Funny Jokes of Yours They Didn't Use

[Darth Geek]

The first time Arkham Asylum had an establishing shot I thought it was perfect for (As Gollum) "Shire!  Baggins!" but at least a different LOTR reference got in.
I still say it looks exactly like Hogwarts from the third movie on. I know because they made a cake of it on Ace of Cakes and it had that same exact tower with the bridge leading to it. BTW what part of Hogwarts is that supposed to be anyway?

Shire! Baggins! joke is great! Also, I think you are thinking of Askaban Prison, not Hogwarts itself.

[DrunkPagan]

My Bro (Rev Jones) and I had a LOT of jokes that didn't get in, largely because it was near impossible NOT to make endless gay jokes.

Here's what I remember.

When the CGI logos are flying in: Me: "This is Schumaker one, preparing to drop bomb." Bro:"Target area clear, go nuts!"

After "I'm George Clooney, and I'm sorry" (My Riff) My brother said "I'm Chris O'Donnel, and I was hungry."

With all the gadgets on screen "Clearly they shop at the sharper image"

"They call him... Mr. Freeze." "Mr Freeze..." (Riff: "No, I'm joshin ya. His name is Otis P. Funkmeiner."

(After Bats tumbles with Freeze the first time, AKA the first confusing fight scene) (Rev Jones): "What the... Did they just do it?"

Chris O'Donnel climbing up the side of the rocket (Wimpy struggling noises)

Freeze falls through the air and deploys his wings. (Rev Jones) "Huh, you'd think he'd drop like a lead zeppelin," Me: "Instead, he's flying like a Jefferson Starship."

Just after Freeze freezes Robin and runs away "Und now time to take care of the California Wild Fires!"

Freezes Tank crashes through a wall. Riff "Tanks!" (An identical scene happens later.) Riff: "Tanks Again!"

Mad scientist in Ivy Origin: "By drilling three holes directly into the limbic system" Riff: "We can kill him instantly!"

In the Ivy origin, just after the crazy mad scientist notices her and says "Pamela!" Riff: "I've been waiting to rape you for hours!"

Freeze "I hate it when people talk during the movie!" Riff: "Yeah, that always bugs the hell outta... Hey!"

The "high speed chase" on the statue "Hey, I used to commute to Gotham, and the speed limit on that statue is 25 miles per hour!"

At one point, Alfred delivers a poorly acted line to Bruce about family Riff: (Rev Jones): "That's it, Get Michal Caine on the phone right now!"

At the telescope unveiling, Uma is about to be escorted out by security, but she holds up the invitation defiantly. Riff (Rev Jones): "Multipass!"


We had a running theme of trying NOT to make gay jokes. That's all I remember offhand. I don't have our riff script.

[Minnesota]

Just after Freeze freezes Robin and runs away "Und now time to take care of the California Wild Fires!"

I liked that , pretty clever

[DrunkPagan]

I remembered a couple more. They're all my brothers.

(Bane rises and flexes before the camera) Riff: "Puttin-on-da-ritz!!!"

(Bane flexes again) Riff: "We can use these maps on my biceps!"

Arnold "Know what killed the Dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"  Riff: "Or it was a meteorite. Or it was volcanic ash that clouded out the sky and caused a climate change. Der are many theories!"

Robin: "A Bat-Bomb?" Riff: "Son, you ain't kiddin!"

[RevJones]

I remembered a couple more. They're all my brothers.

(Bane rises and flexes before the camera) Riff: "Puttin-on-da-ritz!!!"

(Bane flexes again) Riff: "We can use these maps on my biceps!"

Arnold "Know what killed the Dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"  Riff: "Or it was a meteorite. Or it was volcanic ash that clouded out the sky and caused a climate change. Der are many theories!"

Robin: "A Bat-Bomb?" Riff: "Son, you ain't kiddin!"

Last line I put in the riff, as the heroes are running towards the camera, backlit, while cheesy music plays: "nananananananananananananananana cash cow!"

I'm just satisfied the "Wayne Diamonds" "Family Jewels, sir?" line got in.

[DrunkPagan]

In re-watching the horror with my friends, I remember several more that didn't make it in.

Batman and Robin in their respective vehicles riding down a long tunnel next to each other. Riff: "Excuse me, do you have any cheap yellow mustard?"

(Establishing shot of Wayne Manor with two posed horse statues) "Blucher!"

Uma comes up to Clooney at the observatory surrounded by guards. "She says she's here to Kill Bill, sir." Which makes me realize, there were utterly zero Kill Bill jokes in the entire riff. I could be wrong, I might have missed them, or forgotten, but it shows a startling lack of Uma riffing.

After Ahnold freezes a wall up and waves at Batman through the ice. "Now he's gonna draw a little heart with an arrow through it." In retrospect, the 'pressed ham' joke WAS funnier, so I don't mind mine being cut.

When Robin's motorcycle comes up out of the floor and opens with neon red lights inside: "Is it wise to keep your bike in a toaster?" (I think we wrote that one down, I'm not sure.)

Just as Alicia Silverstone makes her entrance and runs up to embrace "Uncle Alfred!" Riff: "Who the devil are you again?"
Old people jokes. Do they ever get old?

Shot of Freeze's henchmen at the hideout: "Oh, the Huns have a hockey team now."

When Uma emerges from the gorilla suit revealing her Poison Ivy outfit. "Ugh, she looks like a Drag queen at Mardi Gras." I'm not sure if we wrote that one down either. I find my memory of writing these jokes fading more and more with time. And scotch, of course.