Yo, what things do you learn, boyeeeeeeeee?

[Lemming Howard]

Hey Disambaudio  lives!

[Pak-Man]

While we're examining Cool as Ice logic, I'd like to describe a scene out of context so it might be properly digested (Spoilered, because everyone deserves to experience this scene the first time as the movie delivers it):


Vanilla Ice is listening to the ransom tape, when something catches his attention. A banging noise. "Banging noises happen at construction sites!" he realizes. "Me and this girl were just FROLICKING at a construction site! There HAS to be a connection!" Thus, he formulates a plan. He'll GO to that construction site, wander around for a bit like he can't find anything- that will throw the kidnappers off-guard- and CRASH HIS MOTORCYCLE THROUGH THE HIDEOUT! Then he just needs to beat people up, tie them to the hood of a car, and drive them back in victory!" This is a plan that works in this movie.

[Trekker4747]

It's an on odd plan, really, and you wouldn't think a second-rate, white, rapper who can barely speak English would be a great detective.  I'm not spoiler coding because, feh, I don't feel like it.

The odd thing about that scene is that the banging sound was coming from the road machinery we saw in an earlier montage. (No, not that one.  Not that one either... No the OTHER montage. No, that was the opening credits. Gah! Fine! When he drove her to the construction site!) But he drives there in the middle of the night, looks around, and verbally it seems as if they're giving up.  Because road and home construction, surprisingly to Ice, isn't happening in the dead of night.

[CJones]

Well, I've only watched 15 minutes of it so far, but I learned that Vanilla almost breaks her neck with an idiotic (and impossible) stunt, then insults her boyfriend to his face and steals her address book. So it goes without saying they'll end up together, right? Excuse me while I vomit.

[Trekker4747]

Impossible? Please. Like you don't keep bike-jump ramps next to your fence.

[Tony Farms AKA Puma Man]

Maybe I missed it, but over what period of time does this movie occur?

It seems like Ice is wearing different horrible 90s clothes at the beginning, but for the rest of the movie he's wearing that hideous Down By Law jacket and striped shorts.  And his atrocious haircut hasn't grown in at all.

So, where does he sleep?  At the old couple's house?  If so, where is his luggage?

Is Ice wearing the same drawers over several days?

Oh, and:

[Trekker4747]

As near as I can tell it only takes place over the period of a couple of days.  I assume they were staying at the Costanza's house, as for clothes.... Ummm..... In their bags that they had... hidden in their parachute pants? I dunno.

[space_mutiny]

I learned that this was a really weird episode of "Family Ties".

[Trekker4747]

It was an even weirder Tremors sequel.

[Kenotic]

After further review I learned:

- Donna Summer is likely rolling in her grave after the slaughtering of "Love to Love You Baby."
-- And I really miss Donna Summer.


- It doesn't matter who you are, having a baseball cap with the tag on it still makes you look like Minnie Pearl.

[plastickiwi]

I learned that:

• Miami rappers recuperate after a hot club set with therapeutic motorcycle road trips to small towns in the middle of nowhere.
• This is apparently because of the excellent quality of the local motorcycle repair shops...
• ... even though everyone in town behaves like motorcycles are pure witchcraft when confronted by people riding them.
• The Witness Protection Program is some sort of moving company.
• Forced perspective makes salt shakers slightly funnier, if you squint.
• When mobsters threaten your family, your underaged kids are probably safe on the streets by themselves.
• ... and you shouldn't bother your neighbors or the police about it either.
• In addition to math, science, and equestrian sports, standard smart-girl skills include dirty dancing.
• Some people should not frolic. Vanilla Ice is one such person.
• Every responsible, self-motivated overachiever is just one bad weekend away from becoming a douchebag-groupie.
• Taunting the cute, precocious kid is never a good idea.

[Trekker4747]

• I miss Super Tecmo Bowl
• It's perfectly normal to walk down the middle of the street as opposed to the sidewalk.
• Street cleaners work in an odd way. (That or the camera accidentally caught the Production Manager pre-wetting the street for visual effect and the director just went with it.)
• When I head a criminal organization I need a wacky side-kick prone to inducing cartoonish sound effects as well as being a bit verbally boisterous.

[Tony Farms AKA Puma Man]

As near as I can tell it only takes place over the period of a couple of days.  I assume they were staying at the Costanza's house, as for clothes.... Ummm..... In their bags that they had... hidden in their parachute pants? I dunno.

Well, Ice does say at the big break-up scene that he was 'chillin' in the hood' before he came over.  Maybe he sleeps in the 'hood (in a funky fresh studio apartment), then wakes up and comes to Mayberry to hit on high school girls.

[Trekker4747]

So this is a Vanilla Ice autobiography?

[Darth Geek]

• Street cleaners work in an odd way. (That or the camera accidentally caught the Production Manager pre-wetting the street for visual effect and the director just went with it.)

I'm pretty sure thats is what the tanker truck was doing.