You owe it to yourself to experience Time Cube.

[Thrifty]

http://www.timecube.com/

I first came upon the site several years ago.  It is not parody.  It is genuine.  It is endless ravings of a mad man in huge font.  It just goes on and on, directionless.

Spend a little time reading it.  I don't think it's humanly possible to get through the whole site.  I can't go more than 2 minutes without cracking up.

[CrowTeeRobot]

Okay, I made it about 15 seconds before I started cracking up, and now the girl on the computer next to me is giving me a funny look. I'm definitely gonna have to read more of this when I'm not in a public place.

[doggans]

I'm not the only one reading this in Wiseau's voice, right?

[Thrifty]

I'm not the only one reading this in Wiseau's voice, right?

Wiseau's voice is too mellow for the over the top shouting tone of Time Cube.  I usually read it in a loud but flat monotone.  But I'll try with Wiseau.

[MontyServo]

You are stupid and evil and
do not know you are stupid
and evil.

                                          Gene Ray

If I am following this correctly, this loon thinks that since it is Midnight one place, 6am another place, Noon someplace else, and 6PM yet another place - that means there are actually 4 days for each rotation of the Earth.  (Why not 24 days since there are 12 Midnights for each rotation of the Earth?) 

How he got a cube from that, I haven't figured out.  A number cubed is to the 3rd power and a cube has 6 sides.  His "cube" has 4 sides. 

6 side Cube is Evil math

Also, the fact that he is the only person to know about the "time cube" means there must be some sort of global conspiracy to hide it's existence.

He also throws out some anti-Semitic rhetoric in there.  What a shock.  When in doubt, blame it on the Jews.

I think he brings Santa Claus into it somehow as well.     

Santa & God debase women
as if non-existing opposites.

Why not?

YOU are the lowest form.
YOU can't procreate alone.
YOU destroyed the village.
YOU destroyed the family.
YOU destroyed childhood.
YOU destroyed naturalism.
YOU don't know the Truth.
YOU pitiful mindless fools,
YOU are educated stupid.
YOU worship cubeless word.
YOU are your own poison.
YOU create your own hell.
YOU must seek Time Cube.

This is why I love the internet. 

[Thrifty]

You are stupid and evil and
do not know you are stupid
and evil.

                                          Gene Ray

If I am following this correctly, this loon thinks that since it is Midnight one place, 6am another place, Noon someplace else, and 6PM yet another place - that means there are actually 4 days for each rotation of the Earth.  (Why not 24 days since there are 12 Midnights for each rotation of the Earth?) 

How he got a cube from that, I haven't figured out.  A number cubed is to the 3rd power and a cube has 6 sides.  His "cube" has 4 sides. 

You were able to follow that?

I saw him explain the discrepancy between four sided Time Cube and the fact that real cubes have 6 sides.  He said that the top and bottom don't count.  I say it would have made more sense just to call it the four sided Time Square.  But I guess that sounds too close to the famous area in Manhattan.  We wouldn't want to confuse people, now would we?

[CrowTeeRobot]

  We wouldn't want to confuse people, now would we?

Good heavens no, that would be just plain silly!

[RobtheBarbarian]

I'm not the only one reading this in Wiseau's voice, right?

Wiseau's voice is too mellow for the over the top shouting tone of Time Cube.  I usually read it in a loud but flat monotone.  But I'll try with Wiseau.

I read it in The Ultimate Warrior's voice.

Had anyone made it to the part where he starts talking about a race war?

[BBQ Platypus]

I read it in The Ultimate Warrior's voice.

So do I.

GODISM ORGANIZED CRIME IS A GOTOHELL MOM AND DAD HOAK HOGAN!

[RoninFox]

Did you ever read the Ultimate Warriors actual webpage?  Its entirely possible this really is him.  I once saw him auction off one of his old championship belts on ebay, he rambled for pages and pages just on the product description.

[carlobee]

the whole time i'm reading it i was thinking of a Rubik's cube. 

[MontyServo]

I read it in The Ultimate Warrior's voice.

I was actually hearing it in The Iron Sheik's voice, but Warrior's voice seems right too.

[Johnny Unusual]

If scientist can't burn Bible, he is a liar, not scientist.

To think otherwise is thoughtcrime!

Personally, I think it feels like Rob Liefeld trying to write like Grant Morrison.

[CrowTeeRobot]

Every time I try to read further on that site, it feels like he's punching me right in the common sense area of my brain.

[Thrifty]

THERE IS NO DAMN GOD -
ONEism IS A DEATH TRAP
for Mom and Dad Opposites.
You're Educated ONE Nitwits,
I possess Math & Science Proof.
A Queer as God = Queer HIV.
Every Creation is of Opposites,
Not a human or planet is One.
Seek Wisdom of Cubic Life
Intelligence - or you die evil.