Uwe Boll must be riffed to shreds

[M.gunnerQuist]

I've gotta disagree with you on Michael Madsen's performance, though.  I thought he was the worst of the bunch.  He's supposed to be this great leader of men in resistance to Sir Ben Kingsley's Vampire Lord thingy and yet he comes off as bored and uninterested.  Which exactly reflected my feelings.  Except for the sex scene, which was the most hilarious thing I'd seen since the Jacuzzi scene in Showgirls.

I heard that Madsen was drunk on the set most of the time. (No joke.) This is the one case where you can't really blame the actor for being sloshed. Did you notice the scene where Madsen was "sharpening" his sword? When you do it back-and-forth like that, it sharpens and dulls the blade at the same time. And in the next scene, he's spinning it around on the tip on the floor. Great way to treat the tools of your trade, swordmaster! A good riffing would require simultaneous Mr. White and Species references.

The sex scene in BloodRayne has got to be the most pointless and irritating sex scene in the history of film. Out of nowhere, she decides to have sex. No build-up or romance or anything like that. Just, BOOM, let's screw! Then there's the banging metal door. As if Uwe Boll said, "Okay, we have a sexy girl and she gets naked for a simulated sex scene. How can I completely wreck it? I know! I'll have her constantly slamming a metal cage door open and shut, completely out of rhythm!" Oh, my god...

[Skiptastic]

Sounds like a gameplan to me.

[MoralThreat]

Don't forget the Romanian hookers that were cheaper then actors and Boll felt they did a better job.

God I love this guy.

[M.gunnerQuist]

Don't forget the Romanian hookers that were cheaper then actors and Boll felt they did a better job.

God I love this guy.

Meat Loaf was really over the top in that scene!  And the music! That music during the party scene was laughable! Were they clowns or vampires?

[Variety of Cells]

Meat Loaf was in that scene?  I had a hunch he was a Romanian hooker.

[Road_Element]

Uwe Boll Audio Commentary 

and Kill Boll

[mrbasehart]

Loved the amalgamated commentary with accompanying pictures.  "Securing nature...and the climber?"  Fantastic.

Even though I do hate Uwe Boll's movies, I would like to see him continue to make them.  I actually looked forward to watching Bloodrayne when it first came out, even though I knew I was going to regret it afterward.  I also think it's a little unfair that Uwe Boll is targeted for a lot of criticism when Paul WS Anderson is left alone. 

[M.gunnerQuist]

I also think it's a little unfair that Uwe Boll is targeted for a lot of criticism when Paul WS Anderson is left alone. 

I understand what you mean. Paul W.S. Anderson deserves criticism. However, I sincerely believe that he is nowhere near as God-awful as Uwe Boll. Let me explain.

At other internet movie discussion forums, I heard plenty of people bitterly complain about the work of Paul W.S. Anderson. For those not familiar with the name, he directed Resident Evil and Aliens VS Predator. Now don't bite my head off when I say that I actually enjoyed those movies. YES, the scripts were mediocre. YES, the were pretty cheesey. And YES, they very much deserve a good riffing. All of that is true. But he does a pretty good job with the action movie genre.

Because I felt that Anderson did not deserve such dire criticism, I took the criticism of Boll with a grain of salt. I heard far too many jaded complaints about movies that didn't really deserve it. When I went to see Resident Evil, I was expecting crap. I was surprised. As far as video game adaptations go, I thought it was one of the best. (YES, I know it didn't follow the first game's plot. That's another discussion.) All in all, I thought it was an enjoyable action movie. It's not Million Dollar Baby. It's not even as good as Leon (The Professional). But for the target audience, Anderson did a good job.

So when I went into the theater to see BloodRayne, I truly did not know what to expect. I didn't expect it to be a masterpiece. Perhaps it would make for a good afternoon's popcorn-muncher. But it only took a few minutes into the film before I realized the total and complete incompetence of Uwe Boll. I was stunned at the obvious flaws that I could instantly see in the film. My mouth was agape in amazement.

Anderson does, in fact, demonstrate a certain amount of technical skill. Uwe Boll absolutely does not. That's the difference.

[mrbasehart]

I also think it's a little unfair that Uwe Boll is targeted for a lot of criticism when Paul WS Anderson is left alone. 

I understand what you mean. Paul W.S. Anderson deserves criticism. However, I sincerely believe that he is nowhere near as God-awful as Uwe Boll. Let me explain.

I completely agree with almost everything you said, but I suppose my point is that if I have to watch a bad film (which I believe all of Anderson's films to be), I'd rather it be so bad that it's entertaining, rather than just frustrating. 

The interesting thing about both directors is their specialty seems to lie in video game-to-movie adaptations, which seems to present most other film-makers with problems.  The only video game adaptation I actually liked was the first hour of Silent Hill, before it got bogged down in plot.

[Bipolar:Bear]

I concure.  Silent Hill is my favorite videogame movie (which doesn't mean much.)  It had great visuals, preety good premise, and alright dialoge. 

When I was younger, I really enjoyed Mortal Kombat.  To bad Annihilation ruined the franchise.

[Variety of Cells]

I wouldn't go so far as to cal the dialouge "alright", that's a too liniment.  But I enjoyed silent hill, being a big fan of the game.  I liked the story. 

[SmilinJackRoss]

Uwe Boll Audio Commentary 

OK, I just need to see this written out, since I don't believe what I'm hearing, maybe I'll believe what I'm seeing.  This is word for word:

The problems are not getting smaller, the problems we're running into are, eh, growing up.  And it's not about the social problems & employless people or whatever, it's about the nature...and the additional.  And, eh, about the problems we have with the nature, & securing the nature, and the climber, and the balance between day and night, light and darkness, and civilization of nature.

Wow.  that's so incomprehensible, I can barely move.  I have to log off now and go sit quietly for awhile.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

here is the only that i can say about silent hill:  You should never have crowds of people chanting burn the witch in your serious horror film, EVER.

[Tarantulas]

But how serious should you really take a movie based on a video game anyway?

In unrelated news, I have purchased the rights to produce a movie adaptation of the NES classic "Kung Fu". 

If any of you give me a bad review, I will personaly come to your house and punch your dragon in the groin.

[JonnyFrag]

I am close to securing the rights to Boogerman. Step 2: Get Howard Stern to play the title role. Step 3. Profit


I have finally discovered step 2!