What did we learn!?!

[Trekker4747]

I learned that MKB (or their writers) don't know what interrobangs are.

As for the movie itself:

I learned that the son is very clearly still in self-denial and he should really just accept who he is and stop trying to conform to societal norms.

I learned that the girl the son was tutoring and the girl with the brother and caterer mother were two different people.   (Seriously, and it seems this happens a lot with people who watch and then review this movie, I thought they were the same character until they both showed up at the end.  Which is strange because the two girls don't look alike but, I guess, in my mind there was no need to be this many characters and somehow just thought both girls were the same person.

I learned that a catering business can be entirely centered around cheese puffs.

I learned that you can be unable/afraid to swim to the point of being terrified of being waist-deep in a backyard swimming pool and seemingly sure a shark will get you.

I learned that shooting day-for-night can be done really, really, poorly.

And involve trying to pass the sun off as the moon, in frame.

[Darth Geek]

I learned that the son is very clearly still in self-denial and he should really just accept who he is and stop trying to conform to societal norms.

He is...the son of a terrible filmmaker.

[dbsommer]

I learned that the son is very clearly still in self-denial and he should really just accept who he is and stop trying to conform to societal norms.

No one willing to appear in this movie conformed to a societal norm. This was abhorrent to not just decency, but even most forms of indecency.

I learned that the girl the son was tutoring and the girl with the brother and caterer mother were two different people.   (Seriously, and it seems this happens a lot with people who watch and then review this movie, I thought they were the same character until they both showed up at the end.  Which is strange because the two girls don't look alike but, I guess, in my mind there was no need to be this many characters and somehow just thought both girls were the same person.

I had no problems telling they were different: the sister was clearly hotter than tutor girl. (and no, I don't remember their names, or anyone else's, from this) From the dialogue I thought they were friends, though.

Yes, listening to the dialogue was an effort in futility. I should have known better.

[dbsommer]

I learned Eric Roberts can phone in a performance both figuratively and literally at the same time.

I learned cat butt in movies is as unappealing as they are in real life.

I learned cats can get run over by cars and only end up with... what was his injury? A broken jaw?

I learned talking cats can see the future well enough to play matchmakers for humans, but not see cars running over them.

I learned there is a movie with so little acting talent in it, Rob from Birdemic would have fit right in.

I learned the 'talking cat' effect was as cheaply made as the birds in Birdemic. Possibly on the same computer.

I learned a neat Mexican phrase. (apparently while that word on Johnny's shirt is regarded as naughty south of the border, Spaniards use the literal, rather than slang meaning)

I learned Johnny Whitaker is still alive and looks in about as good of health as Keith Richards.

I learned this film has an estimated... 1 million dollar budget. Spent on lavish drug parties in between takes, perhaps? Nothing on screen could have cost that much.

I learned DeCoteau will use a pseudonym for no discernible reason. Seriously, this was no more crappy than his other crap. And once they've let you direct... my god, 145 terrible films, they'll let you direct anything. It's obvious by that point no one cares.

And I just learned he's directed that many films. I'm guessing some billionaire with a thing for shirtless young men has financed them. I can't come up with a more logical reason.

I learned that even after 100+ films DeCoteau cannot improve his craft. It's like he's stuck in directorial purgatory. Even Eric Roberts got out of acting purgatory long enough to do The Dark Knight before reverting to eating cheetos in his boxers while voicing Duffy The Cat in his living room.

And most importantly, I learned the guys can make any piece of drek worth watching when they are in the Riffzone, like they were with this.

[Darth Geek]

I learned DeCoteau will use a pseudonym for no discernible reason. Seriously, this was no more crappy than his other crap. And once they've let you direct... my god, 145 terrible films, they'll let you direct anything. It's obvious by that point no one cares.

I'd say his older movies in the 80s were much better than this, too. He directed Puppet Master 3, which is the only actually good Puppet master movie.
What I don't understand is why David DeCoteau chose a female pseudonym for this movie, and male pseudonym or his real name for others. Did he direct this movie in drag? Is he trans?

[Iron Curtain]

And most importantly, I learned the guys can make any piece of drek worth watching when they are in the Riffzone, like they were with this.

For me, that has not been the case with Retro Puppet Master.

[Pastor of Muppets]

I learned that the sky is still here.

I learned that cheese puffs are very important.

I learned that the cheese puffs are very important and central to the caterer's business, but that she still went ahead and left a batch unattended in the oven as she was leaving.

I learned that toy companies need dedicated caterers for something.

[ihavemyreasons]

I learned that it is in fact possible for a movie to use music in an even more annoying way than Roller Gator.

I also didn't learn that the 2 girls were different people until the last scene.

And I didn't learn what the hell the plot was supposed to be as it just seemed like a long series of disconnected scenes where nothing really happened in any of them.

[JDogindy]

I learned that people who sell code can make a lot of money selling code, regardless of whatever kind of code they make or whatever purpose the code is intended.  And they can retire in big, empty mansions.

I learned that application software has the ability to scan whatever clothes you have and can magically give you the best type of wardrobe possible based upon using the same type of scanners that struggle to scan cans of Campbell's soup.

I learned that... cats have strange orbs inside of them.

[TriffRax]

I learned cheese puffs are the most important thing in the world.