save Leight's crushed legs is with a radiation machine. But while Leight is being radiated, Python shows up, kills the doctors, and turns the radiation up full blast. Not only does Leight manage to survive another Python trap, but he discovers the radiation has not only repaired his legs, but has given him super speed. Conveniently the first sporting goods store he goes into is selling a superhero costume, and before you know it he is running around town rescuing people and becoming front page news. Now a full fledged superhero, the only thing left to do is have a final anticlimactic confrontation with Python. This may be a movie about a speedster, but Lightspeed moves as slow as shit. Even at 90 minutes, it seems way too long.

ORIGIN:
Stan Lee's media company POW! Entertainment had a deal with Syfy to produce three films for the channel. Presumably the other two would have been the promised movies which were to be the prize for winning Who Wants To Be A Superhero seasons 1 and 2. Instead, the superhero that won the first season was given a brief cameo in Megasnake, which appeared to be footage edited into an existing film, while the actor who was the season two winner was given a non-superhero role in another Syfy film. Some sources claim this movie was a back door pilot for a possible Lightspeed series. Stan Lee was obligated to add his name to the title, but the plot of this film is nothing like the stories Lee wrote.

Reviews
"LightSpeed is middle of the road, dull, superhero fare that is so shamelessly derivative and by the numbers that, if anything, you'll make a good drinking game of spotting moments where they blatantly rip off established comic book properties." ~ Cinema Crazed

"The Sci Fi Channel continues its ongoing project of bringing to the cableverse the absolute worse movies ever made with this incongruous, often incoherent flick, which bears no resemblance to any other Stan Lee property." ~ FlickFilosopher.com

stethacantus · May 16, 2022, 11:59:48 PM

#45

Hellboy ( 2019 )

15 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.2 IMDb, #11 Darth Geek

Studio: Lionsgate
Script: Andrew Cosby
Producers: Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin, Mike Richardson, Philip Westgren, Carl Hampe, Matt O'Toole, Les Weldon, Yariv Lerner
Director: Neil Marshall
Cast: David Harbour ( Hellboy ), Milla Jovovich ( Vivienne Nimue/Blood Queen ), Ian McShane ( Professor Trevor Bruttenholm ), Sasha Lane ( Alice Monaghan ), Daniel Dae Kim ( Ben Daimio ), Stephen Graham ( Gruagach ), Sophie Okonedo ( Lady Hatton ), Alistair Petrie ( Lord Adam Glaren ), Brian Gleeson ( Merlin ), Penelope Mitchell ( Ganeida ), Mark Stanley ( King Arthur ), Thomas Haden Church ( Lobster Johnson ), Emma Tate ( Baba Yaga )

TRAILER

I looked back on my review of this film and saw that I liked it. I needed to re-read my review, because despite having seen this only a year and a half ago, I didn't remember any of it. Looking up some reviews on YouTube, I began to remember a few of the scenes, but as a whole can not recall exactly what happened in this movie as I can with the first two Hellboy films. There is probably good reason why many give this film such bad reviews. The first two Hellboy films written and directed by Guillermo del Toro were among the greatest comic book movies ever made. But the producers decided the third film should be under their creative control, drove del Toro off, which in turn got series star Ron Perlman to quit in protest, and then instead of doing the smart thing and bringing both del Toro and Perlman back, decided to go for a reboot. And you thought the Spider-man series reboot was dumb. At least when Sony decided to reboot Spider-Man, it was after Spider-Man 3 was a critical flop.

So basically that is why so many have panned this film. It is a fun but forgettable fantasy film with a slightly muddled plot and a lot of questionable editing choices that is easy to enjoy.... unless... you had seen the original two Hellboy films and realized the greatness this property is capable of.... then this movie is inexcusably bad. Having seen the first two Hellboy films, and actually remembering most of what happened in both, I would have t agree that this film in several ways is a huge step down, both in the terms of story telling, and quality. but every bad review of this film comes down to nit-picking. And who would blame them. If you reboot a beloved movie franchise, then the result better be an improvement.

ORIGIN:
Mike Mignola, a freelance artist who had drawn comics for Marvel and D.C., was a guest at the 1991 Great Salt Lake Comic-Con. The event was to print a promotional pamphlet to be given away for free in regional comic book stores, and wanted it to include short bios of all their guests, but could not get clearance to print any Marvel or D.C. characters, so asked Mignola to submit an original drawing for his bio. He sent in a pen and ink illustration of a demon with the words "Hell Boy" written on it's belt buckle. After being asked at the convention several times what comic book the hell boy character could be found in, Mignola decided it probably had some potential. So he developed a back story and pitched the character to D.C., who turned him down because they didn't like the character's connection to hell. A cople of years later Mignola wanted to publish his own creator owned comic, so went back to the Hell Boy idea, redesigning the character into Hellboy. A short comic with Hellboy was sold to an Italian fanzine called Dime Press where in March of 1993 it was published in their second issue. Now with the character fully copyright protected, he began pitching it to the various comic book companies for a creator owned book. Dark Horse was interested, and they asked him to submit a short Hellboy comic for an annual book they published and distributed to guests at the San Diego Comic Con which promoted their newest characters. With moderations to the character's design, the first legitimate Hellboy comic, titled Mike Mignola's Hellboy, was published August 1993 in San Diego Comic Con Comics #2. Hellboy made his next appearance latter that year as a guest character in Next Men #21 before being given his own 4 issue limited series Hellboy: Seed of Destruction in the spring of 1994.

In 1998, Mexican director of horror films, Guillermo del Toro, had wanted to work with visual effects legend Ray Harryhausen on a horror themed fantasy film, and settled on the Hellboy comics as the perfect source material. Getting Mignola to agree to let his creation be used in a film, del Torro shopped Hellboy to several studios, but could not find anyone interested as the failure of Batman & Robin and other big profile comic book movies had turned the major studios off of the genre. A few years later, the comic book movie was popular again, due to the success of the X-Men and Blade franchises. del Toro, who directed Blade II ( 2002 ) began shopping the idea of a Hellboy movie again, eventually getting Revolution Studios to finance the film and Columbia Pictures to distribute it. Harryhausen was asked to work on the film, but declined, saying he no longer made films because they had become too violent for his tastes. Hellboy ( 2004 ) was enough of a success that Revolution agreed to del Toro's idea of a trilogy. While del Toro had written the script for the first film, Mignola collaborated with him for the script for the sequel Hellboy II: The Golden Army which was both a financial and critical hit. Revolution's distribution deal had expired with Columbia, so had gotten out of the production business, so the sequel rights were sold to Universal who released the second film. Del Toro had an idea for the script for third film, but was shocked to discover that Mignola had already asked one of his friends from Dark Horse, Andrew Crosby, to write the script for the third film, and he had decided to combining the plots from three previous Hell Boy comic books. Del Toro was asked to direct, but refused to direct the third film unless it was the script he had written. Mignola insisted on using Crosby's script. Del Toro officially turned down the film. Ron Perlman, who had starred as Helllboy in the first two films, announced that he would not return if del Toro wasn't the director. Both the director and star were out, so Universal passed on a third film.

Summit Entertainment took over, with their parent studio Lions Gate as distributor. Also financing the film was the production company Campell Grobman Films, and Millenium Media. The three original producers were still on board. Lawrence Gorden and Lloyd Levin who attached their own production company Lawrence Gordon/Lloyd Levin Productions And Dark Horse founder Mike Richardson who attached Dark Horse Entertainment. Between Lions Gate and the other production companies, five more producers were added, and at least ten other co-producers and associate producers. The decision was that if they could not get Perlman to return, then they would go for a full reboot of the franchise. This meant that the script needed to be rewritten to reintroduce Hellboy and the other characters from the comic book, and retell his origin. Neil Marshall was brought in to direct. But unlike the first two films, Marshall would not have creative control. Reportedly producer Lloyd Levin would constantly interfere with Marshall on the set. cinematographer Sam McCurdy , who had worked on every film Marshall directed, was fired a few weeks into shooting, reportedly as a message to Marshall to let him know the producers were in charge of this film, not him. Producers were also constantly demanding rewrites to the script, even as the film was shooting.

Reviews
" 'The end is coming,' Hellboy's dying friend says near the beginning, and I was already thinking, 'Oh yes, please.' " ~ New York Times

"This is a rebot in need of a reboot" ~ Empire Magazine

"Watching Hellboy is my new personal idea of hell." ~ Globe and Mail

"If it was my call, I'd write nothing about the movie and leave this space blank for readers' notes." ~ London Evening Standard

"Who, exactly, was clamoring for a Hellboy reboot? " ~ Hollywood Reporter

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 12:02:05 AM

#44

Thunderstorm: Return of Thor ( 2011 )

15 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 1.3 IMDb, #11 Stethacantus

Studio: TomCat
Script: Brett Kelly, Trevor Payer
Producer: Anne-Marie Frigon
Director: Brett Kelly
Cast: Ray Besharah ( Grant Farrel/Thunderstorm ), Celine Fillon ( Glinda ), Jody Haucke ( Evan ), Emanuelle Carriere ( Susan Green ), Karin Landstand ( Hel )

TRAILER

Odin has a conversation with Thor, warning him that the goddess Hel is being summoned, and she shall bring destruction to Asgard in the Norse version of Armageddon called Ragnerok. If you think you have seen this movie, you probably haven't. There is no Hulk in it. And despite what I just wrote, no Thor or Odin either. Thunderstorm: Return of Thor is no MCU film. What we do have is a direct to video movie from the alleged Canadian studio TomCat. You will be hearing a lot more about TomCat in this LoC, as five of their films make this list. ( six if you count a film they picked up for distribution. ) It is directed Brett Kelly, a director you will be hearing a lot about in this LoC. I have a lot to say about this studio. Needless to say, if no TomCat movie has made the list you submitted, then that must either mean you have never seen a TomCat film, or have decided to disqualify them as movies. Certainly they disqualify as entertainment.

As for this garbage, the only reason why it isn't in the top 5 is because it has one saving grace. Something you would never expect in a Brett Kelly movie. A CGI dragon. Sure, a badly animated CGI dragon that seems reluctant to interact with the characters in this film, and is never in the same shot as anyone else, but never the less something with more acting skills than the rest of the cast. And to be honest, it isn't as bad as the rest of Brett Kelly films. But that is like saying a shit sandwich isn't as bad as a shit sandwich covered with puke.

The film opens with text scrolling up the screen while a narrator reads it, which helps as the narrator is barely audible over the badly mixed music and unnecessary echo effects on his voice. The text takes a long time to explain very little, other than at one time there was a cult that attempted to bring fourth Ragnerok and failed. The premise is further explained with a trip to Asgard. So, what sort of fantastic sets did TomCat construct for their version of Asgard? Or perhaps like the MCU Asgard, it is mostly CGI? Well, actually, in Thunderbolt: Return of Thor, this is Asgard....

and that is all you see of Asgard. That one stock image as an establishing shot. Not that I am surprised that Asgard is only a stock image. But why did they choose such a boring stock image? There are literally royalty free stock images of entire fantasy cities. Instead Kelly grabbed the first image he found without bothering to look for anything more appropriate. So all of Asgard is just this ruin. Instead of actors playing Thor and Odin, Kelly gives us this...

Two still photos of someone on an Odin costume and someone else in a Thor costume. And by the looks of it.....

...A costume consisting of just a headpiece made out of a towel. Each time Thor or Odin talk ( via voice over ) their pictures slightly move. Brett Kelly didn't even bother to animated their lips. It is here that Odin warns Thor that the cult called The Death Risers has reformed and is about to reconstruct a talisman that will summons Hel, the goddess of Death, so she can bring about Ragnerok.

For some reason, most likely the budget, Odin tells Thor that they can't go to Earth because man no longer believes in the gods, but that there are Asgardian descendants on Earth, one who Thor can give his powers to. Thor chooses Grant Ferrel, a doughy scientist who is currently building an electrical powered suit of armor for the government. As the photo of Thor communicates to Grant from Asgard, he tells him about Ragnerok, and that the suit will amplify the powers he is about to give him. Grant decides to call himself Thunderbolt. The Death Raisers succeed in summoning Hel, and she brings fourth the CGI dragon to destroy the world, which Thunderbolt easily defeats. The defeat of Hel is just as ridiculously easy, as all Thunderbolt needs to do is grab and smash the talisman. There are battles in between where Thunderbolt and Hel shoot lighting from their hands at each other. These are cheap effects, and somehow Bret Kelly makes those scenes listless. In fact, many of the things that make a Brett Kelly film suck are in this movie. Snail pacing, bad acting, inane script from him and Trevor Payer, inappropriate locations, unbelievable padding, slow moving credits, and a lot of other stuff I will discuss more of when we get to his other films.

ORIGIN:
Because Thor is a mythical god who has been around for thousands of years, Marvel does not own him. Their copyrights extend to Thor's costume, and any characters they created for the book, and nothing else. Which means nothing is preventing any studio from making their own Thor movies. TomCat realized this. And yet....

You see, TomCat had produced films in the past that were based on public domain characters and still ended up violating copyrights. So for this movie, they decided the best way to prevent Marvel from suing them was to base their movie on the Thor comic book. Not Marvel's Thor comic book. But the now public domain Thor comics published by Fox Comics in the 1940s, First appearing in Weird Comics #1 published April 1940, and continuing through issue #5.

In that comic, the god Thor decides Earth needs a champion, and bestows his powers on Grant Ferrel, who becomes Earth's new Thor, complete with a powerful hammer. It should be mentioned that Marvel's Thor was a continuation of the Fox comic, although never referenced to as the Fox comic was not yet public domain. Thor was, so Stan Lee could use Thor in a Marvel comic. After issue 5 of the Fox comic, Thor chose another champion to be the new Thor, which lasted for two more issues of Weird Comics before FOX abandoned the character. With Marvel's Thor, Dr, Don Blake discovers Thor's hammer in a cave which bestows on him the power of Thor. However, it was later revealed that Blake was Thor all along, banished to Earth by Oden who stripped him of his memory, and therefore no longer a continuation of the Fox comic where Thor hands out his powers like Halloween candy. Even though TomCat was using the characters from the public domain Fox comic, they decided to take one extra step to keep from being accused of copyright violations. And that was giving the Grant Ferrel in this film an electronic costume and having him called Thunderbolt. All of that trouble to keep their Thor movie from violating any Marvel copyrights, and no effort into making it good.

Reviews
"This seems less like a movie and more like a group of people getting together to pretend to make a movie" ~ Letterboxd.com

"Holy good Christ, this movie has no right existing at all." ~ Movierewind.com

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 12:07:03 AM

#43

Die You Zombie Bastards! ( 2005 )

16 points, 1 list, #10 Stethacantus

Studio: Zombastic Productions
Script: Haig Demarjian, Caleb Emerson
Producer: Haig Demarjian, Caleb Emerson
Director: Caleb Emerson
Cast: Tim Gerstmar ( Red/Coconut Head Face Man/Mother Nefarious/Thierry Toole ), Pippi Zomoza ( Violet ), Geoff Mosher ( Baron Nefarious ), James Gillis ( Starvos ), Hasil Adkins ( himself ), Jennifer K. Beal ( Shannon Maldonato ), Sadie Blades ( Nikki Maldonato ), Zhana LeRenard ( Britney Maldonato ), Joe James ( Officer Konash ), Sandra Kennedy ( Super Inga ), Lon E. Plynton ( Barunded Duttah ), Doug Williams ( Kid Fantastico ), Lloyd Kaufman ( Game Show Announcer )

TRAILER

The hero of this movie is not really a hero. He is Red, a serial killer who kills teenagers and stores their bodies in his basement. Just as demented as Red is his wife Violet, who has made him a superhero costume out of the skin and flesh of his victims. The villain of the film is Baron Nefarious who has developed a weapon that turns people into green skinned zombies. Both Red and Violet appear on a game show that is a knockoff of The Newlywed Game which is where Nefarious sees and falls in love with Violet. So he kidnaps her, leaving a note gloating about the abduction behind for Red to find. Red has little choice but to put his superhero costume on and track Nefarious down, fighting Nefarious' zombie slaves all along the way.

This is the film on my top 25 list that got the most accolades, and if you don't count the Golden Raspberry, the only film on this list to win legitimate awards. Albeit, awards from underground film festivals. It has also earned favorable reviews, and was picked up by Image for home video distribution. And yet I, like most people who have seen this, did not like it one bit. It has everything I despise in a bad low budget superhero film. Comedy that fails to make you laugh, an annoying irritating hero with an even more annoying irritating villain, action scenes that fail to excite, a plot that seems to drag on and on and on and on, and shot entirely on camcorder.

ORIGIN:
Awards, screenings at underground film festivals, and national DVD release by a major label aside, this was a f$#king student film. It began as the third installment of a trilogy directed by student director Caleb Emerson, which began with Red's Breakfast Experience, and continued with Red's Breakfast 2: Dawn of the Red. Somehow this third installment in the Red trilogy got enough funding for it to be expanded to feature length, and Caleb was able to convince minor celebrities to star in it.

Reviews
"At best, this film could be described as an under-par Trauma film. At worst, even comparing it to other tasteless trash cinema pieces, it still ranks under-par." ~ Film Threat

"I grew tired of Die You Zombie Bastards! by the fifth minute. By the tenth, I completely hated the thing." ~ DVDTalk.com

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 12:10:29 AM

#42

Justice League ( 2017 )

17 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 6.1 IMDb, #9 Darth Geek

Studio: Warner Bros.
Script: Chris Terrio, Joss Whedon
Producers: Charles Roven, Deborah Snyder, Jon Berg, Geoff Johns
Director: Zack Snyder ( actually Joss Whedon )
Cast: Ben Affleck ( Bruce Wayne/Batman ), Henry Cavill ( Clark Kent/Superman ), Amy Adams ( Lois Lane ), Gal Godot ( Diana Prince/Wonder Woman ), Ezra Miller ( Barry Allen/The Flash ), Jason Momoa ( Arthur Curry/Aquaman ), Ray Fisher ( Victor Stone/Cyborg ), Jeremy Irons ( Alfred Pennyworth ), Diane Lane ( Martha Kent ), Connie Nielsen ( Queen Hippolyta ), J.K. Simmons ( Commissioner Gordon ), Ciarán Hinds ( Steppenwolf ), Amber Heard ( Mera ), Joe Morton ( Silas Stone )

TRAILER

This was the culmination of Zack Snyder's dark DC cinematic universe, given to another director who reshot a bunch of scenes, added a Superman with a mustache, spent millions on CGI to remove the mustache, also removed the film's villain, and generally attempted to change the entire tone of the DCEU to MCUesque. There is a moment in The Avengers, when Banner turns into The Hulk and the entire Avengers team is assembled for the first time. The camera pans around them as the theme music plays, and the entire audience burst into a cheer. Even thinking about that moment now brings a smile to my face. Justice League does not have that moment. Superman finally joins the rest of the Justice League to bring down the big bad guy, and it lands like a turd. The Justice League is DCs best heroes. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, and whoever they decided would fill in for Green Lantern, because that dude was decanonized from the DCEU for having a CGI costume that didn't quite work. The Avengers? Popular superheroes, but with the exception of The Incredible Hulk, nowhere as iconic as the DC heroes. The D.C. heroes were around longer, and with exception to Cyborg and Aquaman, all had a network series. And the were all together as part of the Superfriends. So you are talking about characters that are well known outside of comic books. And yet, their teaming up on film was nowhere as thrilling as when The Avengers teamed up. Perhaps teaming half the Justice League members up in the previous film drained the novelty out of this film. Perhaps not showing Superman in the posters and trailers because his resurrection was supposed to be a secret, was a mistake. Perhaps they chose the wrong villain to unite the Justice League. But for whatever reason, Justice League is at best a fun but dark superhero film that falls way short of satisfying D.C. fans. But for those expecting what they were promised, a huge disappointment. And thanks to the last minute reworking by Joss Whedon, a movie that neither satisfies fans of Zack Snyder's version of the DCEU, nor satisfies those wishing the DCEU was more like the MCU.

ORIGIN:
All-American Publications is probably best remembered as the comic book company that published the first Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash and Hawkman comics. Prior to their merge with National Comics to create D.C., they had one other creation. The first superhero team. All-Star Comics was a quarterly comic book that featured stories from various superheroes, mostly left over comics that were not published in the books they were originally written for. Basically All-American's way of burning off the surplus comics they had. In Issue #3 dated Winter 1940-1941, the editor came up with a gimmick. The book opened with the first meeting of the Justice Society of America. A social club for superheroes who's members included The Flash, The Green Lantern, The Spectre, The Hawkman, Doctor Fate, The Hourman, Red Tornado, The Sandman, The Atom, Thunderbolt and Johnny Thunder. In the first issue the members decide to trade tales of their "greatest adventures", which was basically reprints of stories from each Justice League members solo comic books. The same meeting was going on for All-Star Comics #4 when they get an urgent message from the F.B.I. urging them to root out and find Nazi spies. This was an excuse to print the backlog of short stories where the heroes fought fifth columnist spies, and in some cases retcon existing villains as working for the Nazis. These were all individual solo stories, so basically the Justice Society split up and didn't work as a team, until the final page specifically written for that issue where the entire Justice League gets together to arrest the mastermind of the fifth column. Issue #5 had the leader of the American crime syndicate, the mysterious Mr. X., order various gangs to attack individual members of the Justice Socety. Once again each attack on a Justice Society member were reprint stories and unpublished excess stories. The book ends with newly drawn pages where Mr. X confronts the Justice Society to turn himself in. This kept up for another seven years, with each issue being a few new pages framing pre-existing and excess short stories, and the Justice Society going on missions that involved them splitting up. In 1945 came the merger with National Comics that formed D.C., who eventually dropped the format. By 1947 the entirety of an All-Star Comic issue was a single story written for that issue with the team actually interacting instead of splitting up. This continued for four more years until All-Star Comics was discontinued in 1951 and replaced with All-Star Westerns. By then sales of superhero comics had dropped, and most of the Golden Age superhero comic books were canceled.

D.C. Comics ended up retiring all but six superheroes. Wonder Woman, Batman Superman and Superboy ( who was basically Superman as a kid ) continued in their own books, while Green Arrow and Aquaman survived the 50s as backup stories in Adventure Comics. all the other superheroes D.C. had accumulated through various mergers were discontinued. But not abandoned. D.C. decided that maybe they could revive interest in their superheroes if they updated them for what was then the modern age. The first to get this treatment was Ther Flash. Created for All-Star Comics by Gardner Fox and Harry Lampert, The Flash made his debut in Flash Comics #1 in January of 1940. The Flash was Jay Garrick, a college student who was experimenting with hard water. Taking a cigarette break, Jay accidentally knocked a vial of hard water over, and was knocked out by it's fumes. After a week in a coma, Jay woke up to discover he had acquired the ability to move at high speeds. The updated version of The Flash who debuted October 1956 in Issue #4 of Showcase was Barry Allen, a police scientist who gained his super speed after a lightning bolt struck a shelf of chemicals in his lab, which in turn splashed on him. Planned as a one shot story, D.C. got enough positive feedback from readers that Flash Comics resumed publication at #105, only with Barry as the new Flash. Other superheroes got the update treatment in one off stories for possible revivals. Even Aquaman got a slight reboot. Arthur Curry. a.k.a. The Aquaman was created by Mort Weisinger and Paul Norris for National Publications, making his first appearance November 1941 in More Fun Comics #73. His original origin was that his father was a famous underwater explorer who taught his son how to stay underwater for long periods of time, eventually giving him the ability to breathe under water, swim real fast, and communicate with fish. Aquaman was created in response to the popularity of Timely Comic's Sub-Mariner. The updated version of Aquaman changed his origin, where Arthur's father was now a lighthouse keeper, and mother was a refugee from Atlantis. The only superheroes to avoid being redesigned were Batman. Superman, Wonder Woman and Green Arrow.

As their experiment at updating Goden Age superheroes worked, D.C. decide to bring back the Justice Society of America who's members would be D.C.'s current line of superheroes. Renaming the team Justice League of America, their first published mission was March 1960 in The Brave and the Bold #28. The lineup included Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Flash and Martian Manhunter. The book was such a success that D.C. immediately began publishing Justice League of America, which became a best selling comic book, spurring the superhero revival of the Silver Age. In the 1970s Hanna-Barbera acquired the rights to do an animated cartoon version of the Justice League, renamed Super Friends The lineup included Aquaman, Batman and Robin, Superman and Wonder Woman. And three sidekick characters Hanna-Barbara created, Wendy, Marvin and Wonder Dog, none of whom had any powers, yet somehow managed not to get themselves killed. There was a year hiatus between new episodes where Wendy, Marvin and Wonder Dog were mysteriously no longer members of the Super Friends. The details of what I assume was their tragic demise during a battle with supervillains never mentioned. There replacements were Wonder Twins Zan and Jayna, who had the power to transmute into animals and water when they touch hands. In 1979 Hanna-Barbera attempted a live action version of Super Friends for prime time called Legends of the Superheroes. The lineup included Batman & Robin, Shazam, Green Lantern, Black Canary, The Flash, Hawkman, The Huntress and The Atom. Hanna-Barbara was unable to include Superman or Wonder Woman as their live action rights were owned by other producers. But they were able to cast Adam West and Burt Ward as Batman and Robin. Two pilot episodes aired, but were done in a variety show format with a laugh track. Another attempt at a live action version of the Justic League happened on the series Smallville as Clark Kent, Oliver Queen, Barry Allen, Arthur Curry and Diana Lance briefly got together as a crime fighting league. Only Oliver Queen had a superhero identity as The Green Arrow, the others like Kent had powers but no costumes.

The idea of a Justice Leage of America movie had been kicked around at Warner Bros. for years. But the studio thought the next logical step was to have Superman and Batman meet in the same movie. However, with both the Batman and Superman franchises in limbo after disastrous movies, even a Batman meets Superman movie was a long way away. Various attempts to make live action movies featuring other future Justice League members all ran into production hells. It was the success of the MCU that finally convinced Warner Bros. to stop dicking around and get their Superheroes onto the screen so a Justice League movie could happen. Green Lantern was to be the first, but when the Green Lantern solo film tanked with critics, it's franchise was discontinued. So the first official film in the DCEU continuity was Man of Steel. And because Warner didn't want to wait for a Batman reboot, the next immediate film was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice which tossed Wonder Woman in as well. During that film, Batman discovers that Lex Luthor has been keeping files on other super powered beings, which were The Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg. It would be these individuals Batman and Wonder Woman track down to join their fight against Steppenwolf. Most likely Cyborg was picked to be a Justice League member after Green Lantern was erased from the continuity. Created by Marve Wolfman and George Perez, he made his first appearance October 1980 in D.C. Comics Presents #26. Cyborg was Victor Stone, who after being attacked and mauled by a creature from another dimension, he was kept alive by his father who replaced his damaged and severed body parts with bionic parts. Cyborg was originally a member of the Teen Titans before moving up to the Justice League.

Despite the critical failure of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Warner Bros. could not afford a reboot at that point. And had an unbreakable contract with Snyder for the Justice League film. They needed to move forward with Justice League, even if it would be the Zack Snyder version of the D.C. universe most fans hated. On March 12th, 2017, Zack Snyder's 20 year old daughter, Autumn Snyder, committed suicide. With the film in post production, Zack stepped down as director to be with his family. Warner Bros. immediately took advantage of the situation. They had wanted Joss Whedon, who had directed Marvel's Avengers, to do the same magic on Justice League, but had been stuck with Snyder. Now that Snyder was out, they hired Whedon for the post production, giving him freedom to rewrite the film, edit the film, and reshoot any additional scenes he wanted. This included bringing the entire cast back, including Henry Cavill, who at the time had grown a mustache for another movie he was currently filming, and could not remove it. The mustache would need to be painted out with CGI. Snyder did not agree with any of the alterations Whedon made to Justice League, but at the time was mourning his daughter's death and did not think fighting over the final edit of a superhero film was important. The version that ultimately went out was Whedon's version, although Snyder would get the directors credit.

REVIEWS
"The film takes so many happy pills it almost overdoses on them. " ~ Rolling Stone

"Everyone involved in making "Justice League," and everyone who will eventually see it, deserved something better than this." ~ Washington Post

"A pointless flail of expensive (yet, somehow, cheap-looking) CGI that no amount of tacked-on quips, or even Gadot's luminescent star power, can rescue." ~ New York Post

"Justice League is no magic carpet ride, no matter how hard it strives for multi-superhero awesomeness." ~ Time Magazine

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 12:16:10 AM

#41

Judge Dredd ( 1995 )

17 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.5 IMDb, #9 RVR II

Studio: Disney/Buena Vista
Script: William Wisher Jr., Steven E de Souza
Producers: Edward R. Pressman, Charles Lippincott, Beau E. L. Marks
Director: Danny Cannon
Cast: Sylvester Stallone ( Judge Joseph Dredd ), Armand Assante ( Rico Dredd ), Diane Lane ( Judge Barbara Hershey ), Rob Schneider ( Herman Ferguson), Jürgen Prochnow ( Judge Griffin ), Max Von Sydow ( Chief Justice Fargo ), Joanna Miles ( Judge McGruder ), Joan Chen ( Dr. Ilsa Hayden ), Balthazar Getty ( Cadet Nathan Olmeyer ), Maurice Roëves ( Warden Miller )

TRAILER

When it comes to doling out justice in the movies, it is usually in the hands of a jury. Criminals are arrested and prosecuted. The police rarely gun down a suspect, and when they do, they immediately end up in the Captain's office where they are chastised for being a lone wolf. Then you have your vigilantes like The Punisher. But vigilantes are outside of the law, and hunted by the police. And the few who are accepted by the police, such as Batman, usually cuff and arrest suspects long enough for the police to arrive. With Judge Dredd, you had something new. A hero that wasn't just law enforcement, but the judiciary, and if need be, the executioner as well. This would have been a fascinating concept for any film, but unfortunately none of the Judge Dredd films explore this aspect of his character. Both movies put him in situations where he needs to shoot the enemies to survive, and barely touches on the aspect that he can condemn and gun down any suspect he deems guilty of a crime. Not only does Judge Dredd ignore the only thing that makes his character unique and instead stick him in a formula plot, but they have Dredd remove his helmet! Sure, Dredd is being played by Sylvester Stallone, and I know the logic is that if we are paying an actor millions to be in our film, then we want to justify that expense by having his face on screen. But i n the comics, Judge Dredd never removes his helmet. In this movie Dredd barely wears it.

In the future, most of the Earth has become a barren wasteland. Most of Earth's inhabitants live in walled mega cities. With the population rising came lawlessness that even the justice system could not handle. So they instituted a new system of government where the law enforcement officer is also the judge, jury, and if need be , executioner. Thes Judges roam the city, doling out justice. It is a lifelong position, and if a Judge is to retire, is required to do the "long walk" where the retired Judge leaves the city to spend the rest of his life bringing justice to the inhabitants of the wasteland. Out of all the Judges, the most feared is Judge Dredd of Mega City One.

And that is how far as this movie goes at adapting the source material. It opens by introducing Herman Fergusson, a comedic character played by Rob Schneider who is created just for this film. A low level criminal who has just been released from prison, he finds himself an unwilling member of an armed street gang during a riot. The gang is defeated by the arrival of Judge Dredd, who then sentences Herman to 5 years for vandalizing a food cart. The movie then shifts to a former Judge named Rico who is in prison for executing innocent people. Someone has smuggled in a weapon which Rico uses to escape. The person who freed Rico wants him to frame Judge Dredd for murder, and the victim is an investigative reporter who is about to expose corruption in the government. Judge Dredd is arrested for the crime, and found guilty. The penalty for murder is execution, however Chief Justice Fargo, who is a mentor of Dredd, announces he will be retiring and going on the long walk. And as custom, his last request before retiring is to be honored, which is to request Dredd get life in prison instead of death. Dredd is sentenced to a prison in Aspen, and is put on a transport with a seat right next to Herman, who is being sent to the same prison. The transport is shot down, and a squad of judges is sent to kill all the survivors. However, former Chief Justice Fargo shows up to save Dredd and Herman. He succeeds, but is mortally wounded. Before he dies, he reveals that Dredd was part of the Janus project, which attempted to clone the perfect Judge with genetically engineered DNA. The results being Dredd and Rico. Realizing that Rico has the same DNA as Dredd, which would explain why his DNA was at the murder scene, Judge Dredd decides to return to Mega City One to clear his name, and brings Rob Schneider along with him. There he uncovers the corrupt government official who freed Rico from prison as part f a plot to become the supreme ruler of Mega City One.

Aside from the street riot sequence and another where Dredd impounds a car for a traffic violation, you do not se Dredd acting as a Street Judge. Even in the one riot scene, the criminals he does shoot are all pointing guns at him. Even the final criminal that he sentences to death for killing a fellow Street Judge pulls out a weapon and points it at Dredd a split second before Dredd sentences him to death. This all comes off as Dredd only killing in self defense. This is also the case in the rest of the film where Dredd is a fugitive from the law trying to clear his name. So basically the only thing that makes Judge Dredd unique is removed from the plot. Rob Schneider is your formula comedic sidekick who has no place in a Judge Dredd movie. It as if the makers of this film didn't learn the lesson from Superman III. Stallone plays Dredd as a parody of the character. Yet, there is a lot to praise about this film. the effects and sets are still spectacular to this day. And Armand Assante's portrayal of Rico is outstanding. If only not for the corny bits, unnecessary comedic sidekick, Stallone's choice in the character's portrayal and attempts at humor, this could have been a great movie, even with a plot that doesn't allow Judge Dredd to be Judge Dredd.

ORIGIN:
Judge Dredd made his first appearance March 5, 1977 in issue #2 of the British science fiction anthology magazine 2000 AD. Born Joseph Dredd, he was a clone of the late Chief Judge Fargo who had founded the judge system, and from birth was trained to be a judge. The first short story was written by John Wagner, who's inspiration was Dirty Harry, which Wagner wanted to take the concept to it's extreme. The comic became a regular feature in the magazine with another short Dredd story every issue, with some continuing in multi chapter arcs. In 1983 Eagle Comics began publishing reprints of the Judge Dredd comics in America as a comic book series. In England Judge Dredd finally got his own magazine in 1990, Judge Dredd Magazine, which like 2000 AD had one Judge Dredd story per issue, and the rest being short stories from other cartoonists.

There had been an attempt at a Judge Dredd film in the 80s, but was abandoned when RoboCop ( 1987 ) was released and was too identical to the script that was being worked on. The movie rights to Judge Dredd were purchased again in the 90s with the intention of turning it into an Arnold Schwarzenegger film. Disney ended up as the studio, sending it to their more adult Buena Vista division. Yet despite being a Buena Vista film, and despite the violent source material, Disney insisted that it be rated PG-13. Directorial duties went to Danny Cannon, who brought in screenwriters William Wisher Jr. and Steven E. de Souza. Both men had the task of delivering a Judge Dredd movie that would be tame enough for a PG-13 rating. And they seemed perfectly suited for the task. Wisher was a long time collaborator with James Cameron, having worked on the scripts for the Terminator films. de Souza was there primarily for having written for Arnold Schwarzenegger before with Commando ( 1985 ) and The Running Man ( 1987 ). He also had written the Die Hard and 48 Hrs. films, so seemed perfect for a Judge Dredd script. ( One point of disclosure though. He also wrote Hudson Hawk ( 1991 ) and Street Fighter ( 1994 ), as well as a superhero film from my own list, The Return of Captain Invincible. ) They eventually decided that none of the original Judge Dredd comics were tame enough for a PG-13 film, and that they would have to write an original plot for their script ( if you want to call the trope of a framed police officer having to clear his own name "original" ).

Schwarzenegger wound up turning down the movie, so Disney signed Sylvester Stallone instead. Stallone had never heard of Judge Dredd, but was eager to star in a comic book movie. However, Stallone was put off by the script, which he felt was missing comedy. And a comic book move is supposed to funny, right? So it was back to the drawing board for Wisher and de Souza, who added in everything Stallone suggested, including a comedic sidekick for Dredd. Despite all efforts to write a PG-13 script, and after even that was watered down with comedy, the MPAA gave Judge Dredd an NC-17 rating. It wound up being recut and resubmitted five times before it got an R rating, at which point Disney gave up and released the R cut. Director Danny Cannon blamed the script rewritten for Stallone as the reason the film turned out the way it did. It didn't exactly ruin his career. He would produce the successful CSI franchise, and return to the superhero genre as the show runner, writer and producer of Gotham. With the film just barely breaking even at the box office, there was no chance for a sequel, even if a direct to video sequel with a new cast. Disney allowed the rights to lapse, and it was picked up by British production company DNA Films. Dredd was released in 2012. Neither a sequel nor remake nor reboot of Judge Dredd, it was to be the first in DNA's franchise, although actor Karl Urban plays the character Dredd very similar to Stallone's performance. Once again they didn't base the plot on any of the Judge Dredd comics, but instead conceived an original story of Dredd being trapped inside of an apartment building run by criminals, which was oddly the same exact plot as The Raid: Redemption released ten months earlier. Screenwriter Alex Garland claims it to be a coincident, and that with the timing of principle photography on Dredd, plagiarism was impossible. Despite good reviews, and fans of the comics saying the movie was very faithful to the source material, Dredd did poorly at the box office, ended up losing around $5 million for DNA. While this killed plans for a trilogy, there is still a possibility of a television series starring Urban.

Reviews
"Although it is full of noise and fake firepower, Dredd simply lies there on the screen until the final scenes." ~ New York Times

"Never has such a big, dumb movie seemed so small, as it shrinks from Blade Runner sharp to Jetsonian junky." ~ USA Today

"In the future, the world sucks." ~ Filmcritic.com

"The movie, by the end, practically seems intent on destroying itself." ~ Entertainment Weekly

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 06:01:48 PM

#40

X-Men: The Last Stand ( 2006 )

17 points, 2 lists, #14 stansimpson

Studio: 20th Century Fox
Script: Simon Kinberg
Producers: Lauren Shuler Donner, Ralph Winter, Avi Arad
Director: Brett Ratner
Cast: Hugh Jackman ( Logan/Wolverine ), Halle Berry ( Ororo Munroe/Storm ), Ian Mckellen ( Erik Lehsherr/Magneto ), Patrick Stewart ( Professor Charles Xavier ), Famke Jenssen ( Jean Grey/Phoenix ), Anna Paquin ( Marie/Rogue ), Kelsey Grammer ( Doctor Henry McCoy/Beast ), James Marsden ( Scott Summers/Cyclops ), Rebecca Romijn ( Raven Darkholme/Mystique ), Shawn Ashmore ( Bobby Drake/Iceman ), Aaron Stanford ( John Allerdyce/Pyro ), Vinnie Jones ( Cain Marko/Juggernaut ), Ellen Page ( Kitty Pryde ), Daniel Cudmore ( Peter Rasputin/Colossus ), Ben Foster ( Warren Worthington III/Angel ), Stan Lee ( Waterhouse Man )

TRAILER

What the government is calling a cure has been found that will eliminate the mutant gene, removing any powers or abilities mutants may have. This enrages Magneto who once again takes his Brotherhood of Mutants on another rampage. Meanwhile, Jean Grey returns, more powerful than ever, and she is now calling herself the Phoenix. She joins the Brotherhood on their assault on the facility on Alcatraz Island where the cure is made. Of course the X-Men end up defending Alcatraz, having a final battle with the evil mutants, during which Jean becomes the full Dark Phoenix and threatens to wipe all life out on Earth if the X-Men can't stop her.

ORIGIN:
The X-Men first appeared September 1963 in X-Men #1. Stan Lee wanted a new superhero team, but was stuck trying to think of new ways to give each member a power. Then he realized he didn't need to invent origins for the team members if they were born with their powers. The X-Men were a group of mutants with extraordinary abilities who lived at the Xavier School for the Gifted where they are trained to be superheroes. As a team, they primarily battled mutant villains who used their powers for evil. The book's sales were mediocre, so it was discontinued after issue #66. However, the sales were just good enough that for issues #67 through #93 were reprints of the first 26 issues. The book was given to Chris Claremont, who created a new roster of X-Men that included Storm, Nightcrawler and Wolverine. Not only did the issues with the new roster sell, but Wolverine would become popular enough for his own solo book. Sales on X-Men comic books began to grow, as many teenagers began to identify with the X-Men being treated as outcasts by the rest of the Marvel universe.

In 1984 Orion Pictures obtained an option to make X-Men movies, and hired Gerry Conway and Roy Thomas to write the script. It would have been the first theatrical film based on Marvel characters. But the studio began going through financial troubles, and could no longer afford to make a special effects film, allowing the option to expire. In 1989 Carocol Pictures picked up the film rights with James Cameron attached as the producer. He in turn hired Kathryn Bigelow as the director, who in turn wrote a treatment for the first film. She got as far as negotiating with Bob Hoskins to play Wolverine when Stan Lee f$%ked everything up. In a meeting with Cameron, he talked a out how he had wished Spiderman would have been the first Marvel character to get a movie, and after a half hour of talking Spiderman up, Cameron decided to put the X-Men film on hold and produce a Spiderman movie instead. Carocol went bankrupt, and the rights reverted back to Marvel. The rights were picked up by 20th Century Fox in the mid 90s. Brett Ratner was approached to direct, but turned Fox down so he could direct Superman Flyby for Warner Bros. So the director of The Usual Suspects, Brian Singer, was hired instead. Warner Bros. cancelled Superman Flyby, and Ratner began regretting turning down X-Men, especially after the first X-Men movie was a huge hit. Singer would go on to direct the sequel, but had to bow out of directing the third X-Men film when Warner Bros. offered him Superman Flyby, officially retitled Superman Returns. Fox asked Ratner if he wanted to direct the third X-Men film, a d this time he jumped at the chance. Well, actually it wasn't that simple. Fox had asked several other directors, each who either didn't want to make a superhero film, or were already in preproduction of their own superhero film. Fox finally signed Mathew Vaughn as director. However, a month before filming was to begin, Mathew resigned claiming private family problems. He would later confess that he grew reluctant to direct when he found out how tight the schedule would be, which was not enough time for him to make the movie he wanted to make. The studio then considered John Moore, who coincidentally had just directed a film called Flight if the Phoenix, a remake of a 60s survival drama. It was only after Moore was no longer an option that Fox contacted Ratner.

There was a reason why Brett Ratner had originally chosen to direct a Superman film over the first X-Men film. He had no idea who the X-Men were, and had never read one of there comic books. Still clueless as to who the X-Men were, he crossed his fingers that the script writers would know the X-Men and deliver a script that was faithful to the comic books. Singer had already written a partial treatment for the third movie before he left for the greener pastures of Superman. Much of the treatment borrowed from the Dark Phoenix Saga, simply as a way to explain the character Jean Grey's return. Her character was written out in the second film because Femke Janssen, who like all the other actors had only signed for two films, did not seem interested in signing on to a third film. Had Janssen refused to appear in the third film, Singer would have not bothered with the Dark Phoenix Saga. Fox chose Zak Penn, who had previously co-written the script for Elektra, and Simon Kinberg to write the script. They were to initially adapt the Gifted story arc from the comic books where a mutant cure is discovered. But once Janssen was confirmed, began adding Singers treatment to the plot as well. Kinberg was especially enthusiastic of adapting the Dark Phoenix Saga, but soon got pushback from Fox executives who felt it was too dark for a summer superhero film. Fox preferred the entire film be an adaptation of Gifted. What ended up in the script was a compromise between Kinberg and the studio. The Dark Phoenix plotline did allow for Cyclopes to be written out in the first act of the film. Actor James Marsden could only work on the film for a few days as he was committed to a role in Superman Returns. Ratner's only contribution to the script was moving the assault on Alcatraz to the climax. It was originally in the middle of the film and had Magneto rescuing Mystique and the other incarcerated mutants. The ending battle where Magneto wanted to destroy the cure was to take place in Washington D.C. Ratner felt the spectacle of moving the Golden Gate Bridge belonged in the climax. So the cure facility was rewritten to be in Alcatraz while Magneto rescuing mutants was changed to him assaulting a prison transport.

Reviews
"Brett Ratner has taken the reins, and though the picture is not without its wow-inducing, SFX-driven moments, that potent X-factor is considerably diminished in Singer's absence." ~ Hollywood Reporter

"The X-Men have survived mutation, persecution, and supervillainous foes hell-bent on their destruction. But can they survive Brett Ratner? Well, no." ~ AV Club

"The nuance and complexity of character that made the first two X-Men movies more compelling than the typically mindless summer blockbuster are gone in X-Men: The Last Stand." ~ Associated Press

"How many distinguished veterans of the Royal Shakesepeare Company does it take to make a big budget trashy movie? Well, two." ~ TIME Magazine

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 06:04:21 PM

#39

Rat Pfink a Boo Boo ( 1966 )

18 points, 1 list, #8 Stethacantus

Studio: Craddock Films
Script: Ray Dennis Steckler, Vin Saxon
Producer: Ray Dennis Steckler
Director: Ray Dennis Steckler
Cast: Vin Saxon ( Lonnie Lord/Rat Pfink ), Titus Moede ( Titus Twimbly/Boo Boo ), Carolyn Brandt ( Cee Bee Beaumont ), George Caldwell ( Linc ), Mike Kannon ( Hammer ), James Bowie ( Benjie ), Kogar the Gorilla ( Bob Burns )

TRAILER

It actually starts out as a pretty reasonable low budget thriller. We are introduced to the Chain Gang, three hoodlums who go around at night terrorizing and robbing women. Picking a name at random out of the phone book, the gang decides to stalk and harass Cee Bee Beaumont, beginning with obscene phone calls. The tension is broken by Cee's boyfriend, Rick and roll star Lonnie Lord, who often breaks out into a performance of on of his songs. This is an odd mix of a Thriller and Rock and Roll movie, but so far it has worked. The Chain Gang realize that the girl they are stalking is Lonnie Lord's girlfriend, so decide to kidnap her and demand a ransom. Realizing he does not have the money the Chain Gang is demanding, Lonnie announces that there is only one thing he can do. He and his gardener step through a doorway into another room, and a few moments later emerge in home made superhero costumes as a narrator announces that Lonnie Lord and his gardener Titus Twimbly are none other than the superheroes Rat Pfinknand Boo Boo.

At this point the past 40 minutes have been trashed. Whatever credibility the film had is dead. The theatrical posters, lobby cards, print ads and trailer for this film all gave away this abrupt plot twist, as their first priority priority was to promote it to audiences as a superhero film. For those who caught it airing on late night television, or were shown it by a friend without warning, the sudden unexpected jump into a campy superhero film is shockingly amusing. The very first line delivered by Lord as Rat Pfink is brilliantly funny, which gives hope that the rest of this film will be just as funny. But at this point the material runs out. The next 30 minutes can be summarized in a single sentence. Rat Pfink and Boo Boo immediately find the Chain Gang, fight them, and rescue Cee Bee Beaumont. It is a prolonged, poorly choreographed fight which I am sure wasn't even choreographed, but rather the camera was pointed at the actors while they improvised. Just when the Chain Gang is finally defeated, a gorilla who escaped from his handler grabs Cee Bee and drags her up the hill, followed by another prolonged fight as Rat Pfink and Boo Boo try to rescue her yet again. The fighting is tedious the first five minutes in, and you still have another 25 minutes to go.

ORIGIN:
Ray Dennis Steckler was working his way up the ranks of the movie business, becoming a cinematographer at Universal. This all came to an end on the set of The Birds ( 1963 ) when Ray bumped into the lightning rigging, sending a steel A frame crashing just inches from Alfred Hitchcock. Universal didn't take kindly to Ray nearly killing Hitchcock, and not only fired him, but had him blackballed from the other major studios. With little choice, he found work at small independent studios directing B pictures. A year later he decided to finance and direct his own films, the first of which was The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies ( 1964 ). While the film received negative reviews, it was so cheap to make that he wound up making a lot of money. Shortly after he met actor and former local rock star Ron Haydock, who he would frequent collaborate with, writing scripts for Steckler's films which he would star in.

The leading lady of Steckler's films was his wife, actress Carolyn Brandt. In 1965 she was stalked by a fan who kept making obscene phone calls to her. While it ultimately turned out to be a college prankster, Steckler wanted to use the experience in his next film, to be called The Depraved . Scripted by Haydock ( who was then working under the pseudonym of Vin Saxon ), the film took a darker turn, where Carolyn plays the girlfriend of a rock star who is stalked, harassed, and ultimately abducted, tortured and murdered by a gang. The rest of the film was to have her boyfriend taking vengeance against the gang. About half of The Depraved was completed, and was Steckler, Haydock and Brandt's best work, when Steckler saw a television series that would momentarily change his life. Batman. Obsessed with the show, and thinking if he made his own campy superhero movie, it would be just as successful, Steckler made a bold decision. They had half of The Depraved in the can, almost all of it which had been shot in sequential order. Why not scrap the planned second half of the film and turn it into superhero movie instead. Of course this meant shooting without a script, as Haydock had not written a superhero movie. So they winged it from that point on.

Perhaps the most memorable thing about this movie is it's obviously misspelled title, with a single "a" instead of the word "and". The most common explanation would be the person hired to make the titles screwed up, and the film was so low budget that there was no money to fix it. However, Steckler insisted for the rest of his life that he intentionally title the film that way because while shooting the film, his daughter kept calling it "Rat Pfink a Boo Boo", and he thought it sounded better.

Review
"Either Rat Pfink a Boo Boo is a raving pile of crap, or it is some kind of genius filmmaking." ~ News & Review

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 06:06:59 PM

#38

Man of Steel ( 2013 )

19 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 7.1 IMDb, #7 Darth Geek

Studio: Warner Bros.
Script: David S. Goyer
Producers: Charles Roven, Christopher Nolan, Emma Thomas, Deborah Snyder
Director: Zack Snyder
Cast: Henrey Cavill ( Kal-El/Clark Kent ), Amy Adams ( Lois Lane ), Michael Shannon ( General Zod ), Kevin Costner ( Jonathan Kent ), Dian Lane ( Martha Kent ), Laurence Fishburne ( Perry White ), Antje Traue ( Faora-Ul ), Ayelet Zurer ( Lare Lor-Van ), Christopher Meloni ( Colonel Nathan Hardy ), Russell Crowe ( Jor-El )

TRAILER

No one can really agree on which Superman films are good and which are bad, with exception to agreeing that Superman II was one of the best, and watching Superman III makes you want to remove your brain from your head and smash it on the table. Man of Steel is perhaps the most divisive of the Superman films, currently holding a tie at Rotten Tomatoes with a 56%among critics. The audience score is a little more favorable with a 75% approval rating. But that is still a quarter of those who have seen the film thinking it is garbage. And for those who didn't like Zack Snyder's version of the DCEU, this was the beginning. The film where he established what would be the style up through Justice League. And if you didn't like it, then you were out of luck. I knew going into this LoC that there would be quite a few movies that I myself didn't think were bad, perhaps even enjoyed. Which is a bit of a problem. Because while I can easily write an essay on everything that was wrong with Ang Lee's Hulk, how do I write about a movie I liked? So I have to research others reviews to find out exactly what made the film bad for them. Sometimes, like with Blade Trinity, those reviews point out the flaws I didn't notice when I watched it, and I begin to agree that the film was bad. That still doesn't change the fact that I was entertained when I watched them, but I can now fully understand why someone would hate that film, and would probably not like it as much when I watched it again. The problem wit the Zack Snyder films is that the biggest complaint is the style. With Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and the theatrical release of Justice League, I can pick out a lot of turds the studio executives injected into those films which I agreed hurt the film. But there is none of that here. So what it comes down to is if you think a Superman film should be the same as the films in the Dark Knight Trilogy. Should Superman be dark and brooding or cheerful and happy? Should he have destroyed both Smallville and Krypton while fighting Zod, ignoring the building dropping on civilians which he is half responsible for causing. Or like in Superman II, the moment bystanders were in danger, should he have lured Zod to his fortress of solitude for the final showdown? Should the film have had that controversial ending where Superman is forced to kill Zod to prevent him from killing civilians, or was allowing Superman to kill going over the line? Which sort of ignores that Superman threw Zod down a chasm and to his death in Superman II after having permanently stripped Zod of his powers, didn't feel bad about it, and even walked away from the scene of his crime cheerful and joking with Lois, who also just killed someone. As much as I liked Man of Steel, I am not going to disagree with the half of those who have seen this and thought it sucked. For them, this was a bad film, made worse because it f#&ked with an iconic superhero.

ORIGIN:
Cannon films was planning to follow Superman IV: The Quest For Peace with Superman V. The plot was to have Superman die, then resurrect in a Kryptonian city he would later realize was Kandor, the city Brainiac had stolen by shrinking and putting in a bottle. The movie didn't get much past the planning stage when Superman IV did poorly at the box office, followed by Cannon going bankrupt. The film right to Superman reverted back to Ilya and Alexander Salkind, both who were no longer interested in making Superman films. As Cannon was going through bankruptcy, D.C. began publishing The Death of Superman story arc where, similar to the suspended Superman V, Superman dies. The story arc got so much attention in the news that Warner Bros. decided to buy back the rights for Superman from the Salkinds and make a movie based on the Death of Superman. The studio assigned the Superman film to producer Jon Peters, who commissioned a script called Superman Reborn where Superman is killed during a fight with Doomsday, but somehow passes his essence to Lois Lane, who ends up pregnant. A son is born, and in a matter of days the boy grows into a man, eventually becoming the reincarnation of Kal-El, who becomes Superman to save the world from Doomsday. Warner hated the script, and asked for a new one. This time Brainiac is the one who creates Doomsday, and the whole bit of Lois getting pregnant with Superman's reincarnation was dropped and replaced with an alien resurrecting Superman. Still not completely pleased with the script, Warner hired Kevin Smith to do a rewrite. Smith decided the script he was asked to rewrite was too inaccurate to the Superman mythos, so pitched Jon Peters a brand new idea for a Superman movie, for a script he would write from scratch called Superman Lives. In it, Brainiac and Lex Luthor team up to kill Superman, creating Doomsday in Luthor's lab. Superman dies, but is resurrected by a robot called The Eradicator. Smith recalled during the entire writing process that both Peters and other studio executives would regularly ask for really dumb additions to the script, such as asking that Superman's Fortress of Solitude have two guards standing in the front who could fight a polar bear. The script got the green light, and Nicholas Cage was cast as Superman. Tim Burton was brought on to direct, and then demanded to rewrite the entire script. Burton didn't get along with producer Jon Peters, and after about a year in production delays, left the project to film Sleepy Hollow. With a film about the Death of Superman in production hell, Warners turned to a different pitch for a series reboot called Superman, Flyby which was a retelling of the Superman story, and was to be directed by Brett Ratner. Meanwhile another idea was pitched for a Batman Vs Superman with Wolfman Petterson as director. Deciding a film with both Batman and Superman could revive both franchises, Warner cancelled both Jon Peters Superman dies film, and Superman, Flyby. However, a rewrite script was completed for Superman, Flyby where instead of retelling Superman's origin, it simply picked up where Superman II left off, pretending Superman II and Superman IV never happened. Warner was so thrilled with that script that they greenlit it, renaming the film Superman Returns and hiring Bryan Singer to direct, while the Batman Vs Superman film was cancelled. Superman Returns earned $400 million, but Warner Bros. felt it should have earned over $500. A planned sequel was put on hold while Warner green lit then abandoned a Justice League movie. Warner eventually decide to just reboot the entire Superman franchise. At the time Marvel Studios had just announced their plans at a cinematic universe which was to lead to an Avengers movie. Warner decided that they too should have a DC cinematic universe, and that the Green Lantern film they were already filming would be the first entry. However, after critics bashed it, Warner decided that Green Lantern would not be part of the DC cinematic universe. With the success of the Dark Knight Trilogy, Warner put their producers Charles Roven, Christopher Nolan and Emma Thomas in charge of the Superman reboot, and they brought in the writer of the trilogy David S. Goyer to write the film. The specific reason for this was so the Superman reboot, now to be called Man of Steel, would be the exact same tone as the Dark Knight Trilogy. Warner even hoped Noan would direct. Instead, he hired Zack Snyder, who would set the tone for the DCEU films to follow. Warner wasn't completely happy wit the critical response to Man of Steel, but with the record breaking success of The Avengers, decided they could not decanonize another film if they wanted to get to a Justice League movie by 2017.

Reviews
"The ambition to make a grittier kind of Superman pic is certainly admirable, but much of what Snyder and Goyer set out to fix wasn't really broken in the first place." ~ Variety

"By effectively denying Superman his defining traits-his complex relationships to duty and humanity-the movie robs the character of any depth or agency." ~ AV Club

"Never has a race to save the fate of humankind seemed so tedious." ~ Entertainment Weekly

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 09:28:04 PM

#37

Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD ( 1990 )

19 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.7 IMDb, #7 Stethacantus

Studio: Troma/Namco
Script: Lloyd Kaufman, Andree Osborne, Jeffrey W. Sass
Producers: Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz
Director: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Cast: Rick Gianasi ( Harry Griswold/Sgt. Kabukiman), Susan Byun ( Lotus ), Bill Weeden ( Reginald Stuart ), Thomas Crnkovich ( Rembrandt ), Larry Robinson ( Rev. Snipes ), Noble Lee Lester ( Capt. Bender )

TRAILER

A kabuki theater is attached by gunmen the police arrive to find the lead actor mortally wounded. In his delirium, the actor sends his energy to the person closest to him before he dies, bumbling police detective Harry Griswold. Not realizing what has happened, Griswold returns home, only to discover that he periodically turns into the superhero Kabukiman. A mysterious girl called Lotus shows up to inform Griswold that the murdered kabuki actor was the previous Kabukiman, and he was supposed to transfer his powers to a chosen successor, but gave his powers to Griswold by mistake. And he can't pass his powers on until he is dying. However, she can teach him how to use his Kabukiman powers. This all leads to a battle with a demon, which looks low rent despite this being Troma's biggest budgeted movie. But what is worse is the tedium. Troma films are an acquired taste to begin with. But what makes those of us who aren't entertained by Troma films find them passably watchable, is the spectacle of the over the top violence. Unfortunately, this is what is missing from this movie. Even in it's R rated cut, the violence is too toned down. What is left over is 100 minutes of a failed comedy with an annoying superhero.

ORIGIN:
In the late 80s Namco, the video game company that created Galaxian, Galga and Pac Man, decided they wanted to branch out into making movies. The first Toxic Avenger film has been very successful in Japan, so when Namco learned that Lloyd Kaufman would be shooting the sequel in Tokyo, they set up a meeting with him. Namco wanted to co-produce Toxic Avenger films with Troma, but at the time Troma already had a co-production deal on the Toxic Avenger franchise with Lorimar. Lloyd suggested Namco co-produce a new superhero he had been developing, Kabukiman. ( although, odds are that Lloyd made that character up on the spot. ) Immediately after filming ended on the Toxic Avenger sequels, Lloyd began fleshing out a Kabukiman origin plot. Namco contributed $4 million for production, which would be twice the budget on the Lorimar co-produced Toxic Avengers sequels, and more than four times the budget on a typical Troma film. But with that came Namco's full creative control over the film. They had not realized how violent and gory Troma films were, and mistakenly thought Kabukiman would be a family friendly film. Kaufman had little choice but to tone down the violence. But even with a tamer than usual Troma film, Namco wasn't pleased when it received an R rating, order more edits, and resubmitted it to the MPAA for a PG-13. Despite earning another cult following for Troma, it failed at the box office and no other Kabukiman films were made. However, Kabukiman did make cameo appearances in other Troma films and had a costarring role in the fourth Toxic Avenger film. He has also become Troma's unofficial mascot, and has hosted his own YouTube interview show.

Review
"Great title, Lousy movie" ~ Mountain Xpress

stethacantus · May 17, 2022, 09:35:19 PM

#36

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer ( 2007 )

19 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.6 IMDb, #7 Pac-Man

Studio: 20th Century Fox
Script: Don Payne, Mark Frost
Producers: Avi Arad, Bernd Eichinger, Ralph Winter
Director: Tim Story
Cast: Loan Gruffudd ( Reed Richards ), Jessica Alba ( Sue Storm ), Chris Evans ( Johnny Storm ), Michael Chicklis ( Ben Grimm ), Julian McMahon ( Victor Von Doom ), Kerry Washington ( Alicia Masters ), Doug Jones ( Silver Surfer ), Lawrence Fishburne ( voice of Silver Surfer ), Stan Lee ( rejected wedding guest )

TRAILER

The cinematic Fantastic Four are on their greatest mission yet. The wedding of Reed Richards and Susan Storm. And Sue doesn't want anything to get in the way of her perfect wedding. Not even putting it on hold to save the world. Not that we have ever seen the Fantastic Four saving the world so far. But hey, let's assume that the FF had battled Mole Man, Kang the Conqueror, the Skrulls, Annihilus and Red Ghost in between movies, and now this is their down time. Meanwhile the Silver Surfer has arrived on Earth and has been causing mass destruction. But as far as Sue is concerned, that is not their problem. Perhaps they will get around to investigating once the honeymoon is over. When the Silver Surfer crashes Reed and Sue's wedding and ruins it, the Four have no choice but to actually do something. Meanwhile, while chasing the Surfer, Johnny gets infected with some sort of cosmic power where whenever he touches one of he other team members, he trades powers with them.

Reed figures out the Silve Surfer will be making a crater in London, so the team goes there, and gets there too late. They try to mitigate the damage the crater is causing, but just end up being blamed for the mess by the army. Meanwhile the Surfer goes to Latveria and revives Doctor Doom. The doctor proposes they team up, but the Surfer turns down his offer. So Doctor Doom shoots an electric bolt at the Surfer, and he retaliates by shooting a cosmic bolt at Doom, which causes him to change back into his human form. Since Victor Von Doom is now cured of being a metal man, he is able to get a job working for the military as the head of the Silver Surfer task force, forcing the Fantastic Four to work for him. With Victor's help, they are able to track down and capture the Surfer. They find out he is just an unwilling servant of a planet eating entity called Galactus who is on his way to Earth as they speak. Victor was only pretending to be reformed long enough to steal the Surfer's board, and uses it to infuse him with cosmic power so he can conquer the Earth. So the Fantastic Four end up battling Doctor Doom again. With his board retrieved, te Silver Surfer decides to turn on Galactus. Which 20th Century Fox didn't thing was worth spending the budget on as in this film Galactus is just an unconvincing planet sized cloud, which the Surfer blows up, and the film ends at the 90 minute mark.

ORIGIN:
20th Century Fox still had licenses for Galactus, The Watcher and Silver Surfer. The first Fantastic Four film made enough money to greenlight a sequel. And the studio was still interested in making a spin-off Silver Surfer franchise. Both the Silver Surfer and Galactus made their debuts March 1966 in issue #48 of The Fantastic Four, the first of three issues that make up the Galactus Trilogy. As revealed in the first issue #1 of The Silver Surfer in 1968, The Silver Surfer was Norrin Radd of the planet Zenn-la. When Galactus threatened to devour Zenn-la, Norrin made a deal with him to spare his planet if he agreed to become his herald, traveling the universe to find Galactus suitable planets to eat. Galactus then turned Norrin into the Silver Surfer, giving him cosmic powers. In the Glalactus Trilogy, Ben Grimm's girlfriend Alicia Masters convinces the Silver Surfer to spare Earth. So the Surfer double crosses Galactus and tells the Fantastic Four where they can find the only weapon in the universe that can kill him. Galactus reluctantly agrees to spare Earth, but then punishes the Silver Surfer by removing his ability to leave the planet, trapping him on Earth forever. The script for Rise of the Silver Surfer completely removes Alicia Masters from the story, even though her character is in the movie. Instead it is Sue Storm who convinces the Surfer that Earth should be saved. Also eliminated from the script was The Watcher, who in the first issue of the trilogy attempts to shield the existence of Earth from the Silver Surfer, and when that fails, warns Reed Richards about the Surfer and Galactus. Director Tim Story instead chose to use a story arc that played out in issues #57 through #60 of the Fantastic Four where Doctor Doom steals the Silver Surfer's cosmic powers. However, this story arc was condensed into a single battle between The Fantastic Four and Doctor Doom. The wedding of Reed Richards and Susan Storm happened October 1965 in Fantastic Four Annual #1. The issue had an appearance by nearly every Marvel character in existence up to that time, including every one of the Marvel superheroes ( excluding The Hulk and Sub-Mariner, both considered villains at that time ) and every one of the Fantastic Four's rogue gallery of villains . Even some of the characters from Marvel's humor books of the 1950s made an appearance. The plot had Doctor Doom deciding to ruin the wedding of Reed Richards and Susan Storm by using his Emotion Changing Device to incite the entire super villain community to attack the ceremony. Various villains from their past attack, but are warded off by S.H.I.E.L.D., the X-Men, the Avengers, and many other solo superheroes who were invited as guests. The Watcher eventually steps in and causes the villains to leave, allowing the wedding to finally take place. While 20th Century Fox could have allowed The X-Men and possibly Daredevil attend the wedding, they didn't have the rights to any of the other characters, and chose to alter the plot to just the Silver Surfer interfering with the wedding without any involvement by Doctor Doom, and no other superheroes attending. One thing they did keep from the annual was the Stan Lee cameo. The annual ended with the actual Jack Kirby and Stan Lee trying to get into the wedding ceremony.

While Jack Kirby was no longer alive when this film was made, Stan Lee was, and in the film was once again turned away from the wedding. The entire cast had signed a three picture deal and were obligated to do a third Fantastic Four film. Tim Story wanted the third film to include The Black Panther, who debuted on the paged of The Fantastic Four. However, production of a third film stalled, and eventually Fox decided to reboot the franchise instead.

Reviews
"The performances are plywooden, the cornball visual gags are groanworthy, and Tim Story still can't direct his way out a sack with a map." ~ Time Out

"Many complaints were lobbed at Fantastic Four but no one ever suggested it was too smart. Yet it would seem that everyone came to the sequel, Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer, determined to dumb it down" ~ AV Club

"Rise of the Silver Surfer is an existentially and aesthetically unnecessary sequel to the equally irrelevant if depressingly successful Fantastic Four." ~ New York Times

News:

List of Crap #131 Worst Superhero Movies Ever