What have we learned from ancient crystal aliens?

[Trumpysgirl]

I learned that a 1950s fridge will protect me from ungodly amounts of radiation.

I also learned the secret handshake by reading the spoilers, and can now infiltrate the secret club.

Yes, but you must wear the matching rubber hand on your foot, which is only distributed at said secret club.

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

I learned that the US Government was worried about the effects of massive radiation on a Slip N Slide in 1957....even though the Slip N Slide wasn't on the market until 1961.