Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?

[Ivan Druzhkov]

Reading the thread on anarchists got me thinking about the myriad others XXX offended through its idioicy.  To that end, I have started to compile a short list of the bereaved, complete with a short explanation why.

The Czechs - Their country was depicted as a mix of slums and garish clubs, and the one "Czech" character in the film was both inept AND a turncoat.

The Russians - I'm pretty sure Yorgi was Russian (at least, that's the language he was speaking), so another apology is required for the 13,721 depiction of Russians as evil by Hollywood. (counter running since 1951)

Russian Viral Biologists - You don't seriously think a real ex-Soviet biologist wouldn't have a backup plan in case his employer tried to kill him?  If they're working for scum, you can bet they have a way to cover their ass and get their money.

White Men - We're not all like wanna-Q, and I quite frankly found his potrayal of a white guy offensive to both my race and gender, which is white and male.  We've had it hard enough what with running the planet and oppressing everyone, and now this?  For shame!

Gamers - I resent the implication that all video gamers are head-shaving numbnuts who destroy the cars of congressmen and skateboard all the time.  Many of us are pale, timid people who, through a tragic fault of all are own, do not have any muscle tissue at all.  Have you no decency, sirs?

Mike Nelson - You think he wanted to sit through this six times?  No!  He did solely out of the need to feed his family, and now his emotional scars are on your heads, filmmakers!

Well, is there anyone else who should go on this tally of the bereaved and humiliated?

[Mrbnatural]

I think "everyone, everywhere" covers it quite nicely.

[Joe Don Faker]

Ha ha, nice list.

Let's add waitresses everywhere, due to Vin Diesel's tyrannical insistence on what footwear is "believable" for them to own.  For that you are a heel, buster brown!

[Rube_Maroon]

Did Mike really watch Xxx six times?

[Joe Don Faker]

He watched it xXx, where x=the square root of 6.

[gammer]

Dont forget bald people.

Like me 

[SmilinJackRoss]

The Russians - I'm pretty sure Yorgi was Russian (at least, that's the language he was speaking), so another apology is required for the 13,721 depiction of Russians as evil by Hollywood. (counter running since 1951)

C'mon, we all know that if you're Russian, and a scientist, you're inherently evil.  It comes with the job...

Just look at the average college transcript of a Russian scientist:
Malevolent Bomb Making 101
Sneaking Plutonium Out Of Offical Government Buildings 275
Genetics and You: Destroying Human DNA (I think this is BIO 304)
Underground Cash Laundering 290 (lab + lecture)

[King Rygar]

I think an apology is owed to the people who like this movie and were not automatically killed. Thank you. 

[BBQ Platypus]

Reading the thread on anarchists got me thinking about the myriad others XXX offended through its idioicy.  To that end, I have started to compile a short list of the bereaved, complete with a short explanation why.

The Czechs - Their country was depicted as a mix of slums and garish clubs, and the one "Czech" character in the film was both inept AND a turncoat.

The Russians - I'm pretty sure Yorgi was Russian (at least, that's the language he was speaking), so another apology is required for the 13,721 depiction of Russians as evil by Hollywood. (counter running since 1951)

Russian Viral Biologists - You don't seriously think a real ex-Soviet biologist wouldn't have a backup plan in case his employer tried to kill him?  If they're working for scum, you can bet they have a way to cover their ass and get their money.

White Men - We're not all like wanna-Q, and I quite frankly found his potrayal of a white guy offensive to both my race and gender, which is white and male.  We've had it hard enough what with running the planet and oppressing everyone, and now this?  For shame!

Gamers - I resent the implication that all video gamers are head-shaving numbnuts who destroy the cars of congressmen and skateboard all the time.  Many of us are pale, timid people who, through a tragic fault of all are own, do not have any muscle tissue at all.  Have you no decency, sirs?

Mike Nelson - You think he wanted to sit through this six times?  No!  He did solely out of the need to feed his family, and now his emotional scars are on your heads, filmmakers!

Well, is there anyone else who should go on this tally of the bereaved and humiliated?

Hmm...you forgot these two:

- Physicists: To them, this movie must have been PURE TORTURE.
- The Laws of Physics:  The makers of this movie should also apologize to the laws of physics themselves, for violating them to the point of rape.  They should still press charges, though.

[AvestheFox]

Hmm...you forgot these two:

- Physicists: To them, this movie must have been PURE TORTURE.
- The Laws of Physics:  The makers of this movie should also apologize to the laws of physics themselves, for violating them to the point of rape.  They should still press charges, though.

Naturally every bad film owes an apology to the Laws of physics.. dont you dare make me bring up Puma Man!

[Rufus T]

Puma Man! That's one of my favorite episodes. "I'm confused, now I'm happy."

[Toby Danger]

The NSA deserve an apology for being portrayed as complete idiots. Seriously, how hard would it have been (and less expensive than hunting down some felons and dumping them in a Colombian drug cartel) to just train an agent in how to blend in with Anarchy 99? It's not like acting like a drunken, hard-partying twat is hard to do, is it? And what was the ponit of testing Xander when all he ever had to do was hang with Yorgi and Co and ply them for secrets.

[mrbasehart]

Daniel Craig would kick the crap out of Xander Cage.

[Cosmic Muse]

I really would love to see what Mike would do with xXx: Stateof the Union.

[Svengoolie]

XD.  It's such a stereotypical movie.  Watching it with Rifftrax made it even better.

This is the kinda stuff I want Mike to do more of.  Bad mainstream movies.