The Sons of Hercules: The Land of Darkness Now Available!!!

[Thrashalla]

http://www.rifftrax.com/video/sons-hercules-land-darkness

Everyone knows Hercules (or Heracles, if you're really fun to talk to at parties), the mighty Greek whose heroic exploits included cleaning up tons of horse crap. But not everyone knows his sons, who for some reason went by the name The Sons of Hercules!

Yes, The Sons of Hercules, whose theme song informs us "were men as men could be." What in the hell this might conceivably mean, we have no idea. Perhaps their Y chromosomes are bulked up monstrosities like Popeye. Or maybe it's because, as the song goes on to inform us, "They shook the world AND took the world," while the rest of us, failing to be as men as men could be, merely do one or the other depending on who's playing in Monday Night Football.

This particular episode centers around Argolese, a man whose ability to grow a respectable beard is severely hampered by his periwinkle mini-skirt. Argolese befriends a horrible man named Babar who, as a sidekick, ranks somewhere in between Jar Jar Binks and Shia LaBeouf's character in Crystal Skull. Their lighthearted goal? Free a bunch of innocent people who have been horribly enslaved!

Along the way they'll wrestle a lion (real), fight a dragon (fake) and evade a hungry bear (we're not sure. We're leaning toward it being Nicholas Cage.) One thing is for certain: a sword and sandals tale this bizarre requires the full riffing efforts of Mike, Kevin and Bill, who, put together, come very close to being as men as men could be.

http://www.rifftrax.com/video/sons-hercules-land-darkness

[Darth Geek]

As cheesy and as bad as most things in this movie were, I thought they did a reasonably good job showing the effort it was supposed to take to do the feats of strength Son of Hercules did in this movie. Bending the iron bars and such. Usually it looks like they are made of foam or something (I am looking at you, Van Helsing), especially in these low budget movies.

[Bob]

But what of the other sons?    Do they all hang out in Vegas together?   I assume they would stay at Caesar's Palace.

[Darth Geek]

But what of the other sons?    Do they all hang out in Vegas together?   I assume they would stay at Caesar's Palace.

I think they were just trying to avoid Babar.

[Bob]

But what of the other sons?    Do they all hang out in Vegas together?   I assume they would stay at Caesar's Palace.

I think they were just trying to avoid Babar.

I wonder of the other sons have their own Droppos Babars?   Would the League of Babars have any power?

[TnAdct1]

There's apparently a whole bunch of these.  More please!

That pretty much explains where the rest of the sons are: this is a series of films, with each film focusing on a different "son".

[Bob]

There's apparently a whole bunch of these.  More please!

That pretty much explains where the rest of the sons are: this is a series of films, with each film focusing on a different "son".

Well, not really. The "sons" thing was an after-market collation. These were just a bunch of beefcake films syndicated for TV.

For some reason, the term "beefcake films" is making me laugh.

[CJones]

My favorite part is when they stop the movie halfway through to give you a preview of the second half of the movie, showing you all the significant scenes in advance. First time I've seen a movie that needed a spoiler warning for itself.