Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz Wed in Bahamas

[D.B. Barnes]

<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100714/people_nm/us_cruz">Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz Wed in Bahamas</a>

Unfortunately, when the seven-year-old nephew of Cruz fumbled the ring and disrupted the ceremony, Javier quickly pulled a compressed-air gun hidden under his unusually-large Dolce & Gabbana jacket and surprisingly quickly and composedly sent the youngster into extinction.

Bardem was later quoted as saying he preferred carrying the rather bulky air-gun (normally used for stunning animals prior to slaughter) because it simply took the edge off the ceremony for him, especially given the rumor that Tom Cruise was lurking in a nearby hedge waiting to leap into the impeccably-decorated garden and unleash a tirade prompted by the words "...speak now, or forever hold your peace."

It has yet to be confirmed whether or not Cruise was objecting to Cruz marrying Bardem or if Cruise was simply enraged by the fact  that Bardem was now "off the market."

[Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck]

No offense but....

So what?

[Ortega]

I swear Jeffrey Dean Morgan is Javier Bardem's long lost twin.

[mrbasehart]

Javier Bardem is guest-starring in Glee next year.  Weird, huh?

[D.B. Barnes]

No offense but....

So what?

No offense taken. I couldn't care less about this meaningless event, but apparently you either missed (or just ignored) my obviously-fake (and quite possibly unfunny) addition to the article.

I apologize for attempting to add some humor to an otherwise worthless piece of news.