What did we learn?

[Trekker4747]

Yeah, no pun in the title.... I've been zapped out.

I mean.... WOW?! What in the hell was this?  And I'm going to hear crappy acoustic guitar in my dreams for the next month.

What did I learn?

I learned that women and girls are surprisingly indifferent to meeting a talking alligator.

Even alligators don't know if they're alligators or crocodiles.

I learned that carnivals are surprisingly hotdog-centric.

I learned to have a lot more respect for Joe Estevez than I already had. I mean, hey, I already sort-of liked the guy and thought he was okay given the, ahem, "range" of films he's done.  But to do this movie which was clearly some high-school or community college AV project?  Wow! Kudos to him!

I learned that properly miking your actors or doing something to make sure they can be heard isn't important.  What IS important is to ADR-in your "Roller Gator's" voice and endless acoustic guitar.

Ninjas who are not humanoid turtles also like to skateboard.

Mothers in leather biker jackets walk their infants in the "LA River."

That LA has alligator-populated... swamps?!

Pre-teen rollerbladers are more adept with a slingshot than ninjas are with a sword.

... and other martial experts are with nunchucks.

I'm still 100% convinced that until the final meeting the ninja-lady and the Karate/Tae-Kwon-Do lady were the same actress.

Ninjas can instantly transition from being 38-year-old women in mom-jeans to sleek women in a stereotypical ninja outfit.

There is worse puppetry than there was in "Hobgoblins", "Rock and Roll Nightmare" and "Pod People."

[Compound]

I learned that I should apologize to the folks who made "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny." There actually are worse made films out there.


I also learned that Dragonsound is pissed and folks won't get that joke for another six weeks.

[CHF01]

I learned this film is the bottom of the barrel. The Magic Sword to this steaming pile of crap is quite a downward spiral.

[KaiR]

I learned that after years of repeated viewings of everything MST3K and Rifftrax have ever done, they have finally exposed me to a film I could not finish. I might someday eventually attempt to watch it again, but I'm not sure when that day will come.

It's not just that it's an obscenely bad movie. I actually felt bad for the people in it. I felt deeply embarrassed for them and bad for witnessing it. I started to wonder if they were in the movie of their own free will. I felt like I was watching a video made by hostages at gunpoint.

Also, that soundtrack. I turned the movie off 30 minutes ago, and I CAN STILL HEAR IT. 

I'm scared. Am I going to die now? Do I have to make someone else watch the movie to pass the curse on? 

[MrBNatural by Conn]

The guitar won't stop. Why Why Why.

Where to even begin.

I learned we were all wrong about the bad movies that have been riffed.
Birdemic, Ice Cream Bunny, Julie and Jack, The Room and all the rest are masterpieces compared to this film.

hmm just a thought though. Endless guitar playing. I wonder if they hired the calendar guy to play it.
Maybe he did have a career after.

And again OMG guitar playing endlessly making it stop. 

[TriffRax]

I learned, once again, that 80 minutes of movie can feel like four hours.

I also learned that Tommy Wiseau is a pretty good filmmaker, all things considered. Seriously, I would rather watch his nightmarish, be-hipdicked body stage-humping some poor actress on a loop than watch Rollergator again.

Finally, I learned there's a movie that's so awful it doesn't deserve to have a Bud Light poster in it.

[Road_Element]

I learned the guy with the guitar should be shot. And that this is so bad. It makes me nostalgic for better movies like Soul Taker and Werewolf.

[Trekker4747]

I learned that after years of repeated viewings of everything MST3K and Rifftrax have ever done, they have finally exposed me to a film I could not finish. I might someday eventually attempt to watch it again, but I'm not sure when that day will come.

It's not just that it's an obscenely bad movie. I actually felt bad for the people in it. I felt deeply embarrassed for them and bad for witnessing it. I started to wonder if they were in the movie of their own free will. I felt like I was watching a video made by hostages at gunpoint.

Also, that soundtrack. I turned the movie off 30 minutes ago, and I CAN STILL HEAR IT. 

I'm scared. Am I going to die now? Do I have to make someone else watch the movie to pass the curse on? 

My PS3 actually refused to finish playing the movie. FLAT OUT REFUSED.  Right win Swap Farmer was talking to the dogs through the fence it froze. Restart. Nothing. Reburn the ISO. Nothing. Had to watch the last 15-minutes or whatever on-line.  My PS3 said, "You put me through a LOT of crap and I'm not taking it anymore!"  (That or something happened in the D'load and I need try the process again.)   I also likened the move to "The Ring" suggesting the guys found the movie in a trunk from a storage locker they bid on (tell me you wouldn't pay to see the guys show-up on Storage Wars!) and released the curse. Because there's literally nowhere I can imagine they dug this movie up from.

hmm just a thought though. Endless guitar playing. I wonder if they hired the calendar guy to play it.
Maybe he did have a career after.

Now, now. Calendar guy was "Shitty Rhythm Guitar Guy" not "Endless Acoustic Guitar Guy."

GOD! I CAN STILL HEAR IT!!!!

[CJones]

I learned that properly miking your actors or doing something to make sure they can be heard isn't important.  What IS important is to ADR-in your "Roller Gator's" voice and endless acoustic guitar.

I was going to say pretty much exactly this, but you beat me to it.

Fun fact: the guy who scored this, also scored Mesa of Lost Women. (disclaimer: That is in no way a fact. But it's hard to believe more than one person thought endless acoustic guitar was a good idea.)

[Trekker4747]

I mean, why? Why?! Why?! There was more music in this than a Broadway Musical!  It makes no sense! Why have the guitar playing over and over and over and over again.  There were times when it lull down and you have a second or two of no background music and I'd be like, "Thank GOD! It stopped!" But no, it was just the "pause between tracks" and it'd start right up again!  Good-GRIEF!

[DrKlahn]

Well I wrote up my thoughts on this "thing" a year ago. Haven't made it through the Riff yet, but it's certainly more tolerable with the guys then our first viewing without them. Here's the initial take we had on it:

http://forum.rifftrax.com/index.php?topic=28923.msg854589#msg854589

[jonalame]

I learned that you all need to deeply apologize to the incessant guitar player because he saved you from hearing full minutes of dialogue.

I also learned that the machine gun gag at the end made it all worth it.

[DrKlahn]

I learned that you all need to deeply apologize to the incessant guitar player because he saved you from hearing full minutes of dialogue.

I also learned that the machine gun gag at the end made it all worth it.

That's a tough call on the guitarist. Though the dialogue is atrocious, that incessant repeating guitar is so irritating that I honestly can't say which is preferable. I guess it's whatever gets you through it.

[Pak-Man]

I think my favorite riff was, "I'm getting like- every 7th word and I'm OK with that!"

[Trekker4747]

I think my favorite riff was, "I'm getting like- every 7th word and I'm OK with that!"

I think that one is up there for me too because my buddy and I both agreed with Mike.  I mean, I was getting *nothing* here.  I Without the acoustic guitar this would practically be a silent movie with a shitty white-noise machine playing in the background and then that annoying kid who always shuffled around the bus-stop pretending he was a train occasionally spouted off some lame joke, impression or nonsense attempt at song.