What iron hearted things did we learn?

[Pastor of Muppets]

I learned that if you are a police officer and you see a woman about to be gang raped, this is not an urgent situation and you can just casually stroll up to the attackers.
I learned just how undignified a man's death can be.
I learned for some reason, someone decided to write a movie about a Los Angeles cop investigating a crime in Portland instead of just writing about a Portland cop investigating a crime in Portland.
I learned you can make a movie with even more driving and parking than Birdemic.