I just got some Pizza Rolls in the mail...

[D.B. Barnes]

I'm still not on board with Shia LeBeouf, but I'm not sure anyone could've done that kind of role justice.

I don't get that at all. Why does Mike have such a soft spot for LaBeef? How could you possibly refer to him as a "natural actor," especially if you endured almost eight hours of full-tilt Transformers spazzing?

Ehn, not even great actos like John Turturro or Frances McDormand come out of Transformers with any credit or dignity.  Bad scripts and directors can ruin actors' performances.  I thought he was fine in Disturbia and Holes.

Yeah, that's the most extreme example, but I remember Mike defending his acting in the context of Transformers as well as KOTCS. He definitely views this dude through rose-colored glasses.

Anyway, the review was great. He does a predictably excellent job of pointing out just how needless and stupid this movie is. What a massive phone-in this was! I love how he used those surreal interview clips from the DVD extras. Makes it seem all the more bizarre, and furthers the mystery of Lucas' hypno-toad-like power over Spielberg.

[Sideswipe]

I hope he's not bieng a tease.  I want to see him tear up the Twilight movies!

[Russell]

I find it hard to believe he likes the Twilight films at all. He has joked many times before anyway. I can see the guys on Half in the bag tearing all those movies a new asshole, because honestly there's nothing to like about them. Hey, look at it this way, Plinkett also likes the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movies.

What I really liked about the Crystal Skull review was his amazing insight. I agree that Spielberg and Lucas were trying too hard to play it safe because of their old age and their lack of nerve prevented them from experimenting with things. Even Spielberg said he'd never make Close Encounters the same way today as he did 34 years ago because his outlook and his life has changed completely since.

[Watchman]

Hmm, I'll have to rewatch it. I agreed with his points but didn't find it that funny. But I felt like shit the other night.

I'm not quite sure I believe this hypothesis, but it would be ironic if Plinkett had as little desire to review Crystal Skull as Spielberg had to make it. Both figures were swayed by, among other things, fan pressure!

I really look forward to him dissecting the Matrix films, though. I think the Twilight hatred has long become too obvious & beating a dead horse. Saying Twilight sucks is about as unique as saying Jar Jar Binks sucks, except I think we care even less about Twilight than we do Star Wars. It's not in our demographic. (Someone may say "Speak for yourself, Sutter." In which case: I DO! HAPPILY!)

Twilight hatred isn't just beating a dead horse, it's abstinence-fucking a dead horse up the exit chute. (Whatever that means.)

Even Spielberg said he'd never make Close Encounters the same way today as he did 34 years ago because his outlook and his life has changed completely since.

However, I think War of the Worlds benefited from this (unlike Crystal Skull). WotW had this very dark, world-weary quality that I dug. No trace of Lucas in WotW, no sirree!

Older, post-Schindler Spielberg = family unit's more important, but they can still be randomly exterminated (and will eventually go extinct).

[Russell]

I love the part where Plinkett says "again, matter of opinion... but mine is right.". But then a lot of things about the review were great. I think when they showed it as one of the worst movies of all time they kind of raised my expectations about how much they'd rip Crystal Skull apart.

[mrbasehart]

Older, post-Schindler Spielberg = family unit's more important, but they can still be randomly exterminated (and will eventually go extinct).

That kind of compromise ruined the ending of War of the Worlds too.

[D.B. Barnes]

Hmm, I'll have to rewatch it. I agreed with his points but didn't find it that funny. But I felt like shit the other night.

I'm not quite sure I believe this hypothesis, but it would be ironic if Plinkett had as little desire to review Crystal Skull as Spielberg had to make it. Both figures were swayed by, among other things, fan pressure!

I really look forward to him dissecting the Matrix films, though. I think the Twilight hatred has long become too obvious & beating a dead horse. Saying Twilight sucks is about as unique as saying Jar Jar Binks sucks, except I think we care even less about Twilight than we do Star Wars. It's not in our demographic. (Someone may say "Speak for yourself, Sutter." In which case: I DO! HAPPILY!)

Twilight hatred isn't just beating a dead horse, it's abstinence-fucking a dead horse up the exit chute. (Whatever that means.)

I guess I don't expect the pure analysis element of the Plinkett reviews to be particular funny as much as I expect them to be a kind of insightful and surgical autopsy. Although I will say that I didn't laugh as much as I have on previous reviews, so you might be on to something there. Regardless of fan pressure, this needed to be done, not only for the fans, but also for Mike, who I have a feeling got some slight cathartic closure regarding the two-headed Spielberg/Lucas monster. As with TPM, this movie is clearly the source of great disappointment for fans, and requires this kind of clinical evisceration.

I wholeheartedly agree that Plinkett shouldn't go anywhere near the Twilight movies. Unlike the prequels and KOTCS, the Plinkett faithful don't give a flying fuck about these abominations and there's absolutely zero need for any kind of critical analysis. It's too easy, it's been done to death, and nobody cares. The Matrix, on the other hand, is perfect Plinkett fodder. Here's a franchise that started very strong out of the gate and then proceeded to disappoint on an increasingly grander scale with each new incarnation. The trilogy is loaded with potential for not only comedy, but also the signature style of analysis that we've grown to love so much. So Plinkett, don't waste your time with drivel that doesn't even lend itself to serious criticism! Head straight for The Matrix! We'll be waiting patiently.

[Watchman]

Okay, so I rewatched the Crystal Skull review & jotted down some thoughts in Notepad as they occurred:

-None of the crude jokes are as funny as "Twinkies. I like to fuck my cat."
-Sallah was a great character. This makes me want to watch the first 3. Again.
-LOL @ George Lucas = "That other guy who sits in the chair." 
-Now I remember why I hated The Lost World and then forgot why I hated it.
-Does vodka come from a "winery"?
-Why don't any Karen Allen jokes involve Ghost In the Machine?
-Oh yeah, they're CGI prairie dogs. I keep calling them CGI beavers. Now I can correctly identify what sucks. Speaking of CGI, first time I
watched Crystal Skull I couldn't get over how the whole rainforest sequence looked like it was shot on a soundstage, especially when compared
to the early diner/chase location shooting in CT. He's right, the diner sequence is kinda nice.
-Is there actually a difference between the character and the IDEA of the character? You can't say people like Star Wars characters but
only like the "idea" of Indiana Jones. Luke Skywalker is no less an "idea". Don't get caught up in semantics, Plinkett.
-The Indy character of the first 3 was darker & more antiheroic than the clean-cut adventure hero. Spielberg says in the Raiders making-of that
there are shades of Humphrey Bogart's shady character from Treasure of the Sierra Madre.
-100% agree on the lack of grit. NEEDED MORE MURDER! Though I wouldn't call Last Crusade "gritty", either. 13 relatively bloodless murders. Before Crystal Skull, a lot of people complained about Last Crusade.
-Give some recognition to the DP of Indy 1-3, Douglas Slocombe! Kaminski's a fine DP but he couldn't replicate that look, thus explaining in part the visual discrepancies.
-Enough with the record-scratch sound effect!
-I'm betting "nucular" is a joke. A weak one, but this was filmed while Bush was still in office.
-The ending *sigh*. Look: this movie doesn't give a shit about interdimensionals. Lucas only called them "interdimensionals" to placate Spielberg, who
didn't want to make another "alien" movie. I don't think the screenwriter(s) researched Jacques Vallee's complex interdimensional theory.
Interdimensionals are directly at odds with extraterrestrials & flying saucers. Not to mention: 50's B MOVIES WERE MADE WAY BEFORE QUANTUM PHYSICS & CONCEPTS LIKE MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS WERE POPULARIZED. This movie has too many modern theories for a "50's sci-fi homage". It would be like if the plot of Last Crusade involved the theories of The Da Vinci Code.

When I was a kid I played the computer strategy game Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. That had a better story than Crystal Skull.

I wholeheartedly agree that Plinkett shouldn't go anywhere near the Twilight movies. Unlike the prequels and KOTCS, the Plinkett faithful don't give a flying fuck about these abominations and there's absolutely zero need for any kind of critical analysis. It's too easy, it's been done to death, and nobody cares. The Matrix, on the other hand, is perfect Plinkett fodder. Here's a franchise that started very strong out of the gate and then proceeded to disappoint on an increasingly grander scale with each new incarnation. The trilogy is loaded with potential for not only comedy, but also the signature style of analysis that we've grown to love so much. So Plinkett, don't waste your time with drivel that doesn't even lend itself to serious criticism! Head straight for The Matrix! We'll be waiting patiently.

Well-stated.

Anyway, merry christmas/happy holidays & stuff.

[Sideswipe]

I love Fate of Atlantis!

[Russell]

That kind of compromise ruined the ending of War of the Worlds too.

I never cared for his vision of War of the worlds, and frankly I haven't liked anything Spielberg has directed since... since Saving Private Ryan. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Even if you liked AI or War of the worlds, those movies are IMHO undeniably sub-par when compared with the glory days of  Duel, Jaws, Close Encounters, E.T., Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, and so on.

[Watchman]

That kind of compromise ruined the ending of War of the Worlds too.

I never cared for his vision of War of the worlds, and frankly I haven't liked anything Spielberg has directed since... since Saving Private Ryan. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Even if you liked AI or War of the worlds, those movies are IMHO undeniably sub-par when compared with the glory days of  Duel, Jaws, Close Encounters, E.T., Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, and so on.

See, I think his films got more interesting after Saving Private Ryan (until Crystal Skull). I really liked his output from A.I. to Munich (minus The Terminal). I don't consider Jurassic Park one of his greater efforts (it lacks the character of Indiana Jones 1-3 & most of his 70's output) and, frankly, I never liked ET. I'm one of the few who likes the "Dark Spielberg" of the early-mid 2000's. A.I. is one of the bleakest films ever made & Minority Report is like Kubrick meets Gilliam (with the energy of Raiders-era Spielberg). Catch Me If You Can gets some of the greatest performances from Dicaprio, Hanks & Walken, and Munich was a politically challenging film for Spielberg to make (the Academy didn't warm up to the Israel/Palestine conflict as much as they did the Holocaust or D-Day). I dunno, I liked seeing Spielberg films with an increased moral ambiguity. And I thought War of the Worlds was the perfect tonic for those who hated  Independence Day. The Rifftrax guys wouldn't call WotW "The WACKIEST alien invasion movie!" No idiotic scenes mining humor from alcoholic pilots or gravel-voiced homosexuals. Seriously, I hate ID4 as much as the Transformers movies & Roland Emmerich is just as deplorable a director as, if not more than, Michael Bay.

(But fuck The Terminal!)

Oh, yes, and I hate Tom Cruise. I think any film that makes Cruise watchable is a testament to the director's skills! Same goes with Michael Mann & Collateral.

[Russell]

Minority Report is like Kubrick meets Gilliam (with the energy of Raiders-era Spielberg).

Kubrick and... Gi--?!?!?!!!!!!, NO, just... No. Sutter, you're probably one hell of a great person and you could have a 180(or more) IQ for all I know, however, just because there is one scene where they pull back Tom Cruise's eyelids(A la Clockwork Orange) does NOT make it Kubrick. I guarantee you neither Kubrick or Gilliam would be vapid enough to put a scene where one of their main characters is built into a car and the car drives off to where the plot needs it to go.  And I guarantee you if I know Terry Gilliam at all, he hates this movie. I'll tell you what really makes Minority Report such a failure(albeit an overrated one) is that the hero has all kinds of chances to get away, but every other precipitating event is just a setup for another stupid sequence. Tom Cruise KNOWS where the guy is going to be, all he has to do is get out of Washington, and that's not even scratching the surface of the reasons why the story is such a colossal mess.
There is only one other(besides myself) that has such an intense hatred of that film as I do...Perhaps Confused Matthew can shed some light on Minority Report's glaring flaws, but most importantly it's failure as a work of art.
http://confusedmatthew.com/Minority-Report.php

[D.B. Barnes]

I didn't know Plinkett lost his leg to the beetus.

[D.B. Barnes]

Confused Matthew? You mean that guy who devoted an entire video to Terry Gilliam's "smugness"? http://blip.tv/confused-matthew/terry-gilliam-a-smug-odyssey-5396503. "Shed some light" on that.

And why should I give any credence to this Confused Cont who hates 2001: A Space Odyssey? I actually tried watching his review for 2010, but it consisted of potshots against 2001.

I couldn't even stand watching one of this guy's reviews that I 100% agreed with (which would be the piece of shit Knowing). He's an insufferable little twerp who likes to hear himself talk. The only light being shed is his own vanity.

IMO, let's keep Matthew out of the Plinkett thread. Plinkett could eat this guy for breakfast. He's not worth the stuffing of a pizza roll.

Btw, you needn't be condescending. "Shed some light" my ass. I'm sure I don't care for all the films you do, but I ain't gonna try to convert you to my point of view, or the point of view of some asshole with a BlipTV account.

Wanna shed some light on lens flare?

I thoroughly enjoyed CM's prequel reviews. They were my first exposure to him. Although I must admit, the more of his stuff I watched, the more annoying I found him. I'll still check out his stuff. He's due to release a Blade Runner review at some point. But yeah, Plinkett has chunks of guys like CM in his stool.

[Russell]

I thoroughly enjoyed CM's prequel reviews. They were my first exposure to him. Although I must admit, the more of his stuff I watched, the more annoying I found him. I'll still check out his stuff. He's due to release a Blade Runner review at some point. But yeah, Plinkett has chunks of guys like CM in his stool.

Confused Matthew already released the Blade Runner review about a month or two ago.
http://confusedmatthew.com/Blade-Runner.php

And Sutter, Christ man I was trying very damn hard to be ANYTHING but condescending...