book I published lol

[the amazing zero]

I know I don't show up on this site a lot but I like to think I can post this here.you see I have published a book called Truly Dual Saga and it is just coming out of beta.{mainly because of erroors OI didn't spot till after I published the boo but that's what my editor is for. I think though I need some opinons on it. so I might lend it someone and see if it works. feel free to check it out in the second link below.the first link is my iriffs.


http://www.rifftrax.com/search/apachesolr_search/josh%20head

http://www.amazon.com/Truly-dual-saga-Volume-1/dp/1470086530/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371858703&sr=8-1&keywords=truly+dual+saga

[Thrifty]

Well the excerpt has fewer spelling errors than most of your posts at least.

But you really don't give us anything to go on.  There are a few inconsequential pages (front and back covers, intro, and table of contents), so I can't say much, but.  On the one visible page:

-- The first sentence is a fragment. 

--- In the second sentence, there should be a comma after the word "dealt" (Will you always accept the cards you are dealt, or will you defy the dealer....)   Also, you misspelled "universe".

-- The third sentence is okay, but it feels somewhat off.  It feels like it should be one independent clause of a larger sentence, joined to another independent clause by a semicolon, to express a bigger idea.  Then maybe split up that next sentence into two sentences.  More like: "Two such players meet; will they choose to crush the other's future?  Or will they become outcast in a growing revolution of change?"

-- Int he fourth sentence, you misspelled "choose" and again forgot to punctuate your interrogative with a question mark.

-- The last sentence on the one page that is visible has two glaring grammatical error (fates should have an apostrophe in it because it is possessive and the sentence itself should end in a question mark because it is interrogative). 

Also, this isn't related to the book, but 'lol' is not a form of punctuation.

[the amazing zero]

don't worry i just uploaded the edited file that was just a beta. plus i am new to publishing on kinde. i knoew lol isn't a punctuation I just put it where I laugh. I willlook into giving a bigger preview but i need some time to learn and figyuure stuff out on kdp. thank you for your partience and suggestion.

[the amazing zero]

sorry but in two day there will be an error free version.

[the amazing zero]

just got done uploading the last file.. should be up within twenty four hours.

[the amazing zero]

just to let you guys know my book has a sequal and it's called truly tri saga... sorry for posting on this so late but I thought I'd let you guys know.

here is a ink to the first book
http://www.amazon.com/Truly-dual-saga-Volume-1/dp/1470086530/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403212801&sr=8-1&keywords=truly+dual+saga

and here is a link to it's sequel
http://www.amazon.com/Truly-Tri-Saga-Volume-2/dp/1481184679/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403212865&sr=8-1&keywords=truly+tri+saga