G. I. Joe "Pulls A Wiseau"

[Bob]

BY ROGER EBERT
   Film Critic
   'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" is a 118-minute film with sequences involving the faces and other body parts of human beings. It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence. Nevertheless, it is better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

Roger is "the man"

[ScottotD]

meh, another smug non-review from the master of it.

[Darth Geek]

BY ROGER EBERT
   Film Critic
   'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" is a 118-minute film with sequences involving the faces and other body parts of human beings. It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence. Nevertheless, it is better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

Roger, please re-review the first Transformers, now that you are not apparently doped up on painkillers like last time.

[DrForester]

Surprised no one has mentioned that after the short little prologue and the movie actually starts the title car reads "In The Not To Distant Future.."  The movie is actually asking to be riffed right from the start.

Anyways.  I thought the movie was good stupid fun.  Better than Transformers 2, movie just aimed to entertain.  It's the movie every 10 year old imagines making.  CGI was spotty in places but the action scenes were pretty good, especially the Snake Eyes / Storm Shadow fights.  And no shakey cam!

[Darth Geek]

Surprised no one has mentioned that after the short little prologue and the movie actually starts the title car reads "In The Not To Distant Future.."  The movie is actually asking to be riffed right from the start.

I'd love it if that was an intentional MST3K reference. Sommers intentionally made the movie cheesy, maybe he's a fan.

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

Surprised no one has mentioned that after the short little prologue and the movie actually starts the title car reads "In The Not To Distant Future.."  The movie is actually asking to be riffed right from the start.

I'd love it if that was an intentional MST3K reference. Sommers intentionally made the movie cheesy, maybe he's a fan.

A hell of a lot money spent to intentionally make a stinker.

[Darth Geek]

Surprised no one has mentioned that after the short little prologue and the movie actually starts the title car reads "In The Not To Distant Future.."  The movie is actually asking to be riffed right from the start.

I'd love it if that was an intentional MST3K reference. Sommers intentionally made the movie cheesy, maybe he's a fan.

A hell of a lot money spent to intentionally make a stinker.

Not necessarily a stinker, just a fun cheesy movie like the TV show was fun and cheesy. But the "In The Not To Distant Future.." could just be a nod, if he's a fan.

[Tripe]

OK some thoughts here

Another thought, one that I didn't add there but I had when I saw it:

"We're not going to kill you, we're going to make an example of you"

Er then maybe wait for the mask to cool before applying it to the face. The searing heat as he takes the first few breaths will cook his lungs quite nicely to say nothing of what the shock of that heat against the face would do to the rest of his system.

Maybe they should have made a mask with spikes on the inside.

Also, selling to both sides? Were the French just pissed off that somebody was copying their patented move?

[Zeether]

Bill Corbett summed it up best on his Twitter:

"I will NOT be seeing this hit new action movie "Gastro-Intestinal Joe." Sounds disgusting."

[Courtney]

BY ROGER EBERT
   Film Critic
   'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" is a 118-minute film with sequences involving the faces and other body parts of human beings. It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence. Nevertheless, it is better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

My favorite part of his review:

There is never any clear sense in the action of where anything is in relation to anything else. You get more of a binary action strategy. You see something, it fires. You see something else, it gets hit. Using the power of logic, you deduce that the first thing was aiming at the second thing.

[MSTJedi]

There's actually another positive review for G.I. Joe out there by Movie Bob on The Escapist. And here I thought he'd tear it new one, Bob basically says "turn off your head and remember the days of playing with the toys". Interesting . . .

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/escape-to-the-movies/866-G-I-Joe-The-Rise-of-Cobra

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

There is never any clear sense in the action of where anything is in relation to anything else. You get more of a binary action strategy. You see something, it fires. You see something else, it gets hit. Using the power of logic, you deduce that the first thing was aiming at the second thing.

Sounds like 2/3 of the CGI-based action movies made - from Van Helsing thru Cloverfield and including the new Trek.

[Darth Geek]

Bob basically says "turn off your head and remember the days of playing with the toys". Interesting . . .

Then they should have had Robot Chicken make the movie. Now THAT would have been awesome.

[MSTJedi]

Bob basically says "turn off your head and remember the days of playing with the toys". Interesting . . .

Then they should have had Robot Chicken make the movie. Now THAT would have been awesome.

Did you not see Team America?

Fuck yeah!

[Action Batch]

I just got a new sig.