Fictional Charicter Conspiracies:

[Junkyard]

Do you ever watch a film, ask a question about it, and, after realizing that the movie isn't going to give you an answer, form an elaborate one of your own?
Well, I hope you do, otherwise this thread exsists only to point out how crazy I am. If you got a movie conspiracy theroy, put it here. The truth is out there.

1) James Bond. How is it that he can be such a coital machine, doing at least two women per film? How is it that he's not an STD farm after 50 years of doing it with anyone who says yes? I was baffled by this until I saw the last film.
Answer: He's a cyborg. Remember the torture scene in Casino Royale? He ends up in the hospital? We all wondered, "How could he be so... you know... after THAT?" The answer is, he wasn't in the hospital to recover: He went there to become stronger, maybe faster, and better than he was before. They had the technology.

2) The Cosmos Fairies (From Mothra and the Godzilla Films.) These guys are a couple of 2 inch tall twins that can communicate with Mothra. They talk, and often sing, in unison. Why do they scare me so much?
Well, reason 1, of course:
Reason two: I have an instinctive mistrust of anyone under a foot tall after watching Peter Pan and realizing that Tinker Bell made multiple attepts on Wendy's life. She was also a traitor.
Reason three: Certain events in the Heisei Era of Godzilla make the conclusion unavoidable. To start with, I should mention that Mothra herself is a good guy. In "Godzilla and Mothra, Battle For Earth," the faries are nearby when all the chaos happens. Coincidence? After the grand battle, they climb onto Mothra, who I fear is controlled by them, and Mothra, in a heroic attempt to destroy the faries, flies into space and starts shedding, hoping to shake them off and let them die of asphixiation. They, indeed do, but it has horrible consiquences: In the remaining films of the continuity, they only show up as ghosts, but having been freed of their mortal bodies, they became even more powerful. Also, it was pointed out in "Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla" that SpaceG resulted when Mothra's sheddings from the previous film went into a black hole. Why was SpaceG telekenetic and malevolent? Because part of his DNA came from a couple of tiny, telekenetic, malevolent faries.
So if you see a couple of little women singing about a giant moth, douse them with holy water and then step on them.





If no one else does this when watching movies, I'm going to be pretty embarrassed.

[Pak-Man]

Do you ever watch a film, ask a question about it, and, after realizing that the movie isn't going to give you an answer, form an elaborate one of your own?

Sure, we do! See: Wicker Man. :^)

[BBQ Platypus]

Hmm...well, it's a well-documented fact that Smurftopia was (and still is) a Soviet puppet state.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

There's some movies where you can't help it, and you don't even get funny out-there conclusions. Phantasm is an example.

I think if you give me some time I'll bring up dave barry's take on the "Wizard of Oz".

[Hobbit]

Do you ever watch a film, ask a question about it, and, after realizing that the movie isn't going to give you an answer, form an elaborate one of your own?

Sure, we do! See: Wicker Man. :^)

I've come up with convenient excuses as to where the tapes went, why they went to all the trouble to fake a car wreck, how they faked said car wreck, and why they thought they needed to get knocked up by cops to get a decent sacrifice, but I can't, for the life of me, figure out what was this that stupid bag...WHAT'S IN THE BAG?!?!?!  I SURE AS HELL KNOW IT AIN'T A SHARK!!!

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

Hobbit: The bag contains an ewok.

[Junkyard]

Gollum WAS an Ewok.
Why do you think they never shave?

[Junkyard]

Okay, the Mothra Twins have redeemed themselves in my eyes. I'm watching the original Mothra, and the "Faries" or whatever you want to call them have been captured by greedy idiots who want to use them as an attraction.
The greedy guys have forced them to sing on stage.
The tune they're singing is the one that they use to summon Mothra.

They've been kidnapped, humiliated, and exploited, and there they are on stage, surrounded by cattle like onlookers as they summon death from above.

Two classy little ladies.