Now Available - Jurassic Shark

[Pak-Man]

Jurassic Shark

Feature film · 2022

An explosion at a remote island "research facility" unleashes an ancient megaladon which attacks a group of college students (who are in bikinis) and a team of art thieves (who are mostly not in bi…

With Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

See it on RiffTrax

There are so, so many shark movies. That's probably because audiences keep going for them like a shark after a fresh bucket of Richard Dreyfuss. Big shark movies, little shark movies, expensive shark movies, cheap shark movies, tornado-and-irony based shark movies... and people still want more! It might even inspire you and your friends and your home video camera to say "Hey, what if we made our own shark movie?" And folks, that line of thinking is exactly how you get Jurassic Shark.

Set on a remote island (ordinary lake) with an advanced research facility (abandoned garage), Jurassic Shark kicks off with an explosion that releases an ancient megalodon (dinosaur for "CGI shark"). Then, naturally, it settles into a long scene of women splash-fighting each other in the water before being eaten. But from there, it really picks up with... well, more shark attacks, and more women in bikinis.

There's a crew of college students (in bikinis) and a team of art thieves (mostly not in bikinis) who all wind up trapped on the island at the same time. The thieves are out to recover a painting they dropped in the lake: a classic work by John Singleton Copley, whose Wikipedia entry the filmmakers dutifully skimmed. One by one, their terrible choices get them chomped into pixels by the digi-shark. Thrill as he changes size and appearance from shot to shot!

Perhaps most importantly, the movie introduces HogsBack Brewing Guy to the "guys in beer T-Shirts" RiffTrax canon. Join him, Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the no-budget fun of Jurassic Shark!

Written by: Mike Nelson, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason

Contributing writers: Jason Miller and Zach Shatzer

[dbsommer]

So... it was shit. I applaud the guys for making it remotely palatable with the riffs, because otherwise watching it is like serving in tenth ring of Hell or something. And it wasn't trimmed at all. There's nearly 14 minutes of credits they include just to show it uncut.

[Pastor of Muppets]

So... it was shit. I applaud the guys for making it remotely palatable with the riffs, because otherwise watching it is like serving in tenth ring of Hell or something. And it wasn't trimmed at all. There's nearly 14 minutes of credits they include just to show it uncut.

14 minutes of credits?  Like a real movie?

This reminds me of the "Terror Phone" trilogy of shorts.  These were humorous live action shorts by the creators of Aquateen Hunger Force, and have the same gore and surreal nature as ATHF.  But at the end of each is a slow moving credit sequence that is about as long as the actual contents of the short.

[dbsommer]

[/quote]

14 minutes of credits?  Like a real movie?


[/quote]

Except those movies have 1000 people working on them in some capacity or another. This had, maybe, a dozen that actually worked on it (and 'work' is an ambitious term in regards to the activities in this). They slow crawled it as much as they could, but I'd wager half the names had nothing to do with the film and were just thrown on there to extend the credits.

I will add everything about the, heh, 'plot' was both dumb and absurd. So it had a certain terrible entertainment value. 'Shark Exorcist' was arguably worse as shark movies go, but it has one redeeming feature: cool poster.

[Pak-Man]

Yeah, it's a really, really slow crawl.

I loved this one. The movie isn't bad because it's cheaply made (Although the shark is unintentionally hilarious). It's bad because of several fundamental flaws in the logic of the whole thing, and that's always a lot of fun.

[MrTorso]

I can't wait for more Brett Kelly flicks....  Ouija Shark anyone?

[Pastor of Muppets]

14 minutes of credits?  Like a real movie?

Except those movies have 1000 people working on them in some capacity or another. This had, maybe, a dozen that actually worked on it (and 'work' is an ambitious term in regards to the activities in this). They slow crawled it as much as they could, but I'd wager half the names had nothing to do with the film and were just thrown on there to extend the credits.

Oh, so exactly like Terror Phone.  Although Terror Phone was fun.