So, whaddya think?

[macleod]

At least with the latter we got to see Marlon Brando devoured....

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

Sister Beach goes to the Skeletor/Cobra Commander school of nefarious planning. Don't lock your nemesisup. Lead them on a pointless chase through a hostile village before locking  them up in a giant wooden frame and burning 'em after, maybe, traumatizing  them with a car wreck.

yeah but by that logic sister beach is a more effective evil leader than skeletor and cobra commander because she actually succeeded

[SmilinJackRoss]

OK.  I can justify the tapes issue. (why?  I have no idea.)

The name of the tapes was "Everything is OK".  We can assume these were tapes with a soothing, rational voice that was meant to calm and empower the listener.  They took his tapes because they didn't want him calm and rational, they want him frustrated, confused, and frantic to find the girl.  Why?  I have no idea.

My biggest head scratcher in this whole mess of a movie was; do they burn some poor sap every year?  Or is it only after a crop fails that they have to appease the gods with a sacrifice?  Because this is the kicker.  It took years to plan this elaborate trap for Cage's character, way before that previous summers' failed crop.

God, I need to stop trying to figure this movie out.  There's so much wrong with it, I can't help but think it' HAS to be some kind of joke.

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

eh, the only i mean ONLY question worth answering is how in the hell did anyone ever get the idea that this needed a remake and this was the version of said remake to show the public?

[gbeenie]

At least with the latter we got to see Marlon Brando devoured....

Don't judge. With Brando, it's either eat or be eaten.

[macleod]

haha....yeah, and I think the latter situation occurred far more often 

[Goshzilla]

Let's go down the list of what would have to happen for the evil bee women's plans to work.

1. Willow would have to be sent out ot have a relationship with Cage, then leave him (and would you trust Willow to even remember her own name?)

2. They would have to hope that Cage would be the one to find the doll on the side of the road, and care enough to pick it up and give it back.

3.  They would have to have a car crash without killing the two women inside OR Cage.

4.  They would have to hope that Cage would be emotionally affected enough to want to save another girl

5.  They would have to hope that Willow could convince Cage to help her out even though she screwed him over earlier

6.  Cage would have to go BY HIMSELF to the island

7.  You would have to set up a series of elaborate traps and scams in order to make him continue to search for the girl

8.  You would have to hope he didn't notice the giant Wicker Man statue and start to ask questions about it

9. You would murder the pilot, even though you could have just used him for the sacrifice in the first place

10.  You'd take the bullets out of his gun and somehow hope that he, a trained cop, won't notice that his gun is lighter

11. You allow Cage to put on a stupid bear suit and snatch the girl just so you can tell him that it was all a ruse

12.  You then take him and break his legs and pour bees on him, then burn him alive.  ALL OF WHICH YOU COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT DOING ANY OF THIS OTHER CRAP.

13.  You would have to hope and pray that a missing cop, who told everyone where he was going, wouldn't be searched for.

14.  Oh, and worst of all, you'd steal his tapes.  HIS TAPES I TELLS YOU. 

Wait a minute, you know after Nic Cage awoke from his bee sting coma,  he double checked his clip, loaded his gun and cocked it, clearly it was carrying live ammunition at this point.  Add:

15.) That live rounds magically teleport to one of the wiccans in an effort to look like they outwitted someone.

I still don't understand why they killed the pilot, he was their only means for money outside, and he was so easily bribed by Nic, he could have just been in on the job with the wiccans, and made more sense.

[Tony Farms AKA Puma Man]

Let's go down the list of what would have to happen for the evil bee women's plans to work.

1. Willow would have to be sent out ot have a relationship with Cage, then leave him (and would you trust Willow to even remember her own name?)

2. They would have to hope that Cage would be the one to find the doll on the side of the road, and care enough to pick it up and give it back.

3.  They would have to have a car crash without killing the two women inside OR Cage.

4.  They would have to hope that Cage would be emotionally affected enough to want to save another girl

5.  They would have to hope that Willow could convince Cage to help her out even though she screwed him over earlier

6.  Cage would have to go BY HIMSELF to the island

7.  You would have to set up a series of elaborate traps and scams in order to make him continue to search for the girl

8.  You would have to hope he didn't notice the giant Wicker Man statue and start to ask questions about it

9. You would murder the pilot, even though you could have just used him for the sacrifice in the first place

10.  You'd take the bullets out of his gun and somehow hope that he, a trained cop, won't notice that his gun is lighter

11. You allow Cage to put on a stupid bear suit and snatch the girl just so you can tell him that it was all a ruse

12.  You then take him and break his legs and pour bees on him, then burn him alive.  ALL OF WHICH YOU COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT DOING ANY OF THIS OTHER CRAP.

13.  You would have to hope and pray that a missing cop, who told everyone where he was going, wouldn't be searched for.

14.  Oh, and worst of all, you'd steal his tapes.  HIS TAPES I TELLS YOU. 

Wait a minute, you know after Nic Cage awoke from his bee sting coma,  he double checked his clip, loaded his gun and cocked it, clearly it was carrying live ammunition at this point.  Add:

15.) That live rounds magically teleport to one of the wiccans in an effort to look like they outwitted someone.

I still don't understand why they killed the pilot, he was their only means for money outside, and he was so easily bribed by Nic, he could have just been in on the job with the wiccans, and made more sense.

I don't know much about guns, but I thought that with automatics, the slide is back when the gun is empty.  Therefore, a guy can't NOT know that the gun is empty.

But Malus is an imbecile, as Mike pointed out.

[Tony Farms AKA Puma Man]

I'm starting to think that Willow is my favorite character in any movie ever.


Cage: "Just try to have a discernible emotion...it's not that hard, really"

[Alleged]

After re-reading the entire thread, and marveling at the mental energy people are expending to figure out this train wreck's plot holes, I have come to the following conclusion: "Wicker Man" has become a particular fan-favorite Rifftrax, much like "Manos" is a beloved episode of MST3K.

Who could have predicted this?

[macleod]

Alleged, I strongly have to disagree, at least from my perspective...

No, this movie is terrible, insultingly terrible. While Manos is as well, there was a certain hilarity to this film. I think that when you're faced with a big budget hollywood film and this occurs, there's a sense of total hatred.

I'm pissed of at this movie, so much that the I don't plan on re-watching the riff again anytime soon....maybe I'm the only one...but I can watch Manos again and again (though I'm sure that's not healthy)

I think cheese is necessary to make it an all-time favorite....and the wicker man did not have cheese...it was simply plain awful

[Pak-Man]

Alleged, I strongly have to disagree, at least from my perspective...

No, this movie is terrible, insultingly terrible. While Manos is as well, there was a certain hilarity to this film. I think that when you're faced with a big budget hollywood film and this occurs, there's a sense of total hatred.

I'm pissed of at this movie, so much that the I don't plan on re-watching the riff again anytime soon....maybe I'm the only one...but I can watch Manos again and again (though I'm sure that's not healthy)

I think cheese is necessary to make it an all-time favorite....and the wicker man did not have cheese...it was simply plain awful

To be fair, though, there are many who feel the same way about Manos. This is a particularly haunting Rifftrax. The movie calls your mind to it so the mind can figure it out and be done with it, but the mind will NEVER figure it out, and so it keeps coming back like an alcoholic to a whisky bottle.

[Bob]

And it is not a CROP failing like in the original, it is "duh, did the bees forget to know how to make honey?   Tor confused"

[SmilinJackRoss]

Alleged, I strongly have to disagree, at least from my perspective...

No, this movie is terrible, insultingly terrible. While Manos is as well, there was a certain hilarity to this film.

What, there's no certain hilarity about HOW'D IT GET BURNED??!!!!  and a man in abear suit punching out a woman?  This movie is awesomely hilarious, much like Manos.

[SecretAgentSuperDragon]

I don't know much about guns, but I thought that with automatics, the slide is back when the gun is empty.  Therefore, a guy can't NOT know that the gun is empty.

But Malus is an imbecile, as Mike pointed out.

Actually, just because a pistol is empty, it doesn't mean the slide is left back. When you are shooting, after you fire the last round, the blowback, instead of coming back to chamber another round, is locked back in the same way a doorstop works. However, you can empty all the bullets out of a clip, put the magazine back in, and have it look as though it's loaded. The slide doesn't automatically come back if the clip is empty, only if you have fired the last round out of the clip does it do that.

Also, the weight of many pistols will feel the same if it is loaded or not. 4 lbs of gun compared to the 3 oz or so of bullets in it makes it hard to tell if it is loaded or not.

And remember kids, Safety First.