Yeah, no pun in the title.... I've been zapped out.
I mean.... WOW?! What in the hell was this? And I'm going to hear crappy acoustic guitar in my dreams for the next month.
What did I learn?
I learned that women and girls are surprisingly indifferent to meeting a talking alligator.
Even alligators don't know if they're alligators or crocodiles.
I learned that carnivals are surprisingly hotdog-centric.
I learned to have a lot more respect for Joe Estevez than I already had. I mean, hey, I already sort-of liked the guy and thought he was okay given the, ahem, "range" of films he's done. But to do this movie which was clearly some high-school or community college AV project? Wow! Kudos to him!
I learned that properly miking your actors or doing something to make sure they can be heard isn't important. What IS important is to ADR-in your "Roller Gator's" voice and endless acoustic guitar.
Ninjas who are not humanoid turtles also like to skateboard.
Mothers in leather biker jackets walk their infants in the "LA River."
That LA has alligator-populated... swamps?!
Pre-teen rollerbladers are more adept with a slingshot than ninjas are with a sword.
... and other martial experts are with nunchucks.
I'm still 100% convinced that until the final meeting the ninja-lady and the Karate/Tae-Kwon-Do lady were the same actress.
Ninjas can instantly transition from being 38-year-old women in mom-jeans to sleek women in a stereotypical ninja outfit.
There is worse puppetry than there was in "Hobgoblins", "Rock and Roll Nightmare" and "Pod People."
I learned that I should apologize to the folks who made "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny." There actually are worse made films out there.
I also learned that Dragonsound is pissed and folks won't get that joke for another six weeks.
I learned this film is the bottom of the barrel. The Magic Sword to this steaming pile of crap is quite a downward spiral.
I learned that after years of repeated viewings of everything MST3K and Rifftrax have ever done, they have finally exposed me to a film I could not finish. I might someday eventually attempt to watch it again, but I'm not sure when that day will come.
It's not just that it's an obscenely bad movie. I actually felt bad for the people in it. I felt deeply embarrassed for them and bad for witnessing it. I started to wonder if they were in the movie of their own free will. I felt like I was watching a video made by hostages at gunpoint.
Also, that soundtrack. I turned the movie off 30 minutes ago, and I CAN STILL HEAR IT. :gouge:
I'm scared. Am I going to die now? Do I have to make someone else watch the movie to pass the curse on? :-\
The guitar won't stop. Why Why Why.
Where to even begin.
I learned we were all wrong about the bad movies that have been riffed.
Birdemic, Ice Cream Bunny, Julie and Jack, The Room and all the rest are masterpieces compared to this film.
hmm just a thought though. Endless guitar playing. I wonder if they hired the calendar guy to play it.
Maybe he did have a career after.
And again OMG guitar playing endlessly making it stop.
I learned, once again, that 80 minutes of movie can feel like four hours.
I also learned that Tommy Wiseau is a pretty good filmmaker, all things considered. Seriously, I would rather watch his nightmarish, be-hipdicked body stage-humping some poor actress on a loop than watch Rollergator again.
Finally, I learned there's a movie that's so awful it doesn't deserve to have a Bud Light poster in it.
I learned the guy with the guitar should be shot. And that this is so bad. It makes me nostalgic for better movies like Soul Taker and Werewolf.
Quote from: KaiR on August 21, 2015, 08:03:45 PM
I learned that after years of repeated viewings of everything MST3K and Rifftrax have ever done, they have finally exposed me to a film I could not finish. I might someday eventually attempt to watch it again, but I'm not sure when that day will come.
It's not just that it's an obscenely bad movie. I actually felt bad for the people in it. I felt deeply embarrassed for them and bad for witnessing it. I started to wonder if they were in the movie of their own free will. I felt like I was watching a video made by hostages at gunpoint.
Also, that soundtrack. I turned the movie off 30 minutes ago, and I CAN STILL HEAR IT. :gouge:
I'm scared. Am I going to die now? Do I have to make someone else watch the movie to pass the curse on? :-\
My PS3 actually refused to finish playing the movie. FLAT OUT REFUSED. Right win Swap Farmer was talking to the dogs through the fence it froze. Restart. Nothing. Reburn the ISO. Nothing. Had to watch the last 15-minutes or whatever on-line. My PS3 said, "You put me through a LOT of crap and I'm not taking it anymore!" (That or something happened in the D'load and I need try the process again.) I also likened the move to "The Ring" suggesting the guys found the movie in a trunk from a storage locker they bid on (tell me you wouldn't pay to see the guys show-up on Storage Wars!) and released the curse. Because there's literally nowhere I can imagine they dug this movie up from.
Quotehmm just a thought though. Endless guitar playing. I wonder if they hired the calendar guy to play it.
Maybe he did have a career after.
Now, now. Calendar guy was "Shitty Rhythm Guitar Guy" not "Endless Acoustic Guitar Guy."
GOD! I CAN STILL HEAR IT!!!!
Quote from: Trekker4747 on August 21, 2015, 06:34:28 PM
I learned that properly miking your actors or doing something to make sure they can be heard isn't important. What IS important is to ADR-in your "Roller Gator's" voice and endless acoustic guitar.
I was going to say pretty much exactly this, but you beat me to it.
Fun fact: the guy who scored this, also scored Mesa of Lost Women. (disclaimer: That is in no way a fact. But it's hard to believe more than one person thought endless acoustic guitar was a good idea.)
I mean, why? Why?! Why?! There was more music in this than a Broadway Musical! It makes no sense! Why have the guitar playing over and over and over and over again. There were times when it lull down and you have a second or two of no background music and I'd be like, "Thank GOD! It stopped!" But no, it was just the "pause between tracks" and it'd start right up again! Good-GRIEF!
Well I wrote up my thoughts on this "thing" a year ago. Haven't made it through the Riff yet, but it's certainly more tolerable with the guys then our first viewing without them. Here's the initial take we had on it:
http://forum.rifftrax.com/index.php?topic=28923.msg854589#msg854589
I learned that you all need to deeply apologize to the incessant guitar player because he saved you from hearing full minutes of dialogue.
I also learned that the machine gun gag at the end made it all worth it.
Quote from: jonalame on August 24, 2015, 12:31:50 PM
I learned that you all need to deeply apologize to the incessant guitar player because he saved you from hearing full minutes of dialogue.
I also learned that the machine gun gag at the end made it all worth it.
That's a tough call on the guitarist. Though the dialogue is atrocious, that incessant repeating guitar is so irritating that I honestly can't say which is preferable. I guess it's whatever gets you through it.
I think my favorite riff was, "I'm getting like- every 7th word and I'm OK with that!"
Quote from: Pak-Man on August 24, 2015, 01:15:16 PM
I think my favorite riff was, "I'm getting like- every 7th word and I'm OK with that!"
I think that one is up there for me too because my buddy and I both agreed with Mike. I mean, I was getting *nothing* here. I Without the acoustic guitar this would practically be a silent movie with a shitty white-noise machine playing in the background and then that annoying kid who always shuffled around the bus-stop pretending he was a train occasionally spouted off some lame joke, impression or nonsense attempt at song.
I learned...that the bar for Worst Movie ever Made has dropped a mile or two with Rollergator. Manos is a masterpiece of cinema compared to this. And the riffing did its best, but couldn't really save it.
I learned I really can want to shoot a guitar player. Jeez Louise!
I learned that skeevy carnaval owners have access to cheesy sterotypes of martial artists.
I think, above all else, we learned how not to score a movie. I'm actually legitimately fascinated in what the logic was behind that. I mean, I know Donald G. Jackson makes some titanically incompetent films, but this is something else. Pretty sure not even Hell Comes to Frogtown was this bad. And did they tell the guitar guy to just keep going for as long as he could? Did he start to question things after 6 straight minutes of noodling?
Also I learned someone on the RiffTrax writing staff has such a bizarre grudge against GamerGate they'll shoehorn in a jab at GG even when the joke makes zero sense.
Gamer-gator. It was a good pun.
The joke didn't mean anything, though. I rewound it about 3 times trying to figure out was the joke was beyond "someone on RiffTrax has a bomb strapped to them that will go off if they don't mention GamerGate".
I learned this Rifftrax is far easier to stomach the second time around since the sheer Platonic badness of the film isn't as much of sucker punch when you're expecting it.
Well ...I think that ...I mean, it's ...um, the thing is ...this movie is kind of, well ...this was all a dream wasn't it?
I finally finished it! I learned...Keep rolling! No matter what, keep rolling! Always keep rolling! :highfive:
I learned that Joe Estevez's filmography isn't about acquiring fame or fortune, but an extended cry for help. Truly a greater masochist cannot exist in all of cinema.
His filmography makes Nick Cage's career choices look well-thought-out.
Between this and "Soultaker" I wonder if part of his career wasn't just helping out anyone who was making a movie and offered him a chance.
In "Soultaker" there's a line where Crow "introduces" Joe Estevez and as "Martin Sheen's more talented and underapreciated brother," which I always sort of liked. Because for all of the crap he stars in, you've got to give the guy some credit for having some measure of talent and humility to him. It's not much of a competition but he is a highlight in this movie and, for better or worse, he does present an entertaining performance. Felt like the guys were a touch hard on him in this.
I need to give it another watch to see how it holds up on repeat viewings.
Quote from: Pak-Man on August 26, 2015, 09:16:57 PM
His filmography makes Nick Cage's career choices look well-thought-out.
http://m.imdb.com/name/nm0261724/filmotype/actor?ref_=m_nmfm_1
Quote from: Trekker4747 on August 27, 2015, 07:17:56 AM
Between this and "Soultaker" I wonder if part of his career wasn't just helping out anyone who was making a movie and offered him a chance.
In "Soultaker" there's a line where Crow "introduces" Joe Estevez and as "Martin Sheen's more talented and underapreciated brother," which I always sort of liked. Because for all of the crap he stars in, you've got to give the guy some credit for having some measure of talent and humility to him. It's not much of a competition but he is a highlight in this movie and, for better or worse, he does present an entertaining performance. Felt like the guys were a touch hard on him in this.
I need to give it another watch to see how it holds up on repeat viewings.
:clap:
Patrice Oneal's words ring true (and NSFW).
I learned that I can make this face for about 83 minutes straight:
(https://atikapatel.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/kevin-hart-wtf-face.jpg)
I learned that the endless guitar loops while truly horrifying really made the movie. Also, they varied it more than I thought based on the forum discussion. I think it added to the funny.
I learned it is possible to watch an entire movie and never understand what the relationship between characters in different scenes is.
Quote from: losingmydignity on September 13, 2015, 11:30:40 AM
I learned it is possible to watch an entire movie and never understand what the relationship between characters in different scenes is.
Says the guy with the Frankenstein Island avatar :P To this day, I have no idea what's going on it that movie.
Either do I. But still Frankenstein's Island is in my top five favorite riffs (which are: The Galaxy Invader, The Live Xmas Shorts Extravaganza, Frankenstein's Island, The Guy from Harlem and Rollergator). What does that say about me? Hmmmm.....
I learned to always be rolling, and to never cut.
Quote from: ManUnderMask on September 13, 2015, 05:09:17 PM
I learned to always be rolling, and to never cut.
And that second takes are for pussies.
I learned that no one at Rifftrax is familiar with a certain slavic language, because the leading lady's last name, Shuker, is obscene in that language.
I learned that--who the heck was slingshot anyway?
Quote from: losingmydignity on September 13, 2015, 05:44:28 PM
I learned that no one at Rifftrax is familiar with a certain slavic language, because the leading lady's last name, Shuker, is obscene in that language.
I learned that--who the heck was slingshot anyway?
Like they said, just some kid who wondered onto "set" and they just kept her in the movie.
Quote from: Darth Geek on September 13, 2015, 05:27:49 PM
Quote from: ManUnderMask on September 13, 2015, 05:09:17 PM
I learned to always be rolling, and to never cut.
And that second takes are for pussies.
And that the camera hood being visible is gritty and real.
And to keep the budget under control and not waste funds on recording-stock by recording in EP mode!
I learned nothing. In fact, I could feel knowledge leaking out of my head during this film.
I also learned that purple talking alligators have jaws with insides coloured like a mixture of peanut butter and baby diarrhea. Surprised that there wasn't a single riff about how nauseatingly nauseating that was.
I learned that, in the right context, Joe Estevez can seem like a movie star. The kind where you look at him and think "this movie is way too bad for a star like him".
Quote from: Trekker4747 on August 21, 2015, 06:34:28 PM
I learned that properly miking your actors or doing something to make sure they can be heard isn't important. What IS important is to ADR-in your "Roller Gator's" voice and endless acoustic guitar.
I misread this as "properly milking your actors" and barely questioned it.