Tweeters Never Prosper

[RVR II]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/21/kim-kardashian-catalyst-prep_n_6201192.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

[Johnny Unusual]

@bobducca
"Beginning to think these bomb shelter vitamins have turned. Was "galvanized steel" considered an essential mineral in 1952?"

[Darth Geek]

This is AWESOME!

[Johnny Unusual]

"Someday the kilometer and the mile will be replaced by the far more accurate measure, emotional distance in fathers."

@ComicJimBruce

[Darth Geek]

[Johnny Unusual]

One thing #CrimingWhileWhite tweeters have in common: they're all alive to tell their tales.

- @justinmclachlan 

[Johnny Unusual]

 ‏@josswhedon
"I don't care about Oscars. But my next project, "Mecha-Keanu vs Gun-Bot from Planet Titties: A Christmas Miracle" means they're all mine"

[Darth Geek]

@pattonoswalt
Can't sleep 'cuz of the storm? Roam around your house with a lit candelabra, introducing segments of a non-existent horror anthology show!

[Johnny Unusual]

so sad #TheNewsroom is ending before Aaron Sorkin can explain to us commoners thru a slo-mo montage done to Bon Iver why racism is bad

@PuddinStrip

[The Lurker]

@AwfulFantasy

"Even though he was warned, Denus had sex with a bird-woman. Now he is slowly dying from a severe case of genital harpies."

[Johnny Unusual]

‏@KarenKilgariff
DAD LECTURES SO FAR: You Cannot Not Like Crab, Gift Cards Are A Miracle, People Are Nuts, The Towel's Not Moldy You're Just An LA Towel Snob

[Darth Geek]

‏@wendyqualls :
@Jenny_Trout "We don't have to talk about race because I have the privilege of never having to think about it."

[Johnny Unusual]

LIKE

@ComicJimBruce

Idea for a thriller:  The main character thinks her biological clock is ticking, but it's actually a bomb set to explode at the Vatican.

[The Lurker]

[The Lurker]

@slackmistress

Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk.