Now Available - Beaks!

[Pak-Man]

Beaks!

Feature film · 2020

Sure, everyone agrees they’re the tastiest part of the chicken, but as this movie shows, they can also be dangerous! 

With Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

See it on RiffTrax

Beaks! Sure, everyone agrees they're the tastiest part of the chicken, but as this movie shows, they can also be dangerous!

Beaks! goes by a few alternate names, like Birds of Prey (sans Harley Quinn) and Falco Terror (an objectively cool title), but of course we had to go with the version that provides its own thrilling punctuation. It's an Italian/South American/heavy-on-the-dubbing production, and it's an eye-plucking delight. Seriously, there's a lot of eye-plucking. Whether you're hang gliding, enjoying coffee on your balcony, or sitting in a small country church, the birds in Beaks! are more than ready to pluck the heck out of your eye. Don't get plucked!

We know what you're probably thinking: how can they riff a bird attack movie that features no coat hangers, songs about hangin' out with your family, or slrpnls? Well, when you see this film try to be scary with a flock of pigeons just minding their own business, or a happy little family of ducks floating in a pond, you will understand. This is truly a new level of bird based non-terror.

Watch a local news team soar around the globe on a seemingly infinite budget to report this goofy story. But while you watch, don't forget to also cover your eyes, on account of all the plucking. Throw on some goggles and join Mike! Kevin! and Bill! for Beaks!



Written by: Bill Corbett, Conor Lastowka, and Sean Thomason

Contributing writers: Jason Miller and Zachary Shatzer

[The Lurker]

By the way, this movie is another Rene Cardona Jr movie.

[dbsommer]

Fun fact, I got to see a pair of sparrows try to attack a hawk. Said Hawk kept having to evade them to protect itself since sparrows are more maneuverable than the bird of prey. He kept having to go in big swoops as they darted in and out trying to go for... his eyes. Most likely they were defending a nest, but he didn't want anything to do with them. Eventually he flew off.

And a shirtless Leslie Neilson needs to be saying, 'Hotshot' a lot in this. Because every crazed animal film needs one.

[losingmydignity]

According to imdb there is a version 15 minutes longer, mostly more gore. This looks like the shorter version. I love these dubbed flicks.

[CJones]

According to imdb there is a version 15 minutes longer, mostly more gore. This looks like the shorter version. I love these dubbed flicks.

Believe me, this movie is plenty long as it is.

[dbsommer]

Believe me, this movie is plenty long as it is.

Agree. I saw the unedited version on Prime and its scene order is weirdly different from this. Neither is any good though. Thank god they cut what they did. This is bad without being stupid. Even Kingdom of the Spiders was light years better than this. It was silly and coherent.

Also this is arguably the most pointless movie ever. Everything in it kind of just occurs, while nothing actually happens. Birds appear. Attack people. Then just stop. There are no character arcs. Even Birdemic had a theme. There is nothing of interest in this. Honestly I'm sorry the guys didn't go with something else.

[fodder650]

The scene order was different? How would you reedit this with different scenes?

[dbsommer]

The scene order was different? How would you reedit this with different scenes?

They were the same scenes, just for some reason they are switched around. This movie is non-connective except for the reporter so it made no difference. I have no idea why. For example, hang gliding scene is in the middle, not the beginning. It opens with the reporter at the pigeon shoot. Peach and Luigi get killed before the beach scene. The car family shows up immidiately after the camper scene. Stuff cut was reporter nude scene, Atkins talking to his prick about not getting any, and other stuff that only dragged the movie on. It's already drifting from my memory.

Useless fact: The reporter was Michael Caine's Lolita love interest in 'Blame it on Rio' and bared it all for him as well (very young Demi Moore was also in it. Clearly Atkins was a move down in the 'I'm doing a nude scene with who?' department.

[Thrashalla]

Just to clarify: I removed things but didn't move anything around. The scene order is as it was delivered to us.

[dbsommer]

Just to clarify: I removed things but didn't move anything around. The scene order is as it was delivered to us.

I'm sure there are different versions of the movie. I found it interesting that someone felt the urge to reedit them. Like it would do this piece of garbage any good