Tom Clancy's Netforce (1999) Only Scott Bakula can save the internet!

[Deep_Hurting]

My god, this is one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies of our lifetime. I don't know how it isn't a camp classic like Hackers.
Gentlemen, I present to you: Tom Clancy's NETFORCE



Best-selling author and Ubisoft shill Tom Clancy was executive producer of this 1999 2-part made-for-TV turd, set in the "not to distant future" of 2005, where the FBI have established a special division called, not surprisingly, "Netforce", to police the Internet and protect America from those most dangerous of criminals who know how to hotlink to somebody else's JPG, stealing KB of bandwidth like some sort of monster.

Special agents Scott Bakula and Kris Kristofferson are put on the case when the CEO of JanusCorp (because EvilMcEvilCo was apparently already taken) and noted "friend of the president" Judge Reinhold designs a nefarious new web browser with a deliberate security vulnerability that will allow him to hack into any computer system, including Netforce itself, and cause random cars, appliances, and buildings to blow up in huge fireballs. And if that weren't enough, he also breaks a bunch of evil hackers out of prison, kidnaps the first lady, and tries to hold the entire Internet hostage!



To get answers, Bakula must seek advice from a Sims character he built of his murdered boss, spend a lot of time visiting "virtual brothels" and "online sex ports" looking for clues, break all the rules of Netforce in order to obtain a backdated "e-warrant" from a virtual courtroom, and scowl at lots of command prompts and IRC chat windows written in eye-melting green Matrix font.




Oh and spoiler alert... It eventually turns out his former boss and friend wasn't actually blown up, but the evil mastermind behind the whole thing, who's become convinced that the Internet is evil and a force for "perversion and corruption" (You're not wrong there, buddy) and must be destroyed using the big red "destroy the Internet forever" button that's only accessible from within the Oval Office.

And because it's Tom Clancy we're talking about here, you can bet your patriotic truck nuts that there are a bunch of testosterone-filled scenes of swat teams in ludicrous combat gear jumping out of humvees, "popping smoke", kicking in doors, and Move! Move! Move! -ing all over the place where everybody is require to maintain no less than two laser sights and four pairs of night-vision goggles on their person at any given time.



And just in case you were wondering if this movie somehow managed to surpass both Hackers and The Net in terms of computer-illiterate hacking jargon written on a word processor by a guy who need to consult a 300 page manual in order to log on to AOL, the first words you hear in the trailer are literally "we're in!", followed by Scott Bakula deeply distressed exclamation that "somebody's been hijacking the net bigtime!"


Here's the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9ay-ar-gVY

And if you think your computer has "triple the bus speed" to handle it, here's the full length movie itself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvORfHfDxnU

[Deep_Hurting]

Also forgot to mention that Judge Reinhold's hacker assistant bears an uncanny resemblance to Clem Fandango.