2.0 Questions today - 1/23/08

[Conor]

She was a bit past 55 with beautiful silver slivers that curved and flowed
like swallow-tails from her temples.  She was watching a movie on the television at the bar and I was wondering, is it a science fiction flick?

I'd gone to my favorite soft-lit, romantic lounge alone.  It was, as usual,
bulging with sipping singles -- crammed with cocky, sometimes uncertain
curious drop-ins.  But eventually, I snared a small table in the middle
aisle.  All seats were taken at the bar, too...and she was shoe-horned and
cramped beside some spittle-drool jerk who was leering down her
scrumptious, splendid cleavage.

Obviously, she was NOT enthralled by his attention.

I caught her eye, smiled, and waved her over.

"You're such a dear," she said, sitting down.  "I don't know how long I
would have stayed without a seat."

"I didn't think you were charmed with your present company...or were you?"
I teased...and her hearty laugh was answer enough to that!

We chatted away, watched others dance; listened to some wonderful blues and
slow-dance sounds from the band.

It was difficult to keep my eyes from her; fleshy and full, aroused nipples
swelled to erotic points.  And she was quite aware that my eyes caressed
every cell of her prominent breasts!

I was...then...in my late 20's and this pleased her greatly.  My guess
about her was mid-50s, perhaps older.

Grinning, she whispered, "I see your generic heritage left YOU very
well-endowed too, my dear!"  Saying this her head cocked slightly, moving
in small tight circles of appraisal.  Those mischievous, probing eyes
missed nothing about my body...

According to IMDB, yes.

(not answering loop hole questions)

[David]

Damn it! We know the answer, just re-post that other Batman and Robin question!

[PlayMSTie]

Ah, Compound, you're too quick for me. Oh well . . .

[Dim of the Yard]

*Crack!*

Ben fell to the ground, his glasses hanging off of one ear.  Blood oozed out of his nose and onto the floor.  It was quite broken--his nose, not the floor, although Ben doubted he'd be able to clean up after this debacle.  Ben scrambled to get back to his feet, only to have a leather boot smash into his backside and push him back down.  Ben heard another sickening crack, although he wasn't quite sure whether it was his glasses or his wrist that went.  To be fair, he hadn't heard the crack all that well.  The voice kept yelling at him.

"Where is it?!  For the love of God, where is it?!"

Ben coughed.  It was his only defense.

"Tell me where you hid it!" howled the man, kicking Ben in the ribs.

Ben fell flat on his back.  His mind spun as he tried to recall what it was that the man was searching for.  He thought back to a few days ago, when somebody had come up to him on the street and passed him a thin envelope.  When Ben opened it up, it contained a passport and a gift card to Starbucks.  The passport belonged to his friend Bill, and he had passed it along.  He had kept the Starbucks card.  It would make a nice present for his sister's birthday in a few days.

"Where is it, you son of a bitch?!"  The man pressed his boot down in the middle of Ben's chest.

Ben tried to think.  Where did he put the card?  In a safe place, he remembered.  His roommate was always snooping around, and Ben didn't want this gift card to fall into the wrong hands, so he had hidden it in one DVD in his collection.  (It wouldn't have made sense to hide it in two, as that would require cutting the card.)  The one DVD in his collection his roommate vowed never to pick up.

The boot crashed down on his chest again.

"DVD!" gasped Ben through a mouthful of blood.  "Bad movie!  Oh God, please don't hurt me!"

The man stalked over to the DVD case and threw out various DVD's.  His eyes scanned the titles, and he hefted movie after movie over his shoulder, many landing in a random location on Ben's body.

Suddenly, the volley of DVD's stopped.  The man gasped.

"Is it Batman and Robin?" he asked, fear beginning to settle on his face.  "Is the movie Batman and Robin?"

Ben coughed twice.  That meant yes.

The man tore open the DVD and ripped out the gift card.  He stared at it for a good long while, then stared back at Ben.  His gaze travelled between the two before he dropped the DVD and the gift card and said,

"Oh!  I'm in the wrong house!"

He left quickly, leaving Ben to his tattered DVD collecton, a Starbucks giftcard, and the knowledge that one more person in the world knew he had a copy of Batman and Robin.

[Compound]

Once upon a time, there existed a brave little robot toaster. This toaster used to float and make toast and drink mimosas all day long, and he was so happy. Until a dark day when an evil Midwesterner bought the little toaster and used him for his own nefarious purposes. Where once the little toaster could watch "The View" and gossip with the girls in reception all day long, he now had to watch horrible movies, simply for the sole purpose of providing time codes for a handful of people to synch up a recording to. Oh, the toaster was so sad. One day, he had nearly reached his limit, and he looked up at his mean owner and said, "Please, sir. I pray that the next Rifftrax isn't Batman and Robin. Is it?" And the mean owner said, "Yes. Yes it is. And you shall be forced to purchase it and watch it with me! BWHA-HA-HA!!!!!"

And the little toaster cried and cried. Until he realized that there was one weakness in the owner's plan. "But sir! You don't pay me! Therefore I can not pay!"

"Oh. Drat," replied the mean man. "Well, I guess I"ll have to hoist it off on the people reading this then."

The next week, the brave little robot toaster bought a lottery ticket using some money he found on the ground and won the grand prize. He then retired to the Bahamas to spend the rest of his days watching reruns of Mama's Family. The end.

[DarthChimay]

"250 words?" he screamed, staring at his screen in disbelief. "Seriously? 250 words? Wow." He sighed, grabbing his macciato and taking another emasculating sip. "I suppose I could come up with something, but what sort of story should I tell? And just how long is 250 words?" Suddenly, a flash of inspiration hit him. The muse called out to him. He zipped up his pants and began typing out a flurry of words. Faster and faster he wrote, until the friction began to melt his keyboard. "Gadzooks!" he exclaimed quite loudly, in a booming, masculine (yet tender) voice. "If only there were some way that I could make certain that each and every sentence contained as many words as possible even at the risk of turning said sentence into some crazed run-on that just seemed to go on and on and on and on and on forever, into eternity, without a single contraction. Yet, that is not possible." A lone tear rolled down his cheek. He stood up, looking off into that lonesome distance, his heart breaking as he slowly began to realize that he was not up to the task. Perhaps he should have drunk his Ovaltine (this product is trademarked) that morning, but he did not. He had been a fool. "Oh cruel fate! Why dost thou mock me so! You have made me into a harlot of destiny!" Everyone in his office turned and looked at him then. "What the heck was that?" someone asked him. "Umm, I do not know," he replied. The comely brunette girl in the cubicle across from him gazed up at him, tracing his every muscle, her eyes mad with desire. "Is it Batman and Robin?" he asked.

[Pak-Man]

A couple sat in a restaraunt they frequented often. They had been looking longingly at eachother for a good half hour, lost in their mutual gaze. She looked at him, he looked at her, and they smiled. Eventually, someone had to break the silence.

The girl thought to herself. How should she break this silence? Should she go into politics, or religion? Was it too soon? She didn't want to come on too strong. She considered tackling sports, but didn't really know enough to hold a conversation.

She turned to him.

"Do you have any idea what my favorite movie is?"

"No." He said. "I don't."

"Well maybe you should try guessing."

The man thought for a good while. He'd been dating her for a while now, but the subject of movies hadn't come up. He knew she found Schwartzeneger attractive, but Terminator didn't seem like her style. She was a fan of Alicia Silverstone, though he couldn't comprehend why. Why was he going out with this woman? Why couldn't he look her in the eye as he answered. She had always enjoyed a good superhero movie, but she'd already expressed her distate for X-Men and The Hulk. Could it be a Batman movie? He pondered for this for a moment and his smile faded as a realization dawned on him. He thought he knew the answer, and it could be devistating, but he had to know for sure. Finally, he asked, "Is it Batman and Robin?" fully dreading the answer.

They broke up the next morning.

[Doctor Manhattan]

There are some good writers here. 

[SlickRick]

www.nifty.org

[SlickRick]

Gotta love google (thought I should quote my source)

[skenderberg]

Greedo walked into the Mos Eisley Cantina, searching for his nemesis Han Solo.  It was dangerous work, but the price on his head was high, and he desperately needed the credits to pay off a debt of his own.  So far he'd spent a fortune wooing the barmaid, but all she could do was sing and strut around with that damn hole-in-the head guy.

Suddenly, a shot rang out, and James Bond burst, wild-eyed into the room.  He seized Greedo by the lapels before he could go for his blaster.  "Where's Mr. White?" he cried.  "Is he you?"

Greedo sputtered for a response, but was seized from behind before he could say anything.  "Ah, Mr. Bond," said a sneering Frenchman in a pristine white suit.  "At last we see that there is nothing you can possess that I cannot take away."

"Don't do it!" cried another man from across the room.  "Don't you see that the sun is like a can of gas?  If you don't let him go, the entire universe will die!"

As the Tatooine school let out, the room suddenly filled with precocious, bright-eyed youngsters.  The barmaid burst into song.  "Who can make the sun rise on a cloudy day" she sang.

"And blow it up like a can of gas!" the purple-suited man insisted.  "You have to stop!"  He slumped into his chair, sobbing into has glass. 

"Look," said Greedo.  "I'm just here for Han Solo."

"Ah," said the Frenchman, releasing him.  "I think I see him over there."

Greedo followed the Frenchman's gaze to a dark corner where to shadowy figures in rubber suits sat commiserating over their cups.

"Who are those guys," said Greedo.  "Is it Batman and Robin?"

[David]

I couldn't flesh it out to 250 words but the game is over so here it is anyways:


Once upon a time there was a psionic squirrel named Nutty. Nutty was accessing the Internet with his mind one day, and came upon rifftrax.com. He saw that its users were having a game to guess the next movie RiffTrax was going to tackle. But I digress.

Nutty was talking with his friends when all of a sudden, a crimson flash appeared and disappeared in the sky!

Acorn the Psychic Chipmunk said, "It's a bird!"
Flappy the Telepathic Bird said, "No, it's a plane!"
Nutty, thinking about something else entirely, said, "Is it Batman and Robin?"
Acorn and Flappy looked at him like he was an idiot.

[SaucyRossy]

www.nifty.org

ehh
eehhhh
eeehhhhh

um?

[Conor]

*Crack!*

Ben fell to the ground, his glasses hanging off of one ear.  Blood oozed out of his nose and onto the floor.  It was quite broken--his nose, not the floor, although Ben doubted he'd be able to clean up after this debacle.  Ben scrambled to get back to his feet, only to have a leather boot smash into his backside and push him back down.  Ben heard another sickening crack, although he wasn't quite sure whether it was his glasses or his wrist that went.  To be fair, he hadn't heard the crack all that well.  The voice kept yelling at him.

"Where is it?!  For the love of God, where is it?!"

Ben coughed.  It was his only defense.

"Tell me where you hid it!" howled the man, kicking Ben in the ribs.

Ben fell flat on his back.  His mind spun as he tried to recall what it was that the man was searching for.  He thought back to a few days ago, when somebody had come up to him on the street and passed him a thin envelope.  When Ben opened it up, it contained a passport and a gift card to Starbucks.  The passport belonged to his friend Bill, and he had passed it along.  He had kept the Starbucks card.  It would make a nice present for his sister's birthday in a few days.

"Where is it, you son of a bitch?!"  The man pressed his boot down in the middle of Ben's chest.

Ben tried to think.  Where did he put the card?  In a safe place, he remembered.  His roommate was always snooping around, and Ben didn't want this gift card to fall into the wrong hands, so he had hidden it in one DVD in his collection.  (It wouldn't have made sense to hide it in two, as that would require cutting the card.)  The one DVD in his collection his roommate vowed never to pick up.

The boot crashed down on his chest again.

"DVD!" gasped Ben through a mouthful of blood.  "Bad movie!  Oh God, please don't hurt me!"

The man stalked over to the DVD case and threw out various DVD's.  His eyes scanned the titles, and he hefted movie after movie over his shoulder, many landing in a random location on Ben's body.

Suddenly, the volley of DVD's stopped.  The man gasped.

"Is it Batman and Robin?" he asked, fear beginning to settle on his face.  "Is the movie Batman and Robin?"

Ben coughed twice.  That meant yes.

The man tore open the DVD and ripped out the gift card.  He stared at it for a good long while, then stared back at Ben.  His gaze travelled between the two before he dropped the DVD and the gift card and said,

"Oh!  I'm in the wrong house!"

He left quickly, leaving Ben to his tattered DVD collecton, a Starbucks giftcard, and the knowledge that one more person in the world knew he had a copy of Batman and Robin.

Written by you guys, riffed by Mike Kevin and Bill

Available on Tuesday, 1/29

[Crowmeus]

Once upon a time there was a little toaster named Disembaudio. Disembaudio lived in a magical land called Rifftraxia, where highly trained professionals were allowed to talk during movies. One day, Disembaudio found a movie that some people enjoyed, while most couldnt stand it. Disembaudio watched it for a few moments, and decided to take it to the royal palace, home of the Riffmaster, who ruled over Rifftraxia. The Riffmaster, along with his two aides, were the most highly trained professionals in all the land.

Disembaudio presented the movie to the Riffmaster and said "Your Riffness, I believe you and your aides could actually make this movie watchable. In fact, the three of you are the only ones in all of Rifftraxia who can."

The Riffmaster replied, "What is it about, little toaster?"

Disembaudio spoke, "Well, it's about a man who dresses up as a flying mammal and another who dresses up supposedly as a bird. The nature of their relationship is unsure. They might be lovers, or not. Anyway, the High Governator of the distant Kingdom of Cal-ee-for-nee-uh plays a frozen field who steals diamonds. Then the lady who wanted to Kill Bill plays a crazy plant lady. First she kills Lionel Luthor and then she wants to make plants more important than people. And Miss Match plays a girl who also dresses up as a bat. And there's the Snow Miser and a monosyllabic brute and a dying butler."

"Hmm, said the Riffmaster, "Is this movie called Batman and Robin?"