That I wish to cause serious physical harm to all persons involved in the making of this wretched spawn of Beelzebub.
Honestly, I'm pissed.
Seconded...now I KNOW why this thing got virtually a "zero" rating on every amazon review
I learned that killing Nicolas Cage won't bring back my goddamn honey!
And if I need anything in a hurry just punch people and steal them.
-Jason
I learned about a whole new island in Puget Sound that I am afraid to visit, and put it on my list:
Islands in Puget Sound I Am Afraid To Visit
Summersisle
Vashon
..
-Remakes still have not made it to a point where they bring me anything but hatred.
-Funny looking bald men are frightened of the deadly bees; why has no one used them to kill Professor X? They're a hivemind, lets see him control that, the jerk.
-As much as I love Johnny Ramone, he introduced Nicholas Cage to the original film, which had a hand in spawning this abomination, and were he still alive, I'd need to punch him
-Women are a hivemind, apparently, which came as both a surprise and possible explanation of some things.
that burning man sucked this year ;)
I learned to be suspicious when someone is telling you what's in your drink and they sort of trail off at the end.
This is mead! You can't buy the ingredients to make this on the internet! It's got uhhh honey, 11 herbs and spices.. *cough* *cough*
I have learned... Damn you, Mr. Cage! He has now shifted well into the group of actors I really dislike. As I was watching, I kept thinking, "He really wanted to make *this*?!"
i learned that whenever someone has a bag, ask if he has a shark in it :D
Also, if allergic to bees, make sure to not look where you are going as you might run into a beehive
If you have hallucinations of going into the water and finding a dead girl, the next thing you should do is jump into the water!
We learned that Leelee Sobieski can sure take a punch.
We learned that Sister Beach was the entire St. Louis Rams.
We learned that some film make even Aeon Flux look like a masterpiece
I learned that after spending a night underwater clinging to overheard metal bars to stay alive, I can bounce right out dry and ready for action!
And I learned that a group of 17th century women fled from a male-dominated, patriarchal society so that they could set up, um, a more bee-centered social structure. Naturally.
First Dr. Moreau, now Wicker Man... how many more bad thrillers are there where an ordinary guy is stranded on an island of wackos?
Quote from: macleod on March 03, 2007, 08:04:35 AM
We learned that some film make even Aeon Flux look like a masterpiece
lmao me and my girlfriend were thinking the same thing.
I learned it's ok to store pickled fetuses.
oh and dont trust anyone, I'm starting to think my girlfriend might do it. She's sewing something right now, I think a dress but maybe its some sort of mask.
We learned that a policeman can't tell that his gun is lighter because the evil bee women took the bullets out.
I learned that his movie is 'scarily' similar to The Island of Dr. Moreau:
- Stranger goes to an island
- Island has weird and unusual 'inhabitants' living on it
- Inhabitants have different beliefs and preform weird rituals
- Island is run by a ruler who has 'gone off their rocker'
...there is probably more, but thats all for now.
Just finished this masterpiece.
I learned that we were all far too hard on the Troll2 folks.
I couldn't agree more...I miss Nilbog
I learned never to save little girls. They either explode and traumatize you, or are bait for some man-hating trap. Possibly both.
I've learned its hard to take a bear suit seriously.
I've learned its possible to pour bees from a container/hive like honey into a helmet made for killing someone.
I've learned bees just naturally sting for whatever reason, which explains the "no not the bees, my eyes arghhh"
I still haven't learned howdy get burned.
I still haven't learned why I should keep my viewing Nic Cage vehicles to one film a decade.
I learned that when I find a room full of aborted or miscarried fetuses in bottles full of liquid, I shouldn't tell anyone. I shouldn't even panic or go "Holy !@#$ that is a table of fetuses in liquid suspension!!!"
I learned that when I plan on going out in the boonies, I probably should ask to borrow our police office's satelite phone instead of taking along a useless cell phone.
I learned that if you get a private letter asking you to help find a missing girl, you should probably give that letter to the ACTIVE DUTY police force so they can send a search team.
Honestly. He was off duty.
I also learned that apperantly no one tries to find missing cops.
Yeah. He specifically told Pete ( <3 Pete) where he was going. He even probably got in a "HELP!" when Pete called towards the end.
Whoa. I'm analyzing the movie. :speechless:
Quote from: FrensaGeran on March 04, 2007, 04:38:29 PM
Yeah. He specifically told Pete ( <3 Pete) where he was going. He even probably got in a "HELP!" when Pete called towards the end.
Whoa. I'm analyzing the movie. :speechless:
I know the feeling......... At least we have the rifftrax to keep us company. Imagine if you had seen this at the theater!
I learned that the word 'Produced by...Nicholas Cage' should set alarm bells ringing in future.
...that when making a film laced with misandrosy I should avoid any sense of irony whatsoever.
...that the whirring sound I can hear is Johnny Ramone, spinning in his grave.
I learned that any woman who would have sex with me is just simply trying to get pregnant so she can lure me back to her lesbiany pagan cult to be a burnt offering to vague unnamed gods.
I also learned that when said woman tries to get back in contact with me many years later that I should trust my mustached, sex-offender police officer friend Pete and blow her off. After all I haven't seen her in like what. Forever.
If you're hot girlfriend is very, very stupid and can't complete sentences....always wear a condom. Two, if you possible.
Quote from: macleod on March 03, 2007, 08:04:35 AM
We learned that some film make even Aeon Flux look like a masterpiece
Oh, I long for the silliness and Theron-ness of Aeon Flux after this turdburger of a film.
Quote from: MarkAndrew on March 05, 2007, 11:14:22 AM
If you're hot girlfriend is very, very stupid and can't complete sentences....always wear a condom. Two, if you possible.
Make it three. Can never be too careful.
Quote from: SecretAgentSuperDragon on March 05, 2007, 04:29:37 PM
Quote from: MarkAndrew on March 05, 2007, 11:14:22 AM
If you're hot girlfriend is very, very stupid and can't complete sentences....always wear a condom. Two, if you possible.
Make it three. Can never be too careful.
in her case make it a wicker condom so she remembers ya.. ok, maybe I went to far
Quote from: Quicksilver on March 05, 2007, 04:35:32 PM
Quote from: SecretAgentSuperDragon on March 05, 2007, 04:29:37 PM
Quote from: MarkAndrew on March 05, 2007, 11:14:22 AM
If you're hot girlfriend is very, very stupid and can't complete sentences....always wear a condom. Two, if you possible.
Make it three. Can never be too careful.
in her case make it a wicker condom so she remembers ya.. ok, maybe I went to far
The splinters man. The splinters. :speechless:
I believe if The Wicker Man was marketed as a Dark Comedy, it might have been more successful.
Hah...in a sick way you may be right...imagine what some silly sound fx would do to that movie...it'd be pretty hilarious
I learned about Mike Nelson's sport coat and slacks fetish.
Quote from: PlayMSTie on March 06, 2007, 05:04:19 AM
I learned about Mike Nelson's sport coat and slacks fetish.
Or more likely Kevin Murphy's suit fetish?
Possibly. :)
Oh, and I also learned that Neil LaBute seriously needs to deal with those mommy issues.
I learned that people can do the dumbest things like believing in a religion that brings honey if you take many living things and burn them alive. :o
Sheesh. I've never seen so many useless scenes in my life. That whole waiting by the dock for the airplane pilot to show up did nothing for the story. As did the barn searching scene, the underwater well scene, and the numerous visions Cage's character had.
I'm still bugged by the exploding family at the beginning.
A) How did they make it to the end of the movie?
B) What was the point of them exploding to begin with?
Quote from: Pak-Man on March 06, 2007, 11:13:23 AM
I'm still bugged by the exploding family at the beginning.
A) How did they make it to the end of the movie?
B) What was the point of them exploding to begin with?
Oh, so when the police woman told Cage "gee, they still have not found the bodies" and Cage did not seem bothered by it, you mean that is NOT how police act? "Gee, there was a moderate explosion in the car, the car was still in one piece, yet the bodies seemed to vaporize into thin air,,,,,, eh, that must happen all the time." Jeez, I about fell out of my chair (it could have been the beer) when that happened.
Every time I wonder about a certain aspect of the movie, I just loop that youtube of Cage in the bear suit right hooking that woman to inspirational music.
I learned that Nicolas Cage's hair-transplant hasn't taken and that in most of the scenes you can see right through his hair. Once again hair dye and hair gel fail to combat male pattern baldness for two rifftrax in a row. Three in a row if you count Shatner.
I learned that grandma Braveheart likes her men bearded, wide-eyed and covered in bee stings when she is feeling frisky.
And that and a cornered and bewildered Nicolas Cage can kung-fu kick a grown women clean across a room when provoked.
There is a limit to suspending disbelief and this movie went light years beyond it.
I don't want to get anything other than a milk shake at Willard's Restaurant.
Movies that exude hatred for the opposite sex are not entertainment.
I learned that Neil Labute flushed away any and all credibility he earned from writing The Shape of Things.
P.S. I didn't like The Shape of Things either.
Quote from: DoctorZ on March 07, 2007, 08:54:26 AM
Movies that exude hatred for the opposite sex are not entertainment.
Seriously...what was this guy thinking? .."hmm, race is off limits, so how else can we inject xenophobic paranoia into our film?"
Quote from: macleod on March 05, 2007, 06:29:58 PM
Hah...in a sick way you may be right...imagine what some silly sound fx would do to that movie...it'd be pretty hilarious
I think a few well placed Willhelm Screams, even for female characters, would have elevated the levity of this movie.
Quote from: Lady_Decepticon on March 10, 2007, 08:56:07 AM
Quote from: macleod on March 05, 2007, 06:29:58 PM
Hah...in a sick way you may be right...imagine what some silly sound fx would do to that movie...it'd be pretty hilarious
I think a few well placed Willhelm Screams, even for female characters, would have elevated the levity of this movie.
Maybe Mike should have a "Wilhelm Scream" button he can press at appropriate moments.
I think we need to get Disembaudio back on the laugh track
Phallus!
What? Um......you feeling ok buddy?
actually its more like
'phallus symbol phallus symbol phallus symbol"
Yup. Me and my dirty repulsive phallus... so who wants a go?
Quote from: macleod on March 15, 2007, 07:02:41 AM
What? Um......you feeling ok buddy?
Remarkably, that was my same response during that scene. Its an odd feeling to be sitting home alone and still feel like someone is shunning your wiener.
Quote from: Minnesota on March 15, 2007, 08:40:26 AM
actually its more like
'phallus symbol phallus symbol phallus symbol"
Haha....oddly enough, I follow now
That the craft fad has gone too far. We've gone from card making and scrapbooking to GIANT WICKER MEN!
I learned that Rob Corddry formerly of The Daily Show has his own series of motivational tapes.
Quote from: gbeenie on March 10, 2007, 09:13:53 AM
Maybe Mike should have a "Wilhelm Scream" button he can press at appropriate moments.
I'd actually think that would rule especially given that they could be inserted at the most outlandish, unexpected moments. I believe a song in a Judy Garland musical utilized the Willhelm Scream in it, though for the life of me I can't recall what the name of the movie was.
Apparently A Star is Born according to Wikipedia.
I learned that if you are going to abduct someone, abduct a police officer because no one will miss them.
Hear hear!
Quote from: Minnesota on March 15, 2007, 08:40:26 AM
actually its more like
'phallus symbol phallus symbol phallus symbol"
It was "phallic symbol"
Quote from: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 28, 2007, 02:01:05 PM
Quote from: Minnesota on March 15, 2007, 08:40:26 AM
actually its more like
'phallus symbol phallus symbol phallus symbol"
It was "phallic symbol"
Blame the original poster, just assumed a word I hardly ever use was spellt correctly.. so do you spell the word "phallic symbol" often Fuzzy Necro?
;)
vvv
Quote from: p63 on March 15, 2007, 02:31:17 AM
Phallus!
Settle down, you two. "Phallus" is a noun, and "phallic" is an adjective. Both are legitimate in this application.
Quote from: gbeenie on May 29, 2007, 07:02:16 AM
Settle down, you two. "Phallus" is a noun, and "phallic" is an adjective. Both are legitimate in this application.
And Phaal is a red-orange spicy curry. So you see, we have a little something for everyone.
Quote from: gbeenie on May 29, 2007, 07:02:16 AM
Settle down, you two. "Phallus" is a noun, and "phallic" is an adjective. Both are legitimate in this application.
Ah, I see. It's all good. I've never really been very good at quoting movies, Fuzzy Necro was just correcting the movie quote (not the spelling).
And Politeness Stars all around for no one pointing out the crushing irony of a lesbian being the one to point out the distinction. :)
Quote from: gbeenie on May 29, 2007, 10:31:06 AM
And Politeness Stars all around for no one pointing out the crushing irony of a lesbian being the one to point out the distinction. :)
"Those who don't do, teach"? :D
xD
Aaaahhh, we do have fun.
I learned that paying $15 to sit in a dark theater just to watch Nicholas Cage be beaten and burned to death wasn't as good of a deal as I thought it would be.
See, I think the only variable in that equation is just how much an individual values fifteen bucks. Because, at this point, the value of watching Nicolas Cage being beaten and burned alive is damn near a commodity.
Quote from: gbeenie on June 01, 2007, 10:45:59 AM
See, I think the only variable in that equation is just how much an individual values fifteen bucks. Because, at this point, the value of watching Nicolas Cage being beaten and burned alive is damn near a commodity.
One that our nation is sorely lacking.
Cage Maiming just made it to the NYSE today.
Personally, I learned that one should never fall in love with a woman who looks like a guppy. Thats what I'm taking away from this.
Just learned that new boyfriend thought Wicker Man was a good movie. Currently reconsidering status of relationship.
(Thought that was worth FINALLY registering to post.)
Quote from: rien on August 11, 2008, 01:18:58 PM
Just learned that new boyfriend thought Wicker Man was a good movie. Currently reconsidering status of relationship.
(Thought that was worth FINALLY registering to post.)
And it was. Welcome to the (active side of the) forum.
And fortunately, we should have RiffMatch up and running in a couple months, so you'll be able to replace that boyfriend with a minimum of fuss. Rifftrax has proven unexpectedly good at breaking up couples (by revealing the dreadful lack of taste of one of them), and this is their way of giving back.
So, whenever you're ready to post a photo ...
;)