List of Crap #131 Worst Superhero Movies Ever

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#64

Vampirella ( 1996 )

8 points, 1 list,  #18 Darth Geek

Studio: Concord Pictures
Script: Gary Gerani
Producer: Roger Corman
Director: Jim Wynorski
Cast: Talisa Soto ( Vamperilla ), Roger Daltrey ( Vlad Tepish ), Richard Joseph Paul ( Adam Van Helsing ), Lee de Broux ( Lieutenant Walsh ), Brian Bloom ( Demos ), Corinna Harney ( Sallah ), Tom Deters ( Traxx ), Angus Scrimm ( High Elder ), David B. Katz ( Forry Ackerman  )

TRAILER

It has become a joke to add the words "Roger Corman" to any film. A notoriously cheap producer and director, he took pride in how little money he spent on his movies. Which is why Vampirella fans who waited years for a screen adaption of their favorite comic book hero, were nonplussed to learn the rights were picked up by Roger Corman for a television film for Showtime.  it wasn't just the low budget special effects and cur rate sets which angered Vampirella fans, but the casting of Vampirella herself.  Model turned actress Talisa Soto, who had just reached the peak of her acting profession as Kitana in the screen adaption of Mortal Kombat ( 1995 ). It wasn't he lack of acting abilities that disappointed Vampirella fans, but her body. Vampirella was notoriously drawn with a curvy body, long legs and ample breasts. Talisa's body had none of that. What made the Vampirella comic books popular wasn't the writing, but her pin-up model looks. That was the one and only thing Corman needed to get right,  and didn't.  Not that Talisa wasn't attractive.  Prior to becoming an actress, she graced the cover of countless fashion magazines, and was hired as a video vixen in many music videos. She had a beautiful face. But also the body of a 12 year old boy.

The plot is a slight altering of the Vampirella canon. It begins on Vampirella's home planet Drakulon, where the entire population are vampires, all kept alive as apparently their rivers flow with blood instead of water. The only law on this planet is not to kill and drink the blood of a fellow vampire, which Vlad Tepish and his followers decide to ignore. Vlad is sentenced to death by the elders, but his followers stage a coup, killing the elders and allowing Vlad to escape in a space ship. Vampirella is sent to hunt Vlad down in her own space ship, and tracks him to Earth, but ends up crashing landing her ship on Mars. Years later, some astronauts land on Mars and discover Vampirella in her coffin. They bring her back to Earth where she joins a secret government task force that hunts vampires. Together they attempt to stop Vlad from his scheme for him and his followers to convert mankind into vampires. From here the movie becomes another average industrial park slog. One of those films where the characters mostly walk and talk, and 90% of the locations are abandoned factories, warehouses and other facilities far from the populated parts of the city. So basically, a 20 minute plot padded out to 90 minutes. For budgetary purposes, vampire powers are kept to a minimum.  So while this film had the potential to be just like Blade, it came nowhere close.


ORIGIN:
In the mid 1950s the Comic Code Authority brought censorship to comic books. Horror was outright banned, as was the depiction of sexy women. Horror and big breasted women was what sold at EC Comics, and they quickly found their books like Tails from the Crypt removed from newsstand shelves for not getting the Comic Code Authority stamp of approval.  Faced with bankruptcy, EC made one last gambit to stay in business.  Their best selling comic book was a humor anthology called Mad, full of parody comics written by Harvey Kurtzman.  Realizing the Comic Code Authority did not regulate black and white magazines meant for adults, they began publishing Mad Magazine. The gambit worked, and while they were forced to cease publishing comic books, Mad Magazine remained in newsstands for decades outside of the Comic Code Authority's jurisdiction.  In 1960 Warren Publications, the company that published the monster movie fanboy magazine Famous Monsters of Filmland, hired Kurtzman to edit a new adult humor magazine called Help!. Kurtzman had left Mad Magazine in 1956 when he was stolen away by Hugh Hefner to publish his own adult humor magazine called Trump. After two issues, Hefner canceled Trump, and Kurtzman spent the next three years trying to get a self published humor magazine off the ground before pitching Warren on Help!. Now publishing their own version of Mad, Warren wondered if they could adapt the adult magazine format to horror comics, resulting in the  horror anthologies Eerie and Creepy. Their third horror anthology was Vampirella, which published it's first issue in September of 1969. The original premise was that the book's hostess, who would introduce each story, was a female vampire called Vampirella, who was heavily influenced by the television horror movie hostess Vampira. You may assume that Vampirella and her skimpy costume were designed  by a sexist male artist, but she was designed and co-created by Trina Robbins, who would later go on to be the first female artist to draw Wonder Woman. Trina understood her assignment was to create a character that violated every CCA rule on what women were allowed to look like and wear in comic books. Further elaboration of the character was made by artist Frank Frazetta. The costume  Trina designed consisted of a barely there v shaped fabric that was just enough to cover her nipples and crotch, which predated the slingshot monokini. One of the book's writers, Archie Goodwin, felt the character deserved to be elevated from hostess to the star of her own stories, and by issue #8 the anthology format was phased out in favor of original Vampirella stories.

In 1974 Hammer Films announced that they were developing a Vampirella movie. Hammer Films were tight with Warner Publications as Famous Monsters of Filmland would heavily promote their horror movies, and in return Hammer advertised heavily in all the Warner magazines.  Earlier that year they had published an advertisement asking readers write in and suggest what movie should Hammer make next, fully expecting the response to be a classic monster they hadn't used yet. Instead the overwhelming response was for them to make a Vampirella movie.  The studio looked at a few issues and realized Vampirella was perfect source material for a Hammer film. Both Hammer and Warner were falling on hard times. Hammer because Hollywood was beginning to make R rated horror moves that made their films look old fashioned.  Warner because the Comic Code Authority had relaxed it's rules on allowing horror, allowing DC and Marvel to publish their own horror comic books. Both Hammer and Warner were experiencing slumps in business, and realized a Vampirella movie could help both. For Hammer, making a movie about a well known American character would give them the hit film they needed to save their studio. For Warner, a Vampirella movie would bring in new readers.

They had gone as far as a completed script, and already had Barbara Leigh signed to play the lead, Peter Cushing as her companion Pendragon, and even signed Orson Wells who had agreed to do a small role. At the time Hammer had the last of it's finances tied up in a movie about the Loch Ness Monster, so the Vampirella film was to be financed by its American distributor, American International Pictures.  They were just weeks from principal photography when AIP made a demand. They wanted Barbara Leigh to be replaced with a well known American actress.  Hammer knew this was impossible.  They had gone through several British actresses including their own Caroline Munro before they found an actress willing to wear the Vampirella costume. And this was in the United Kingdom, where only a couple of studios existed and roles were scarce. Never the less, Hammer contacted the agents of all the actresses AIP wanted, and they all refused the role. Deciding the movie would not be successful with an unknown actress, AIP pulled out. This lead to Hammer going bankrupt.  Warners sales continued to decline, and in 1983 they filed for bankruptcy.  Their assets were bought by Harris Publications, who immediately sold the film rights to Polygram. For another decade there was talk of a big budget Vampirella film in the works, but ultimately no Hollywood studio was willing to make a Vampirella movie.

In the mid 90s the film rights to Vampirella were once again up for grabs.  By this time producers realized Vampirella was poison, and few were interested in acquiring the rights. But this was around when Roger Corman became interested in the Superhero genre, and just had success with Black Scorpion, a superhero he had created which resulted in two made for television movies and a television series. Corman thought he would have the same success with Vampirella, and had already begun pre-production for it's sequel, Death's Dark Avenger, while the first movie was still being shot. But the ratings for the Vampirella film were lackluster.  And Showtime eventually decided to cancel their deal with Corman. So no sequel was ever made.


Review
"Vampirella is never sure if it's campy horror schlock, exploitative vampire softcore, or a stern horror epic." ~ Cinema Crazed

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#63

Wonder Woman 1984 ( 2020 )

9 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.4 IMDb,  #17 stansimpson

Studio: Warner Bros.
Script: Patty Jenkins, Geoff Johns, Dave Callaham
Producers: Charles Roven, Deborah Snyder, Zack Snyder, Patti Jenkins, Gal Godot, Stephen Jones
Director: Patti Jenkins
Cast: Gal Godot ( Diana Prince/Wonder Woman ), Chris Pine ( Steve Trevor  ),  Kristin Wiig ( Barbara Minerva/Cheetah ), Pedro Pascal ( Max Lord ), Robin Wright ( Antiope ), Connie Neilsen ( Hippolyta ), Lynda Carter ( Asteria )

TRAILER

Wonder Woman ( 2017 ) was the movie that saved the DCEU. After Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, the movie that sounds like it takes place in a courtroom, was trashed by critics and had a historic drop-off at the box office, Warner Bros. began to contemplate canceling the DCEU. But they already had Wonder Woman in production, so decided to finish it, release it, and see how it did. Critics praised it, fans loved it, and it earned $822 million at the box office! Which was less than the $873 Batman v Superman earned. That's right. The movie that saved the DCEU made $50 million less than the movie that nearly got it canceled.  But here's the thing. Warner was not sure if comic book fans would return for a swim in the DCEU pool after Batman v Superman took a massive dump in it. Wonder Woman actually made more than what they expected the solo films to make. The DCEU was still viable.  So go ahead with Suicide Squad and Justice League. The DCEU has had it's ups and downs since then.  But everyone expected the Wonder Woman franchise to be in good hands, and the sequel to be better than the first movie.  That is until Wonder Woman 1984 unexpectedly became another turd in the DCEU pool.

What went wrong? Let's start with the premise.  Wonder Woman in the 80s. So basically this was another flashback movie. This should have taken place after the events of Justice League so that the overall DCEU story can move forward.  For example, the equivalent in the MCU is Captain America.  After the first film flashed back to World War II, the sequel took place after The Avengers and had an event that changed the MCU. The second Captain America sequel introduced the Sokovia Accords and split up the Avengers.  Both films moved the MCU Saga forward.  Wonder Woman 1984 does not.  Set in the 80s, there is no chance for her to interact with the rest of the DCEU, except maybe to help the Kents load Kal-El's spaceship onto their pickup truck, or stop Bruce Wayne's parents from being shot. What baffles me is that Patti Jenkins chose for this film to specifically take place in 1984, yet has written a script where the year isn't significant to the plot. This story could have easily taken place in 2019. Nor does the film reference they year as much as it should. The most you get of the 80s culture is a scene near the beginning of the film where Wonder Woman foils an armed robbery at a mall. Here you get a dump of 80s cultural tropes like Miami Vice style fashion, aerobics ( Yea, you remember when groups of  girls in tights did aerobics in the middle of the mall midway instead of in gyms, ) and the obligatory mini arcade that somehow has Rampage which was released in 1986, and Operation Wolf which was released in 1987, but none of the 1984 arcade games like Paperboy ( but does have a functional mid 70s era mechanical hocky game as it's centerpiece. )   This mall is full of a lot of generic not well stocked stores, and none of the now defunct mall retail stores that dominated malls in the 80s like Sam Goody, K B Toys or Radio Shack. Once that scene is out of the way the 80s cultural references are nearly non existent. Some of the stuff that goes on in this movie are not even decade appropriate, like Max Lord's infomercial which is something you would expect to see in the late 90s. And of course, there is a generic President of the United States in this film, and not Ronald Reagan! I can understand generic presidents in films that take place in contemporary times. But this movie is year specific, and everyone knows Reagan was the president in the 80s. The decade was named the friggin "Reagan Era"

Perhaps the dumbest reason to choose this decade is because it was already established that Wonder Woman kept a low profile between when she arrived during the first World War, and when she became a member of the Justice League. During that time Diana Prince kept the world from knowing there was a Wonder Woman, so would not be in full superhero mode. We should have gotten a Wonder Woman film where everyone knows she exists and cheers her on the way they do with Superman. Instead, we get a Wonder Woman who knocks out security cameras before she can go after criminals. We get Kristin Wigg as Cheetah, Wonder Woman's main arch enemy from the comic book, but waisted in this movie. That's because the actual villain of this movie is Max Lord, who did not appear in Wonder Woman comic books until 1987.  It's not just a shame that Cheetah was reduced to a minor villain, but that having her in 1984 means she can no longer appear in modern day DCEU films due to the fact she would be in her mid 70s to early 80s today. So, no Cheetah in the Legion of Doom ( If the DCEU ever gets around to that. ) Max Lord's plot may be world ending, but it comes off as one of the lamest plots ever used in a superhero film. One cant help but think Patty Jenkins chose The Monkey's Paw as a basis of an evil scheme because the only way to bring Steve Trevor back would be via magic. But if you wanted Steve Trevor to be in all the Wonder Woman films then you should not have set the first one in 1918. Had he still been alive, he would have been in his early 90s by 1984. The legend of the Monkey's Paw is that when it grants you a wish, it then takes something away from you. In this case it takes away Wonder Woman's powers. Because everyone loves superhero films where the heroes spend most of it stripped of their powers.


ORIGIN:
Psychologist William Moulton Marston, the inventor of the first lie detector, was the subject of an article in the October 1940 issue of The Family Circle titled Don't Laugh at the Comics where he argued that comic books had the potential to be a powerful tool for educating children. The article caught the attention of All-American Comics publisher  Max Gaines, who became interested in the prospect of selling educational comic books to schools, so hired Marston as an educational consultant. Marston wasn't at All-Star for long before his wife complained that there were no female superheroes, and he should pitch the idea to Gaines. The character  Marston created was Wonder Woman, and Gaines gave the go ahead for a test comic. The first appearance of Wonder Woman was in All-Star Comics December 1941 in an untitled two page comic in the back of the book. Army pilot Steve Trevor crash lands his plane on the mysterious Paradise Island where a race of  immortal  Amazon warriors had lived for centuries. There he is nursed back to health by the queen's daughter Diana, who falls in love with him. From Steve the Amazons learn of the Nazi's, and deciding they are a threat to the planet, the queen orders that one Amazon warrior should be sent out into the world to help mankind fight them. To decide who should go, tournaments are held, which Diana secretly enters wearing a mask. She becomes the victor, and ends up going back with Steve as Wonder Woman. Once in America, she takes on the secret identity of Diana Prince, becoming Wonder Woman whenever she is needed. Shortly after this comic was published, Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, and within a few days America was at war with Japan, Germany and Italy. Although the U.S. was not in the Second World War up to that point, comic book publishers regularly used Nazi spies as villains. Having a superhero who wears a patriotic red, white and blue costume who is sent to America to battle Nazis was just what Americans needed at the time. Despite her gender, All-American was sent a barrage of letters asking for more Wonder Woman comics, leading to her own comic books. In 1945 All American Comics merged with National Comics becoming D.C.  Gaines left to form a new comic book company called Educational Comics which would pick up on the idea of selling educational comic books to schools. Marston stayed at D.C. as Wonder Woman's writer until he died of cancer on May 2,  1947.

Along with Superman and Batman, Wonder Woman was among the only three superheroes to continue publishing comics through the 1950s when the popularity of the Superhero genre faded, surviving for the comic book Silver Age of the 60s and continuing to this day. In 1967 producer of the Batman television series William Dozier shot a five minute comedic pilot called Who's Afraid of Diana Prince? for a proposed Wonder Woman series that would be in the same universe as his Batman and Green Hornet series. However, ABC didn't greenlight it. But in 1974 gave the go-ahead for Waner Television to produce a movie pilot for a Wonde Woman series. Starring the blonde Cathy Lee Crosby, this Wonder Woman was a costumed female spy with no powers. The movie didn't do well, so Warner tried again with a different producer. This time  Wonder Woman was based directly on the 1940s comic books, giving her the same powers and gadgets, the same origin story, and taking place during World War II. And had the brunet Lynda Carter as the lead. ABC picked the pilot up for a series, but cancelled it after one season. CBS picked it up, but insisted they set the series in present times. It lasted two more seasons, cancelled in 1979 when Lynda Carter wanted to leave the show to begin what she assumed would be a successful singing career. Between 1995 and 2015 there were several attempts to bring Wonder Woman to the big screen under producer Joe Silver which never got the green light. David E Kelly picked up the television right and shot a pilot starring Adrianne Palicki, but it went no further than a bootleg sold at comic book conventions.  Finally Warner pushed forward with their DCEU, putting Wonder Woman in Batman v Superman, and hiring Patty Jenkins to direct a solo Wonder Woman film that for some reason it was dead important to release before they could do a Justice League film. Wonder Woman ( 2017 ) was a success, so Jenkins was asked to write and direct a sequel.

Jenkins regretted leaving the Amazon tournament out of the first film, so insisted the second film open with a flashback of a young Diana participating in an  Amazon game. This is the highlight of the entire film and does not feature Gal Godot. For villains Jenkins chose Wonder Woman's arch enemy Cheetah, and Maxwell Lord. Cheetah made her first appearance fall of 1946 in Wonder Woman #6. Her alter identity was socialite Priscilla Rich, and was the version of Cheetah used in the Super Friends animated cartoons. In the comics, Priscilla retired and for a while her niece Deborah Maine took over as the new Cheeta. This was altered during the Crisis of Infinite Earths  miniseries, and Deborah's timeline was changed so that she never became Cheetah. The version of Cheetah used in this film is Barbara-Ann Minerva who made her first appearance August 1987 in Wonder Woman Volume 2 #7.  Minerva has since been Cheetah as the original, Priscilla Rich, apparently died of old age in a nursing home. Some D.C. characters apparently do age. Villainous businessman  Maxwell Lord first appeared May 1987 in Justice League #1. since then the character has been adapted as a villain on two television series, Smallville and Supergirl


Reviews
"You watch thinking of the original three years ago, and wishing this one were better." ~ Seattle Times

"It's a lumpen mass of half-ideas and glaring fan service, topped by a horrendous montage ending that is clearly designed to inspire hope, courage, and kindness, but will more likely make everyone wonder if that was why they waited two and a half hours." ~ Austin Chronical

"The larger problem is that the filmmakers put in everything they could find without locating the one quality they need. No wonder this "Wonder Woman" falls flat - there's no wonder." ~ Boston Globe

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#62

Generation X ( 1996 )

9 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 4.5 IMDb,   #17  Darth Geek

Studio: Marvel Films/New World Television
Script: Eric Blakeney
Producer: Avi Arad, Eric Blakeny, Stan Lee
Director: Jake Sholder
Cast: Fiona Huges ( Emma Frost/White Queen ), Jeremy Ratchford ( Sean Cassidy/Banshee ), Amarilis ( Monet Yvette Clarisse Maria Theresa St. Croix/M ), Heather McComb ( Jubilation Lee/Jubilee ), Bumper Robinson ( Mondo ), Augustin Rodriguez ( Angelo Espinosa/ Skin ), Susanne Davis ( Arlee Hicks/Buff ), Randall Salvin ( Kurt Pastorius/Refrax ), Matt Frewer ( Doctor Russel Tresh )

TRAILER

Is it really fair to judge a pilot film? They are meant to be proof of concept and little more. The FOX executives should have realized the pilot didn't work and not aired it. If they still felt an X-Men spinoff series was viable, then ask the producers to change whatever didn't work, even if that involves completely recasting all the actors. We would have gotten a completely different Generation X pilot movie, one that would have launched the series, and this one would have only surfaced as an extra feature on the season 1 DVD set. Instead, FOX aired it. From the start, FOX had a lot of bad ideas as to what the series would be, most of which was due to them not wanting to spend money on effects. Resulting in half of the characters from the comic book being replaced with original characters who had powers that were cheaper to replicate.  They wanted the focus of the series to be on the teenaged characters acting like teenagers instead of using their powers.  So basically, turn a superhero property into a run of the mill high school series. They even hired a writer from 21 Jump Street, Eric Blakeney, to write the script.  But perhaps their worst decision was to take Jubilee, one of Marvel's few Asian American characters, and change her ethnicity  to white. While the focus of the series could be altered in further episodes from teenagers dating to super powered showdowns, casting Jubilee as white would be permanent. Something that could not be changed. One thing that was unavoidable to notice was Matt Frewer's performance as the movie's villain Dr. Russel Tresh, which seemed oddly similar to Jim Carrey. Just a few months before this pilot was shot, Batman Forever had broken box office records, making it suspicious that the villain in Generation X acted just Jim Carrey's Riddler. 


ORIGIN:
The X-Men had gone from Marvel's worst selling superhero team, to their biggest hit. This resulted in countless spin-off titles. Usually solo comics, but the occasional superhero mutant team. Marvel had been planning to introduce a new team of mutants affiliated with the X-Men, and had begun introducing each member in the various X-Men spinoff titles. The full team of what would become Generation X were introduced November 1994 in Uncanny X-Men #381, and shortly after in their own book. Generation X takes place at an annex school to Xavier School for Mutants, run by reformed villainess Emma Frost and Banshee. The film rights to the X-Men included all their spinoff comics. Since FOX also owned a network, it was decided to turn one of those spinoff books into a series. Generation X was chosen both because of the all teen lineup, and as it would be the cheapest to produce.


Review
"It's self serious, unfocused, and often times can't seem to turn its attempts at humor in to fodder for giggles" ~ Cinema Crazed

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#61

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D ( 2005 )

9 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 3.6 IMDb, #17 Pac-Man

Studio: Dimensions Films/Columbia Pictures
Script: Robert  Rodriguez, Marcel Rodriguez, Racer Rodriguez 
Producer: Elizabeth Avellán
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Cast: Cayden Boyd ( Max ), Taylor Lautner  ( Sharkboy ), Taylor Dooley ( Lavagirl ), David Arquette ( Max's father ), Kristin Davis ( Max's mother ), George Lopez ( Mr. Electricdad/Mr. Electric ), Jacob Davich ( Linus/Minus ), Sasha Pieterse ( Marissa Elecricdad/Ice Princess )

TRAILER

I shouldn't hate this movie, but I do. It shouldn't be this bad. Written and directed by Robert Rodriguez, and taking place in a fantasy world, there should be some sort of enjoyment.  But there isn't.  It is not a boring film, which is usually the sin of most bad Superhero films. The character move from one fantasy location to another too rapidly for that to happen.  It's just irritating, preachy, and full of bad humor. It is 90 minutes of what Robert Rodriguez imagines immature children would find funny, including the obligatory fart jokes. It is the sort of  bad kids entertainment  you get from those CGI educational programs the FCC forces the networks to air, only at feature length and without the mercy  of commercial breaks. It's the sort of film you would have turned off ten minutes in, except the only reason you are even watching it is that there are children in the room who wanted to see it, so you are sort of stuck in this nightmare for the next hour and a half. 

Max is a  introvert who dreams of a fictional planet called Drool, which is protected by the superheroes Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Max keeps a dream journal which he brings around with him every. Which is how the school bully is able to take it and tell Max that he is going to make changes in it. And if he is anything like the school bullies I grew up with, those changes will be drawings of boobs, and a lot of cuss words. Sharkboy and Lavagirl show up for real, and tell Max that he has to come back with them to planet Drool because there is some sort of apocalyptic catastrophe going on, and only Max can blah blah blah blah blah.  You get it. Max must travel around his dreamland to discover some inner truths that will defeat the big baddie trying to destroy it. The CIG is well under par, but at the least helps create a fantastic fantasy world. To bad everyone in this fantasy world is annoying. In particular, Sharkboy, who is 24/7 in a rage, which gets annoying very fast. Making matters worse, this movie was filmed in 3D, meaning most scenes are staged so that things pop out at the camera, further hurting the directing. Much like The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, many of the Drool residents Max encounters are doppelgangers of the people in his real world. And much like Dorothy, you too will be wishing you were out of this fantasy world. There is supposed to be some message here about not giving up your dreams. But one of Robert's dreams was to make this film, which most of us wished he had given up.

ORIGIN:
Robert Rodriiguez's 5 year old son at the time, Racer ( yep, that's what he named him, ) basically wrote this film. I am sure Robert fixed the story up a bit, but what you are seeing is a movie written by a kindergartener. And with characters with names like Mr. Electricdad, this sounds exactly like something a kid in kindergarten would write. Believe it or not, Rodriguez wrote and directed a sequel  in 2020 called We Can Be Heroes


Reviews
"A movie that fails on nearly every level." ~ Washington Post

"Sounds like a grand old time -- a hip fusion of Nickelodeon attitude, the wittier children's books, and retro kitsch culture. In fact, it's a nearly unwatchable combination of the worst elements of all three." ~ Boston Globe

"There's sad news to report about The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D: Put on the cardboard glasses, and you can still see the movie." ~ USA Today

[stethacantus]

#60

Zack Snyder's Justice League ( 2021 )

10 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 8.0 IMDb,  #16 Darth Geek

Studio: Warner Bros.
Script: Chris Terrio
Producers: Charles Roven, Deborah Snyder
Director: Zack Snyder
Cast: Ben Affleck ( Bruce Wayne/Batman ), Henry Cavill ( Kal El/Clark Kent/Superman ), Amy Adams ( Lois Lane ), Gal Gadot ( Diana Prince/Wonder Woman  ), Ray Fischer ( Victor Stone/Cyborg  ), Jason Mamoa ( Arthur Curry/Aquaman ), Eric Miller ( Barry Allen/The Flash ), Willem Dafoe ( Nuidis Vulko ), Jesse Eisenberg ( Lex Luthor ), Jeremy Irons ( Alfred Pennyworth ), Diane Lane ( Martha Kent ), Connie Nielsen ( Hippolyta ), J. K. Simmons ( Commissioner James Gordon ), Clarán Hinds ( Steppenwolf )

TRAILER

For some Zack Snyder's Justice League is vindication.  Proof that Warner Bros. had taken a great movie and turned it to shit with reediting and reshoots from another director.  For others, the Zack Snyder edit is only a minor improvement over what was always a bad film. That all it proves is that Warner Bros. took a mistake and made it a bigger mistake. What it comes down to is if you approved of Snyder's vision of the DCEU, or if you think he was ruining it since Man of Steel. And if you didn't like Zack Snyder's DCEU films, here is a four hour Zack Snyder DCEU film, shot in 1:3:1 aspect ratio, and perhaps shown in his preferences of black and white. 


ORIGIN:
Directors Cuts were a rarity. Once a studio settled on a final cut of a film, it stayed with that cut. Erich Von Stroheim's epic Greed ( 1924 ) was about 8 hours long and described by the critics who saw it as the greatest film ever made. MGM butchered the movie down to 2 hours 20 minutes against Stroheim's consent. Critics protested, yet MGM refused to even turn the deleted footage over to Stroheim, later claiming to the director that they had burned the edited scenes. If the greatest film ever made could not survive as a directors cut, then what else could? By the 50s movie studios began retaining deleted footage as television networks wanted longer edits to fit in their 2 hour movie blocks. Home video made directors cuts an asset.  Once the standard release had run it's course, an extended directors cut was released with "Never before seen footage" as a way to get the same people to buy the same film for a second time. The turning point came with the release of the Donner edit of Superman II ( 1980 ) which was an edit people actually knew existed and had been clamoring to see for nearly three decades. And was a risk. Superman II was the most loved film of the franchise, and prior to Spider-Man II ( 2004 ) consider by most critics to be the greatest superhero movie ever made. If the Donner cut was not as good, then releasing an inferior version would make the studio look bad. But it would so make the studio look bad if the Donner cut was better, which meant executive interference gave us an inferior theatrical release. Fortunately for Warner Bros., most thought the Donner cut was the same quality as the theatrical cut. And since it earned the studio money, a smart decision.  But it did open up the flood gates for the expectation  that studios would and should release directors cuts of the movies they notoriously interfered with. That is why #releasethesnydercut became a movement.  The reason the studio gave in to releasing it is they needed subscribers for HBO Max.


Reviews
"It's, well... still not that good." ~  Cosmopolitan

"I'd love to say it isn't half-bad, but I can't, because it is. It's roughly 50 percent bad." ~ Chicago Tribune

"Here's what Snyder seems to be trying to tell us: superheroes give you the sads." ~ Sunday Times

[stethacantus]

#59

Blade Trinity ( 2004 )

59 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 5.8 IMDb, #16 Pac-Man

Studio: New Line Cinema
Script: David S. Goyer
Producer: Peter Frankfurt, Wesley Snipes, David S. Goyer, Lynn Harris
Director: David S. Goyer
Cast:
Wesley Snipes ( Eric Brooks/ Blade ), Jessica Biel ( Abigail Whistler  ), Ryan Reynolds ( Hanibal King ), Dominic Purcell ( "Drake" Dracula ), Kris Kristofferson ( Abraham Whistler  ), Parker Posey ( Danica Talos ), Callum Keith Rennie ( Asher Talos ), Triple H ( Jacko Grimwood ), Natasha Lyonne ( Sommerfield ), Haili Page ( Zoe  ), Mark Berry  ( Chief Martin Vreede ), John Michael Higgins ( Dr. Edgar Vance  ), Patton Oswalt ( Hedges  )

TRAILER

Blade Trinity is not really a bad film. It is just bad compared to what came before it. Had this film been released in, say, 1995, no one would be complaining. But the bar had been raised, and by the past two Blade films. It opens in an ancient tomb tat Vampire archeologists uncover in the Syrian desert. This is the tomb of Dracula, the first vampire. And we hit the first problem in this film. It is well known that Dracula was from Transylvania, where his tomb should be. And if not there, then in England where he ended up at the end of the Bram Stoker novel and the countless movies based on it. Dracula would not have been the first vampire, as tales of vampires date back to ancient times, and Vlad Dracula ( a.k.a. Vlad the Impaler ) only dates back to the mid 1400s where he was a mortal who became a vampire. While the fictional Dracula would rise to become a significantly powerful vampire and could claim the title "King of the Vampires", he was not the first vampire. Goyer should have made this a different vampire. If so, we would have accepted the casting of Dominic Purcell, who is the greatest miscasting of Dracula since the sun tanned George Hamilton played him in Love at First Bite ( 1979 ). One could have argued that Dracula belongs in the Blade movies, as the Blade in the comic books originated in  The Tomb of Dracula. But that was the original Dracula, and his tomb was in Europe, not a buried temple in the mid east.  The reason for the resurrection of Dracula in this film is that he didn't have the weaknesses of modern vampires. Meaning that he could walk in sunlight, and was not hurt by holy water  or religious artifacts. Modern vampires would love to have a sample of his blood so they can cure themselves of their weaknesses and be able to conquer the planet.  The only thing standing in their way, is Blade.

For some reason Blade is now a well known celebrity vampire hunter.  The vampires lure Blade into a fight, where he is tricked into killing a human he thinks is a vampire, which they record on videotape and send to the media.  Here we find another problem with this film. The fight choreography. It is very minimal. It as if Goyer was so overwhelmed with the production that he did not want to spend days shooting the same fight scene. So instead had the cast do some simple moves. One of the things the prior Blade films revolutionized was martial arts in American movies. The way most Hollywood studios dealt with martial arts was to keep the fighting very simple and at a minimum. The didn't want their stars hurt doing stunt work, and they did not want to pay for the extra production time to spend days shooting every single fight scene. Most American martial arts films had barely any fighting.  A new wave of Hong Kong films being imported, such as Rumble in the Bronx was about to force American studios to up their game.  Wesley Snipes had trained in the martial arts since the age of 12, and wanted to bring his skills to film. So the first Blade film was in actuality a ground breaking martial arts film, beating Rush Hour, The Matrix and the television series Martial Law to the mainstream by months.  In this sense Blade Trinity is a giant step back as the fights are once again very simple, very minimal, and instead of being energized by fantastic moves, are energized by rapid editing.

Framed by the vampires as a murderer, the  police turn against blade and attack him at his base, during which Whistler is killed. Whistler had been killed off in the first movie, but was such a well loved character that New Line insisted on a convoluted sup plot where he is resurrected  in Blade II. But in this move he more or less just has a cameo before he blows himself up with the police raiding Blade's lair. Why would the series go through all that trouble resurrecting a dead character, only to pointlessly kill him off in the beginning of the third film? And that is another problem with this film. Blade is arrested and is being instigated by the police when he is suddenly rescued by a gang of vigilantly vampire hunters called The Nightstalkers. The leader is Abigale Whistler, the daughter of the recently deceased Abraham Whistler. Also in the gang is Hannibal King, and for a second it looks like Goyer was going to introduce the Nightstalkers team from Marvel, which consisted of Blade, Hannibal and mortal decedent of Dracula named Frank Drake. But there is no Frank Drake in this version of the Nightstalkers. Instead, confusingly, Dracula takes the name Drake for the rest of the film. This new Nightstalker team is nothing like the comic book counterpart. For example, Hannibal King is not a vampire looking for a cure, but just a guy who once dated a vampire. He is played by Ryan Reynolds, who acts more like Deadpool than Hanibal ( at least closer to Deadpool than when he played Deadpool in X-Men Origins. ) If this seems like a back door pilot, then you are right. New Line wanted a spin-off Nightstalker series with Jessica Biel, Ryan Rynolds and possibly Wesley Snipes. Although Snipes had become such a pain to work with that they were good with the Nightstalker series being just Abigale and Hannibal. As you would expect, shoehorning in a different cast of characters to launch a separate series compromised this film a lot. Blade's role in the plot is reduced quite a bit. Another problem with this film.

The Nightstalkers have developed a serum called Daystar, which will create a cloud toxic only to vampires, and will wipe them off the face of the Earth. Two small problems. On is that it is missing it's final ingredient, Dracula's blood. The other, that once this toxin is released, it will probably kill Blade. Abigale and Blade raid a warehouse  where brain-dead humans are kept and slowly drained of blood. This is to be the vampires solution to their food problem once they have eradicated the human race, keeping some of them alive in blood farms. Blade and Abigale destroy the blood farm, but return to the Nigtstalker base to find all the other members have been killed in a vampire raid. The only survivors are Hannibal, who the vampires keep alive to interrogate, and Zoe,  the daughter of one of the dead Nightstalker members who is being kept as bait to trap Abigale and Blade. Of course Abigale and Blade infiltrate the vampire headquarters, rescue the hostages,  and fight Dracula and the other vampires. Inevitably Blade is able to inject Dracula with Daystar, causing all the vampires in the world to burst into flames.

And now we get a choice of three different endings, depending on where you have seen this film.
Ending #1. Blade appears to have dropped dead. His body is brought to the morgue, but as they are about to do the autopsy, he shape shifts into Dracula. A voice over from Hannibal says that Dracula decided to honor that man who beat him by giving him a gift. By shape-shifting into Blade so he could escape from the police. And as we see Blade drive off in a motorcycle, Hannibal mentions  that Blade would go on fighting evil.
Ending #2.  Both Dracula and Blade drop dead from the Daystar. Blade is brought to a morgue, but as he is about to be cut open ,he awakes and attacks the doctors performing the autopsy, A voice over from Hannibal explains that Blade's human half did not die, and the Daystar only caused his heart to slow down. But now he is alive again to go on fighting evil.
Ending #3.  It is six months after Blade died. Abigale and Hannibal are in a casino where they are now fighting Werewolves.


ORIGIN:
In the 1950s, along with communism, game shows, Rock N Roll and juvenile delinquents, Congress decided that Comic Books were a threat to America. In order to prevent the government from either age restricting comic books, or banning comic books outright, the leading comic book companies got together and formed the Comic Code Authority. A group of censors who would pre-read comic pages before the book went to print, and issue a stamp of approval if the book met their guidelines. A lot of those guidelines banned sex, graphic violence and unpunished criminal activities. But they also flat out banned horror. This was basically a stab at the leading comic book company, E.C., who's comic books like Tales from the Crypt were best sellers. None of E.C.s horror comics could get a CCA stamp of approval, so distributors refused to distribute them. E.C. tried some "New Direction" comic books that were in other genres, but no one wanted to buy them. Before E.C. completely went out of business, they did a run-around with the CCA, and turned their best selling humor comic book, MAD, into a black and white magazine for "Adults", which continues to be published to this day.

Of course, the ban on horror meant neither Timely ( Marvel ) nor National Comics ( D.C. ) could publish horror anthologies. They got around this with sci-fi anthologies which the CCA allowed, but classic horror was banned. That is until the 70s when self distributed underground comics and adult black and white comic magazines like Vampirella began cutting in to the color comic book profits. Since the government was no longer concerned with comic books, and E.C. was long dead, the leading comic book companies got together and amended the CCA guidelines to once again allow horror. Marvel began publishing several horror titles, like Son of Satan, Ghost Rider, Werewolf By Night, Man-Thing and The Tomb of Dracula. The Dracula title took place in modern times, and followed a group of vampire hunters lead by Quincy Harker, who  would battle Dracula each month as the book's continuing villain.  Among the roster of vampire hunters was Eric Cross Brooks, who went by the name Blade, first appearing July 1973 in issue #10. His mother was a prostitute who was having a hard labor when Eric was being born,  resulting in the other prostitutes in the brothel to call for a doctor. Unbeknownst to them, the doctor was a vampire who drained Eric's mother of her blood and killed her. The vampire enzyme passed into Eric as he was being born, turning him into a half vampire, and giving him vampire powers including immortality. Vowing to find the vampire who murdered his mother and cursed him as a half vampire, Blade spent the next four decades hunting and killing vampires before joining Harker's group. Blade became a breakout character, and soon Marvel was giving him his own solo books.

Hannibal King made his first appearance in October of 1974 in issue #25 of Tomb of Dracula. A private detective, one of his cases lead to a vampire named Decon Frost, who killed Hannibal. However, Hannibal rose from the dead as a vampire. Determined not to be a vampire, Hannibal only drank blood taken from blood banks, and rarely used any of his vampire powers. He aided Harker's team with his detective skills. When Blade realized Decon Frost was the vampire who murdered his mother, Blade and Hannibal teamed up together to hunt Frost down for revenge. Together with team member Frank Drake, they formed a detective agency  as a cover for locating vampires once Harker's group disbanded, first appearing together August 1992 in Issue #23 of Ghost Rider volume 3.   Drake first appeared in Tomb of Dracula #1 as the last living descendant of Count Dracula who inherits Dracula's castle. Not realizing Dracula wasn't a legend, Drake had traveled to the castle with his friends looking to sell it. There they discovered Dracula's body, and accidentally revived him. Feeling guilty about unleashing Dracula on the world again, Drake joined Harker's vampire hunters, and later the detective agency  King, Drake and Blade. Doctor Strange convinced the agency to reform as the supernatural team The Nightstalkers who had their own book in November of 1992 and ran for 18 issues.  Much of the book spent time tying up abandoned story arcs from cancelled Marvel horror comic books.

New World Pictures had the film rights to Blade in the 80s and wanted Richard Roundtree to star, and later LL Cool J. No film was made, and the film rights were eventually sold to New Line Cinema. New Line had intended to make the film adaption comedic, and had asked writer  David S Goyer to write it as a Western spoof, and turn Blade into a white man. Goyer had to convince the studio that it was both a mistake to take the source material and turn it into a comedy, and that changing Blade to a white man would be a public relations disaster for the studio. Wesley Snipes had been trying to make a film adaption of Black Panther, but a production deal fell apart. He eagerly signed on as Blade, but insisted the film have proper martial arts. Despite Snipes getting a producer credit, the film was the entire vision of David S. Goyer. As was the sequel Blade II. Both films were hits for New Line, critical successes, and instrumental in reviving the superhero movie in Hollywood after disasters like Batman & Robin, Spawn and Steel.

However, for the third film New Line took full creative control. Goyer had envisioned the Blade films to be a trilogy, and had spent a long time writing the final instalment script which was to take place in the future, after a vampire apocalypse has wiped out most of mankind. The only way to kill the vampires and to save what is left of mankind is to unleash a weapon called the Daystar, which turns out to be the blood of a young girl, who was possibly Blade's  illegitimate daughter. Blade, who despite aging slowly due to being half vampire is now old, is the only one who can rescue the girl and take her to the rebel base where the last humans have a way of weaponizing her blood, which Blade fully knew would kill him as well as the vampires.  New Line, who finally got around to reading the source material which gave them a bunch of bad ideas,  flat out rejected the script and told Goyer to write a new one in a short amount of time. They wanted it to take place in the present, which meant Whistler would still be alive. However, they wanted Whistler killed off in the beginning of the film. They also wanted new characters Abigale Whistler and Hannibal King introduced because New Line was planning a Nightstalkers spin-off series with Reynolds and Biel. And the wondered why Dracula was never in the Blade films, so demanded Dracula be put in it. It is suspected that Goyer gave the studio a f#%k you script, intending to fulfil his contract and be done with the series. However, Snipes, who felt he was the creativity behind the Blade films and was becoming a problem to New Line, drove off the directors they had hired to shoot the film. Needing a director at the last minute, they asked Goyer to direct.

According to Patton Oswalt , it is a miracle that Blade Trinity was ever completed. No one liked the approved script, including Kristofferson who could not understand why they were killing his character off again, Goyer himself, and Wesley Snipes who not only hated the script, but didn't want Goyer directing. Reynolds insisted on being allowed to ad-lib jokes. And since the studio wanted him for the Nightstalker  spinoff, they asked Goyer to let him have his way. Snipes spent most of the shoot locked in the trailer, refusing to come out to film most of the action scenes, which resulted in the use of stunt doubles with Snipe's face replacing theirs using CGI. Of course, Snipes no longer insisting on martial arts and refusing to be in many of the action scenes meant  the fighting choreography was short changed, especially by the overwhelmed Goyer who spent very little time shooting them to keep on schedule. Most of the actors either walked through their roles, or delivered over the top performances. As Snipes began to refuse to show up on set for more and more scenes, Goyer was forced to remove his character from scenes Blade was supposed to be in. One scene Snipes refused to do was the morgue scene at the end.  Originally Blade was to die, and the final scene was to be Biel and Reynolds fighting the Werewolf. ( or at least beginning to fight a werewolf. The mostly CGI beast is only on screen for a few seconds before te scene goes dark. ) But then New Line came to the ridiculous conclusion that there would be a Blade IV, and asked for reshoots that showed Blade coming back from the dead.  Footage had been shot with Snipes laying in a morgue, but he refused to show up for a reshoot. So his eyes were made to open using CGI, and a stunt double beats up the men attending the autopsy, followed by a recycled shot of Blade driving away on his motor cycle and Ryan Rynolds narrating about how the seemingly dead Blade revived from the Daystar and would go on fighting evil.  New Line hated the scene because it showed Blade murdering everyone in the room, and cuts just as he is about to murder a cowering in turn. This ending was altered with CGI to make Blade's body morph into Dracula, and another voice over from Reynolds explaining that, as a gift for besting him in a fight, Dracula transformed into Blade so that the real blade could escape, and the body the police found on the floor was actually Dracula.  As slopy as this end was, New Line approved it, although the other endings ended up on various home video and television edits. Since Snipes refused to be in the werewolf scene, it was cut entirely, replaced once again with the reused footage of him n a motorcycle. New Line was so convinced there would be another Blade film and that Snipes would return, that they began negotiating with Sony Pictures for a Blade/Underworld crossover film, noting the similarities in both series. This ignoring that all vampires on Earth were wiped out in the Blade continuity. But then Wesley Snipes refused to pay his income taxes, and well, that was that.


Reviews
"Chances are that Goyer's cack-handed direction has killed a franchise he helped birth." ~ Empire Magazine

"This has all the appeal of reheated, congealed blood." ~ Time Out

"Sometimes bloody, sometimes bloody awful."  ~ BBC.com

"Watching Blade: Trinity is like being rolled down a marble staircase in an oil drum. The movie is loud, dark, bumpy and not even a little fun." ~ Washington Post

[stethacantus]

#58

The Crow ( 1994 )

11 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 7.5 IMDb,  #15 Darth Geek

Studio: Dimension Films
Script: David J. Schow, John Shirley
Producers: Jeff Most, Edward R. Pressman, Grant Hill
Director: Alex Proyas
Cast: Brandon Lee ( Eric Draven/The Crow ), Rochelle Davis ( Sarah Mohr ), Ernie Hudson ( Sergeant Daryl Albrecht ) Michael Wincott ( Top Dollar ), Bai Ling ( Myca ), Sofia Shinas ( Shelly Webster ), Anna Levine ( Darla Mohr ), David Patrick Kelly ( T-Bird ), Angel David ( Shank ), Laurence Mason ( Tin Tin ), Michael Massee ( Funboy ), Tony Todd ( Grange ), Kon Polito ( Gideon ), Bill Raymond ( Mickey ), Marco Rodriguez ( Detective Torres )

TRAILER

Another one of the films that made this list that I actually liked. Although to tell the truth, I thought it was just okay on the first viewing, and didn't really like it until re-watching it years later. You can't watch this movie without thinking of Brandon Lee, and how he died filming it. It is only when you no longer see Brandon as Brandon, but as the character Eric Draven he was portraying.  It is only then that you are invested in Eric's plight, only then that you care about his revenge, and only then that you care about him being reunited with the woman he loved. There is a profound sadness to this movie which you can only experience if you connect with the characters.  Something that would have worked far better had Lee not been killed.

The question is if they should have reshot the film with another actor? Certainly it would have been better if it still including the scenes that needed to be reworked or removed because of Lee's death. And there would not be the baggage while viewing the film of thinking about Lee the actor instead of Eric Draven the character. Then I am reminded of Saratoga ( 1937 ), the film Jean Harlow died while filming.  While she didn't drop dead on the set as legend has it, MGM did force her to work on the film when she was gravely ill, ultimately contributing to her death. The studio initially announced they would be recasting her role and reshooting her scenes, but an outcry of her fans had the studio complete the film with stand-ins for the scenes she had not shot yet. Those who went to see the movie could not help but notice how sick Jean looked,  often contemplating if the scene they were watching was the one she collapsed on while filming. And yet, while it is 90 minutes of watching a beloved actress literally dying, had MGM not kept her in the film then the world would never have seen her finest performance as an actress.  Similarly, if Brandon Lee had been recast, we would have never seen him in his best performance.

No, we are not talking Oscar worthy performance here.  It is, after all, an action movie based on a comic book. And while it exceeds on set design and atmosphere, much of the film technique has dated to 90s music video cliché.  The effects, once state of the art, haven't aged that well either. This puts the film on the margin of either liking it, or finding what was once dark, now too campy and cartoonish for your taste. And with the baggage of Brandon Lee's death,  not liking the film means really not liking the film. Because completing it and releasing it after Lee's death can not be justified, and therefore in gross bad taste.


ORIGIN:
The crow debuted January 1989 in issue #1 of Caliber Presents in a short story called Inertia which was a prequel to the series that followed.  The Crow was a four issue limited series that followed the story of Eric, who is murdered along with his fiancée Shelly by a street gang. Resurrected by a mystical crow as one of the undead, Eric spends the four issues hunting down and killing the gang members responsible for his and Shelly's death.  Other comic book series would follow featuring other murder victims turning into The Crow and seeking vengeance.


Reviews
"If The Crow is forgettable entertainment, it can stand as an eerie epitaph for an actor who looked like he was on the way to better things." ~ Entertainment Weekly

"It succeeds in bringing O'Barr's comic-book vision to life, but there's little else going on behind the graphic razzle-dazzle and the moody, ominous soundtrack." ~ Newsweek

[stethacantus]

#57

The Rocketeer ( 1991 )

11 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 6.5 IMDb,  #15 stansimpson

Studio: Walt Disney Pictures
Script: Danny Bilson, Paul De Meo
Producers: Charles Gordon, Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin
Director: Joe Johnston
Cast: Billy Campbell ( Cliff Secord/The Rocketeer ), Jennifer Connelly ( Jenny Blake ), Alan Arkin ( Peevy Peabody ), Timothy Dalton ( Neville Sinclair ), Terry O'Quinn ( Howard Hughes ), Ed Lauter ( FBI Agent Fitch ), James Handy ( FBI Agent Wolinski ), Paul Sorvino ( Eddie Valentine ), Tiny Ron Taylor ( Lothar )

TRAILER

I knew that some of these write-ups I would have problems with. Like I said, what is good and what is bad is all a matter of opinion. Even the best films have their critics, who legitimately did not like that film. A movie is a form of entertainment that expects you to sit for an hour or more and give it all of your attention. So it better be worth the time you wasted on it. And if the price of the  theater ticket came out of your pocket, then you are doubly entitled to be critical of that film. If I thought a film on this list was good, then I would have to consult the reviews to find out what they found wrong with it. I didn't think I would have much of a problem with The Rocketeer. This was one of the 90s notorious box office bombs. So bad that Disney never even bothered to make a direct to video sequel. And they made direct to video sequels of some of their worst films. Disney spent millions promoting this film. The TV Spot aired so much that you wanted to punch your television screen out because you were sick of hearing Jennifer Connely saying  "The Rock-a-who?" The billboards where everywhere. The Rocketeer was on every entertainment magazine cover.  Pizza Hut was selling Rocketeer style pizza which came with a Rocketeer collectable cup. The toy stores were full of movie tie-in toys. So, for a movie that got a major release and this much publicity to then bomb, something had to be wrong with it, right? I have The Rocketeer on DVD somewhere. Bought it near the beginning of collecting superhero films. I just could not remember if I thought  it was good or bad. Apparently never reviewed it here,  and it is currently buried at the bottom of one of my boxes of DVDs where I can't find it without going through everything. So, tat means going through the reviews of others to find out why this was such a turd.

Except I can't find a bad review. The critics that gave it weak reviews, praised a lot of the film, but generally decided it was nothing new compared to the Indiana Jones films. Things were even worse on YouTube where the critics there lay waste to everything. But every review I watched was positive. Even Nostalgia Critic liked the film. This is going to be harder than I thought. Something caused The Rocketeer to crash and burn in 1991. There was something audiences who saw it in theaters didn't like about it. But what was it? According to everyone, this film was flawless. A very good cast, great production value, great musical score, decent plot, and even the effects which have aged since 1991 were obvious but still held up. So what was wrong with it?

So I did research on the film. Maybe they f&%ked up translating the source material to film. Maybe bad word of mouth of millions of fans of the comic book doomed this movie. And yet, it turns out this is one of the best screen adaptions of a comic book, with the only major change being that Jennifer Connely's character was changed from a pinup model to an actress. Disney insisted on that PG rating. But otherwise, fans of the comic book were pleased with the movie adaption. So I dug some more, read everything I could about the film, and finally, I found my answer. "The Rocketeer was supposed to be a Touchstone Film, but then Disney decided that it should be released through their studio and marketed to children." Suddenly things began to make sense.  The Rocketeer was promoted as a kids film. Most of the audience that first weekend would have been children and their parents. Only one problem. The Rocketeer is not a kids film.

As I brought up with the write-up for Super Buddies, there you had a film that children loved but adults hated.  The reverse is also true. Try getting a child to sit through The Godfather, and despite it being one of the greatest American movies ever made, that child will be in tears because he or she finds it to boring.  The Rocketeer was not meant for children. It was meant for adults, specifically those old enough to enjoy the nostalgia of the era it takes place in.   It is a tribute to the 1930s, with a character based on Commander Cody ( a movie serial that was actually form the 1950s ). Here's the thing. Children do not find a guy flying around in a jet pack entertaining. Maybe they did back in the 1950s when there were barely any fantasy films on the big screen.  But if you remember those Commander Cody serials shown on MST3K, that jet pack was barely used. It was convenient when he needed to get somewhere fast, but most of the action came from fistfights and shootouts. And each chapter was only one reel. short enough that if a kid grew bored, it would be over quickly. The Rocketeer had children sitting there for an hour and forty minutes. And there was a lot of down time that the Commander Cody films didn't have. Did children give a crap about the romantic relationship between the hero and the damsel? NO! Did they care about the nostalgia aspect? NO! Did they care about characters talking about the rocket pack? NO! This film was not made for kids. But Disney packed them into theaters. Adults who saw the Disney Films logo, the toy and candy tie-ins, the style of television spots, thought this was a G rated family friendly film and didn't go to see it. So most of those who went to see it were children who thought it was the most boring thing ever. And when they got bored, they began to talk, and run around, and cry, and generally make it unpleasant for the few adults in the theater. So yea, the audience who went to see The Rocketeer in theaters on it's opening week thought it was poopoo garbage. And the parents who paid good money to watch their  kids have a tantrum told other parents not to see that movie. Some of the YouTube reviews mention that they saw The Rocketeer as a kid and didn't like it, but revisited it for the review and were surprised  to find they did like it. So basically Disney screwed up with the marketing and the only word of mouth for the film was negative.

So we know kids don't like it. But what about adults? Like I said, I don't remember either liking it or hating it. So it must be one of those films that comes off as a watered down version of something else. An Indiana Jones lite. There appears to be nothing specific in it that would turn an audience against it. No swinging on vines with monkeys or surviving a nuclear bomb in a refrigerator. So maybe it is just one of those films that some feel were well done, but just didn't work. The nostalgia just felt like a gimmick rather than an asset. The action just wasn't as good as something Spielberg directed. Just one of those films that leaves a person flat because they feel like they have already seen a much better version of the same basic story. Or maybe some people just don't like it. I mean, it's a movie about a guy who straps a rocket to his back t fight Nazis, which is actually pretty silly if you don't think it is cool.


ORIGIN:
Republic Pictures released the 12 chapter serial King of the Rocket Men in 1949 as a response to the Buck Rodgers serials. The serial followed the adventures of Jeff King who is known to the world as  Rocket Man for his costume that has an atomic powered  rocket attached to his back.  In 1952 Republic Pictures introduced a new hero, Commander Cody played by George Wallace in the 12 part serial Radar Men from the Moon, who similarly wore a rocket powered outfit. The reason for giving Commander Cody a rocket outfit was that Republic had spent so much money on the costume and effects scene of a rocket powered guy flying around in the sky that they wanted their money's worth. That same year Republic released Zombies of the Stratosphere where the hero was Larry Martin of the Inter-Planetary Patrol played by Judd Holden.  Larry also had the same rocket suit. In 1955 actor Judd Holden returned, but not as Larry Martin, but as Commander Cody in Commander Cody: Sky Marshal of the Universe, which was filmed as a television series, but was first released to theaters as a 12 chapter serial without cliffhangers. Because Radar Men from the Moon became public domain, it was regularly used by Fireside Theater who would screen chapters that they redubbed with humorous dialog. It and other serials were reedited and redubbed for the Fireside Theater film J-Men Forever. In 1982 cartoonist Dave Stevens created The Rocketeer which was a homage to  pulp fiction novels . Set in the 1930s, Stevens drew the inspiration of the hero from the 50s Republic serials, and broke the story up into five chapters meant to be published as a backup feature in the Pacific Comic book Starslayer, beginning April 1982 in Starslayer #2.  Only two chapters were printed in Starslayer,  the third and fourth chapter printed in  the first two issues of Pacific Presents, sharing the book with Steve Ditko's Missing Man. The fourth chapter ended on a cliffhanger to be published in a Rocketeer stand alone comic book. However, Stevens took too long to  complete it. Pacific Comics went out of business. Eclips Comics began publishing some of the unpublished Pacific projects, and printed the stand alone Rocketeer comic book. An Eclipse book combining all the chapters as a graphic novel soon followed. Stevens continued the Rocketeer's adventures in Rocketeer Adventure Magazine for Comico Comics with what was to be three issues that had the Rocketeer in New York City. It took Stevens a year to complete the second issue. He then took six years to complete the third and final issue, which ended up being published by Dark Horse Comics which also combined all three issues in a graphic novel. No other Rocketeer comics were published in Steven's lifetime.

From the start Dave Stevens thought his Rocketeer comic should be turned into a movie. He was able to sell the rights in 1983, but with final approval. The script for the film eliminated most of the story from the comic for a brand new Rocketeer story, which Stevens rejected. The rights reverted back to Stevens, who in 1985 gave them for free to screen writers Danny Bilson and Paul De Meo when they agreed to write a script that was faithful to the comic. Three rewrites later Disney greenlit the film, but tried to get the screenwriters to change the setting to modern day America. Originally to be marketed to teenagers and young adults and released as a Touchstone film, someone at Disney thought it should be marketed as a kids film and released through the family friendly Disney Pictures so they could produce and market a line of Rocketeer toys. 


Reviews
"A piece of blandly enthusiastic, B-movie pulp." ~ Entertainment Weekly

"Okay special effects, but the story tends to drag and ultimately the most interesting thing in it is sumptuous Jennifer Connelly's cleavage." ~ Sci-Fi Movie Page

"Neat idea, peachy visuals, but there ain't much else to grip the imagination." ~ Time Out

[stethacantus]

#56

The Return of Captain Invincible ( 1983 )

11 points, 1 list,  TIEBREAKER 5.6 IMDB, #15 Stethacantus

Studio: Seven Keys
Script: Steven E de Souza, Andrew Gaty, Peter Smalley
Producer: Brian Burgess, Andrew Gaty
Director: Phillippe Mora
Cast: Alan Arkin ( Captain Invincible ), Christopher Lee ( Mr. Midnight  ), Kate Fitzpatrick ( Patty Patria ), Bill Hunter ( Tupper/Coach ), Michael Pate ( President of the United States of America ), Graham Kennedy ( Prime Minister ), Mac Phillips ( Admiral ), Alfred Sandor ( Captain in NYPD )

TRAILER

You were looking forward to this film. It was a musical, with songs written by Richard O'Brien and Richard Hartley, who had previously written the musical and movie Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was a comedic musical about  superheroes.  Christopher Lee played the villain, and he was singing in the trailer. There was no way this film wouldn't be fun. So you watch it, and the first five minutes when they set up the premise is pretty good. There is a lot of opportunity here for comedy and social commentary.  But then you hear the first song in this musical, and the lyrics are bullshit. I do not mean that metaphorically, the actor playing the  president literally sings the words "bullshit" over and over again for an entire two minutes. And that is the movie's most memorable song. None of the creativity O'Brien and Hartley displayed when they wrote Rocky Horror Picture Show is present in this movie. You begin to realize that you have not laughed at one thing in this comedy since the opening.  And how dull the plot seems to be. It is if the script itself fell asleep ten minutes into the film. It had all this potential. You were expecting something fun. Instead, it is one of those films that has you checking the chronometer on the DVD player to see how much time the film has left, and realizing it has only been five minutes since the last time you checked. 

The film opens with a montage of newsreel footage of Captain Invincible taking out various criminals in the 1930s, then taking down the Nazis in World War II.  The tone of the newsreels change drastically when the Captain is grilled before Congress about his alleged ties with Communism. Labeled a communist sympathizer, he is driven out of America.  This was actually a good opening for the film. But that is where it ends.

Decades later, an experimental weapon called the hypnoray is stolen from the Americans.  The president decides the only one who could retrieve the hypnoray is Captain Invincible, and puts out a worldwide alert to find him. He is discovered in Australia by a policewoman named Patty Patria. With him out of shape and an alcoholic, Patty needs to convince the Captain to become a superhero again. The entire second act of this film is Captain Invincible training to get his powers back. Once he has regained his super brain, he deduces that his old arch enemy, Mr. Midnight, has stolen the hypnoray.  The third act: the showdown at  Mr. Midnight's base. His fiendish plan? Use the hypnoray to get people to by homes on a floating island, then tow everyone out to sea.

Huh?


ORIGIN:
This was obviously an attempt to make a cult musical similar to Phantom of the Paradise ( 1974 ) and Rocky Horror Picture Show ( 1975 ), even hiring the song writers from Rocky Horror. At least some of the blame as how this film turned out can go to the American distributor Jensen Farley Pictures. After viewing the rough cut, they gave demands for the final cut to producer Andrew Gaty, claiming the edits were needed to make the film more accessible to Americans.  When his film was recut, director Phillippe Mora objected in the press. This caught the attention of the Minister of Home Affairs, who decided the film no longer qualified for The 150% tax deduction they gave to encourage production of Australian films, as an American company had final cut. Meanwhile, shortly before it was to be distributed in America, Jansen Farley Pictures went out of business, and the film would get a direct to video release only, completely missing the Midnight Movie market it was targeted towards.

Reviews
"It's entirely unfunny, with intentionally campy dialogue that falls flat and songs to match" ~ eFilmCritic.com

"A super idea didn't quite pan out in this musical fantasy spoof." ~ TV Guide

[stethacantus]

#55

Black Scorpion ( 1995 )

11 points, 1 list,  TIEBREAKER 4.5 IMDb. #15 Pac-Man

Studio: New Horizons
Script: Craig J Nevius
Producer: Roger Corman, Mike Elliott
Director: Johnathan Winfrey
Cast: Joan Severance ( Darcy Waller/The Black Scorpion ), Casey Siemaszko ( Dr. Goddard/The Breathtaker ), Bruce Abbott ( Michael Russo ), Garrett Morris ( Argyle ), Rick Rossovich ( Stan Walker ), Stephen Lee ( Captain Strickland ), Terri J. Vaughn ( Tender Lovin' )

TRAILER

How can you describe a typical Roger Corman film?  You wouldn't call it bad. But you wouldn't call it good either. It is the perfect example of satisfactory. Something that fulfils the legal definition of a movie. Not quite boring enough to be called boring, yet not quite exciting enough to be called exciting. It is as if Corman is fully capable of making good cinema, but will only spend enough on a movie to make it hover above bad. Black Scorpion is one of those movies. It is only bad when compared to a typical superhero film of the same era. ( Well, the couple of  good superhero films of the 90s anyway. ) You are not going to be tortured for the 90 minutes you watch it. But you are going to leave with the same exact fulfilment you would have gotten if you spent that same 90 minutes staring at the wall.

The film begins with a car chase and a shootout, neither which is particularly exciting despite cars flipping in the chase scene, and John Woo inspired gunplay in the shootout.  A doctor being held hostage is shot in the chest by Detective Stan Walker, resulting in him being thrown off the force. Years later his daughter Darcy has become a police detective herself. On the night of her birthday, her father gives her a scorpion ring that shoots electricity. Shortly after, the district attorney enters the bar and shoots Darcy's father to death. He has no idea why he did it, or who brainwashed him into assassinating a retired police officer. This should be the catalyst that causes Darcy to become a superhero, but it isn't. The next day a pimp Darcy had arrested is set free, and her complaints only result in here getting suspended. Back at her house, she is visited by Tender Lovin', The prostitute Darcy worked the corner with when she was under cover. The pimp who was set free ad just beaten her up. Deciding the police are useless at upholding the law, Darcy decides to become a superhero. And after a 30 second montage of Darcy sewing a costume together, she is a superhero. The only powers she has are martial arts skills and the scorpion taser  ring that her father gave her. For her first mission, Darck finds the pimp and throws him out a window. As she begins going after other criminals, the cops become aware that there is a vigilante named Black Scorpion and try to arrest her. One night her car gets hit by bullets, so she takes it to an underground chop shop for repairs, as a real repair shop would report the bullet holes to the police. The shop is run by a mechanic named Argyle, who Darcy had arrested before her suspension. Not only does Argyle fix her car, but he upgrades it with advanced technology he stole from the government, not just making her car bulletproof, but giving it the ability to change from her car into the Scorpion Mobile while she is driving it. As the scorpion Mobile, it is decked out in every gadget you would expect in a car driven by James Bond.  As her arsenal of gadgets grows, she decides to  take on a costumed villain who has been terrorizing the city, the Breathtaker, who plans to asphyxiate the entire city with toxic gas. It turns out the Breathtaker is the one who brainwashed the district attorney into shooting Darcy's father.

ORIGIN:
Corman had attempted in the past to make superhero films, but the closest he came to succeeding was the unreleased Fantastic Four movie. So he decided to create his own superhero. And that is pretty much it. Black Scorpion was initially made for Showtime. Theye were pleased enough with it to ask for a sequel, Black Scorpion II: Aftershock which was pretty much the same quality. With two successful TV movies, it was decided to turn Black Scorpion into a weekly series, which continued from the movies, but with a brand new cast. It ran for one season on SyFy ( then called the Sci-Fi Channel ). While just as little effort was put into the series as was put into the movies, you do have to admire one thing. Corman did try to recapture the fun of the Batman television series. He got it wrong, but at least you had a superhero series with a different costumed villain each week. They even brought back villains killed off in the movies, and continuously brought back villains killed during the series,  thanks to Dr. Phoenix who had the ability  to resurrect the dead from as little as a few cells, and for some reason kept resurrecting villains as part of his experiments.  Corman even cast actors from the original Batman series, most notably Frank Gorshin as the villain Clockwise, and Adam West himself as the re-casted Breathtaker.


Review
"It's painful to watch, but in a good way, like picking at a scab even though you know it's just going to start bleeding again." ~ Mutant Reviewers

[stethacantus]

#54

Fant 4 Stic ( 2015 )

11 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 4.3 IMDb,  #15 RVR II

Studio: 20th Century Fox
Script: Jos Trank, Jeremy Slater, Simon Kinberg
Producer:  Gregory Goodman, Simon Kinberg,  Robert Kulzer, Hutch Parker,   Matthew Vaughn
Director: Josh Trank
Cast: Miles Teller ( Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic ), Michael B Jordan ( Johnny Storm/Human Torch ), Kate Mara ( Sue Storm/Invisible Woman ), Jamie Bell ( Ben Grimm/The Thing ), Tobias Alistar ( Victor Von Doom/Doom ), Reg E Cathey ( Dr. Franklin Storm ), Tim Blake Nelson ( Dr. Harvey Allen )

TRAILER

Forget everything you know about the Fantastic Four. Because apparently, that is exactly what the people who made this film did. Reed Richards, Ben Grimm, Johnny Storm, Sue Storm and Victor Von Doom are all scientists working on an inter dimensional transporter thingy for the government, capable of sending four passengers to an unknown alien planet. Upon completing the transporter, the team is told that the government wants to send N.A.S.A. astronauts to the alien planet instead of them. So they sneak into the lab, and while Sue operates the transporter, Reed, Ben, Johnny and Victor go trough to the planet.  The ground emits  some sort of green lava. which Victor decides to touch. This causes a planetwide quake, green lava to spew everywhere, and the ground to crumble and collapse. As Victor falls into the lava, Reed, Ben and Johnny jump back into the transporter and return to the lab. The equipment explodes and everyone in the lab, including Sue, is pelted with some sort of mysterious energy. They all begin to transform. Reed stretches, Sue vanishes, Johnny burst into flames and Ben turns into a pile of rocks. The government decides to take them into custody so they can study them. But Reed escapes, vowing to return when he has found a cure for their afflictions. A year later he is recaptured, but discovers that Ben, Sue and Johnny are now willingly working for the government. In fact, Ben has  been helping the Army fight enemy soldiers in an exciting sequence  that, although appearing in the trailer, was completely cut from this film. Reed is promised that if he also works for the government he will be given all the resources he needs to find a cure. So what mission does the government send the Fantastic Four on? Fix the transporter they broke. Which they complete in the final fifteen minutes of the film and return to the mysterious planet where they discover a chard victor is still alive. They bring him back to Earth, but he announces he is now "Doom", and plans to destroy Earth, which somehow involves returning through the transporter to the planet. The Fantastic Four follow after him, and in the final minutes of the film, battle Doom in a brief fight.

ORIGIN:
20th Century Fox discontinued their Fantastic Four franchise when Rise of the Silver Surfer only earned them $150 million rather than the $250 million they were hoping for. The new fad was to reboot your film franchise if the fans and critics didn't like it. Same superheroes, same premise, same studio, but new actors and slightly different origin story. If comic book fans were not happy with the previous Fantastic Four films, they would line up at theaters for a reboot. They hired Akiva Goldsman as the producer, because if you want to fix a superhero franchise that has been critically panned, then the smart thing to do is hire the guy who wrote the script for Batman & Robin as the producer. But then another comic book movie Akiva was producing was released, Jonah Hex, after which Akiva was quietly shuffled off the film. Replacing Akiva was a team of producers, including the director of Kick-Ass and future director of X-Men: First Class Mathew Vaughn. Jeremy Slater was hired to write the script. Using The Avengers as a model for what a superhero team film should be like, Slater wrote a script that included Mole Man, Galactus and Doctor Doom as the villains. The studio was impressed with a low budget film that vaguely fit into the Superhero genre called Chronicle ( 2012 ). It was a found footage film where three teenagers discover a mysterious crystal in a cave that gives them telekinetic powers.  Fox hired Chronicle's director,  Josh Trank,  to direct the Fantastic Four.

Trank immediately decided to completely rewrite the script. As it turned out, Trank was the one person in America who didn't like The Avengers. Trank saw the Fantastic Four as more of a horror story, where four individuals are morphed into freaks of nature. In his script, the rocket was replaced with a transporter. The entire team were scientists, and Von Doom was on the team. The idea that Von Doom was with the four when they received their powers , and whatever gave the four their powers gave him powers of his own, was lifted from the 2005 film. Doom being the ruler of Latveria was dropped. Trank even changed his name to Victor Domashev, and his alter ego as simply Doom, with the doctorate removed. Mole Man was removed. Galactus was removed. The Fantastic Four team uniforms were removed. This would not be a superhero film. He even ignored the comic book versions of the characters and cast whoever he wanted for the roles. So a way too young Miles Teller was cast as Reed Richards, and a definitely not white Michael B Jordan was cast as Johnny Storm. Meanwhile Johnny's sister Sue Storm, still white.


Not wanting to admit they made a mistake, Fox allowed Trank to go ahead with his vision of the film, but by mid filming began demanding changes.  Two of the producers, Hutch Parker and Simon Kinberg completely rewrote the ending.  Fox cut the budget preventing Trank from completing the visual effects, so the action sequences in the middle of the film had to be scrapped. Trank delivered his cut of the film. Fox hated it, and had their own cut made, omitting or changing much of Trank's original plot. A day before the film was released in theaters, Trank posted on Twitter "A year ago I had a fantastic version of this. And it would've received  great reviews. You'll probably never see it. That's reality though."  A short time later, Trank deleted the post.


Reviews
"Fantastic Four feels like a 100-minute trailer for a movie that never happens." ~ Hollywood Reporter

"Ms. Mara disappears. Her character also has the power to make other things vanish. I would say she should have exercised it on this movie, but in a week or two that should take care of itself." ~ New York Times

"It's shockingly humorless and glacially slow for a film featuring a bendy boy genius, an invisible woman, a human torch, and a talking pile of stones." ~ AV Club

"The latest reboot of the Fantastic Four - the cinematic equivalent of malware - is worse than worthless. It not only scrapes the bottom of the barrel; it knocks out the floor and sucks audiences into a black hole of soul-crushing, coma-inducing dullness." ~ Rolling Stone

"Thus does the summer of the superhero movie stumble to an end with a whimper and a wheeze." ~ Seattle Times

"Oh, well - they can always reboot." ~ Boston Globe

[stethacantus]

#53

Man-Thing ( 2005 )

11 points, 2 lists, #20 Darth Geek

Studio: Artisan Entertainment
Script: Hans Rodionoff
Producers: Avi Arad, Scott Karol, Gimel Everett, Christopher Petzel
Director: Brett Leonard
Cast: Matthew Le Nevez ( Sheriff Kyle Williams ), Rachael Taylor ( Teri Elizabeth Richards ), Jack Thompson ( Frederick Schist ), Rawiri Paratene ( Peter Horn ), Alex O'Loughlin ( Deputy Eric Fraser ), Steve Bastoni ( Rene LaRoque ), Robert Mammone ( Mike Ploog ), Conan Stevens ( Ted Sallis/Man-Thing )

TRAILER

A teenage couple sneak away from a night party to have sex. She wants to get into a canoe and do the act in the middle of a swamp, the same one people have been disappearing in. He is reluctant, until she takes her top off and shows him her tits, and the very next moment they are both in the middle of a filthy swamp making sweet sweet love. That is until something comes out of the dark, impales the boy, and splatters the screaming girl with his blood. This is the sort of Marvel movie Disney would have never allowed. But it is 2005, and Disney will not own Marvel for another four years.

Man-Thing is your typical R rated horror film, with nudity, foul language, and plenty of violent gory deaths. And as a potboiler splatter film, it isn't that bad. Sure, the acting is sub par, and the plot is formulaic. But it is a decent if forgettable horror film. That is until you realize that this was supposed to be an adaption of the Man-Thing comic book. And instead it completely ignores it's source material.  Only two things from the comic book were retained.  The title Man-Thing, and the Man-Thing in this film was once a man called Ted Sallis. But the Ted Sallis in the comic book was a scientist who turned into the Man-Thing after injecting himself with a chemical just before drowning in the swamp, while the Ted Sallis in this film was a native American shaman who is murdered and dumped into the swamp. I guess you could say this film does have a swamp, but the swamp in this film is in Louisiana while the swamp in the comic book is in Florida. The Man-Thing in this movie does not look like the Man-Thing in the comic book. But that is not the biggest problem. It does not act like the Man Thing in the comic book. The Man-Thing in the comic book just sort of lumbers around the swamp, and only attacks anyone if they show fear, otherwise ignores people. The Man-Thing in this movie deliberately stalks and kills anyone who dares enter the swamp. The comic book Man-Thing kills it's victims by touching them, which causes them to burst into flames. The Man-Thing in this movie has a bunch of movable branches on it's body, which it uses to stab people with. This movie diverges so far from it's source material, that one wonders why Artisa even bothered to pay Marvel for the licensing of the character.  The comic book this film is supposed to be an adaption of is not on the screen. A pretty dumb thing to do when your target audience is the fans of the comic book.

ORIGIN:
Artisan Entertainment was on it's last legs when it made a deal with Marvel to produce 15 properties as movies, including The Punisher, Black Widow and Iron Fist. Man-Thing was among the properties. Man-Thing  actually started in the 1970s as one of Marvel's first attempts at comics targeted at adults. At the time the Comic Code Authority prohibited violence,  scantly clad women and horror in comic books. Publications like Warren's Vampirella got around that by having their comics in black and white magazines. The first issue of Marvel's Savage Tales   published in May of 1971 features Conan on the cover holding a bloody sword in one hand, and the severed head of an enemy in the other, while a scantly clad girl lustfully hugs his leg. A black and white magazine, it was meant to be comics for Marvel's older fans.  Stan Lee  wanted to do a character that was based on an earlier comic book called The Heap where a man was turned into a swamp creature. Man-Thing would clearly violate the CCA's ban on horror comics, but was permissible in the Savage Tales magazine. In the 11 page origin story, a scientist named Ted Sallis is secluded in a laboratory in the Florida Everglades, trying to recreate the Super Soldier formula that created Captain America. ( A formula that was lost when a Nazi spy killed the doctor who invented it. ) Sallis comes close to replicating the formula when the terrorist organization A.I.M. raids his lab to steal it. Sallis burns all his notes, and is fleeing with the only vile of the formula when he is fatally shot. Dying, he injects himself with the formula, but shortly after crashes the car he is escaping in into the swamp. The formula begins to transform him, but it causes him to merge with the surrounding swamp, converting him into the Man-Thing.

Savage Tales was cancelled after it's first issue  by Marvel Comic's publisher Martin Goodman as he feared the magazine would draw the wrath of the CCA.  A year later the CCA decided to update their code, once again allowing some forms of horror. DC Comics introduced a character called Swamp -Thing. Much like Man-Thing, the Swamp-Thing was a scientist working in a secluded lab in a swamp, this swamp located in Louisiana. Terrorists blow up the lab, causing the scientist to be doused with the chemical formula he was working on while he bursts into flames from the explosion. Jumping into the swamp the scientist merges with it to become Swamp-Thing. This was clearly D.C. plagiarizing Marvel's character, but as Marvel had in turn plagiarized The Heap, there wasn't much they could do about it. Except to finally publish the second Man-Thing story, eventually giving the character a monthly book.

With Artisan shooting both The Punisher and Man-Thing at the same time, Marvel producer Avi Arad had little choice but to choose one of the films to micro-manage, and leave the other up to the Artisan executives. Since Man-Thing was being planned as a direct-to-video release while Punisher was to get a theatrical release, Arad chose to manage Punisher, which was being shot in Florida. While it would have made sense for Man-Thing to also be shot in Florida, Artisan decided to shoot it in Australia, with an all Australian cast pretending to be American red necks. Midway through shooting,  Artisan decided that Man-Thing would get a full theatrical release. They were relying on the success of it and Punisher to keep their studio afloat. It was scheduled for a release date of Halloween of 2004. However,  plans for a theatrical release was scrapped when an entire test audience walked out on the film by it's mid point. So desperate for Man-Thing to be a hit, Artisan began stripping away the source material and replacing it with a formula monster film that they thought would appeal to a wider audience. Realizing the film was garbage, Artisan attempted to recoup the production cost by selling the broadcast rights to SyFy, the one channel that has no quality control on the movies they broadcast.  It would eventually get a DVD release as an R film. With it no longer on the slate as a theatrical release, Artisan gave up and sold their studio to Lion's Gate.

Reviews
"This is easily the worst comic book movie ever made, and no, I haven't forgotten about the original Punisher adaptation."  ~ Reel Film Reviews

"Too lame to be genuinely entertaining, not stupid enough throughout to be laughable." ~ eFilmCritic.com

[stethacantus]

#52

Thunder Force ( 2021 )

12 points, 1 list,  TIEBREAKER 4.4 IMDb, #14 RVR II

Studio: Netflix
Script: Ben Falcone
Producer: Adam Siegel, Marc Platt, Ben Falcone, Melissa McCarthy
Director: Ben Falcone
Cast: Melissa McCarthy ( Lydia Berman/The Hammer ), Octavia Spencer ( Emily Stanton/Bingo ), Jason Bateman ( Jerry/The Crab ), Bobby Cannavale ( William Stevens/The King ), Pom Klemintieff ( Laser ), Melissa Leo ( Allie ), Taylor Mosbey ( Tracy ), Marcella Lowery ( Grandma Norma ), Mellisa Ponzio ( Rachel Gonzales ), Ben Falcone ( Kenny ), Kevin Dunn ( Frank )

TRAILER

I don't have Netflix. They cancelled Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all the Marvel shows, so screw them. And since this movie was produced for Netflix, it will be a couple of years before it is available on home video in the United States. So basically I will have to take your word that this movie is bad. And I will have to rely on  an outside synopsis or two. In 1983 the Earth is bombarded with a mysterious cosmic ray which gives criminals super powers, turning them into supervillains called Miscreants. Hmm, doesn't sound like a Melissa McCarthy film. A young girl named Emily Stanton watches some Miscreants murder her parents and vows to  find a way to stop them. Sounds more like the origin of Batman than a Melissa McCarty film. She grows up to become a scientist who is working on a serum that will give normal humans superpowers. One day her friend Lidya drops by and accidentally sits in a chair that is rigged to auto inject the person sitting in it with the serum. Emily tells Lidya that unless she takes the rest of the 100 injections that the serum will kill her. So she has to sit in the chair again and again as it auto injects a different part of her body.... okay, now it sounds like a Melissa McCarthy film. Emily decides she wants super powers as well, so just takes one pill, as she has perfected the serum. Okay, this definitely sounds like a Melissa McCarthy film. I am going to assume the problem with this movie was that it wasn't funny? According to the rest of this synopsis, Jason Bateman is a Miscreant called The Crab wo has crab arms, and Lydia falls in love with because she loves shellfish... yep, isn't funny.


ORIGIN:
This movie is so new that there is absolutely no production history yet published. So the only ting I can bring up is that the director is Melissa's husband Ben Falcone who has five movies on his resume, all which are Melissa McCarthy comedies, and all which have terrible reviews. 

Reviews
" The trailer for the film is way better than sitting through it. It's a tedious mess to endure and seemed like way more fun making than watching."   ~  Associated Press

"It's always a shame when a group of talented humans get together and deliver something that comes across as a halfhearted effort, even if they poured their blood, sweat and tears into it."  ~ Chicago Sun Times

"Someone needs to just tell her: while her intentions might be good, Melissa McCarthy must STOP making movies with her husband, Ben Falcone. Another embarrassment." ~ Beyond the Trailer

"Thunder Force illustrates what happens when filmmakers take a moderately interesting premise and surround it with witless writing, cringe-inducing acting, stagnant action, humor-deprived comedy, and feckless drama." ~ Reelviews

"An action comedy directed by someone without an eye for either action or comedy." ~ Slate

[stethacantus]

#51

Wild World of Batwoman ( 1966 )

12 points, 1 list, TIEBREAKER 1.8 IMDb,  #14 Stethacantus

Studio: ADP Productions
Script: Jerry Warren
Producer: Jerry Warren
Director: Jerry Warren
Cast: Katherine Victor ( Batwoman ), Richard Banks ( Rat Fink ), George Andre ( Professor G Octavius Neon ), Steve Brodie ( Jim Flanigan ), Steve Conte ( Bruno ), Mel Oshins ( Tiger ), Bruno VeSota ( Seltzer )

TRAILER

In a dark alley, a man is murdered by two robbers. Fortunately two girls in Batwoman's league of crime fighters are there, hiding behind some garbage cans, ready to call the police. This is our introduction to the laziest superhero in the world, Batwoman, who sits at home while her league of gogo dancers observe and report crimes to her. She is even too lazy to adopt a secret identity, or put together a costume that looks even remotely like a bat. She is finally forced into action when the villain  Rat Fink plans to steal as nuclear powered listening device. Rat Finks henchmen are a rogues gallery of morons and imbeciles, yet are able to trick Batwoman into eating spiked soup while she is supposed to be guarding the device. So basically, everyone character this movie is stupid.

ORIGIN:
There is not much to explain here. Jerry Warren was a producer and director of cheap quicky B films, most of which were foreign films he added new scenes to and dubbed into English.  When the Batman television series became a phenomenon, Warren decided to capitalize on it's popularity with his own thrown together superhero comedy with a bat themed hero. The lead role was pitched to actress Katherine Victor, who was reluctant to work on a low budget Warren film again. However, he promised her the film had a big budget, would be full color, and her character would have a Batboat. None of this was true. Shortly after the film was released in theaters, DC Comics sued Warren. He hastily added a scene where some girls from Batwoman's league began claiming they were pretending to be vampires, while the film was retitled She Was A Hippie Vampire.

Review
"Jerry Warren spares every expense in bringing a mirthless spoof of the hit Batman TV series to the big screen, lifting contemporary pop culture references with impudence and even including stolen footage from the 1956 schlock sci-fi picture The Mole People" ~ AllMovie.com

[LucasM]

Interesting so far.  Thanks for all the effort on this.

One thing I thought when I first saw the horrendous 2015 Fant 4 Stic film was that it appeared to be based FAR more on the Ultimate Fantastic Four comics than the regular Marvel universe comics.  However, I have never seen ANY review or commentary on it that mentions that (with as horrendous as the film was, not that I would expend effort to read them if they existed ).  Despite me not seeing it mentioned by others, I still doubt it was pure coincidence that some of the things (Reed's and the others' youth, company owned by Sue and Johnny's dad, transporter to other dimension, heck, I think even Doom being transformed into a monster) just 'happened' to be in both.