Star Trek XI

[Tripe]

Oh Kirk's just being a good friend and helping his buddy cool down during that mating heat thing.

In a minute he's going to go get the ice bucket, it'll be just like in Do the Right Thing

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

("Doesn't all this basement make the ship bottom-heavy?")

Bottom heavy?  It's in space.  They use artificial gravity generators.  I'm sure they can compensate for it.

You've never seen Space Mutiny?

Not everyone gets the jokes.

Not badly written jokes.

Oh was she joking?  Or was she ranting about nonsense?  I can't tell the difference.  My bad.

Can't tell the difference between quoting a MST3K riff and and a "rant", etc? This is an intellectual desert around here, isn't it?

[Action Batch]

For some odd reason the IMAX here is located in the kids museum. I'm gonna go see the 2:30 showing of Star Track.

[Tripe]

For some odd reason the IMAX here is located in the kids museum. I'm gonna go see the 2:30 showing of Star Track.

Is it a science museum for kids. That's how it is in Detroit as well (I'm going to see the film in a conventional theatre first though).

[Tyrant]

You're going to make me do it, aren't you?

Spoiler

   

  But then I LOLed.

[Zandrax]

I watched the movie a second time, so I thinkn I can more accurately explain things.

OK, I'll take a crack at a few of these, but again I'm no Trekkie.

Spoiler

    * Nero showing up changes the reality of Kirk's life since just before his birth. Including that he no longer has a brother named Sam (see the episode Operation: Annihilate!). Except that Sam was his older brother.  Ooops.  Guess they left him to die on the ship with Dad?

I had no knowledge of this. But a quick check shows that the part was cast in the movie, but the scenes were cut.

Are we saying that they sent brother Sam to live with relatives because it's too dangerous? Then what is a woman nine months along doing on there? It's all "Plot Convienence Playhouse".

I don' know. But Sam Kirk's existence is barely a footnote through all the episodes and movies. Why would his existence be a big part of a two hour movie reboot? Does Jim Kirk having a brother really have any importance to the plot at hand?

According to Memory Alpha (a Star Trek wiki site), the kid that Kirk zips past in the Corvette was originally Sam Kirk, but for whatever reason, they changed the name to "Johnny" and removed the brother reference.

    * "Spock Prime" as he's called needed this ttime's Spock to develop a friendship with Kirk...says it will make him a better person and all of that. Only how can he know that? The Kirk he knew was a man raised by his father and mother in a family with an older brother.  This reality's Kirk was raised by a Step-Dad who could be a saint or a jerk and as an only child perhaps. These two people would grow up to be the exact same person? Why? Are we back to this "Nature vs. Nuture" crap from Nemesis? Didn't we decide that it's the latter?

Spock knew Kirk better than anybody. Yes the upraising was different, but is it really unreasonable to assume that his persona would be radically different?

And there's no reason for him to just assume without question that he would be.  It's not logical.

What is the alternative? Accept your fate and slink away into your little ice cave? Not at least attempt to right the wrongs being wrought throughout the universe? THAT would be illogical. Plus, Spock didn't realize the amount of change that happened until after a little bit of conversation. And on top of that, from a storytelling standpoint.,it kept the focus on the main crew and not the mentor.

    * Why didn't Krik just wear a t-shirt that read "I screwed with the computer program" while he was at it? How obnoxious was that? And the way that the scenario was beat wasn't even halfway clever - say a lucky shot or something programmed in. No, the simulation has a glitch and the Klingons have an unexplained brain fart and their shields are down for no reason. But then,your main character is rarely smarter than your writers (who, btw, left out all the stuff about deciding whether or not to go into the neutral zone - and if this was before the Kilingon Wars and there was none, why are the Klingons the bad guys in this?).

It was probably more for show. To be honest, I like the story of how Kirk hacked the system better in the original timeline ("THE Captain Kirk?!?) but like hinted before, this is a Kirk that is even more bragadocious and rebellious than the original.

Thank you for proving my point in the above argument - Kirk is NOT the same person as before. And could be different in a way that'a too important for Spock Prime to go telling his younger self to put his full trust in this man.

Yeah, this Kirk may have some different quirks and tendencies, but hasn't it been proven throughout the abundance of alternate reality storylines in Trek that the characters tend to ultimately have the same capabilities and convictions deep down? If there's any show that's depicted this it's Trek. Plus doing it the way they did cut to the chase and made it obvious to the audience that he hacked it. Gotta keep the plot moving folks

  * The change in timeline somehow turned Vulcan into Alderaan. They have no weapons, no ships of any kind even though - according to ENT which predates Nero's arrival and not effected - Vulcan gave Earth all of these things after First Contact. This Vulcan also doesn't have the brain power to figure out what's happening to it even though one can clearly see a laser boring into the planet's surface from a ship over the planet.  They call for Starfleet's help and the leaders go to a cave to pray?  How is it these people managed to travel through space to make first contact with earth to start with?

Did you not see the massive amounts of ship wreckage and other debris over the planet? Clearly there was fighting going on.

And If you were paying attention...those were all the Federation ships that arrived just before the Enterprise because Sulu screwed up and couldn't get it into warp for those few seconds.

If Vulcan had ships to fight the Romulans before then there would have been a much bigger debris field AND they would have had reports of the Vulcan fleet being destroyed and wouldn't have walked into a trap.

And - btw - if the Romulan drill working on Vulcan screws up communications.....how did Vulcan even contact Starfleet and the Federation in the first place? Remember they said that they coudn't reach Starfleet.

Again, I'm no Trekkie, but why would a peaceful race such as the Vulcans have warships in orbit during peacetime, especially when they are part of The Federation? And concerning the drill, logic would dictate that it would take time to launch the drill, connect it, and get it fired up enough to cause the jamming. And a ship that looks like that clearly isn't collecting for the Red Cross.

    * Gravity will pull someone towards a planet even when they're outside that planet's atmosphere (wont bother with the thing about the heat of re-entry involved). Really? And Romulan sensors from the future won't pick up anything launched from a shuttle coming toward their ship?

Not sure what this means.

It means that I don't see how something that leaves a ship outside of a planet's atmospher would be immediately speed to the surface of that planet without some kind of jet pack or something to propel it.  According to this movie all it took was jumping and they immediately start to fall toward Vulcan. When astronauts leave the Space Shuttle for a walk they don't have to guard against being pulled to earth, do they? That's crap.

And I can't believe that no one on the Romulan ship wouldn't have been watching the shuttle as it appoarched watching for tricks, pick up three things falling from the shuttle and shoot them from the sky just to be safe. Sorry...I just find that too freaking convienent.

Are you talking about when Kirk, Sulu, and Redshirt got on their packs and jumped on the drill? Because they looked to be far closer to the surface than the shuttle is when any spacewalking happens. Not only that, there were Romulans that came up and to fight them once they landed. Nero had the Enterprise more than outgunned in every way, shape, and form. So why would he sweat that a shuttlecraft was launched? He didn't know what they were up to.

    * The Romulans that Spock promises to deal with the supernova in the mind-meld flashback look like run of the mill Romulans. Nero and all his crewmen are bald and have facial tribal tattoos. WTF?

This is explained in the prequel comic book, which admittedly is not a movie. But Nero and his crew painted/tattooed themselves after witnessing their planet dying. It was part of their transformation from miners to revenge seekers

Wow...you mean they managed to shave their heads and tattoo their faces in the two or so minutes or so between when Romulus was destroyed and when Spock Prime shot the Red Matter and caused the sinularity?  That's talent!!!    Because remember, Nero was on Spock Prime's viewer in the flashback....tattoos and alll.

In the comics, there is some time between the destruction of Romulus and the confrontation with Spock that resulted in the artificial black hole. But even if we ignore the comic, which is understandable, Spock doesn't expressly state the amount of time between. Only that he showed up after Romulus had been destroyed. As for Nero's appearance, even if you wish to ignore that, maybe he and his crew just liked the tatoos. It's really unimportant to the story why a group of evil Romulans would look more evil than other Romulans.

    * Always remember - when you all need a marble sized amount of red matter to cause a artificially created black hole, make sure you take an amount the size of Rover from "The Prisoner". And if the guy who you know is pissed at you for not saving his planet captures your ship, don't destroy the red matter. Let him have it. He won't do anything bad with it, right?.

I think under the circumstances, Kirk and Spock were far more interested in getting to Pike and stopping Nero than getting to the red matter. Plus they destroyed his ship as it got swallowed up, thus preventing it from happening all over again in yet another time.

Not the new/fake Kirk and Spock...

When Nero captured Spock Prime in his ship. Would Spock not realize - as he knew Nero blamed him for Romulus' destruction and was after him - that letting this guy get ahold of his ship with the Red Matter was a mistake and either set the thing to self-distruct and /or ram his ship into Nero's (as the new Spock did)?  Sacrifice himself rather than let a crazy person get such a dangerous item. "The needs of the many..."

Again, ignoring the comic, did Spock actually say that Nero blamed him for the destruction of Romulus during the mindmeld? Going by what is expressly stated in the movie, Spock showed up too late, and triggered the black hole. Nero turned out to be on the other side.

    * It is possible for a Romulan ship from the future to hide in Federation space for 25 years and only have one encounter that anyone notices?

I don't think it was explained in the movie, but Nero's ship had a cloaking device. It was also retrofitted with Borg technology so he could assimilate ships after he destroyed them. It;s why his ship was so huge and random looking.

WTF are you talking about?  If it didn't happen in the movie, it didn't happen. And if he had cloaking why didn't he ever use it during his attacks on Vulcan or Earth?  The Borg? Give me a break.

Well, I'm sorry that you aren't satisfied with an answer to your question. Vut again, even if you ignore the comics, space is also a very big place, and Nero had technology that was over 100 years advanced from whatever anybody else had. Explaining how he stayed incognito really isn't as important as the fact that he was able to.

* New Spock mind-melds with the Romulan and finds out where the ship is...but somehow learns nothing about who was flying it when it's pilot had been this crew's 25 year obsession

He was already aware who Nero was, and again he was trying to find out where Pike was. Not the details of the crewmembers.

You didn't follow the plot at all, did you?

Not Nero...SPOCK PRIME!!!! They waited 25 years for him to come through the singularity in that ship that new Spock was trying to find by mind melding with him and - somehow, we're supposed to believe - that as the Romulan thought of the ship he didn't think of it as "Ambassador Spock's ship"...and new Spock didn't see this and needed the computer on the ship to give him his first clue?!?!?!?!

First off, Spock wasn't even looking for a ship, he was only looking for the location of the red matter, which was still on Future Spock's ship. He wasn't concerned with where the ship was from or piloted it, but where where the Red Matter was. The most effective mind meld is done with a willing participant. When the receiver is unwilling, it's a much more tedious process. Since the Romulan was technically an unwilling recipient, Spock had to go digging for the info he wanted. It's like asking why Spock didn't learn Valeris's quarters access code when he mind melded her in Star Trek VI.

*Am I the only one who finds a Romulan who opens his ultimatum to a beaten opponent with "Hi" laughable?

Nero was clearly mocking the humans with that statement.

[Zandrax]

For some odd reason the IMAX here is located in the kids museum. I'm gonna go see the 2:30 showing of Star Track.

My second time seeing it was on IMAX. Good times.

[Action Batch]

Is it a science museum for kids?

Ummmmmm. I'll get back to you on that. Probably it is a science museum.

[Doctor Who?]

C'mere, you.

Spoiler

Another classic to show how I felt.

Spoiler

I rather like this one

Spoiler

Just kill me now.

[Lovye]

Then when Kirk was saved by Nimoy popping up out of nowhere, I thought, "A Deus Ex Spockina!"[/spoiler]

*looks left* *looks right*  Well if nobody else is going to say it, good catch!  This was dead clever. 

You're going to make me do it, aren't you?

Spoiler

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  ILLOGICAL!   ILLOGICAL!!!

[Doctor Who?]

Am I the only one who is hoping that we get to see more of Scotty in the next film and that he will not just be the comic relief?

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

You're going to make me do it, aren't you?

Spoiler

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  ILLOGICAL!   ILLOGICAL!!!

For those who missed this (NSFW):

[mrbasehart]

Now we know the true meaning of "The Undiscovered Country".

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

From The Playlist
5/11/2009

9 Silly Things About 'Star Trek' We Can't Help But Laugh At

Don't get us wrong, we enjoyed "Star Trek." It didn't reinvent the wheel at all, but it took a painfully "damaged brand" and err, brought it back to life (though truthfully, we say, 'do you really need to trot out this cast for 10 more adventures and 10 more movies sure to feature diminishing returns? Let it stand and everyone move on), but science-fiction is inherently silly unless you're Orwell, Huxley, Asimov or Dick (even then). And some elements in the otherwise, strong, J.J. Abrams prequel did have us scoffing or laughing, so here's 10 things that made us unintentionally giggle at the film rather than with it. However, we will reiterate, the film works despite these little comical flaws. In no particular order, but numbered anyway (warning, spoilers within if you haven't seen the film yet).

1. Scotty's Plumbing Mishap - When Scotty (Simon Pegg) and Kirk (Chris Pine) finally get beamed aboard the Enterprise, they wind up in a mechanical bay. Kirk lands safely on dry land while Scotty gets trapped in some plumbing. While you've got to respect the attempt to up the stakes and add some tension in an intoxicatingly Zemeckisian way, it comes off as awkward and jokey. And anything that reminds us of "Men in Black II" is a bad, bad thing.

2. Spock in the Cave of Coincidence - Aside from shoehorning Leonard Nimoy's from-the-future Spock into the plot (which frankly was unnecessary, just do a friggin' normal prequel), easily the most glaring issue and illogical bit of narrative silliness (and this comes after the "Men In Black"-like cockroach-monster chase) occurs when Kirk just so happens to be banished to a random planet by Spock (Zachary Quinto) and hides out in the same cave that future-Spock (Nimoy) is taking refuge in. And this is after Abrams goes out of his way to show us how expansive the snowy landscape the planet is. It's a ludicrous narrative lapse (to put it nicely) that could have been avoided.

3. Tyler Perry's Cameo - While not a narrative lapse or silly plot point, the decision to hire Madea to play an imposing Starfleet official was still a distracting and unnecessary one. And to have him pop up twice, in two key scenes, well, if it's enough to make you flail wildly with hoary African American clichés.

4. My Mom Winona - We're still baffled as to why Abrams hired Winona Ryder, a fine actress for sure, to play Zachary Quinto's mom. (She's three years older.) Did he remember the unconvincing old woman make they caked her in for "Edward Scissorhands" and said, "Gee, my movie could use some of that!" There are plenty of wonderful older actresses he could have gotten to play that part or, barring that, Tyler Perry in old woman drag?

5. Red Matter Matters - What, exactly, is the "red matter?" Is it ever really explained? Did Old Man Spock just have a surplus of this gunk lying around for deep space calamities or what? And if you only need a tiny, tiny drop, why do you have to have that massive ball of it? And did anyone else have flashbacks to the giant red ball in Abrams' television series "Alias?" (One that, in the third season, turned people into zombie-like killers.) No? Just us? Okay (actually, yes).

6. The Slime-Green Orion Slave Girl - Despite many claiming it was clothing-challenged actress/model Diora Baird who played Gaila, Orion slave girl/green alien woman that Kirk (Pine woos) at the beginning of the film, it turns out it was Rachel Nichols, who plays Scarlett in the upcoming 'G.I. Joe' movie (though apparently there's a glimpse of Baird elsewhere). Wait, that's not the problem. Remember the Orion slave girl/green alien girl that William Shatner wooed in the "Star Trek" TV series? Well, apparently it's supposed to be either the same girl, or more likely the same species (nerds would obviously know) and perhaps it's simply just a clever nod to the series and Kirk's sexual proclivities (he evidently likes aliens of a verdant green shade). None of that however, is the problem. The big issue, is the Orion slave girl from J.J. Abrams films looks just as laughable and unbelievable as the one from the 1960s TV series. Apparently make-up hasn't evolved in almost 50 years in the here and now. It's meant to be a moment of comic relief, sure, but it's not meant to take you totally out of the picture or make you snort Diet-Pepsi out of your nose in the theaters either. She looks ridiculous. Is such a concession to the fans worth it?

7.- Scotty's Sidekick Monster - Let's forget for a second the absurd notion that Spock from the future (Nimoy) teaches Scotty (Simon Pegg) the secrets to the "transwarp transportation" technology -- whichs allow people to be beamed aboard instellar-moving objects (like the Enterprise) -- before he actually invents it (therefore totally changing the history of time in this Universe). Geez, there's a doozy. But what the fuck is that furry little critter by Scotty's side the whole time that did a whole lot of nothing, but grunt and or jump up and down (in excitement?) Ewok meets Jar Jar Binks much? Guys, comic relief doesn't have to be this silly does it?

8. Spock's Bro-down Advice Chat With Spock - Turns out future Spock (Nimoy) is a big fancy liar and despite being "emotionless" has a real sense of mischievous humor. At the beginning of the picture he tells Kirk (Pine) that he must induce a fight with Spock (Quinto) so the Vulcan can lash out, be seen as fit for duty and then Kirk can take over and kick ass. He also warns Kirk that he cannot let young Spock (Quinto) know that crusty old Spock (Nimoy) is roaming around this universe, because if he knows or they meet, the very fabric of the space time continuum will implode and eat itself (or something like that anyhow). Turns out none of this is true and Spock was just trying to bond Kirk and Spock (Quinto) by letting them kick the shit out of each other and teach his younger self to trust his emotions. During this expository monologue, painful in of itself, Spock also drops his stentorian Vulcan demeanor and basically speaks in a relaxed human tone that basically advises his younger self, "chill out, dude." Awful.

9. Everything That Comes Out Of Eric Bana's Mouth - A mediocre villain, with dubious motivations, played by an actor we normally love who just plays the Romulan like a snarling goofy oaf, with a huge chip on his shoulder. What can he do, the character was sorely underwritten. It's amazing to think that the main villain of the film is terribly weak and yet, again, the film, against all odds on paper, succeeds winningly. It's not like we checked our brains at the door either. Gotta give it up to J.J. for a film full of little problems that still amounts to a sizable win. And we don't give out geek plaudits easily, obviously.

0k, fine, 10. The new/old Enterprise is essentially a sleek-white advertisement for Apple? Didn't know Steve Jobs partly co-funded this one.

Some of this sounds familiar.....

[RoninFox]

For some odd reason the IMAX here is located in the kids museum. I'm gonna go see the 2:30 showing of Star Track.

IMAXs'ses in museums were pretty common when the projectors were first made, I think because most movies being shot in IMAX were documentaries and it seemed the natural place to show them.  When I was in Ohio the first IMAX anywhere close to us was in the Air Force Museum near Wright Patt Air Force Base.