Uwe Boll must be riffed to shreds

[Pak-Man]

On the subject of Video Game movies:

I like video games on a level that many would consider "too much", but those of us spawned in the '70s and raised in the '80s would call, "A lot."

"REALLY!?" I hear you all saying, "Pak-Man likes GAMES!?" :^)

I don't think there's anything about making a movie out of a video game that makes the movie inherantly bad. (Any more than making a video game out of a movie. :^))

Herein lies the problem:
In a Video Game, whether you're playing Q*Bert or Silent Hill, there is a link that the player has to the sprite or mess of polygons that he or she controls. (This, incidentally, is why Link was named Link. :^)) You aren't watching the actions of your character, you ARE your character.
So when these games get movie-ized, you're essentially watching someone else walk in the boots you like to wear. They're still cool boots, but what right do THEY have to wear 'em in front of all these people? So in order to get the average gamer to accept the movie, a degree of seperation from the game is required, and the plot has to be altered. This, as anyone who saw Super Mario Brothers knows, can be disasterous. So the key is to either put the characters into an entirely new stand-alone adventure (See: Tomb Raider) or, if the game's story was good enough, to create a new perspective on the story (See: Resident Evil.) This, I think, is why these remain the only two successful video game movies ever.
Will this make them brilliant movies? Heck no. Video games are ALL just positively LOADED with Cheese. If we held them to the same standards we hold our movies, they'd all be panned. :^) The cheese is not a bad thing. The cheese draws us in and encourages us to have fun. Yes, it keeps it from being a viable art form, but it also sets a certain atmosphere that encourages suspension of disbelief, which is absolutely necessary for most Video Game plots. It's the directors who recognize the need for Cheese that make the best game movies Even though the critics (and the fans who are delusioned into believing that the plot in Metal Gear was Shakespearian) will hate it, that's how you recreate the magic.
So video games are generally, by definition, going to be cheesy. But that should not equate to bad, as any MST3K vet should realize.

And that's my $0.02.

(And why won't they add a cent key to computer keyboards? :^))

[Cibernético II]

those silly US actress prudes, zey don't vant to show se boobies all ze time. vat is wrong wiss  zem?

the best video game ever released was the Super Mario Brothers (although that's not saying much). and no I'm not kidding, what's with all the hate for the brothas? it was fun, it was entertaining, kid friendly and there wasn't alot to work with from the source material in the first place

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

how come your supposed german accent sounds more like french when said aloud??

Even IF they are supposed to be cheesey there is still no excuse for the level crap that uwe pushes. 

[Pak-Man]

Wasn't defending Uwe. HIS problem is his LACK of cheese. He takes it too seriously. If you take Bloodrayne seriously, you don't get it.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

i didnt say you did defend him

[Shinigami]

how come your supposed german accent sounds more like french when said aloud??

Even IF they are supposed to be cheesey there is still no excuse for the level crap that uwe pushes. 

It helps if you think of Colonel Klink when saying them

[Pak-Man]

All I know is that there was a whooooole lotta horse-riding scenes in Bloodrayne. :^)

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

did she straddle? or side saddle

[Cibernético II]

I should have added ja? at the end

[Bob]

The audio commentary on the previous page was HILARIOUS!

Loved the cut out of the director and the two dogs watching the screen.

[mrbasehart]

I agree with your opinion that it's not the source material's problem, it's the skill in adapting it that seems to flummox most.  Maybe Peter Jackson's Halo will reverse the trend...?

I'll bet a tenner it's over two hours 

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

ill bet a fiver its over 2 and a half   with at least 4 attempts at big emotional "get the troops pumped" "win one for the gipper" type speeches

[Cibernético II]

all this Uwe Boll talk got me curious so I rented Bloodrayne yesterday.
My goodness. What can be said about this movie. Just thinking about how to describe the movie kinda fills me with that feeling of having just ate a fish sandwich which may have been past its prime.

I can say this, though. I have learned several things from this movie. For example:

-Weapons that may seem cool in a video game may actually be quite clumsy and impractical in real life.

-If your movie is set in a time period where huge explosions would be anachronistic, simply replace firey explosions with explosions of blood!

-Some movies don't really care if you understand the plot or not.

-Meat Loaf's last name is apparantly Aday. (this makes his nickname make alot of sence)

-A movie can make you feel drunk. I swear this movie refuses to focus on any shot for more than 1.5 seconds.

-If the movie you're watching takes place in an ambiguous time and geographic location, it's fun to make up your own name for the setting. I call the country of Bloodrayne "Gypsyvania".

-Ben Kingsly can bring an air of dignity to any role. Even if a very bored dignity, a dignity none the less.

[Minnesota]

Good Topic, fun read...

- that being said, Uwe Boll has already been riffed (on his first film nontheless) by his producers on the commentary of House of the Dead.
- Uwe seems like a genuinely nice person on his commentaries and he almost always apologizes for his mistakes.
- I look forward to Uwe films because he has A-list actors (in B-movies) and has unintentionaly entertaining dvd commentaries.
- It is my opinion that mike should stick to the goal of riffing the big movies (ie; blockbusters and classics) and only rarely do these cult films.

[mrbasehart]

Good Topic, fun read...

- that being said, Uwe Boll has already been riffed (on his first film nontheless) by his producers on the commentary of House of the Dead.
- Uwe seems like a genuinely nice person on his commentaries and he almost always apologizes for his mistakes.
- I look forward to Uwe films because he has A-list actors (in B-movies) and has unintentionaly entertaining dvd commentaries.
- It is my opinion that mike should stick to the goal of riffing the big movies (ie; blockbusters and classics) and only rarely do these cult films.

Can't wait for Postal, starring Gary Coleman.  No, seriously.