Uwe Boll must be riffed to shreds

[M.gunnerQuist]

Can't wait for Postal, starring Gary Coleman.  No, seriously.

It'll be one for the history books.

I wonder if starring in Uwe Boll movies will become a fad amongst Hollywood stars? I think that actors should be proud to be in a piece of cinematic history.

[Shinigami]

No, it's really just for the money.  The only reason any actor strives for good parts is that it raises their image, which makes them higher demand, which raises their income.  On the other hand, crappy roles pay the bill and don't demand alot of effort.

[WouTar]

I thought Gary Coleman didn't want to be in the movie? Dropped out?

[mrbasehart]

I thought Gary Coleman didn't want to be in the movie? Dropped out?

Oh, god.  I hope not! 

I just checked with imdb.  I'm afraid you're right.  In fact, there's only semi-famous people in it too.

[Variety of Cells]

OK, I've been saving this little speech for my 250th post. 

I have a feeling that an Uwe Boll film will not become a Rifftrax, at least not any time soon.  They may be good MST3K material, but they don't quite fit into the criteria of a good Rifftrax.

There are a few reason for this.  One of them is that they aren't very popular.  Mike and friends are trying to Riff movies that you have at least a chance of owning.  I'm not sure any one owns an Uwe Boll film. 

The bigger reason is entertainment value.  The movies need to be at least moderately entertaining to carry you through the whole film.  That's an awful lot of work for Mike if he's the sole source of entertainment, and we now know how hard it is to write riffs.  Horribly bad movies worked for MST3K because they had host segments to break it up and give the audience/writers a little breather.  The days of host segments are no more, now it's 2 hours of uncensored mediocrity. 

Next is a reason that I don't have any external support for, it's just my musings.  By riffing big movies like Top Gun and The Matrix, a message is sent, and it says "We are not blind.  Your movie may be flashy but it's no where near perfect.  In fact, it's rather silly".  But by riffing an Uwe Boll film then that message isn't there.  Everyone already knows it's a crappy film.  Mike is mediocrity bane, combatant to the common, warrior to the uninspired.  Mikes riff's can penetrate the heart of any huge, over budgeted, beast of a movie, so why waste them on rats like Uwe Boll?  Any one can make fun of an Uwe Boll film, but it takes something special to get away with riffing The Fifth Element or Top Gun.

Based on that, I draw the conclusion that Uwe Boll is not the prime Riff meat I had once thought him to be.  Maybe some day, but not any time soon. 

[ambitiously stupid]

Varietyofcells very good post.  For the first time I kinda understand why you and a few others are so opposed to super awful movies.  But echoing from beyond the grave in a vault somewhere in the basement of Gizmonics institute I still hear "send them cheesy movies the worst we can find la la la".  I enjoyed seeing the bottomlessly bad movies.  Without the riffing the Uwe Boll movies of the world would be too soon forgotten.  I'm not saying they all should be like that, but maybe an obscure one every now and then.

[Cap'n UKRiffer]

I'm not sure any one owns an Uwe Boll film.

*slowly puts his hand up* I'm so ashamed... 

[sarcasm_made_Easy]

bully for you varietyofcells, that was an excellent and very much needed post.

[Tarantulas]

Great post VoC!

I do agree that Mike is maybe trying to pick movies that people might already have in their "guilt pleasure" DVD pile, but Crossroads?

It would be interesting to see the "average Rifftrax fan's" demographic information.

[Variety of Cells]

Mike admitted in an interview that Crossroads was the exception.  He got a kick out of making people rent Crossroads. 

[JonnyFrag]

Great post VoC!

I do agree that Mike is maybe trying to pick movies that people might already have in their "guilt pleasure" DVD pile, but Crossroads?

It would be interesting to see the "average Rifftrax fan's" demographic information.

The average Rifftrax fan is as follows:
They are 27.79 years old.
The are most likely (93.43% chance) to be male.
Average height 5'10". Average Weight 234 lbs
Most likely brown eyes, most requiring vision correction.
Most are (or have been) married.

Owns at least 5 DVDs from the following list:
Star Wars Episode 4 A New Hope (Special Edition)
Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring (4 disc set)
Mission Impossible
The Matrix
Armageddon
Cowboy Bebop
Star Wars Episode 4 A New Hope (2 disc set with Original release)
Mr. Show (any season) season set
Blazing Saddles
X Files: Fight the Future
Citizen Kane
Troll 2
Girls Gone Wild: Doggie Style
Any Future Release of Star Wars Episode 4 A New Hope (within a week of it's release)
Stuart Little
ANY Rhino MST3K release (multiple most likely)

Also the average Rifftrax fan enjoys relaxing walks, Midnight horseback rides and progressive jazz.



Your mileage may vary.

[Minnesota]

Owns at least 5 DVDs from the following list:

Star Wars Episode 4 A New Hope (Special Edition)
Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring (4 disc set)
The Matrix
X Files: Fight the Future
ANY Rhino MST3K release (multiple most likely)

barely made it.

[Road_Element]

Totally Agree. Uwe Boll movies need it more then anyother movie people have been suggesting around here.

[davo]

OK, I've been saving this little speech for my 250th post. 

I have a feeling that an Uwe Boll film will not become a Rifftrax, at least not any time soon.  They may be good MST3K material, but they don't quite fit into the criteria of a good Rifftrax.

There are a few reason for this.  One of them is that they aren't very popular.  Mike and friends are trying to Riff movies that you have at least a chance of owning.  I'm not sure any one owns an Uwe Boll film. 

The bigger reason is entertainment value.  The movies need to be at least moderately entertaining to carry you through the whole film.  That's an awful lot of work for Mike if he's the sole source of entertainment, and we now know how hard it is to write riffs.  Horribly bad movies worked for MST3K because they had host segments to break it up and give the audience/writers a little breather.  The days of host segments are no more, now it's 2 hours of uncensored mediocrity. 

Next is a reason that I don't have any external support for, it's just my musings.  By riffing big movies like Top Gun and The Matrix, a message is sent, and it says "We are not blind.  Your movie may be flashy but it's no where near perfect.  In fact, it's rather silly".  But by riffing an Uwe Boll film then that message isn't there.  Everyone already knows it's a crappy film.  Mike is mediocrity bane, combatant to the common, warrior to the uninspired.  Mikes riff's can penetrate the heart of any huge, over budgeted, beast of a movie, so why waste them on rats like Uwe Boll?  Any one can make fun of an Uwe Boll film, but it takes something special to get away with riffing The Fifth Element or Top Gun.

Based on that, I draw the conclusion that Uwe Boll is not the prime Riff meat I had once thought him to be.  Maybe some day, but not any time soon. 

good post,but a few things to consider:

-every blockbuster had like 50 copies of alone in the dark. seems plenty popular to me.
-uwe boll movies have that intention of quality that make them good for riffing
-i'd argue his movies are moderately enteraining. stuff happens in them 
-there are plenty of uwe boll fanboys out there..believe it or not.  (i'm not one of them,btw.)

[BBQ Platypus]

Uwe Boll sucks.