Write Story, win $ -WINNERS ANNOUNCED!

[torgosPizza]

the essence of really bad fan fic

So, fan fic.

Exactly, and fun to parody as well

Fun to read and parody? You guys are pants-crapping insane.

I'm not sure what's more disconcerting - that you guys are chomping at the bit to write bad fanfiction, or that you already enjoy reading bad fanfiction so much. 

[Tripe]

the essence of really bad fan fic

So, fan fic.

Well yes but OK let's try a different tack here:

What makes a film riffable? And why is it that comedies aren't really riffable? Because comedies are intentionally written to amuse, while the riffable movies are, ususally, created with the deadly serious intention of making a good movie.

Fan Fic writers are, for the most part, deadly serious about what they are writing; they think they're creating some worthwhile, something beautiful or significant to add to the fictional universe(s) they so enjoy.

Which is why the dreck they actually produce is so entertaining. The same impulse that makes some of us like MST3K and Rifftrax and other enterprises like that is what makes us enjoy really terrible fan fiction. 

Nobody want seriously written fan fic in this competition, it's a exercise in humorous writing.

[torgosPizza]

Fair enough.

To be honest I thought Matt B's "Senator Bobo" line was funny. So in that sense, have at it. But do keep it in spoilers, and PG-13 as you had suggested, and I think you'll be fine.

[Tripe]

Actually the spoilers thing is fine, but I might amend that a little and say place a preview of the story in spoilers etc etc. but send the whole stories to Dim, or Jacob or me, or prefereably all of us

We'll post the two winners afterwards.

[Matt B]

Fun to read and parody? You guys are pants-crapping insane.

I'm not sure what's more disconcerting - that you guys are chomping at the bit to write bad fanfiction, or that you already enjoy reading bad fanfiction so much. 

A forum where people enjoy badly made movies where some also enjoy badly written literature? I am shocked by this news! Shocked, I say!

[torgosPizza]

A planet where apes evolved from men?!

[Tripe]

OK just a reminder, the closing date is approaching but people still have time to get their entries in

[anais.jude]

yea, come on peeps! 300 words should be easy!

[Tripe]

Ok entries now closed. Me and the other judges will look at what we have and pick two winners.

[Tripe]

Well well done to all of our contestants and to our winners: Anais.jude and Compound. If the both of you could pm me with where to send the gift certs I'll send those along.

In the next two messages I'll post the winning entires. 

Oh and well done to the winners 

[Tripe]

Memories of a Gingered Past

Anais.jude

Crow T. Robot exhaled a regretful pant as his eyes drifted toward the ceiling of the SOL. His mind trespassed back to the summers in Wisconsin with Ginger. He both loved and hated those memories. His love for Ginger was a feeling that swelled his heart---an almost indescribable tugging; it was something Crow had never experienced during his years on the SOL.
   Alas those moments lasted mere seconds before Crow's heart would begin to ache and whisper, reminding him that Ginger was forbidden fruit: the ex-girlfriend of his best friend, Mike Nelson. As much as Crow tried to deny his feelings, Mike Nelson was one of his best friends.
   It was because of Mike that Crow had gone back in time. He had gone back in time to tell Mike's family that he was ok, but Mike's one request had never been fulfilled. The instant Crow placed his eyes on Ginger, nothing else mattered. Those couple summers with Mike's family, those nights summer nights on the pier with Ginger, they filled Crow with sadness. He was happy to be back with Mike and Tom on the SOL, but he was older now...and he had regrets.
   It had been two weeks since his return. On the SOL, his return had been instantaneous, and Crow had even been able to finish watching that day's film, Terror From the Year 5000. After the movie was finished, Mike, in a jealous rage, or perhaps noticing the sadness in Crow's eyes, set Crow up on his first of many blind dates.
   Crow and The Terror had gone to Perkins for their meal. That had turned into disaster. Terror ordered the most expensive items on the menu--surf and turf, arugula salad, and chocolate truffles. Crow didn't notice. All he could think about was Ginger. He thought of her every time he starred at the creature's radiation -deformed face. Crow was so lost in his thoughts, he never noticed when Terror left, and he certainly didn't notice putting everything on Mike's Credit Card, including a 100 dollar tip.
   Since that night, Crow had been on almost 12 dates, all of them with women from bad movies: Natalie from Werewolf, Melissa from Touch of Satan, The chick from The Band that Played California Lady, but none of them could compare to the glorious angel that is Ginger.
   Crow got up from his bed and looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't want to go on another date, what was the point of them? He was never going to get Ginger out of his head, and dates with these women just made him long for her more. He remembered Ginger's golden brown hair; the way it blew across her green eyes during those late summer afternoons.
   But there was more to Ginger than her beauty. Like Crow she had long history of identifying easily with other groups because she was unsure of herself. Together, though, together the two of them fit. Crow rummaged through his drawer, looking for his hiding spot. At the bottom of his draw, under his Journey's Greatest Hits CD, was the one picture of Ginger he had kept. Using his metal claw, Crow traced Ginger's outline with his fingers. He closed his eyes and kissed Ginger's picture for a mere seconds before ripping it into multiple pieces.
   "I have to do this," Crow thought to himself, "for Mike and the sake of our friendship, I have to try to get over you, Ginger."
   Crow disposed of the remnants of Ginger and put on his Eau du Robot cologne. Just then Mike's large pale head popped into Crow's room. "Hey, Crow, the leech woman is calling on the hex field. She says the two of you have a date?"
   "Is it young leech woman or old?" Crow queried.
   "Young," Mike said.
   "Alright, I think I can handle that, my friend, my friend." Crow paused. "Say, Mike."
   "Yea, Crow?"
   "I'm...I'm sorry about Ginger. I never meant to hurt you."
   "You never meant to hurt me...Crow, you act like a twenty-something girl who grew up in the 80's is writing your dialogue."
   Crow stared at Mike for a moment.
   Crow laughed. "Oh, Mike. That is rich! I guess I needed a little lesson."

[Tripe]

The Lord of the Kiss (Kevin/Vader)

Compound

It was a balmy Friday afternoon in San Diego and I had been busily meeting and greeting our fans. Now, don't get me wrong. I love our fans, but after a while, dealing with them can get quite tiresome.

"Hi Mr. Murphy!"

"Hi."

"Can I ask a quick question?"

"Sure. Go right ahead."

"After you became energy forms at the end of 706, what drew your incorporeal selves back to the SoL at the beginning of 801?"

"Well, we wanted to have a show..."

"Huh?"

"Sorry. We really didn't come up with a reason for the guys to return. They just assumed that they did and went from there."

"Oh. Well thanks."

"Thank you."

And that's when I saw him.

Two meters tall. Bipedial. Clad from head to toe in glossy black armor and a long, flowing cape. The crowds seemed to melt away from his powerful frame.

I gasped as my heart seemed to leap up into my throat. Never before had I seen someone so breathtaking. So enrapturing. I knew right then that I had to meet him. I leapt from my chair and bolted through the slowly moving crowds, trying to get closer to him.  For a moment, he seemed to disappear from view. But no! There he was emerging from behind a 10' Lego statue of Paul Giamatti as "Miles" in Sideways. I'm still not quite sure what possessed Lego to acquire that license. I quickly cut through a booth selling chain mail purses and there he was, right ahead of me.

"Excuse me," I shouted. He stopped and peered towards me, inquisitively. I walked up to him, unsure of what to say.

"Um, that's a nice outfit," I yammered.

"Thank you," he replied in a deep, breathy baritone. "I've been working on it for months."

My legs tried to buckle from under me but I was able to will my treacherous limbs into obeying my commands and I stepped closer to him.  "I can tell. Um, are you enjoying the con?"

He breathed laboriously as he replied. "Oh sure. There was a great panel on Firefly yesterday, and the folks are Blizzard had a great trailer for Dia..."

He kept talking, but I couldn't hear him over the blood rushing through my head. I fought for consciousness as I felt ready to swoon.

"...and Kevin Smith was signing too! But I had to leave before he signed anything cause some guy was threatening to lick me unless I paid him $20."

"Oh. That's nice."

"Well, nice talking to you.." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" I cried. "Can you stay just a minute more?"

"Sorry. There's a signing that I need to get to..."

"Wait!" I plead. "Can I... kiss you?  Before you go. Just once?"

"Ummmm. Suuuure." he replied, while glancing from side to side.

I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on his metallic cheek. He tasted of lavender. And Turtle Wax. As I pulled away, I gazed longingly towards him. "For luck."

"Oh. OH! Heh. Funny. Well, see ya."

"Goodbye." I waved toward him as he rapidly disappeared into the crowds, his armor vanishing among the throngs of convention goers. And inside, I wept, for I knew that someone of his magnitude would never pass this way again. My heart in my hands, I turned and made my way back to the booth. Once there, I quietly took my seat. Next to me, my comrade Bill looked up.

"Where did you go?" he queried.

"I saw a vision, clad all in black. I had to speak with him."

To my side, Bill and my cohort Mike glanced warily at each other.

Mike muttered under his breath, "It's the Grimace Incident all over again..."

Bill shook his head. "Conor? Make sure that our stuff's ready to go. I have a feeling that we might be leaving here soon. You know a bail bondsman here too, right?"

But their words had no power for I had lost the one true love of my life. Sadly, I turned towards the waiting fans and tried to bury myself in my work.

"Hi!"

"Hello. Who should I make this out to?"

"Brandi. With an "i"."

"Okay, Brandi."

"I have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tattoo!"

"That's super."

-Fin-

[mrbasehart]

Awesome.  I'm not sure which I like better either: Anais' stunningly inept romance (which was hilarious), or Compound's recreation of "that kiss".  Bravo to both of yas!   

[anais.jude]

Awesome.  I'm not sure which I like better either: Anais' stunningly inept romance (which was hilarious), or Compound's recreation of "that kiss".  Bravo to both of yas!   

Thanks Basehart! I even tried to make mine a little meta.

[Fortis]

Hey Tripe...will you post all the other entries too?


...and if you don't mind, post my non-entry too. (I can't seem to find the word document for that on my computer, and I think people might like my concept anyways even if I never finished it). Thanks!