What has this film taught us?
Personally, I learned that Michael Bay can take something that should be awesome and make it very, very mediocre. This could have been outstanding but to me was just meh.
I haven't seen it yet, but I hope to learn if Sideswipe is a Go-Bot.
Quote from: Raven on November 20, 2007, 09:38:03 AM
What has this film taught us?
Personally, I learned that Michael Bay can take something that should be awesome and make it very, very mediocre. This could have been outstanding but to me was just meh.
You know, a lot of people who experiment with illegal drugs thought the movie was mediocre...(not that i'm saying you actually do that) ;)
Quote from: Darth Geek on November 20, 2007, 09:55:16 AM
I haven't seen it yet, but I hope to learn if Sideswipe is a Go-Bot.
What is a go-bot anyways? It is a Bot, in other words a Robot, that goes. So I guess any robot that goes is a go-bot, so perhaps the term isn't as offensive as I used to think...
I've learned that any machine brought to sentience by a mysterious cube that transforms into... wait for it... a smaller cube, is immediately violent, eschewing all forms of rational thoughts such as "Who am I? Why am I here? Who are these beings who I see around me? Are they friend or foe? Perhaps my creators? How might I communicate with them?". By logical deduction, and the lack of any evidence to the contrary, the cube creates only Decepticons, which would explain why Megatron wanted it so badly. I also submit the theory that there must be a second cube out there somewhere that creates only Autobots.
Quote from: Darth Geek on November 20, 2007, 09:55:16 AM
I haven't seen it yet, but I hope to learn if Sideswipe is a Go-Bot.
I curse you!
I have learned that Transformers are radioactive enough to cause a human being to give off a considerable amount of radioactivity after a few minutes exposure. (The film says 14 rads but that's a measure of exposure not how radioactive decay is measured which is what the geiger counter detects.) From this I gather that Transformers are likely neutron emitters (other forms of radiation exposure wouldn't make Sam emit radiation that quickly without also reducing much of LA to a smoking crater) and that means that in a day or two it is very likely that anyone who has been around them will be dead from radiation poisoning. Presumably this happened a few minutes after the end of the movie.
Quote from: Cognac on November 20, 2007, 11:21:27 AM
What is a go-bot anyways?
A "Go-Bot" was a cheap 80s knock-off toyline of the original Transformers. It has since been bought up and integrated into the Transformers toy line. I had some of both when I was young.
As for the thread...
I learned that every old African American woman is a complete b*tch, who will either flip you off or scream at you from the other side of the house for no reason.
I learned that Michael Bay can't even get a 2 hour toy commercial right.
I learned there's only one way to distinguish a Ding-Dong from a Fecal Puck.
Quote from: Sideswipe on November 20, 2007, 05:31:40 PM
Quote from: Darth Geek on November 20, 2007, 09:55:16 AM
I haven't seen it yet, but I hope to learn if Sideswipe is a Go-Bot.
I curse you!
Okay, hands up, who else IMMEDIATELY thought of Sideswipe being angry the second Mike mentioned Go-Bots?
Personally I learned that kinkiness isn't limited to biology as even a robot can enjoy giving a golden shower.
I learned that buying a used $4000.00 Camaro, then hurting it's feelings will 'magically' turn into a Brand New 2008 Camaro ???
I Tried this on my 1999 Dodge Ram, Hoping it would transform into a 'Viper' powered Dodge Ram racing truck..
Maybe I said something wrong cause nothing happened.. :'( :'(
Maybe if your Ram was really an Alien robot that just looked like a Ram it might turn into a brand new one.
Quote from: Sideswipe on November 21, 2007, 06:24:57 AM
Maybe if your Ram was really an Alien robot that just looked like a Ram it might turn into a brand new one.
Ooohh... :P Maybe That;s Why ::)
I realized that Shia LeBeouf made a whole career out of looking scared, like he's going to shit his pants any minute.
I learned that hot girls who are the daughters of grease monkeys are extremely shallow and go out with guys with six-pack abs just because they like their bodies and don't care that these guys are always complete jerks.
I learned that the writers of Transformers were trying to give George Lucas a run for his money, by coming up with this absurd notion of a "cube" that transforms into objects 1/1,000 of its size and causes small electronics to come to life and immediately start shooting things and...
What the hell is going on? Where am I? Are you Monty?
...
...
???
I learned that "fourier transfer" is an actual term, and not a gaffe from the scriptwriters. (I'm actually in signal processing, but I'm used to calling them "transforms")
At least they gave Keenan Thompson a dumb line about having the signal being hard to decode because of it's "signal strength". And I was afraid the writers wouldn't get something wrong. ;)
I learned that Megan Fox, while very attractive, lacks the jaw strength to completely shut her mouth. Thus, resembling a whale shark.
That supposedly giant freaking robots can tear into a major city, and their presence is still 'hidden' from human eyes. :rimshot:
I've learned that:
A. Michael Bay thinks every idea of his is brilliant.
B. Only humans matter to the story line regardless if the film is about some other species.
C. This film is an "I love you" letter to the American military from Bay disguised as a Transformer movie.
D. There was fan hatred towards Arcee being in the film. Pansies.
E. When you're holding onto an important object and everyone is fighting over it, it's a good idea to fight in a very populated city with many innocent bystanders to walk all over.
F. The writers were dumb in saying that having megatron change into a gun would be unrealistic since he'd have to change size, but having the Allspark cube change from a building to a basketball size cube is a-ok.
G. The Military always allows aircraft that they suspect is a threat to land in their bases.
H. Having all Decepticons sound the same is not the best idea to create distinction.
I. When the biggest threat to our world is actually the tiniest Decepticon ever assembled, you know everything will be alright.
J. A Boeing 747 can change into a 707 once it's landed.
K. The Decepticons hate humans for no good (or any) reason.
L. Transformers can survive and operate in the cold vacuum of space, but being in Ice totally freezes them.
I learned they still sell candy necklaces and jocks wear them...
I'm way too old to appreciate "Transformers" ..even riffed. Like "Armagddon" it induced a massive headache one hour in. I had to quit.
I've learned that night falls *very* rapidly in California
I've learned that it's a Good Thing to hide the "Ultimate-Rubix-Cube"...errr....AllSpark (still sounds like a Robotic cooking spice to me) in the *same* facility as the Evil-Robot-Bent-On-Universal-Dominance that's *looking* for said Rubix-Cube, as long as you have thick (fragile) concrete walls between them
I've learned that when the Cryostasis system in the NBE-One chamber (A.K.A. the MegaCave) is starting to fail, the *BEST* thing to do is to herd all staff into said chamber, assumingly so they can all be eaten by Cthulu....errr...MegaThingy
If all Human technology is based off of MegaWhatsit, then why can't my Saturn Ion transform into a better car, or at least generate handy tactical weaponry that would be *so* useful in rush-hour traffic (I promise I'll use it responsibly, just on tailgaters and morons who don't dim their high-beams), after all, it *is* a GM product, and the Transformers seem to really like the General's vehicles
I've learned that Defense Secratary Keller must be distantly related to Decapodian doctor , Doctor John Zoidberg, MD, as they use the same pronunciation for the word "robot", I.E. "robut"
If you're the token minority good robot, you'll be the only one on your team not to be around for the next movie.
I learned that you can store the most powerful signal the world has ever seen on a memory card smaller than the one in my digital camera (seriously, I just checked).
I learned that there are actual letters and symbols floating around in digital signals like alphabet noodles in tomato sauce.
I learned that it is now acceptable for the shallow, vapid teen beauty queen to go through the movie as a main character without going through some kind of personal growth that makes her more appealing.
I learned that it's possible to get a carrier battlegroup to the Aral Sea (http://www.geography.hunter.cuny.edu/~tbw/wc.notes/15.climates.veg/climate/aral.sea.map.jpg).
I learned that this movie is more painful every time I watch it.
I had always suspected, but finally know, that Megan Fox's diet is largely krill shrimp.
I learned that giant space robot doctors do not have any privacy policies, and will often introduce themselves to someone by pointing out a random biological function from the person they're being introduced to.
"His pheromones indicate that he wants to mate with the female."
"That's... nice, Ratchet. Anyway this is-"
"Also, he ate something that is currently disagreeing with him."
"Right, well, as I was saying, this-"
"And he has a low sperm count."
"Look, Ratchet, I think we should-"
"The blood is rushing into his head, indicating that he is getting agitated."
"Ratchet-"
"Now he seems to be attacking my leg..."
I learned that Bay apparently did see the animated movie, because he took "Dare to be Stupid" as a challenge.
I learned/really enjoyed the line by Sam's mother "Oh, the power came back on!" in a sad and cheap attempt to preserve continuity.
Quote from: Hamdingers on November 23, 2007, 09:31:56 AM
I've learned that night falls *very* rapidly in California
Night falls very rapidly everywhere in the Bay-verse. In Qatar, for example, the helicopter flies in broad daylight and lands a few minutes later as the sun is below the horizon but fading fast, then it's broad daylight again both in Qatar and the US (actually not impossible but rather unlikely since there is a minimum of a 9 hour time difference and it could be as long as 13 hour), and then it's pitch dark in the next shot.
I just noticed that Megatron sounds a lot like Angus Scrimm as the Thin Man from Phantasm. Did anybody else notice this?
Quote from: kodiakthejuggler on November 21, 2007, 07:34:17 AM
I learned that hot girls who are the daughters of grease monkeys are extremely shallow and go out with guys with six-pack abs just because they like their bodies and don't care that these guys are always complete jerks.
It took this movie for you to notice that? ???
Quote from: Just Some Guy on November 24, 2007, 04:39:50 PM
Quote from: Hamdingers on November 23, 2007, 09:31:56 AM
I've learned that night falls *very* rapidly in California
Night falls very rapidly everywhere in the Bay-verse. In Qatar, for example, the helicopter flies in broad daylight and lands a few minutes later as the sun is below the horizon but fading fast, then it's broad daylight again both in Qatar and the US (actually not impossible but rather unlikely since there is a minimum of a 9 hour time difference and it could be as long as 13 hour), and then it's pitch dark in the next shot.
So the next time someone asks you what Michael Bay, Coleman Francis and Ed Wood have in common....
I meant Angus Scrimm as the TALL Man in the Phantasm movies. My mistake.
Quote from: Tank on November 21, 2007, 10:36:47 AM
I learned that Megan Fox, while very attractive, lacks the jaw strength to completely shut her mouth. Thus, resembling a whale shark.
It would not surprise me to also learn that she eats twice her weight in plankton every day.
I learned that a US military officer can use someone's cellphone in Qatar to call the United States (so everyone has international phones now?) and actually get on the line with the freaking Pentagon! Nevermind that it takes everything short of a blood sample just to get into the main lobby of the Pentagon, apparently if you want to speak with the higher ups of our nation's defense branch, you only have to endure two minutes of some random Indian guy.
I also learned that when the DOD is recruiting people to help decode a super top secret signal, they let these people run around willy nilly all over DC with the top secret information.
And finally, I learned that coherent dialogue is apparently no longer necessary in movies, and you can just have your characters say random things that don't really fit with what's been going on, and just expect the audience to except it.
I learned that wearing your hat backwards and wearing candy necklaces can get you more girls than an Axe bodyspray bottle could ever do.
Oh yeah, and Burger King is very popular with teens.
I learned that humans can be even "more than meets the eye" than Transformers are.......wait....I didn't learn that.
Quote from: Fuzzy Necromancer on November 25, 2007, 12:36:14 AM
Quote from: Tank on November 21, 2007, 10:36:47 AM
I learned that Megan Fox, while very attractive, lacks the jaw strength to completely shut her mouth. Thus, resembling a whale shark.
It would not surprise me to also learn that she eats twice her weight in plankton every day.
;D
She looks more like a 'chew and spit' kinda gal.
I learned that if you eat an entire plate of donuts when being questioned by authorities, it makes it look like you're innocent.
I also learned that my brother's cel phone must have really sucked when he was in the service almost ten years ago. When he was in Iraq, there was a 2 minute delay between voice signals. According to this movie, they've fixed that problem.
I learned that when dogs run fast enough, they can rip chains out of brick walls.
Quote from: Tony Farms AKA Puma Man on November 27, 2007, 06:10:16 AM
Quote from: Fuzzy Necromancer on November 25, 2007, 12:36:14 AM
Quote from: Tank on November 21, 2007, 10:36:47 AM
I learned that Megan Fox, while very attractive, lacks the jaw strength to completely shut her mouth. Thus, resembling a whale shark.
It would not surprise me to also learn that she eats twice her weight in plankton every day.
;D
She looks more like a 'chew and spit' kinda gal.
A spiter and not a swallower, eh? I think I will leave that one alone.
I learned that infantry bring their credit cards to war.
I also learned that if you ask an Arabian farmer where his telephone is he won't understand, but it you make say "telephone" with a slight accent he'll instantly get it.
I actually had my debit card the entire time I was in Iraq. There were US run PXs all over the place.
Quote from: Sideswipe on November 27, 2007, 07:26:21 PM
I actually had my debit card the entire time I was in Iraq. There were US run PXs all over the place.
(https://forum.rifftrax.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblogsap.files.wordpress.com%2F2006%2F10%2Fnbc_the_more_you_know.jpg&hash=98b2ee4e805cb2725aaebeca9acd0314059a62e0)
I've learned that hellicopter pilots never look up when they're flying under a bridge. They seem to be okay in leaving it to luck.
I've learned that the Pentagon can shut down it's entire computer network with no ill-effects.
I learned that Michael Bay needs to stick to commercials.
After a repeated viewing, I learned that, despite being highly advanced alien robots, the Transformers don't even have the basic wireless capabilities I have in my own home, and have to have a hardline connection to hack our computer systems. You'd think they'd have Bluetooth or something.
Quote from: Indomitus on January 06, 2008, 10:38:54 AM
After a repeated viewing, I learned that, despite being highly advanced alien robots, the Transformers don't even have the basic wireless capabilities I have in my own home, and have to have a hardline connection to hack our computer systems. You'd think they'd have Bluetooth or something.
Damn military put a password on their router, there's no getting in now! ;D
I learned that Michael Bay must die....NOW!!!
I learned you can make a movie with dumb humor, worthless characters, annoying "heroes", wrapped up with an anti-climactic ending, and people will still love it.
I also learned that we humans were perfectly capable of killing all the decepticons all by ourselves using big bullets.
I learned that in the cartoon, Optimus Prime can beat the crap out of any decepticon. In the movie, he's a wimp who loses his big fight the first chance he gets.
I learned that I must now watch the 1986 Transformers (cartoon) Movie to wash this mess out of my mind.
Quote from: Jackster on November 25, 2007, 09:32:34 AM
I learned that wearing your hat backwards and wearing candy necklaces can get you more girls than an Axe bodyspray bottle could ever do.
Oh yeah, and Burger King is very popular with teens.
Frankly, I think that engaging in intimate hygene acts in public while wearing underwear on your head is more attractive than Axe bodyspray.
But yeah, what is up with a high school guy that wears candy necklaces, especially "Nameless Big Dumb Jock Stock Character"?
Quote from: Jeyl on November 21, 2007, 02:59:03 PM
D. There was fan hatred towards Arcee being in the film. Pansies.
I'm taking it you've never actually seen the Arcee Action Figure. Well feast your eyes on this pile of Purpleish Pink Scrap Metal:
(https://forum.rifftrax.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.benprocter.com%2FSITEv2%2FGraphics_Content%2FZOOMPIC_Trans_DeadEnds_Arcee_2.jpg&hash=16c6b91af16e3d26a473bdfce1036830bf97903d)
Not quite as pleasing to G1 Robot Fetishists as this:
(https://forum.rifftrax.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2Ff%2Ff7%2FArcee-dreamwave.jpg&hash=60d48a7668f3375edb57d4d7222ef219d56ddfe4)
Yee gods x.x
She's like, the robot version of megan fox. No, robot megan fox with the body of Paris Hilton!
>.< come on Arcee, eat a car or something!
I've learned that a lot of TF fanboys and MB haters hang out on this forum (you give yourself away by your over-the-top comments). I've also learned that the level of irrational vitriol that any single human being can spew in response to a movie says a lot of sad things about the state of modern adulthood. Sad that. ???
Quote from: ruthie on December 28, 2008, 08:05:24 AM
I've learned that a lot of TF fanboys and MB haters hang out on this forum (you give yourself away by your over-the-top comments). I've also learned that the level of irrational vitriol that any single human being can spew in response to a movie says a lot of sad things about the state of modern adulthood. Sad that. ???
Dude, you forgot to preface your rant with the usual: "I don't frequent forums but....."
Quote from: ruthie on December 28, 2008, 08:05:24 AM
I've learned that a lot of TF fanboys and MB haters hang out on this forum (you give yourself away by your over-the-top comments). I've also learned that the level of irrational vitriol that any single human being can spew in response to a movie says a lot of sad things about the state of modern adulthood. Sad that. ???
I've never seen a Michael Bay movie I've liked, and suspect I never will. I also fully suspect that, were I to meet him face-to-face, it would end in a shouting match, minimum. From music videos to commercials and now his films which are really only feature-length music video commercials, he makes pure unfiltered pap. I don't care how often the Academy has stroked off in his general direction.
Here's my challenge for him: Go to Britain, and direct a version of "MacBeth" that gets universally rave reviews in the British Isles. Do it without a single shred of CGI or product placement. Try it, and see how far you get.
"It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." That's Michael Bay in one sentence.