Which One is yours?

[Chaos]

FYI, I've personally known at least 15 different people who claim to either know the guy that first got that phone call, or BE the guy who first got that phone call. I used to work for Micron computers, and literally 3 different guys in the building claim they were the ones who first received that phone call about the drink holder. It's a very old story, and it's been around for a good 15 years now. It's a funny story, but apparently there are a hell of a lot of old guys out there mistaking cd trays for drink holders.

[Blue Raja]

Oh boy.....that's embarrassing!

Now you're tempting me to go back and disembowel my previous post, so as to retain some degree of dignity!

Nevertheless, good thing I found out now - seriously, that was the only time I've ever heard it before, but for some reason it always stuck out in my mind, even to this day (that was some 2-3 years ago, I believe).  I guess that's why I figured it wasn't that popular a tale!

Ah well, live and learn.  Glad the line made it anyway.    You'll never take THAT away from me!!! 

[RoninFox]

I think I counted close to 30 of my lines in there, I remembered most of them with a quick look through my script but I'd have to watch it again to be sure I got them all.  I was happy I got two of them in the sample clip alone.

"There now no one will know who he is"
"Because it's Robin in a mask"
"No because it's Chris O'Donnel in a movie"

and

"Now we can pinpoint the exact moment that motorcycles stopped being macho"

The ones I can remember without rewatching the movie are, in no particular order:

"I had no idea aluminum foil was bulletproof"

"They discovered the chemical components of Bonesaw"

"Not that we can keep one to save our lives.  In fact why don't I give you the keys to the Batcave now."

(as Arnold)  "Look at me, I'm doing my 'me from Total Recall' impression"

"Uh miss, its the police, we're still right here."

"Careful with those, we gotta get them back in time for Superman to learn about his dad."

"She does look like she'd give you a bad rash, I'll give her that."

"That's why Frosty, in fact, didn't come back someday."

The "Our fans really wanted us to watch this" conversation, though my original version was slightly longer and asked the question "Why do our fans hate us?"

"Help, the vines make the film reverse!"

"The sheer stupidity of doing a cartwheel in combat knocked Ivy over."

(as C3PO)  "I wouldn't do that, Artoo, it's a very long drop."  (Though in this case I'd be shocked if there wasn't at least one other person who wrote the same thing)

"You know, one of these days that's going to seem suspicious."

"Meanwhile on attempt number 47"

"Well that's lucky.  The computer locks you out after 50 attempts."

"This magnificent statue depicts the moment the gods looked down upon the people of Gotham City and said 'eh, whatever' "

"So lets sum up this scene.  Vroom, vroom, screech, sparkley sparkley, vroom.  That about cover it?"

"I didn't get a chance to change.  Do you think these are too showy for me?"

"Just stick him next to the Ark of the Covenant, that'll be fine."

"Even water makes sparks in this movie"

"Looks like she's up to something, luckily Wayne Manor won't have any cameras or security or anything."

Oh and "We met on eHarmony remember?"

and skenderberg, the Lettuce eyebrow line was mine

There were a handful that I had similar jokes for, but in most cases I think better versions made it into the final cut.  Like I wrote "Hef's back in charge" and someone else contributed "There's an appalling lack of bunnies in the mansion, sir"

The one thing I'm shocked about is there was no mention of the Predator reunion in the final cut when Jessie Ventura showed up as the Arkham Asylum guard.

[Ortega]

"So lets sum up this scene.  Vroom, vroom, screech, sparkley sparkley, vroom.  That about cover it?"

That was one that made laugh. really hard...good job...

[Hellcat]

^ Alfreds computer generated program ^ Max Headroom hasn't aged well. 

Great minds think alike!  I came up with a Max Headroom riff for that scene too. 

Anyway, here are mine:

Freeze: The iceman cometh!
The audience goeth.

(Batman and Robin "surf" through the air after Freeze.)
I hear the FBI will pay you to do stuff like this.  (I loved the voice Mike used for this one.)

Poison Ivy: Why won't he let me into his lab?
'Cuz you're a girl.  (Bill said it just the way I imagined it.)

(Poison Ivy kisses Dr. Woodrue.)
Oh boy! My first kiss with a real girl! Wait'll I tell the guys in the Star Trek chatroom!

Henchman: I got something here you might wanna see.
Today's Dilbert. It's hilarious.

Freeze: ...for it is the chilling sound of your doom.
Years later Schwarzenegger would say those exact words to Gray Davis.

Batman to Robin: Don't kiss her!
She has cooties!

I think everyone did a great job.  There were a lot of very funny lines, and I'm so happy that some of mine were included.  Hope to do it again someday. 

[Insert Coin(s) to Continue]

Those were some of my favorites, Hellcat. Good job!

[Hellcat]

Thanks!  Glad you liked them.   

[Raven]

^ Alfreds computer generated program ^ Max Headroom hasn't aged well. 

Great minds think alike!  I came up with a Max Headroom riff for that scene too. 

(Batman and Robin "surf" through the air after Freeze.)
I hear the FBI will pay you to do stuff like this.  (I loved the voice Mike used for this one.)

I agree, I had a line about point break too.  I said something along the lines of "Who would have thought that Keanu and Swayze weren't the dumbest 2 people you could see on a surfboard. 

[RoninFox]

Freeze: ...for it is the chilling sound of your doom.
Years later Schwarzenegger would say those exact words to Gray Davis.

I had a very similar line during one of Arnie's "blanket the city in endless winter" rants, but the Gray Davis addition instantly makes yours funnier.  Well done.

[dangfish]

Finally got to see this. I had two jokes that made it:

(Alicia Silverstone says 'I've already won all the money I need to do what I've always dreamed')

      "Start my own line of microwavable soups"


(Batman saves scientists and they are yelling thank you)
 
     "Thank you for leaving us alone on this icy precipice with no means of escape"


According to what I've read here, there were at least a couple other folks who had something very similar for the second one

[jetjaguar15]

Updated lines they used list:

0:34:00   Red Car driving towards the screen   "Austin Powers in.. Batmember!!"     
1:06:52   "You Call that family?"   "I call it marriage!"     
1:10:00   Bane running through hallway   "Any given Wal-Mart on Black Friday"     
1:12:57   "Not All heroes wear masks"   "Some save cheerleaders"     
1:21:40   "All Humanity Will Suffer with me!"   "We ARE, trust me!"     
1:22:12   Bane carrying plant puppet   (Seymor voice) "Feed me, Ivy!"     
1:29:41   "But I can't save you"   "Or this movie"     
1:37:20   Plant opens to reveal poison ivy   "Behold, a Bloomin' Idiot!"     


Some of these were said with minor variation, but those made it in in some form!
My wife and I just finished our first full watch through - we loved it! There were gaps, as others have harped on, but I don't think they were nearly as bad as some had made them out to be.

[giantpez]

I had but a few jokes, though I think I have the honor of the first and last jokes in the movie.  I hope to be able to spend more time on the next one and write better ones   Thanks to everyone who made this possible, it was fun!


Batman Logo Freezes during credits
  "Warning:  movie may reach temperatures of absolute suck"

Robin lands in first fight scene, obviously on wires.
  "Physics!"

"We're going to need a bigger cave."
  "...to bury this steaming pile of a movie in"


In case you care, some that didn't make the grade:

credits: Based on the DC Comics
  "...by the director of D.C. Cab"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the un-united nations."
  "Wouldn't that just be 'The Nations'?"

end of Alfred's spiel about how he's related to his niece
  "This is my niece, Strained Backstory."

Mr. Freeze gets angry and smashes a giant icicle in his lair:
  "Oh, we can't have ice things, can we?"
  (I really didn't understand why this didn't make the cut as I thought it was better than the ones of mine they did use.)

Gotham City shot of giant statues
  "Why must the whole city be nude and flexing?"

Freeze's car flies off roadway, crashes through statue
  "This GPS suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!"

Elle proposes to Bruce Wayne: "I want to spend my life with you"
  [desperate to escape] "um, THE BATSIGNAL!"


I had a couple George Clooney smirk-and-head-bobbing jokes:

Clooney: "Alfred..."
  "...does my head wobble?"

We see Batman's rubber buttocks when Ivy's vines hoist him upside-down
  "My god, even his buttocks are smirking!"

[indiegeek]

Well, if Mr. Giantpez is going to be giving his jokes from our script, I'll just have to add mine.

I got "Planimals?" for the animal/plant hybrid scene, though I'm sure I wasn't the only one submitting it...

I'm also pretty sure I'm not the only one who suggested Mr. Freeze think of investing in a wrist strap for his freezy gun.

"One! Singular sensation!!!!"  in the pan across the...uh...clockwork orange biker codpiece wearers...

"He's not sick. He's dying" - "Oh! Thank God! I thought he was sick!"

"I....think I pooped" - Alfred's...er... interesting face on his sickbed

"they filled my lips..." "with tapioca!"

And I'm certainly sure I was not the only person with a "Feed me, Seymour!!!" joke at the little tiny Seymour plant.


Some of the ones that didn't get used :

I beat "STEVE HOLT!!!" into the ground every time there was a shot of Bane with his arms raised.

Alfred reading to a young Bruce in bed - "Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth..."

Anyway - this was pretty damn fun, even if it meant having to watch this abortion of a movie FAR TOO MANY TIMES.

When are we bribing Mike, Kevin, and Bill to do this again? I'll send Kevin a case of Newcastle and a carton of American Spirits?

[Chaos]

Throw in a few pounds of bacon and we'll be in business.

[DrunkPagan]

I can top that with a case of homebrew and something from my, erm, 'Uncle Shaggy's stash."


What?


I mean leftover Halloween chocolates, of course.

In big hemp bags.