So I've made a few Trans acquaintances recently(Potential trigger warnings)

[Cyrusso]

Earlier this year, I started going to a gay bar. Honestly, I didn't even know if I would fit in. I mostly went because I wanted to be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community... and do karaoke. I became such a regular, and I had so much fun, that it's even more of a normal thing for me to go there than to the average bar.

I met many trans people there over the last 7 or 8 months. Now... I'm sure all of you are painfully aware of the bullshit Trans people are dealing with, especially in the USA now, to say nothing of the sheer hate for the LGBTQ+ community, that a lot of cishet people pretend isn't even happening(or in complete denial about it).

I learned something. In my experience, a lot of trans people are very introverted, and very reserved. I cannot rightly blame them. The hate, the lies, the slander spread about them currently is at an all time high. I see in some of the eyes of my new friends some deep, emotional scars, where they may have been betrayed by somebody they loved. Maybe they were kicked out of their home by bigoted evangelical parents. Or, maybe they got very lucky and grew up in a home that was supportive and kind to them.

In any case, I have to maintain my emotional distance and respect their boundaries. I want to be supportive, but at the same time I have to stop myself, because I know that love-bombing is toxic, and that can be very uncomfortable and/or off-putting for some people. Accepting that reality was hard for me.

It was hard, because you see people slumped up against the wall... maybe they're crying, maybe they're just on the phone... and I have to force myself to not push unwanted interactions on human beings who may be going through some very difficult stuff, in a world filled with people who hate them. Maybe the best thing is to leave them alone.

That goes against my heart... because my instinct these days is to be loving, protective... somebody who hugs those who need love, support, affirmation, validation. But I have to draw my boundaries, because I remember the times I violated boundaries towards others, and I ended up permanently destroying friendships. I should have probably learned how to "get a clue" many, many years ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

I found out something about myself that's not really too surprising. I'm actually capable of being attracted to trans people. That doesn't bother me at all though. They're human beings, and as long as a trans person I love, loves me back, that's all that matters. If I'm being optimistic, maybe this is a sign that I'm maturing as a person, and outer appearances aren't nearly as important as an emotionally fulfilling relationship with somebody.

This has been a good experience for me, because it has helped me grow. But growth is painful, because growing means you learn painful realities about yourself. The kinds of realities that keep you staring at the ceiling all night, going "God dammit, why the fuck did I say that ?  I'm an asshole."

As long as we are fully cognizant of the fact that we have room to grow, that we openly admit we can improve, without being embarrassed... it's a big step on the road to a happier life filled with stronger relationships.