we are the water cooler

[Prize Walnut]

Now that Bill Corbett is my facebook friend and I feel famous, it's time for my first post on the forums. I can guarantee the lot of you that I will end up mostly talking to myself even though I might feel like I have many imaginary friends on the interblag. I might possibly start or derail more interesting forum topics than a mere introduction like this one.

/pause
/aside
/As a first time poster, I find the animated giant red faces with huge teeth above the text box both distracting and absolutely terrifying. Are they right in the middle of the screen for everyone else? How are you all not going insane trying to post here? I'll have to find a way to turn those off. I don't know what a blue vibrating smiley even means! The information age is passing me by. Apparently I'm still in the stone age of using text to communicate.

My favourite riffs so far are Battlefield Earth and Aeon Flux. Nothing is more satisfying than heckling movies which purport to take themselves quite seriously or present "issues." And of course, are bad. It's pretty much impossible to riff something already ridiculous, like Walk Hard. (I laugh like a maniac when people tear sinks off walls.) In general I like trax where the "original" team participates. Bill, Kev, and Mike together make for the funniest trax I think. Although it is somewhat nice to hear Mike whispering sweet nothings into my ear a la Predator, in the end he just leaves me wanting something more complete. Not only is it a little bit weird having only one guy talk at a movie, it's something I could do myself and with better humor. (YEH I SED IT.) At this point I usually put Aeon Flux on repeat and fall asleep.

I could also write a HUGE diatribe about how speaking through puppets adds an incredible depth to heckling and criticism, but I'll save that for later when I'm more drunk and feel like ranting. (I really like puppets.)

I took a brief look at the giant pics thread. Maybe I'm statistically unrandom but it looks like most of the photos are of white, pasty, pale, middle agers with high risk of contracting a case of office-ass from sitting in too many office chairs for too long. That is incredibly sexy I might add, even though I'm substantially more attractive than the lot of you. I was hoping for maybe a small group of golden-spider-duck wannabees, but overall this group seems decently diverse. I THINK I LIKE IT.

Enough of the introduction. Beware, I'm around.

p walnut

[Prize Walnut]

first.

dang I'm good.

p walnut

[Fortis]

so...what kind of walnut are you?

[Prize Walnut]

I'm the kind...    the kind that really goes through the hay.

p walnut

[Fortis]

oh...well welcome and stuff. 

[RoninFox]

Admit it, you started the walnut uprising, didn't you?

[Prize Walnut]

oh, maybe a walnut stampede..
The name is from one of my favourite mst3k episodes, touch of satan.

1:40 into the youtube video. walnuts are thematically returned to thereafter in the film.

p walnut

[RoninFox]

I got it, can't remember the exact moment in the episode, but Farmer Squarehead appears in the door to the witch-girls little cabin in the fields with the riff "There's been a walnut uprising"  You can't hide your involvement forever.   

In any case, welcome

[OmegaR!]

Welcome, since we are around the water cooler, this is the time we talk about Seinfeld right???

and to contribute to the topic (which I do very rarely)

I can say that though my pic isn't on the photo thread, it would offset the delicate balance that is set there

[Kheirhun]

what about walnuts?


they're filled with nut-meat.

[Prize Walnut]

So i had this appropriate response in the works until I hit the reply button and the vibrating blue smiley face completely made me lose my train of thought. It's nice to be welcomed by everyone, but that hopping blue face is just mocking me. I think i was going to say something about farmer squarehead or Joe Don Baker or doughy guys in general, but... I just can't remember.

Oh, but bad films! It's nice how people just prepare them for us as if they knew that movies were actually made for riffing. Just think, all the resident writers will be thrilled to know that production studios are always on the lookout for giant jumbles of random words on paper.

Company A
*We are looking for completed feature-length family-friendly scripts that feature a monkey. Submissions must be contemporary projects that will garner a G or PG-rating.*
WGA and Non-WGA writers may submit. Budget will not exceed $7 million.

I know everyone has a script that is a family monkey movie. I know I do.

p walnut

[OmegaR!]

Monkeeys....
        /
   

As I recall the ending to the Curious George movie involved shooting him and the yellow hat guy into space...
then is very cryptic as to whether they ever made it back...
but I'm glad there was some closure to the series, even if a little grim