The Netflix Instant Misery Marathon

[RobtheBarbarian]

Through regular bad movie nights, some fellow lost souls and I have compiled a list of the most wretched pieces of cinema available on Netflix Instant. These movies are not to be trifled with. They are all partyable, so bring a friend to share the insanity.

Watch them in this order, if you dare!

1. Replicant
Michael Rooker is hunting a serial killer who looks like Tommy Wiseau with the help of a clone of said killer, who he keeps chained to his toilet. The killer and his clone are both played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

2. Fear Dot Com
The internet will pwn your soul! When you see that Fear Dot Com is not the worst movie on this list, you know you're in trouble.

3. The Day the Earth Stopped
Lame and depressing even by The Asylum's standards. I had actually repressed the memory of watching this.

4. Alien Apocalypse
Bruce Campbell stars in a shitty movie and doesn't make it awesome.

5. Lightspeed
Christ, I dunno. You tell me. Something about Stan Lee wanting us to die.

6. Far Cry
Try to think of some redeeming qualities of Uwe Boll's movies. Imagine an Uwe Boll movie without them.

7. Vampiro
I just watched this. My god, what happened? Where was I?

8. Enemies Among Us
Billy Zane, and 70 other minutes.

Now watch these two:
The Lost Boys 2: The Tribe and Recon 2023: The Gauda Prime Conspiracy
And tell us which you think deserves to be #9!

[Axnollouse]

As one of those lost souls (and the one who suggested that Lost Boys 2 should be #9) I have to say this was a "fun" thing to sit through. But my god Enemies Among Us is Monster A Go-Go bad. It really was. Billy Zane would not save me! 

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

6. Far Cry
Try to think of some redeeming qualities of Uwe Boll's movies. Imagine an Uwe Boll movie without them.

Film Brain reviewed this awhile back...and then Showtime Extreme showed it the other night.  I gave in to curiosity.  The Brain's reviews are generally spot on but every so often he'll miss/leave out important points in the plot only to complain about them not being there (see for instance his review of The Spirit).

This is not one of those times.  It's your basic "We're building an army of zombie warriors on an island and one guy is going to destroy it all single handed....save that one stereotypical Zombie-who-suddenly-remembers-his-humanity-at-the-last-minute." (and the plot would have to contain a surprise for that to be a "spoiler").  I've got nothing against a "shit blowing up" movie...I just resent a really stupid, soul-draining "shit blowing up" movie.

This has also confirmed my suspicion that Showtime is now the channel where studios mostly dump films for no charge when they can't sell them to anyone else - not even SyFy.  They then throw them a bone like Inglorious Basterds or Twilight as a reward.

[Relaxing Dragon]

The Day of the Dead remake should definitely be on that list. One of those insultingly bad movies that has no positive or redeeming qualities, and draws into question the sensibilities of anyone who actually likes it.

[a pretty girl is like]

Monsturd!

Zardoz!  We just watched it this past weekend.  It's a life changing experience for those who haven't yet seen it. 

[CrowTeeRobot]

Oh my god, Zardoz was painful. I made the mistake of suggesting it after it magically appeared in my queue, and then Rob made us sit through the whole thing. It reminded me of when you rub your dog's nose in his own mess to teach it a lesson, Rob had that tone in his voice "No! We are going to finish this!"

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

Oh my god, Zardoz was painful. I made the mistake of suggesting it after it magically appeared in my queue, and then Rob made us sit through the whole thing. It reminded me of when you rub your dog's nose in his own mess to teach it a lesson, Rob had that tone in his voice "No! We are going to finish this!"

In my cousin's time (she's three years older) this is what they considered a cult film.  Supposedly it was "Really deep, Man".

[CrowTeeRobot]

Oh my god, Zardoz was painful. I made the mistake of suggesting it after it magically appeared in my queue, and then Rob made us sit through the whole thing. It reminded me of when you rub your dog's nose in his own mess to teach it a lesson, Rob had that tone in his voice "No! We are going to finish this!"

In my cousin's time (she's three years older) this is what they considered a cult film.  Supposedly it was "Really stupid, Man".

Fixed it.

[wurwolf]

Zardoz!  We just watched it this past weekend.  It's a life changing experience for those who haven't yet seen it. 

I would agree that it is a life-changing experience. Now I know that penis is bad. Sorry, hon.

[knightsaber1]

Leonard Part 6, Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, Quest for Camelot... yeah, I like self-torture. 

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

Oh my god, Zardoz was painful. I made the mistake of suggesting it after it magically appeared in my queue, and then Rob made us sit through the whole thing. It reminded me of when you rub your dog's nose in his own mess to teach it a lesson, Rob had that tone in his voice "No! We are going to finish this!"

In my cousin's time (she's three years older) this is what they considered a cult film.  Supposedly it was "Really stupid, Man".

Fixed it.

You fixed it to say that the movie is supposedly stupid?  Meaning that it's not?

[Bob]

Most newer George Romero movies would fit here.....

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

1. Replicant
Michael Rooker is hunting a serial killer who looks like Tommy Wiseau with the help of a clone of said killer, who he keeps chained to his toilet. The killer and his clone are both played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

FYI - this is playing on Showtime Extreme today, the 26th, 30th and 31st.