RiffTrax RM Live unused contest Riffs

[mjh215]

Sadly, none of mine were used, but I was curious what other people had submitted. Mine range the gambit from maybe ok to one or two good ones I think. Maybe you will all enjoy them, and please share yours!

1. Ich bin...<"faster"> Ich bin Schna...<"faster"> Ich bin Schnappi....<"play it faster"> Ich bin Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil (gradually increasing in tempo each time, also, I just wrote suggestions for where to stop each time, these should be adjusted by Mike as he says them)

2. What IS a valid excuse for hit and run driving? uh, Rachael Ray?

3. <"Look"> Two dogs doing it. -or- <"Look"> Two dogs NOT doing it.

4. <"...Dept. of Narcotics, Washington"> ...with branch offices at the Kennedy compound and Mel Gibson's residence.

5. <"If you want a good smoke, try one of these."> They're Bacon flavored.

6. <"You know, the place with the swimming pool"> You said we would never speak of that day in the swimming pool again! You promised!

7. <With the girl in purple> Says Peter Pan's more flamboyant cousin.

9. <"...reading some of this, it's swell."> The 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade?

10. <"Hey, he ain't no paper man!"> He ate the paperbags, what?

1-10. If you can't find a good entry for any of them, just say "Ich bin Schnappi, das Junkie-Krokodil" or "das zugekiffte Krokodil"...

-MJ (Great show guys!)

D'oh... Just realized there was an older thread in iriff covering this. I'll leave this just since the title is more self-explanatory I think.

[estavares]

Here were mine; I noted a few places that no jokes were used at all.

1: Burst those fingers into flame...so I can smoke 'em!

2: Damn those golf carts!

3: Of course not. She's sober.

4: We'll have drug use eliminated in six months. Trust me!

5: A stick of Big Red: (singing) "Get stoned a little longer...!"

6: Off to buy some short shorts -- I've Eddie's Man Party to attend!

7: Stand next to the punch bowl and start serving!

8: And you got more starch than a tortilla!

9: Stabbing yourself...dying slowly.

10: He's more like my Mail Carrier!

[Watchman]

I thought up all of mine pretty randomly. I'm only posting the few that still amuse me, doesn't matter if they make sense.

1. "Faster, pussycat, PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!"
3. Every girl sleeps, not every girl really wakes.
9. (I think of you...) Cold and livid with a dagger in the heart.

[TTYT]

Really, the only one I thought had a chance was the riff "And you need to show the ones from Cambodia how it's done" when Jack tells his wife that she better get to work and some of kids are coming over.

[Johnny Unusual]

#1: "Do you want to play faster?  Raise your hands if you want to play faster."
#2: "Not wanting to get caught?  Now that's an excuse!"
#3: "Oh, totally.  I give her a 8 out of 10 on the babe-o-meter-- oh, you mean medically."
#4:"Is directed by the Department of Narcotics" ", is produced by Steven Spielberg and will star Megan Fox and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Production begins in November."
#5: "A Popeye Candy Cigarette."
#6: "Oh let's see... where are you not?"
#7: "Stand outside somewhere far, far away from us."
#8: "Though I do like turning your knobs"
#9: "Then I get really creeped out and start shrieking uncontrollably"
#10: "He's my brother." (Sung to he ain't heavy he's my brother.)

[eegah]

(1) Whoa!
(2) Excellent!
(3) Whoa!
(4) Totally non-heinous!
(5) I AM AN F-B-I AGENT!
(6) The FBI is going to pay me to surf?
(7) Whoa!
( Bogus!
(9) Excellent!
(10) I know Kung Fu!

Just kidding, our real entries were:

(1) *whoopie cushion  noise*
(2) (writing) note to self...get bigger notebook
(3) No, she's "Shot through the heart, and Jack's to blame, but we'll give Bill a bad name!"
(4) ...and not the Washing Machine Department in Narcoossee. A lot of people make that mistake.
(5) It'll put hair on your chest. It worked for me!
(6) To play pool with someone's grandmother or something...
(7) That's where the cat pooped!
( you've got verbal diarrhea, blathering all the time, plattling on with your gobbledygook, utter claptrap and yakkety-yak...
(9) apparently dead from poisoning! while I contemplate suicide!
(10) He's a Rusty Cage on the Muggles! (Please check your Jazz Slang Dictionary)

[culled]

The only ones I thought of were:

1 - It's the Lost monster's gay brother.
3 - Is this a movie about the dangers of narcotics or the dangers of narcolepsy?
4 - They're a lot less fun than the Department of Narcotics Amsterdam
9 - I think of you that way because in Shakespeare's day Juliet was played by a man.
10 - You'd need way harder drugs than pot to get that excited for Jimmy.